PATRICK VIEW-DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

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WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

According to Wikipedia Domestic violence (also named domestic abuse or family violence) is violence or other abuse by one person against another in a domestic setting, such as in marriage or cohabitation. It may be termed intimate partner violence when committed by a spouse or partner in an intimate relationship against the other spouse or partner, and can take place in heterosexual or same-sex relationships, or between former spouses or partners.

Domestic violence can also involve violence against children, parents, or the elderly.

FACTS ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

The following are some facts about domestic violence:

1.      Occurs in all socio-economic groups, all religious groups, all races, and all ethnic groups and within all form of relationship, to people of all ages and physical abilities.

2.      Is perpetrated against women in 95% of cases.

3.      Is the single greatest cause of injury to women in this country?

4.      Includes psychological, verbal or emotional abuse that can be as devastating as the physical violence.

5.      Something that has happened to people you know; perhaps your neighbor, friend, sister, mother, your co-worker or even yourself.

FORM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

According to Wikipedia -It takes a number of forms, including physical, verbal, emotional, economic, religious, reproductive, and sexual abuse, which can range from subtle, coercive forms to marital rape and to violent physical abuse such as choking, beating, female genital mutilation, and acid throwing that results in disfigurement or death.

Abusive behaviors are not symptoms that someone is angry or out of control. An abuser makes a choice to exert power and control over his or her partner. Abusive behaviors include physical, emotional, sexual, social, and financial abuse.

1. PHYSICAL ABUSE

Physical abuse often begins with less violent assaults such as pushing. As the abuse continues, however, it becomes increasingly violent. Abusers often target areas of the body that are usually covered with clothing because the injuries are less likely to be visible to others. Acts of physical abuse include:

• Pushing
• Restraining
• Shaking
• Slapping
• Biting
• Punching
• Kicking
• Throwing objects at the victim
• beating
• Using weapons
• Strangulation
• Withholding medications
• Attempting to force miscarriage
• Scratching
• Biting
• Pulling hair
• Refuse to help when sick, injured or disabled
• Using or threatening to use weapons

2. EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE

Emotional/psychological abuse is a tool used by those who want to make their partners feel scared, crazy, worthless, or responsible for the abuse. The abuser’s goal is control over the victim. Emotional abuse may include:

• Making jokes about the victim
• Insults
• Criticizing the victim’s competence
• Ignoring the victim’s feelings
• Withholding affection as a form of punishment
• Blaming the victim for all problems
• Yelling at the victim
• Humiliating the victim in front of others
• Accusing the victim of being the abusive partner
• Threatening to take the children away from the victim
• Threatening physical violence
• Extreme jealousy
• Hiding or destroying important belongings
• Frequent demands to know where she is and with whom
• Alienation/Separation from family and friends
• Public humiliation

3. SEXUAL ABUSE

Sexual abuse is one of the least discussed, but most common, forms of domestic violence. Sexual abuse includes:

• Sexual jokes that make the victim uncomfortable
• Treating women as sex objects
• Criticizing the victim’s sexuality
• Using sexual jealousy as a tool of control
• Uncomfortable or unwanted touch
• Withholding sex as punishment
• Demanding sex
• Flaunting affairs
• Rape
• Sex after beatings
• Forcing the victim to witness or participate in sexual activity with others
• Sexually assaulting the victim in front of the children
• Sexual torture – Forced sexual activities with abuser and/or others
• Forced prostitution
• exotic dancing
• Threatening to sexually abuse children
• Refusing to use or allowing contraception use
• Public display of extramarital affairs
• Forcing victim to watch batterer have sex with others
• Forcing harmful sexual acts against the wish of the person

4. SOCIAL ABUSE

Social abuse is used to isolate the victim from others in the community. The fewer people the victim is connected with, the more control the abuser has over the victim. Examples of social abuse include:

• Insisting that the couple spend all time together
• Discouraging the victim from seeing friends or family
• Forbidding the victim to see friends or family
• Monitoring the victim’s mail or phone calls
• Restricting access to the car or car keys
• Telling others the victim is crazy or abusive

5. FINANCIAL ABUSE

Abusers often attempt to establish financial control over victims. Victims who are financially dependent on abusers have fewer resources for escape. Financial abuse includes:

• Making all financial decisions for the household
• Keeping financial secrets
• Monitoring the victim’s spending
• Controlling the victim’s access to cash
• Controlling the victim’s access to chequebook or credit cards
• Refusing to let the victim work
• Forcing the victim to turn over income to the abuser
• Taking person’s earned income
• Making person beg for money

 DRIVERS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

The key factors found to drive domestic violence are

1. Gender attitude,
2. Alcohol and other substance abuse
3. Relationship conflicts

1. Gender attitude

The notion of male dominance and female subservience/ submissiveness is common and accepted by many communities in a country. Some form of discipline, physical or psychological, inflicted on their female partners is commonly culturally accepted as the right of men in relationships. Most of this gender attitude is promoted from childhood where the male child is accepted to be more aggressive and dominant while the girl child is encouraged to be more domestic, subservient/submissive and tolerant.

2. Alcohol and other substance abuse

Alcohol in both regulated and locally brewed forms are consumed by many youths. Many also abuse other psycho-active substances, the most common of which is cannabis or Indian hemp. Most men who are reported to the security agency agreed perpetrating such act also due to the takeoff alcohol and other intoxicating substances.

3. Relationship conflicts

Suspicion of infidelity appears to contribute to the experience of domestic violence. Most women who experience domestic violence is due to the fact that they interfered in their partner having other affairs and cheating them, which lead to relationship conflict. Therefore playing a role in their experience of domestic violence.

STRATEGIES USED TO ADDRESS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Here are some key strategies used to address domestic violence:

1. Public education

Various forms of educational materials, mainly in print media, are used to convey messages discouraging domestic violence. Once a while, non-governmental organizations promote walk-through in the community to draw attention to the evils of domestic violence.

2. The social works office

Patients identified by health workers as victims of domestic violence are usually referred for counselling by social workers. The counselling also includes negotiations for the safety of the victims and arrangements for alternative homes where appropriate. These social workers are based at the clinics and the referral hospitals from where they conduct visits to victims’ homes in the community as needed. They receive patients with domestic violence only when they are referred to them by the attending health practitioners. They are often challenged by transport, apart from arranging safe shelters when requested by the victim, they are unable to provide conclusive assistance in most instances.

3. The police department

Self-reports of domestic violence and referrals from the social works department are attended to by the police. Perpetrators of domestic violence are often arrested and charged for assault occasioning when the victim or relatives of the victim are willing to press charges.

4. governmental organizations

These organizations handle self-referrals of domestic violence victims and intervene with counselling, arrangements for safety and support for litigation of the perpetrator. They are the main promoters of community education and motivation against domestic violence.

The focus of interventions against domestic violence currently consists of actions taken, usually after the domestic violence has been going on for considerable periods. Community education and mobilization against domestic violence are often prompted by reports of severe violence or death – passion killing – of a victim.

YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT

These questions may help you determine if you or someone you know or are working with is being battered.

Does someone close to you?

1. Push, hit, shove, slap, kick, choke, hurt or scare you?
2. Threaten to hurt or kill you or your family or friends?
3. Call you names and humiliate you?
4. Criticize the things you do and say, or the way you look?
5. Force you to have sex against your will?
6. Threaten to take your children?
7. Hurt your pets or destroy things special to you?
8. Isolate you by: taking away the car keys, money or credit cards; listening to your phone calls; opening your mail; locking you inside your home; or refusing to let you work, attend school, go to church, or form friendships?
9. Call you or appear unexpectedly at your workplace, home, school or elsewhere to check up on you?
10. Tell you that you are crazy?
11. If you are lesbian, bisexual or gay, threaten to “out” you or tell others of your sexual orientation?
12.  

If any of these sound familiar, you may be or your friend may be a victim of domestic abuse.

NOTE: Asking or answering these questions in the presence of the perpetrator or others may endanger you or someone else. This information must be kept confidential.

 

WHY DO VICTIMS STAY IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS?

The following are the various reasons why most victims stay in an abusive relationship:

• For sake of children
• Economic dependence
• Family pressure
• Fear of being alone
• Fear of retaliation
• Loyalty to abuser
• Love
• Duty & responsibility
• Shame & humiliation
• Things will get better
• Feels deserve treatment
• Social isolation

HOW TO HELP

If you know someone who is in an abusive relationship or if you know someone who is being hurt due to domestic violence. Here are the list of things to do so you can the person:

1. Listen without giving advice, unless it is asked for, and believe what they tell you
2. Acknowledge their feelings. Do not tell them how they should feel
3. Let them know you are concerned about their safety
4. Do not pressure them to leave their partner‐ this could be dangerous
5. Don’t assume that they will identify as a “victim of domestic violence.” Ask Questions such as “Do you feel afraid of your partner?”

6. Believe your friend, and keep what she tells you confidential.
7. Don’t blame the victim for the abuse. The abused person is not responsible for being abused and does not deserve to be abused.
8. They need to tell their story in their own time and own pace. Take the time to talk privately with your friend or co-worker and ask about suspicious bruises or fights that you know about.
9. Help her make safety plans.
10. Validate feelings. Your friend or co-worker may feel hurt, angry, afraid, ashamed and trapped and may also love the abuser.
11. Assault is a crime. If you hear or see abuse that is occurring, call any agency responsible for domestic violence within your area.

COMPETING INTERESTS

I declare that I have no financial or personal relationships that may have inappropriately influenced me in writing this article. I write this articles based on my experience with those who have such.

I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.

1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?
2. Are you aware of existence of domestic violence in your area? If so, explain
3. What are your perceptions of  girls/women who experience domestic violence
4. Do these girls/women  enjoy in this marriage/relationship? Elaborate.
5. What in your view is the best way forward to solve this problem?
6. Does culture in any way contribute to domestic violence?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

 

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

 

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Women who fight depression, molestation and thrive to be self independent, and to all feminist