A  VIEW ON KINDNESS: MEANING, BENEFITS, PRACTISE AND INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES

 

MEANING

According to Wikipedia: Kindness is a behaviour marked by ethical characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and concern and consideration for others. It is considered a virtue, and is recognized as a value in many cultures and religions.

Kindness is a trait many people consider key to being a good person, but it can be taken for granted. The importance of being kind often becomes clearer when we experience kindness from another person. Being treated with kindness can improve a persons mood. In addition, treating others with kindness may increase happiness and self-esteem in the person doing the action.

BENEFITS OF PRACTICING KINDNESS/ THE POWER AND BENEFITS OF DOING GOOD DEEDS FOR OTHER PEOPLE

Kindness is one of those happiness paradoxes, whereby we become happier by making other people happier.Think back to the last time someone was kind to you. How did it make you feel? Now think about when you were kind to someone else. Remember how you felt in both situations.

 The beauty of kindness is that it feels just as good to receive it as it does to practice it. According to a new study, practicing kindness is tied to your overall well-being. In other words, being kind is just as beneficial for you as it is for the other person. Kindness is the gift that keeps on giving.

That is why almost every religion and culture values and rewards the performance of good deeds or kindness. There are many benefits to doing or displaying kindness. I am sure you are already a very generous person. I hope that I can give you even more reasons to do even more good deeds than you currently do. But for now, read on to see what benefits you can expect as you cultivate kindness:

Here are 17 benefits of practicing kindness:

    1. Increases happiness
    2. Boosts energy
    3. Reduces anxiety and depression
    4. Lowers blood pressure
    5. Reduces pain
    6. Promotes longevity
    7. Help someone
    8. Help yourself
    9. Meet someone
    10. Go to heaven
    11. Improve Society
    12. Show values
    13. Teach by example
    14. Make the world a better place
    15. Better relationship
    16. Better health
    17. Better performance

 

    1.  HAPPINESS – When it comes to kindness and happiness, there is a positive feedback loop. Researchers found people in general felt happier when they were asked to remember a time they bought something for someone else even happier than when they remembered buying something for themselves. This happiness boost was the same regardless of whether the gift cost $20 or $100. A 2001 study found that regular volunteering increases happiness, life satisfaction, self-esteem, and sense of control over life. And it works for young and old folks. Again those who tutor children have more positive attitudes toward the self, others, their education, and the future; and elderly people who volunteer are more satisfied with life.

    2. BOOSTS ENERGY – Researchers found about half of participants in one study reported that they feel stronger and more energetic after helping others; many also reported feeling calmer and less depressed, with increased feelings of self-worth.

    3. REDUCES ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION – In one study, people with high levels of anxiety who performed at least six acts of kindness each week. At the end, each participants showed an improved mood, increased relationship satisfaction and a decrease in social avoidance. When we give of ourselves, especially if we start young, everything from life satisfaction to self-realization and physical health is significantly improved. Mortality is delayed. Depression is reduced. Well-being and good fortune are increased.

    4. LOWERS BLOOD PRESSURE – Did you know acts of kindness can also protect your heart explained by medical doctors, that practicing kindness produces oxytocin, a hormone that releases nitric oxide, which expands blood vessels  and as a result, lowers blood pressure.

 

    1. REDUCES PAIN – When you practice kindness, endorphins  the body’s natural painkillers – are released in your brain. There’s a reason they call it the helpers high. Being kind does, in fact, feel good. Researchers at the National Institutes of Health found the same area of the brain that is activated in response to food or sex (namely, pleasure) lit up when the participants in the study thought about giving money to a charity.

    2. PROMOTES LONGEVITY – People who volunteer tend to experience fewer aches and pains. Giving help to others protects overall health twice as much as aspirin protects against heart disease. Even more fascinating, people 55 and older who volunteer for two or more organizations have an impressive 44% lower likelihood of dying early, and thats after sorting out every other contributing factor, including physical health, exercise, gender, habits like smoking, marital status and many more.

    3. HELP SOMEONE – When you do a good deed, you are, of course, helping someone. The homeless person in the photos now has food to eat, no shelter or place to sleep. The person who is the receiver of a good deed or random act of kindness has gotten some help. However, he received more than just a meal or two. In addition to getting food, he also received the message that he is important and worth helping. This good deed warms his heart as well as fills his stomach.

    4. HELP YOURSELF – Besides helping someone, doing a good deed warms your own heart and makes you feel good. Helping others gives you a new perspective and keeps you from focusing on your own problems. By focusing on someone other than yourself, you are reminded that you are not the only one in the world that has problems. In fact, it is possible that there are many people out there whose problems are much worse than yours.

    5. MEET SOMEONE –  “A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love – Saint Basil .                Showing kindness is another of meeting someone and gets a whole new perspective in life. When we help others, we expand the number of our contacts, and hopefully get to know how people from different walks of life live. Our worldview is expanded, and our perspective changes. Also, the chance encounter can blossom into a friendship or a relationship, which may never have happened if we didn’t look outside of our own social circle.

    6. GO TO HEAVEN – There are some religions that believe that you must be a good person in order to get to heaven. This means you have to perform good deeds regularly. Whether you tithe to your religious organization or give alms to the poor, doing good deeds is a way to get to heaven for these religions. For religions that believe in reincarnation, doing good deeds is a great way to earn some karma, in hopes of getting a more positive form in the next life.

    7. IMPROVE SOCIETY  – In the movie, PAY IT FORWARD , a child came up with the idea to help three people without accepting anything in return. He would ask the recipient to pay the favour forward to three other people. These three people, in turn, would also help three other people and ask them to pay it forward. When groups of people help each other, it is bound to help society as a whole. When there is a natural disaster, imagine how much faster the recovery would be if people helped each other instead of looting and looking out for their own self-interest.

    8. SHOW VALUES – When you perform a good deed, there is a possibility that someone may have seen you, or may have been told about your good deed. You develop a reputation as a good moral person. Sometimes some of your other flaws are wiped out by the good deeds that you perform. When you share your money, talents, or time with others, you may find that the rewards are so great, that you will share even more. You will be naturally become a more giving, caring, sharing and honourable person.

    9. TEACH BY EXAMPLE – In addition, your good deeds may influence your children and other people in your community to follow suit and do the same or similar kind of giving that you do. Without having to lecture or cajole or compel others, simply by doing, you influence and lead others by your example. When you participate in a community activity, or simply help someone in need, others will see or hear about your actions and be motivated to do the same.

 

  1. MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE – When you donate your time, skills, or money, you are generally doing it to make something better. Whether you help build a house, or provide library books or a school to children, or help fund research for a disease, the world is becoming a slightly better place with each donation. As you become generous, you feel powerful and work happier. You see the world in a more positive way. As you notice the plight of others, your perspective shifts and you don’t look upon your own problems as much. The little things can be ignored, because you realize how little they truly are. Even though the world didn’t really change, your perspective causes you to look at it in a better light. But it can go even farther than that. You can lead by example to help the world become a better place that values generosity and sharing. By encouraging others to PAY IT FORWARD, you can truly feel some comfort in knowing that when you ever need help, there is a good chance that there will be someone there to help you in your time of need. This allows you to take reasonable chances and walk in the world unafraid.

  2. BETTER RELATIONSHIPS – When were kind, we show someone that they mean something to us. Even if they are a stranger, were saying: your life matters. That kind of attention is special: it will usually induce gratitude, and we know all the benefits that gratitude has on relationships. In a hectic world, even a kind word or a small gesture can snap us out of a bad mood, brighten our day, and bring us closer to the giver. The kindness of strangers can be even more moving, since its so unexpected. A study shows that kindness is more attractive than good looks. It seems people are listening to the typical dating advice: you can tell how a man will treat you by the way he treats the waiter. One reason kindness is good for relationships is that kind people are more empathic. This skill is a key in relationships, where feeling seen and understood is part of the glue holding people together.

  3. BETTER HEALTH – Kindness can also be a route to better health and longer life. Kindness strengthens our immune system, reduces aches and pains, improves our cardiovascular profile, and boosts energy and strength in elderly people. In a 2006 study, the most loving and kind couples were shown to have the lowest levels of atherosclerosis (clogging of the arteries). Various studies in the past 15 years have shown that regular volunteers have better health and (among the elderly and those with HIV/AIDS) a lower mortality rate. So how often should we be out volunteering? Among older people ages 64-68, some studies found that we get the greatest health benefits from volunteering about 2-4 hours a week.

  4. BETTER PERFORMANCE – Finally, there’s some evidence that kind people actually perform better. Studies shows that teachers who tutor 4th and 5th graders improve in their math, reading, and sentence completion skills. Another study, found that high school students who are assigned to volunteer work had fewer teen pregnancies, fewer suspensions, and better grades at school. In the wake of the 2004 tsunami, companies that donated to relief efforts saw an unexpected increase in their stock price, with bigger increases for higher donations.

WHY KINDNESS IS GOOD

Each act of kindness might seem small, but its actually changing the way we see ourselves, the way we see others, and the way others see us.

As our kind actions affect the lives of others, we feel more compassionate, confident, useful, and in control. At the same time, we may also feel less guilty or distressed at the problems in our neighbourhood and our world because were doing our part to make a difference. In our normal lives, we may find ourselves feeling more grateful for what we have, and optimistic about the future.

In turn, kindness we make you

  • more trusted, 
  • more likable and
  • more worthy of helping others and ourselves

There are so many reasons to do good deeds that go way beyond simply helping the recipient of the deed. You may question your own motivation if you are giving for these reasons instead of giving simply for the sake of giving.

SIMPLE WAYS YOU CAN PRACTICE KINDNESS EVERY DAY

They are many ways to practise kindness. For the sake of my readers and viewers I was able to bring out about 10 of them for simplicity of this articles.

  1. Smile
  2. Give up your seat on the train to someone standing
  3. Tell your loved ones how much you care
  4. Forgive the driver with road rage
  5. Give your coworker a genuine compliment
  6. Practice active listening when someone is talking to you
  7. Say thank you more often
  8. Hold the door open
  9. Put some coins in someone else’s parking meter
  10. Leave someone a surprise sticky note
    1. SMILE – Even something as simple as a smile can make someone day. Did you know the simple act of smiling releases endorphins and feel good chemicals that are scientifically proven to reduce pain and elevate our happy mood.

    2. GIVE UP YOUR SEAT ON THE TRAIN TO SOMEONE STANDING – Whether its an elderly person or the woman in high heels who has been standing for 20 minutes, choose to be kind and offer your seat to someone in need.

    3. TELL YOUR LOVED ONES HOW MUCH YOU CARE Even when we know someone loves us, its always nice to hear it. Take a minute to send your loved ones a sweet text that shows you’re thinking about them.

    4. FORGIVE THE DRIVER WITH ROAD RAGE – Instead of taking it personally and responding to anger with anger, choose to be kind. Let it go. Chances are that person is having a bad day and could use a little kindness and compassion.

    5. GIVE YOUR COWORKER A GENUINE COMPLIMENT –  Surprise your coworker with a compliment, and make sure it comes from the heart. What makes this person unique? What qualities do you admire about them? Try to make the compliment more meaningful. For example, I can tell how hard you worked on that presentation. You had a lot of great ideas. You are acknowledging both their hard work and creativity.

 

  1. PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING WHEN SOMEONE IS TALKING TO YOU – Are you a good listener? Many of us think that we are listening, when, the truth is we are planning what to say next, eager for our turn to speak. Active listening means focusing entirely on what the other person is saying, processing it and coming up with a thoughtful response. We all want to be heard and understood. Practice kindness by giving someone the gift of truly listening.

  2. SAY THANK YOU MORE OFTEN – Expressing appreciation is an easy way to show kindness. Whether its your spouse or your coworker, saying thank you can strengthen your relationships.

  3. HOLD THE DOOR OPEN – Always glance behind you. It could be holding the door for someone rushing to get on to the train, or another tenant in your building with arms full of groceries/food stuff  whoever it may be, holding the door open is a simple, kind gesture that everyone appreciates.

  4. PUT SOME COINS/MONEY IN THE CHARITY BOX AT SUPER MARKET OR MALL – Random acts of kindness don’t always need to be seen. The kindest gestures are the often the ones you do when nobody is watching.

 

  • LEAVE SOMEONE A SURPRISE STICKY NOTE – Get creative. Write something funny, inspirational or complimentary. Who wouldn’t love a thoughtful surprise like that?

 

Other ways of practising simple kindness include;

    • share some food
    • mow the lawn
    • babysit
    • pay a bill for someone
    • give a hug
    • make a phone call
    • open the door
    • carry a heavy package for someone
    • share your umbrella
    • clean up a neighbour surrounding
    • give a motivational  massage
    • teach
    • volunteer
    • make the coffee

 

10 QUOTES ABOUT THE POWER OF KINDNESS

The following quotes highlight the impact kindness and compassion may have. While the idea of kindness may seem as a threat to some, its effects when in action can be quite powerful.

    1. “Ah, kindness. What a simple way to tell another struggling soul that there is love to be found in the world.” -Alison Malee

 

    1. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. -Amelia Earhart

    2. “It takes many good deeds to build a good reputation, and only one bad one to lose it. -Benjamin Franklin

    3. Kind words, kind looks, kind acts, and warm handshakes-these are means of grace when men in trouble are fighting unseen battles. -John Hall

 

    1. “Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.” -Albert Schweitzer

    2. “Your acts of kindness are iridescent wings of divine love, which linger and continue to uplift others long after your sharing.” -Rumi

 

  1. “Things could change so entirely, in a heartbeat; the world could be made entirely anew, because someone was kind.” -Jo Baker

  2. One kind word can change someones entire day. -Unknown

  3. “Every act of kindness is a piece of love we leave behind.” -Paul Williams

  4. “Kindness is more than deeds. It is an attitude, an expression, a look, a touch. It is anything that lifts another person.” -Plato

In the end though, no matter what reasons you choose for giving, you should continue to give. Your contribution, no matter what the intention is behind it, will still help make you a better person and the world a better place.

I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.

  1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?

  2. What was you own experience  of  being kind ?
  3. Can you give me example of your own definition of being kind?

  4. After showing such kindness where you happy within you or sad. If yes/no give reasons.

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

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7 thoughts on “A  VIEW ON KINDNESS: MEANING, BENEFITS, PRACTISE AND INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES

  1. Beautiful and well explained message/post! My honest remark on that part that kindness carries you to heaven I disagree with. We were not saved by works least any man should boast. You can read the entire verse from I think in the book of Romans in the Bible. We didn’t do anything good, for we can’t be righteous on our own, only through Christ Jesus. Kindness doesn’t take us to heaven. Jesus Christ does for He’s the only way to the Father. John 14:6 By accepting Christ as our Savior, through faith, we then become righteous through His death for our sins on Calvary, that reconciled us back to God. By the help of the Holy Ghost we operate in the characteristics of God’s character of holiness by & through the fruits of the Holy Spirit. And as we see in Galatians 5 one of the fruits is kindness. So when we give & show kindness to our neighbors in the world, we are sharing God’s love, for His honor and glory and to know that there is still hope. ❤ blessings & peace to you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for taking your precious the to comment on my post.

      I so much enjoyed this long comment.

      This is how I do my things, I make sure all my post have meaning so the mind of viewers or readers will not be only imagination but it look more real and superior to their thinking.

      The aspect of kindness you talked about was as a result of some religious sect which believed when you do good your reward is in heaven whether Christian, Moslem.

      Is a literally statement made by me to backup the attitude of being kind.

      Am sorry if that aspect made you angry.

      Am happy you read it very well. That is very good of you.

      I so much appreciate that.

      Thanks for giving me a chance to talk to you.

      Thanks for this last words- “””” ❤ blessings & peace to you “”””””

      It touched me and made smile.

      One more time, thanks🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

      You are welcome miss Tammy

      #PATRICKSTORIES
      Peace ✌and Love ❤

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Thanks for the comment.

      Some questions put to you here in the post where not answered.

      I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.

      1. What was you own experience  of  being kind?
      Can you give me example of your own definition of being kind?

      2. After showing such kindness where you happy within you or sad. If yes/no give reasons.

      Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

      You are welcome miss Tammy

      #PATRICKSTORIES
      Peace ✌and Love ❤

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Patrick Stories is really sorry for the late reply/response to the comment. My schedule was tight this period.

          Please try and understand my plights. Thanks for understanding me.

          Am so please by that wonderful compliment in the beginning of your comment where you said as I quote:

          “””””””””” This Piece here is layered with the beautiful burdens of Womanhood/Motherhood! You did a Fantastic job breaking down the Verses. This Piece requires several bites on the feast of food it offers.

          “”””””””””

          This is how I do my things, I make sure all my poems have meaning so the mind of viewers or readers will not be only imagination but it look more real and superior to their thinking.

          In respect to your plight how women are treated as I quote from you:

          “””””””””” Mothethood comes with expectations and judgements that are not placed on the fathers. Women are expected to want the baby upon finding out about the pregnancy. This is not the case for so many reasons. If you fall into this category, you will be judged no matter the circumstances. New mothers are expected to immediately love-on their newborns and know how to be a mother to their child. Again, not always the case.
          Whether the father stays or goes, ALL eyes are on the mother! She’s just given birth to the Future and if her Present aint positive, then her Contribution to the World will be sorely lacking.

          “”””””””””

          After much reading and understanding of it. I came up with the division of what you said in to 2(two) quotation starting from the first two paragraph comment in the beginning.

          1. First. Quotation

          Mothethood comes with expectations and judgements that are not placed on the fathers. Women are expected to want the baby upon finding out about the pregnancy. This is not the case for so many reasons. If you fall into this category, you will be judged no matter the circumstances. New mothers are expected to immediately love-on their newborns and know how to be a mother to their child. Again, not always the case.

          2. Second Quotation

          1 )Whether the father stays or goes, ALL eyes are on the mother! She’s just given birth to the Future and if her Present aint positive, then her Contribution to the World will be sorely lacking.
          2) This male-dominated world truly and uttey Hate women for what we represent and hate the children for representatives!

          Let me start off with my own back up about the quotations:-

          1. First. Quotation

          Mothethood comes with expectations and judgements that are not placed on the fathers. Women are expected to want the baby upon finding out about the pregnancy. This is not the case for so many reasons. If you fall into this category, you will be judged no matter the circumstances. New mothers are expected to immediately love-on their newborns and know how to be a mother to their child. Again, not always the case.

          —-Personal responses/views to Quotation 1 ——-

          Views—

          From your comment above ,the first quotation is based on GENDER ROLES.

          I will give a detailed view on it personally with enough back up.

          For me personally, Patrick Stories — I strongly believe in equal rights and opportunity for all, regardless of gender (or skin colour, ethnicity etc). I believe everyone should be respected as a unique individual and not judged on the basis of being a woman or man, black or white etc.

          My point is that we are all people and not defined by preconceived notions of delegated roles assigned by gender( especially up bringing of a child). There are so many successful women who have achieved things that I can only dream of, and it matters not to me if she is married, single, divorced, young, old or strong and loud or soft and gentle. Their accomplishments added to our world.

          We have various women in our world today who have accomplish much in term of education, science and technology. Whether married, single, divorce, old and young. They all add benefit to the society at large. No one should be neglected base on gender.

          The idea of gender role( cooking, domestic,child bringing and chores are meant for women) I don’t agree with it personally.

          1. First back up-

          Here is a little draft from our renowned feminist.

          According to a popular literature book “””. Dear ijeawele or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions “””

          FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

          Second Suggestion

          Do it together. Remember in primary school we learned that a verb was a ‘doing’ word? Well,
          a father is as much a verb as a mother. Chudi should do everything that biology allows – which

          is everything but breastfeeding. Sometimes mothers, so conditioned to be all and do all, are complicit in diminishing the role of fathers. You might think that Chudi will not bathe her
          exactly as you’d like, that he might not wipe her bum as perfectly as you do. But so what? What

          is the worst that can happen? She won’t die at the hands of her father. Seriously. He loves her.
          It’s good for her to be cared for by her father. So look away, arrest your perfectionism, still
          your socially conditioned sense of duty. Share child care equally. ‘Equally’ of course depends

          on you both, and you will have to work it out, paying equal attention to each person’s needs. It
          does not have to mean a literal fifty-fifty or a day-by-day score-keeping but you’ll know when
          the child-care work is equally shared. You’ll know by your lack of resentment. Because when
          there is true equality, resentment does not exist.

          2. Second back up-

          Here is a little draft from our renowned feminist.

          According to a popular literature book “””. Dear ijeawele or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions “””

          FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

          Third Suggestion

          Teach her that the idea of ‘gender roles’ is absolute nonsense. Do not ever tell her that she should or should not do something because she is a girl.

          ‘Because you are a girl’ is never a reason for anything ever “””””””

          3. Third back up-

          Here is a another quote from our own feminist.

          FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book: We should all be feminist

          ——– The knowledge of cooking does not come pre-installed in a vagina. Cooking is learned.
          Cooking – domestic work in general – is a life skill that both men and women should ideally have. It is also a skill that can elude both men and women. We also need to question the idea of marriage as a prize to women, because that is the basis
          of these absurd debates. If we stop conditioning women to see marriage as a prize, then we would have fewer debates about a wife needing to cook in order to earn that prize.

          It is interesting to me how early the world starts to invent gender roles. ———

          4. Fourth backup-

          Another excerpt/draft from her book also about gender role.

          FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book: Dear ijeawele or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions

          Third suggestion:
          ——Gender roles are so deeply conditioned in us that we will often follow them even when they chafe against our true desires, our needs, our happiness. They are very difficult to unlearn, and so it is important to try to make sure that Chizalum rejects them from the beginning. Instead of letting her internalize the idea of gender roles, teach her self-reliance. Tell her that it is
          important to be able to do for herself and fend for herself. Teach her to try to fix physical things
          when they break. We are quick to assume girls can’t do many things. Let her try. She might not
          fully succeed, but let her try. ————-

          Another idea of gender roles is that saying that COOKING are meant for women.

          No No No No No……….that is a wrong perception of people about women in the society.

          COOKING are not meant for women. For me personally I disagree with that perception from people.

          Another aspect of gender roles is that girls are condition to be weak and are left with domestics chores in the house. It’s high time we shared it equally. Boys and girls can do domestics chores at home.

          5. Fifth back up-

          Another back up based on cooking from FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi

          According to a popular literature book– We should all be feminist
          FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:
          “””””””””” I know a woman who hates domestic work, but she pretends that she likes it, because
          she has been taught that to be “good wife material,” she has to be—to use that Nigerian word—homely. And then she got married. And her husband’s family began to complain that she had changed. Actually, she had not changed. She just got tired of pretending to
          be what she was not. The problem with gender is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are. Imagine how much happier we would be, how much freer to be our true individual selves, if we didn’t have the weight of gender expectations. Boys and girls are undeniably different biologically, but socialization exaggerates the differences. And then starts a self-fulfiling process. Take cooking, for example. Today, women in general are more likely to do housework than men— cooking and cleaning.
          But why is that? Is it because women are born with a cooking gene or because over
          years they have been socialized to see cooking as their role? I was going to say that perhaps women are born with a cooking gene until I remembered that the majority of famous cooks in the world—who are given the fancy title of “chef”—are men
          But what matters even more is our attitude, our mind-set.
          What if, in raising children, we focus on ability instead of gender? What if we focus on
          interest instead of gender?
          I know a family who has a son and a daughter, a year apart in age, both brilliant at
          school. When the boy is hungry, the parents say to the girl, Go and cook Indomie
          noodles for your brother. The girl doesn’t like to cook Indomie, but she is a girl and she has to. What if the parents, from the beginning, taught both children to cook Indomie?
          Cooking, by the way, is a useful and practical life skill for a boy to have—I’ve never
          thought it made much sense to leave such a crucial thing—the ability to nourish oneself
          —in the hands of others. “”””””””””””””

          This is about the gender equality feminist preach and agitate for.

          As for me child up bringing, cooking,domestic chores- cleaning sweeping,mopping are supposed to be shared equally.
          Cooking was never meant for women. Anybody can cook whether male or female.
          As for me I have been given the orientation about Gender equality right from the onset.

          6. Sixth backup-

          Still in reference to the motherhood and child bringing (specifically girls upbringing)

          The same question you think about the training of a child( girl child) is being answered here and here is the link to that for further convincing.

          https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.chatelaine.com/living/books/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie/amp/

          Question:

          Your first suggestion for raising girls(child) is to teach them to “be a full person”  —  that work and motherhood are not mutually exclusive. What do you mean by that?

          Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie answers:

          The way that we socialize girls — and I think this is true for almost every culture in the world — is that we teach them that because you’re the woman or the girl, you’re the person who has to sacrifice, you’re the person who has to compromise. I’ve seen so many women who have reduced themselves, or allowed themselves to be reduced, by this idea of self-sacrifice. Women are taught that the way to love is by giving up themselves. Men are not taught that.

          I find that motherhood [further] complicates things, and there’s a lot of guilt involved. I think women feel, “I shouldn’t really think of myself, or think of being other things apart from being a mother.” I’ve often seen that kind of sadness, especially in older women — and it makes me very sad, because I think about all the things they could have been, all the things they could have done. And they could have done all of those things and still have been wonderful mothers.

          2. Second Quotation
          1) Whether the father stays or goes, ALL eyes are on the mother! She’s just given birth to the Future and if her Present aint positive, then her Contribution to the World will be sorely lacking
          2) This male-dominated world truly and uttey Hate women for what we represent and hate the children for representatives!

          I understand you plights when you type this —-
          1) Whether the father stays or goes, ALL eyes are on the mother! She’s just given birth to the Future and if her Present aint positive, then her Contribution to the World will be sorely lacking.
          2) This male-dominated world truly and uttey Hate women for what we represent and hate the children for representatives!

          After much analysis on the (2) second quotation. I personally have to say it a–patriarchal system.
          I grew up in a patriarchal society where the male dominance is much in all area of life.

          For me personally I still grow up in a patriarchal society(male dominance) where all decision where made by male both in marriages, relationships and jobs.

          I got tired on how women where treated I felt the pain in me. So I started advocating for gender right and women right through my writings.

          The society again has made male patriarchy’s so important that women are not given any position. Again also in terms of power and authority, the society has made men as the point to handle such. Even in the school setting, government establishment and private firm. Women are seen as less and weak to accept such position.

          I have to back up that statement which you quote above:

          “””” Whether the father stays or goes, ALL eyes are on the mother! She’s just given birth to the Future and if her Present aint positive, then her Contribution to the World will be sorely lacking “””””

          Am using two quotation from FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi as backup to that your statement.

          1. First back up

          QUOTATION from FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi.

          According to a popular literature book “””. Dear ijeawele or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions “””

          FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

          “””””””” But here is a sad truth: our world is full of men and women who do not like powerful women. We have been so conditioned to think of power as male that a powerful woman is an
          aberration. And so she is policed. We ask of powerful women – is she humble? Does she smile? Is she grateful enough? Does she have a domestic side? Questions we do not ask of
          powerful men, which shows that our discomfort is not with power itself, but with women. We judge powerful women more harshly than we judge powerful men “””””””””

          Because of the ideal of power, authority and patriarchy’s, this again gave rise to different opinion to make women agitating for gender equality thereby forming the word FEMINISM and FEMINIST.

          2. Second back up.

          QUOTATION from FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi

          According to a popular literature book “”” we should all be feminist “””

          FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

          “”””” Men and women are different. We have different hormones and different sexual organs and different biological abilities—women can have babies, men cannot. Men have more testosterone and are, in general, physically stronger than women. There are slightly more women than men in the world—52 percent of the world’s population is female— but most of the positions of power and prestige are occupied by men. The late Kenyan
          Nobel peace laureate Wangari Maathai put it simply and well when she said, the higher
          you go, the fewer women there are. “”””””

          3. Third back up

          This patriarchy system(male dominance) has made women/girls to be submissive in all aspect making them weak.

          This submission/submissiveness which me termed oppression, subjugation and subjection has made women become less in the society.
          Society has set a lot of duties for men and women alike and it’s even painful to see that in a children’s textbook, the duties of a wife are “to cook for the family, to bring up the children and clean the house.” It’s a huge shame.
          We need to wake up and stop this nonsense.
          For me personally, I kick against the fact that women are weak and less important in the society. We are equal. No body have the right to detect if a person is less or weak. Society has made it look like that. Even some of the women has accepted this fact that they are weak and less important. There by making them weaker vessels and there by making them not to have the equal right with men.

          Because of this it gave rise to gender equality that is been declared by feminist.

          According to a popular literature book “””. Dear ijeawele or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions “””

          FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

          “”””””” Teach her, too, to question the idea of women as a special species. I once heard an American politician, in his bid to show his support for women, speak of how women should be ‘revered’ and ‘championed’ – a sentiment that is all too common. Tell Chizalum that women actually don’t need to be championed and revered; they just need to be treated as equal human beings. There is a patronizing undertone to the idea of women needing to be ‘championed and revered’ because they are women. It makes me think of chivalry, and the premise of chivalry is female weakness. “”””””

          4. Fourth back up-
          According to a popular literature book “””. We should all be feminist “””
          FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:
          ———-Men and women are different. We have different hormones and different sexual organs and different biological abilities—women can have babies, men cannot. Men have more testosterone and are, in general, physically stronger than women. A man and a woman are doing the same job, with the same qualifications, and the man is paid more because he is a man.So in a literal way, men rule the world. This made sense a thousand years ago. Because human beings lived then in a world in which physical strength was the most important attribute for survival; the physically stronger person was more likely to lead. And men in general are physically stronger. (There are of course many exceptions.) Today, we live in a vastly different world. The person more qualified to lead is not the physically stronger person. It is the more intelligent, the more knowledgeable, the more creative, more innovative. And there are no hormones for those attributes. A man is as likely as a woman to be intelligent, innovative, creative. We have evolved. But our ideas of gender have not evolved very much. ———–

          This idea of women being subjected too low make me feel bad. With some proves above , i guess I have answered some troubled thoughts in your mind now.

          For me my own point on this patriarchy system/society:

          “”””””” I was brought up by a mother who inculcated in me a deep respect for women. I believe that the inequality that women have faced through the centuries and today as well is a failure of all societies, and especially the mindset of male patriarchy. I cannot call myself anything other than a person who believes strongly in justice and gender-rights for women everywhere. It would be arrogant of me to call myself a feminist, though I believe strongly in the cause of the emancipation of women in all societies that repress women and pursue the same practices of male domination. “””””””””
          I know I have not gotten to the stage where I have my own establishment that fight for women right. But with time I will get to that point.

          As for me I have been given the orientation about Gender equality right from the onset
          Firstly-
          I was brought up by a mother who inculcated in me a deep respect for women. I believe that the inequality that women have faced through the centuries and today as well is a failure of all societies, and especially the mindset of male patriarchy. I cannot call myself anything other than a person who believes strongly in justice and gender-rights for women everywhere.

          Secondly-
          Though I believe strongly in the cause of the emancipation of women in all societies that repress women and pursue the same practices of male domination.

          5. Fifth back up-

          Patriarchy system in our world today using SAUDI ARABIA as a reference point.
          Patriarchy is for Men while Feminism is for Women.

          Feminism has a purpose and this purpose have made the movement agitating for certain rights in the society. For instance, feminist battles for the following:
          1. Labor rights for women;

          2.Gender equality;

          3. Decrease of violence against women;

          4. Equal employment opportunities;

          5. Equal rights of owning properties;

          6.Changes in the patriarchal society.

          In fact, feminism mainly fought against the stereotypical ideals of the patriarchal society. Patriarchy was (is) a system of power that divided societies the basis of “traditional” gender roles.

          The patriarchal model is still that “old mentality” that male should dominant.

          Patriarchy system exited in Arab countries For instance, in Saudi Arabia women cannot drive cars and cannot travel outside the country without the permission (or the presence, in most cases) of a “male guardian” – a male member of their family.

          Not too long middle of last year(JUNE) female started driving cars and they were issued license to drive.

          Here is the link from world popular news agency BBC

          https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/amp/world-middle-east-44367981

          After all this, the patriarchy has eaten deep in the society that even women feel male should dominate which even me Patrick personally feel is not the right choice.
          Equality should be in all area of life.

          The idea of patriarchy have made Men hold most of the
          1. wealth
          2. power
          3. political representation the world over.
          This is as a result of patriarchy system which run in our world today.
          This lead to agitating and the formation of feminist movements.

          EFFECT OF PATRIARCHY SYSTEM IN SOCIETY

          1.Triggers for Male Supremacy and Sexist Violence
          2. Competition:
          One of the most negative aspects of the patriarchal norms of masculinity is the tendency for men to constantly be in competition with each other.
          3. Rape Culture: this increases the rate of rape in the society. For men, it is seen as a necessity to seduce women (or other potential sexual partners) to the point that they’re encouraged to force other people into sex, with little to no regard for consent. When men are questioned about it, it often gets played of as “boys will be boys,” or “uncontrollable sexual urges,” or “nothing that serious.” For the victim, however, they are often treated horribly, with outsiders calling them “sluts,” saying “they deserved it” or they were “asking for it” for one reason or another, and inevitably removing responsibility from the man who committed the act in the first place. And it goes beyond direct physical encounters too of course, with how women are objectified in every form of media, or how children and teenagers are sexualized to the point that they’re kicked out of class for clothing that’s deemed “too sexy,” so on and so forth.
          4. Toxicity- making men hurt each other in all area of life

          5. Ignorance: This is one of the illusions the patriarchy tries to pull though: you’re a man, you’re better than women.

          6. Suicide:
          Also, men have higher rate of suicide based on being strong to hold problem.

          The patriarchy system has lead women to suffer as follows:

          1. They are paid less still for doing same job as men in many instances.

          2. Women feel pressured by society to look a certain way.

          3. Women are body-shamed and victim-blamed if we dress “provocatively” and are assaulted.

          Going further in to your long and explained comment. Am able to pick/select some thoughtful quotes/points from you towards the ending as I quote:

          1. Sadly, this is Our Present! We have agendas and laws right now that further degrade, devalue, disrespect and dissect the well being and overall human experience of women and babies!
          2. Definitions for Domestic/Sexual Violence have been changed to achieve this. The movement to kill newborns demonstrates this!
          3. If your agenda is about death, then you are not gonna have any love for women or children! More children means more chances for the right soul to be born who will challenge the mess that we call oppression. To correct this, laws and agendas are put in place for abusers to continue abusing. Women are made to be the bad guys and then internal that. They end up not loving themselves…giving themselves to every smile….devaluing their worth. Sex is just a past time now. If mommy has no value, how can baby?

          After much reading and going deep in to the comment, Patrick stories personally was able to analysis the comment in to two.
          1. Sexism
          2. Lawmakers/law rights
          3. Domestic violence/sexual abuse on women/girl child.

          1. SEXISM
          Sexism in general has to stop! No gender is higher than the other and the moment everyone starts to realize this, I believe the world would be better in some aspects.

          Here is the point as I quote from Nigeria feminist: CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE

          Her quote:

          In Dear Ijeawele: A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie writes that she is angrier about sexism than she is about racism. “I don’t think sexism is worse than racism, it’s impossible even to compare,” she clarifies. “It’s that I feel lonely in my fight against sexism, in a way that I don’t feel in my fight against racism. My friends, my family, they get racism, they get it. The people I’m close to who are not black get it. But I find that with sexism you are constantly having to explain, justify, convince, make a case for.”

          For me personally, Sexism also has the potential to shape how women think, feel and behave towards men in general. Research shows that women often experience a variety of negative emotions when they are the targets of sexism/Sexists.Sexism has lead to gender discrimination on the part of women.

          Sexism has made women to suffer
          1.anxiety
          2.depression
          3.hostility levels
          4. anger and fear toward men(Misandry)

          2. LAW MAKERS/ LAW RIGHT

          From my own view I personally disagree and partially agree with that statement as I quote:
          “””””” Sadly, this is Our Present! We have agendas and laws right now that further degrade, devalue, disrespect and dissect the well being and overall human experience of women and babies! “””””””

          I was able to bring out a particular point base on LAWMAKERS. I partially agree to your saying this male dominance over female is as a result of LAW MAKER

          After much analysis, I was able to back up that I totally disagree with that statement:
          “””””” Sadly, this is Our Present! We have agendas and laws right now that further degrade, devalue, disrespect and dissect the well being and overall human experience of women and babies! “””””””

          My back up here are:
          1. Home
          2. Individual families.

          1. HOME

          There is a qoute that normally says “” charity begin at home”””
          Check the word HOME , its made of families of different type, different ideology and different belief. The basic problem will be solved at the root first before getting to the top. The ideology that the law makers make the problem worst is absurd.
          I know that the law maker are the people at the highest echelons of society that are making decisions about healthcare, education, infrastructure, wealth distribution, opportunities, media content, taxes, accessibility to services, social programs, and funding.
          The patriarchy society have made Men held all these positions, power and law makers.

          Law maker are not the reason why female are been subjected as a low species. Solving the problem involves going back to root which is the home of this families.The society at large have no say in the upbringing of a child. The families make at least 60% contributions to the upbringing of the girl child.
          So I don’t really buy the idea that is the law makers who made all this male dominance over female in the society. The law maker are just 40% out of 100%.
          If the parents train them well on how men and women should have equal right I guess such men with have the idea that oppression of women is totally wrong.
          If the person in power was trained from home about equality with female in all round.
          When he gets in to power he will make sure all his subordinate in power agree to his own view about equality with women.
          The idea of hijacking and putting all men as head of this

          1.healthcare
          2.education
          3.ifrastructure,
          4.wealth distribution
          5. opportunities,
          6.media content,
          7.taxes,
          8.accessibility to services social programs, and funding.

          Those 7 lists will not occur if the root has a foundation that men and women should share equal right in all manner.

          2. INDIVIDUAL FAMILIES
          Individual families do make a difference that I will agree with. That is not the root of the issue. Change has to come from the top. Individual families make a big different in the upbringing also.Individual families is the root of the issues why male dominate in all areas. Me personally, changes start from the grassroot which is INDIVIDUAL FAMILIES. Don’t get angry over me, if my own knowledge about it does not agree with you. We are have our own ideal about a particular thing.

          2. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE /SEXUAL ABUSE ON WOMEN AND GIRL CHILD
          According to Wikipedia:
          Child sexual abuse, also called child molestation, is a form of child abuse in which an adult or older adolescent uses a child for sexual stimulation. “”””
          The effects of child sexual abuse can include depression, post-traumatic stress disorder,anxiety, complex post-traumatic stress disorder,propensity to further victimization in adulthood,and physical injury to the child, among other problems. Sexual abuse by a family member is a form of incest and can result in more serious and long-term psychological trauma, especially in the case of parental incest.

          Here is a link to the article on it for further understanding.
          https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_sexual_abuse

          Sexual abuse is one of the type of trauma because of the shame it instills in the victim. With childhood sexual abuse, victims are often too young to know how to express what is happening and seek out help. When not properly treated, this can result in a lifetime of PTSD, depression and anxiety.

          Some young girls were too innocent, they didn’t even know what really happened. Some of them experienced it at a very young age. Some of them were traumatized, they would soon forget.They may have felt something like this when they were in elementary, but they never did bother because they soon forgot (not because they were traumatized or something, but just because it happened a long time ago, and a conversation with someone triggered the memory, and now moat of them were thought about it.

          The childhood experience of such can cause one of the major problem TRAUMA.

          This child/sexual abuse can lead to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

          There are various types of traumatic events that can lead to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
          I guess I have opened your knowledge about trauma after getting more information about it.

          For more information check the link:

          https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/somatic-psychology/201303/trauma-childhood-sexual-abuse

          Despite that Women are the greatest pillars of society, yet they are being pulled down to dusts.
          Putting women down to the dust, shows that women don’t have values and this lead to gender role perception which the society still practise.
          The strongest women have the worst histories, not every woman has the opportunity to bounce back from such devastation(violence, rape and molestation )
          As an individual who support GENDER EQUALITY and agitate for human right.
          Here is the quote I formed early this year.

          PatrickStories Quotes

          “”””” I hate when society subject people to a particular assault or being grouped as “women and children” while there are lots of things that show that they have quality features to make as valuable as a strong individual, not being grouped as weak because they are female. Maybe physically, intellectually, etc. “””””””

          Backing up the above statement : Definitions for Domestic/Sexual Violence have been changed to achieve this. The movement to kill newborns demonstrates this!

          1. First back up

          I have to back it up with some contribution from our own popular FEMINIST Adichie Chimamanda Ngozi
          According to her she was sexually abuse at 17 when she was about publicizing her first book.
          Here is her confession:

          “”””” He was pleasant, avuncular, warm, and then he got up from his desk and walked around to where I was seated and stood behind me, and in a move that was as swift as it was shocking he slipped his hand under my button down shirt, under my bra and squeezed my breast. I was so taken aback that I did nothing for seconds. Then I pushed his hand away but gently, nicely, because I didn’t want to offend him.
          Later that day I broke into a rash on my chest, my neck, my face. As thought my body were recoiling. As though my body were saying what my lips had not said. I felt a deep loathing for that man and for what he did.
          I felt as if I didn’t matter, as if my body existed merely as a thing to be done with as he wanted, yet I told no one about it and I kept talking to him, being polite, hoping he would help with my book. “”””

          Here is a link to the site where I got her confession for more clarification.

          Here is the link:
          https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.okayafrica.com/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-opens-up-about-sexual-assault-discusses-the-metoo-movement.amp

          Going further most of these woman experience :

          1. Psychology pain/abuse
          2. Emotional pain/ abuse

          From Wikipedia; Psychological abuse (also referred to as psychological violence, emotional abuse, or mental abuse) is a form of abuse, characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another person to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder. It is often associated with situations of power imbalance in abusive relationships, and can include bullying, gaslighting, and abuse in the workplace.[2][3] It also may be perpetrated by persons conducting torture, other violence, acute or prolonged human rights abuse, particularly without legal redress such as detention without trial, false accusations, false convictions and extreme defamation such as where perpetrated by state and media.

          The victim may experience severe psychological effects. This would involve the tactics of brainwashing, which can fall under psychological abuse as well, but emotional abuse consists of the manipulation of the victim’s emotions. The victim may feel their emotions are being affected by the abuser to such an extent that the victim may no longer recognize their own feelings regarding the issues the abuser is trying to control. The result is the victim’s self-concept and independence are systematically taken away.

          Here is a link to the article on it for further understanding.

          https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_abuse

          So it take a strong woman(Renowned Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie) like her to bounce back from such devastation(violence, rape and molestation )

          2. Second back up

          Here is a popular newspaper agency called VANGUARD. That was able to talk about rape in Nigeria and the society at large.

          As I quote from one of the writings in the publish news about rape.

          “”””‘ In Nigeria, there are no accurate statistics for rape cases. We can excuse this, as even economic policies are drafted without correct statistics. This has not taken away the fact that rape is endemic in the country. We can recollect the infamous gang rape story that came out from a south east university sometimes ago. Do we know how many house maids are regularly raped by their employers? Or how many students are raped in universities? To be honest, rape over the years has become part of the workings in the Nigeria systems. Various governments have turned blind eyes to it and pretend it is nothing that calls for urgent attention. The executive and judiciary arms of governments have not done anything historic.

          Rape is a serious issue that needs urgent attention of every reasonable man and woman. Human beings are created to be reasonable and rational, but atrocities, such as rape has indicated otherwise. If being reasonable is a demand of living, rather than increase, rape figures should be nosediving. One therefore wonders if we are losing the war on sensibility. The rise in rapes cases clearly suggests that some men and women rather than use their brains prefer to be controlled by their emotions. And in doing this, they cause discomfort to other people. “”””””

          For further prove here is a link to the articles published on rape
          https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.vanguardngr.com/2017/09/lets-talk-rape/amp/

          Thanks for the comment.

          Some questions put to you here where not answered.
          I will like you to share your opinion on it.

          Here is a question for my fellow bloggers and readers:

          1. In the society you find yourself, do pregnant women have access to these antenatal care in hospitals?

          2. Being a bearer of a child in your womb for 9 months. What are the things you feel during that period?( I need an inspirational answers)

          3. Bringing a child to this world — Did it change your kind of person? or perceptions about Life? ( I need an inspirational answers)

          Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

          Thanks for giving me a chance to talk to you. Am please now I have someone who have my same idea and agree with me.

          These words you used are painted in truth, experience and reflective. I especially love how you started it and how you ended the comment, view and contributions. Beautifully written and as I read through again on each line I was amazed . Each word you used are true and reflective of my personal encounter with people(women).

          This produced a smile on my tired face after a long day. You’re appreciated.

          You are welcome Miss/Mrs Poetikaly Anointed’s Corner

          Like

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