PATRICK VIEW-DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

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WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

According to Wikipedia Domestic violence (also named domestic abuse or family violence) is violence or other abuse by one person against another in a domestic setting, such as in marriage or cohabitation. It may be termed intimate partner violence when committed by a spouse or partner in an intimate relationship against the other spouse or partner, and can take place in heterosexual or same-sex relationships, or between former spouses or partners.

Domestic violence can also involve violence against children, parents, or the elderly.

FACTS ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

The following are some facts about domestic violence:

1.      Occurs in all socio-economic groups, all religious groups, all races, and all ethnic groups and within all form of relationship, to people of all ages and physical abilities.

2.      Is perpetrated against women in 95% of cases.

3.      Is the single greatest cause of injury to women in this country?

4.      Includes psychological, verbal or emotional abuse that can be as devastating as the physical violence.

5.      Something that has happened to people you know; perhaps your neighbor, friend, sister, mother, your co-worker or even yourself.

FORM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

According to Wikipedia -It takes a number of forms, including physical, verbal, emotional, economic, religious, reproductive, and sexual abuse, which can range from subtle, coercive forms to marital rape and to violent physical abuse such as choking, beating, female genital mutilation, and acid throwing that results in disfigurement or death.

Abusive behaviors are not symptoms that someone is angry or out of control. An abuser makes a choice to exert power and control over his or her partner. Abusive behaviors include physical, emotional, sexual, social, and financial abuse.

  1. PHYSICAL ABUSE

Physical abuse often begins with less violent assaults such as pushing. As the abuse continues, however, it becomes increasingly violent. Abusers often target areas of the body that are usually covered with clothing because the injuries are less likely to be visible to others. Acts of physical abuse include:

  • Pushing
  • Restraining
  • Shaking
  • Slapping
  • Biting
  • Punching
  • Kicking
  • Throwing objects at the victim
  • beating
  • Using weapons
  • Strangulation
  • Withholding medications
  • Attempting to force miscarriage
  • Scratching
  • Biting
  • Pulling hair
  • Refuse to help when sick, injured or disabled
  • Using or threatening to use weapons
  1. EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE

Emotional/psychological abuse is a tool used by those who want to make their partners feel scared, crazy, worthless, or responsible for the abuse. The abuser’s goal is control over the victim. Emotional abuse may include:

  • Making jokes about the victim
  • Insults
  • Criticizing the victim’s competence
  • Ignoring the victim’s feelings
  • Withholding affection as a form of punishment
  • Blaming the victim for all problems
  • Yelling at the victim
  • Humiliating the victim in front of others
  • Accusing the victim of being the abusive partner
  • Threatening to take the children away from the victim
  • Threatening physical violence
  • Extreme jealousy
  • Hiding or destroying important belongings
  • Frequent demands to know where she is and with whom
  • Alienation/Separation from family and friends
  • Public humiliation
  1. SEXUAL ABUSE

Sexual abuse is one of the least discussed, but most common, forms of domestic violence. Sexual abuse includes:

  • Sexual jokes that make the victim uncomfortable
  • Treating women as sex objects
  • Criticizing the victim’s sexuality
  • Using sexual jealousy as a tool of control
  • Uncomfortable or unwanted touch
  • Withholding sex as punishment
  • Demanding sex
  • Flaunting affairs
  • Rape
  • Sex after beatings
  • Forcing the victim to witness or participate in sexual activity with others
  • Sexually assaulting the victim in front of the children
  • Sexual torture – Forced sexual activities with abuser and/or others
  • Forced prostitution
  • exotic dancing
  • Threatening to sexually abuse children
  • Refusing to use or allowing contraception use
  • Public display of extramarital affairs
  • Forcing victim to watch batterer have sex with others
  • Forcing harmful sexual acts against the wish of the person
  1. SOCIAL ABUSE

Social abuse is used to isolate the victim from others in the community. The fewer people the victim is connected with, the more control the abuser has over the victim. Examples of social abuse include:

  • Insisting that the couple spend all time together
  • Discouraging the victim from seeing friends or family
  • Forbidding the victim to see friends or family
  • Monitoring the victim’s mail or phone calls
  • Restricting access to the car or car keys
  • Telling others the victim is crazy or abusive
  1. FINANCIAL ABUSE

Abusers often attempt to establish financial control over victims. Victims who are financially dependent on abusers have fewer resources for escape. Financial abuse includes:

  • Making all financial decisions for the household
  • Keeping financial secrets
  • Monitoring the victim’s spending
  • Controlling the victim’s access to cash
  • Controlling the victim’s access to chequebook or credit cards
  • Refusing to let the victim work
  • Forcing the victim to turn over income to the abuser
  • Taking person’s earned income
  • Making person beg for money

 DRIVERS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

The key factors found to drive domestic violence are

  1. Gender attitude,
  2. Alcohol and other substance abuse
  3. Relationship conflicts
  1. Gender attitude

The notion of male dominance and female subservience/ submissiveness is common and accepted by many communities in a country. Some form of discipline, physical or psychological, inflicted on their female partners is commonly culturally accepted as the right of men in relationships. Most of this gender attitude is promoted from childhood where the male child is accepted to be more aggressive and dominant while the girl child is encouraged to be more domestic, subservient/submissive and tolerant.

  1. Alcohol and other substance abuse

Alcohol in both regulated and locally brewed forms are consumed by many youths. Many also abuse other psycho-active substances, the most common of which is cannabis or Indian hemp. Most men who are reported to the security agency agreed perpetrating such act also due to the takeoff alcohol and other intoxicating substances.

  1. Relationship conflicts

Suspicion of infidelity appears to contribute to the experience of domestic violence. Most women who experience domestic violence is due to the fact that they interfered in their partner having other affairs and cheating them, which lead to relationship conflict. Therefore playing a role in their experience of domestic violence.

STRATEGIES USED TO ADDRESS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Here are some key strategies used to address domestic violence:

  1. Public education

Various forms of educational materials, mainly in print media, are used to convey messages discouraging domestic violence. Once a while, non-governmental organizations promote walk-through in the community to draw attention to the evils of domestic violence.

  1. The social works office

Patients identified by health workers as victims of domestic violence are usually referred for counselling by social workers. The counselling also includes negotiations for the safety of the victims and arrangements for alternative homes where appropriate. These social workers are based at the clinics and the referral hospitals from where they conduct visits to victims’ homes in the community as needed. They receive patients with domestic violence only when they are referred to them by the attending health practitioners. They are often challenged by transport, apart from arranging safe shelters when requested by the victim, they are unable to provide conclusive assistance in most instances.

  1. The police department

Self-reports of domestic violence and referrals from the social works department are attended to by the police. Perpetrators of domestic violence are often arrested and charged for assault occasioning when the victim or relatives of the victim are willing to press charges.

  1. governmental organizations

These organizations handle self-referrals of domestic violence victims and intervene with counselling, arrangements for safety and support for litigation of the perpetrator. They are the main promoters of community education and motivation against domestic violence.

The focus of interventions against domestic violence currently consists of actions taken, usually after the domestic violence has been going on for considerable periods. Community education and mobilization against domestic violence are often prompted by reports of severe violence or death – passion killing – of a victim.

YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT

These questions may help you determine if you or someone you know or are working with is being battered.

Does someone close to you?

  1. Push, hit, shove, slap, kick, choke, hurt or scare you?
  2. Threaten to hurt or kill you or your family or friends?
  3. Call you names and humiliate you?
  4. Criticize the things you do and say, or the way you look?
  5. Force you to have sex against your will?
  6. Threaten to take your children?
  7. Hurt your pets or destroy things special to you?
  8. Isolate you by: taking away the car keys, money or credit cards; listening to your phone calls; opening your mail; locking you inside your home; or refusing to let you work, attend school, go to church, or form friendships?
  9. Call you or appear unexpectedly at your workplace, home, school or elsewhere to check up on you?
  10. Tell you that you are crazy?
  11. If you are lesbian, bisexual or gay, threaten to “out” you or tell others of your sexual orientation?
  12.  

If any of these sound familiar, you may be or your friend may be a victim of domestic abuse.

NOTE: Asking or answering these questions in the presence of the perpetrator or others may endanger you or someone else. This information must be kept confidential.

 

WHY DO VICTIMS STAY IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS?

The following are the various reasons why most victims stay in an abusive relationship:

  • For sake of children
  • Economic dependence
  • Family pressure
  • Fear of being alone
  • Fear of retaliation
  • Loyalty to abuser
  • Love
  • Duty & responsibility
  • Shame & humiliation
  • Things will get better
  • Feels deserve treatment
  • Social isolation

HOW TO HELP

If you know someone who is in an abusive relationship or if you know someone who is being hurt due to domestic violence. Here are the list of things to do so you can the person:

  1. Listen without giving advice, unless it is asked for, and believe what they tell you
  2. Acknowledge their feelings. Do not tell them how they should feel
  3. Let them know you are concerned about their safety
  4. Do not pressure them to leave their partner‐ this could be dangerous
  5. Don’t assume that they will identify as a “victim of domestic violence.” Ask Questions such as “Do you feel afraid of your partner?”
  1. Believe your friend, and keep what she tells you confidential.
  2. Don’t blame the victim for the abuse. The abused person is not responsible for being abused and does not deserve to be abused.
  3. They need to tell their story in their own time and own pace. Take the time to talk privately with your friend or co-worker and ask about suspicious bruises or fights that you know about.
  4. Help her make safety plans.
  5. Validate feelings. Your friend or co-worker may feel hurt, angry, afraid, ashamed and trapped and may also love the abuser.
  6. Assault is a crime. If you hear or see abuse that is occurring, call any agency responsible for domestic violence within your area.

COMPETING INTERESTS

I declare that I have no financial or personal relationships that may have inappropriately influenced me in writing this article. I write this articles based on my experience with those who have such.

I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.

  1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?
  2. Are you aware of existence of domestic violence in your area? If so, explain
  3. What are your perceptions of  girls/women who experience domestic violence
  4. Do these girls/women  enjoy in this marriage/relationship? Elaborate.
  5. What in your view is the best way forward to solve this problem?
  6. Does culture in any way contribute to domestic violence?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

 

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

 

Credited to :

Women who fight depression, molestation and thrive to be self independent, and to all feminist

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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PATRICK VIEW : MISCONCEPTION ABOUT PRIDE — POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE SIDE

Good morning, everybody!

Pride!                         Pride!!                           Pride!!!

I feel like this can often conflict with what we are taught in society these days. Society tells us to have pride in our work, pride in our actions, and pride in our nation, pride in our kids, and pride in our achievements.

After much reading, I was able to get a concrete view about pride.

According to Wikipedia definition:

Pride is an inwardly directed emotional term that carries two (antithetical) meanings. 

1. With a negative connotation- Pride refers to a foolishly and irrationally corrupt sense of one’s personal value, status or accomplishments,used synonymously with hubris. In Judaism, pride is called the root of all evil.


A negative connotation of pride may look like this:

“”” when you are proud in your work, how will you be humble enough to try to improve? If you’re proud in your achievements, what is truly the motivation behind your actions?

If you’re prideful in your nation, how do you know if problems are arising, or not being solved?

Pride makes our hearts dull. It closes our ears to that conscience, and shuts our eyes against what is right. Swallowing that pride is what we need to do.”””

2. With a positive connotation- Pride refers to a humble and content sense of attachment toward one’s own or another’s choices and actions, or toward a whole group of people, and is a product of praise, independent self-reflection, and a fulfilled feeling of belonging.

A positive connotation of pride may look like this:

While in college, as there is so much competition among peers, I’ve found myself taking pride in my own accomplishments, too. But, pride is blinding. We should take pride in our work, pride in our actions, and pride in our nation, pride in our kids, and pride in our achievement.

POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE SIDE OF PRIDE

What I notice are the flaws in our pride when they are misplaced. So how do we go about distinguishing positive side of  Pride from negative side of  Pride?

POSITIVE  SIDE OF PRIDE 

  • You worked hard towards a goal and accomplished your goals.
  • Using pride to maintain a certain standard in the things you do.
  • You are proud of who you have become.
  • Not comparing oneself advantageously (and frequently unfairly) to others.
  • Authentic. It’s an accurate, realistic estimate of one’s abilities.
  • Those with healthy pride motivate and inspire others to take their lead and join them. 

NEGATIVE SIDE OF PRIDE-

    •  Letting you or your family/friends suffer because you do not want the help.
    • Using pride to put others down.
    • Measuring our achievements against someone else vs. our own previous performances.
    • Regularly bragging about their (often exaggerated) accomplishments.
    • Distorted claims about one’s capacities.
    • Call their-self “lord”  over others. They don’t want to share their successes, but rather do everything possible to make certain no one “trespasses” on them

Finally, misconception of Pride has to be noted, so we need to understand all this things.

Just a food for thought for this week.

If you could relate to this post and think others you know might also, please consider forwarding them its link.

I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.

    1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?
    2. What comes to mind when you hear the word ‘pride’?
    3. Are you a proud person?
    4. What achievement are you most proud of?
    5. Who are you most proud of?
    6. What do you take great pride in doing?
    7. When was the last time you were very proud of yourself?

  1. Do you think you were always a source of great pride for your parents?
  2. Do you think carefully about your actions to maintain your family pride?
  3. What do you do to restore your pride after it has been wounded?
  4. Do I know when my pride creeps up in my conversation? When am I most vulnerable to talk too much about myself?
  5. Do I have a sensible assessment of who I am? What are my gifts, skills, abilities and contributions to people around? How can I rethink  and transform my language to be less about me and more about others?
  6. Can I reduce my use of I, me, my and mine in conversations with man?

Please let me know all your reactions and insights in the comments below!

 Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

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CHILD MARRIAGE – MEANING, CAUSES, EFFECTS AND SOLUTIONS

 

 

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MEANING

According to Wikipedia definition of child marriage;

  1. Child marriage is a formal marriage or an informal union entered into by an individual before reaching a certain age, specified by several global organizations such as UNICEF as minors under the age of 18.
  2. The term child marriage is used to refer to both formal marriages and informal unions in which a girl or boy lives with a partner as if married before the age of 18. An informal union is one in which a couple live together for some time, intending to have a lasting relationship, but do not have a formal civil or religious ceremony.

The legally prescribed marriageable age in some jurisdictions is below 18 years, especially in the case of girls; and even when the age is set at 18 years, many jurisdictions permit earlier marriage with parental consent or in special circumstances, such as teenage pregnancy. In certain countries, even when the legal marriage age is 18, cultural traditions take priority over legislative law. Child marriage violates the rights of children; it affects both boys and girls, but it is more common among girls (Child marriage is a form of violence because it violates a girls basic rights). Child marriage has widespread and long term consequences for child brides and grooms.

After much surfing on the internet I was able to collect some comments made by some girls who were lured in to child marriage by their parents without their consent and also by their parents, giving reason for taking such drastic step. Here are their sayings;

  1. I liked going to school with my friends and playing with them. I really liked studying. If my parents had allowed me to study I would have studied very sincerely. My friends could continue their study and now they have become wiser and clever. If I had studied, I would have been working like you [referring to the interviewer]. But my parents held my marriage. I could not do anything after marriage. I now have children to look after.
  2. It was much better for her to get married, even though she was still a child, than to be raped by a soldier, one mother said.
  3. Its not that I wanted to [drop out of school], it was out of ignorance that my parents said that a girls schooling is not the same thing as a boys and so they should pull me out of school to give me away in marriage. I did not want that.
  4. One mother in Bangladesh explained, She knew it was wrong to marry [her daughter off] very early, but  marriage is seen as a cover of respect and protection by women. By not going to school, it reduces the risk of being sexually active outside the house or being harassed while commuting.

 

CAUSES OF CHILD MARRIAGE

After much conversation with some enlighten individuals in the society where I live I was able to gather some basic causes of child marriage. Here are the lists;

    1. LEVEL OF EDUCATION: Most women with no formal education were married before 18, compared to those who had completed higher education. Further education is almost impossible for some girls, who have little choice but to depend on their husbands for the rest of their lives.
    2. POLITICAL AND ECONOMIC TIES: Some girls are married off by their parents to enhance political and social alliances with rich families or business partners and to improve their economic status.
    3. GENDER NORMS:  A gender norm” is a behavior or attribute that society attributes to a particular sex. Gender norms change from culture to culture and throughout history, since they’re based on the expectations of societies that are consistently evolving. Anything society attributes to a particular gender to can be considered a gender norm. These gender roles and norms have changed significantly over the years and continue to evolve.Critics of gender norms say they put pressure on males and females to behave a certain way in the home. Women especially have been gender-normed to do more cleaning and not work outside of the home in past generations. Jobs in more physical settings have been assigned to men within the traditional gender roles based on a perceived need for masculine strength. Women are seen as weaker vessels, they have no say in the society. Since some society feels women do not worth it they are married out at an early age. Girls are not accepted as equal partners within marriages, which contributes to a sense of low self-worth.Some people are also uncomfortable with the gender role society places on them because of their sex (especially the women).

 

    1. POVERTY: Poverty is the critical factor contributing to early marriage. Where poverty is acute, a young girl may be regarded as an economic burden and her marriage to a much older man. This is a family survival strategy, and may even be seen as being in her interest. In some cultures, girls and women are not seen as potential wage earners  theyre considered a financial burden to the family. In these cases, families living in poverty who have several children may arrange a marriage for their child to reduce their economic burden: One less daughter to take care of means one less mouth to feed and one less education to pay for. Girls are also married off to offset debts or settle conflicts, effectively acting as a substitute for money.
    2. TRADITIONAL AND CULTURAL PRACTICES: Traditional and cultural practices such as female genital mutilation (FGM) contribute to the early marriage of girls. Female genital mutilation (FGM) FGM is defined as partial or complete removal of the external female genitals for cultural rather than medical reasons. Other names for female genital mutilation (FGM) include female circumcision or ritual female surgery. It is performed in some African, South American, Asian and Middle Eastern countries. Female genital mutilation (FGM) is a cultural rather than a religious practice, and its origins are unknown. However, its practitioners believe the procedure enhances the girls health, hygiene, chastity, fertility and marriage prospects. The effect of this practice on the circumcised girls is that they get a license to get married and the men are ready to take them away for marriage. According to some culture, the rite is very important and necessary as virginity at marriage is extremely highly valued, and is the second most common group of reasons centered around the belief that infibulation is the most valid means for ensuring that a girl will remain a virgin until marriage and that proof of an intact infibulation on the wedding night is proof of the virginity.Many cultures considered non-virgin girls as ruined and unsuitable for marriage, as a result, families marry off their young daughters to ensure they remain virgins until marriage, to prevent babies out-of-wedlock, and to maximize her childbearing years. A younger girl can also be more easily controlled and shaped into an obedient wife. Unfortunately, because of the cultural emphasis on virginity, child marriage is seen as a legitimate way to protect girls in unsafe environments.
    3. CEMENTING ALLIANCES: Reasons behind early marriages vary from one country to the next. The most cited reason for this is culture. According to a study done in Ethiopia by ICRW, children are betrothed before birth to cement the strategic alliances between families (International Centre for Research on Women, 2007:98).

 

  1. WOMENS STATUS IN SOCIETY: The status of women in society plays a key role in early marriage; women are seen as inferior and they are neglected and despised .For instance, in India, the birth of a girl is seen as an occasion of heartbroken sorrow and despair, even in relatively affluent and educated families. A girl is seen as a burden given the fact that she will get married elsewhere and leave her family. Thus, parents prefer to educate boys and marry the girls off at an early age. A male child is more likely to gain full education, gain employment and pursue a working life, tending to marry later. The low status of women in society is due to gender inequality. Gender inequality is a product of culture in that male children are given preference which leads to poor treatment of girls and women in society (Patriarchy)

Note – According to Wikipedia definition- Patriarchy is a social system in which men hold primary power and predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of property. Some patriarchal societies are also patrilineal, meaning that property and title are inherited by the male lineage.

EFFECTS OF CHILD MARRIAGE

The following are the major effects of child marriage:

    1. PSYCHOSOCIAL DISADVANTAGE:The loss of adolescence, the forced sexual relations, and the denial of freedom and personal development as a result of early/child marriage have led to psychosocial and emotional consequences. Inadequate socialization is also another part from this child marriage; they have nobody to talk to as they are surrounded by people who endorse their situation. Young girls suffered from traumas as a result of early marriage, premature sex and child bearing. Thus, distress is generally endured in silence. In addition to these Psychosocial Disadvantage, Repeated pregnancies devastates these girls there by leading to great physiological and emotional damage. Another Psychosocial Disadvantage they suffer is when the husband dies, the girl is treated as a widow and given in to a widower in the family. The child bride who is widowed at a very young age can suffer additional discrimination. Widows suffer loss of status and they, along with their children, are often denied property rights, and a range of other human rights. In parts of Africa, a widow is remarried to a brother-in-law, a custom known as levirate, originally intended, in part, to provide economic and social support to the widow. Young girls who are married off are more likely to have children while still physically immature. They are psychologically unprepared and unequipped to become mothers, which means they tend to have more health problems during pregnancy and childbirth due to inadequate health care and their babies have a reduced chance for survival. Here is a comment made by a girl who was lured in to child marriage by her parents.  Here is what she says about the effect of it: “Motherhood is hard. When [babies] get sick, you dont know why. I dont have experience and dont know what to do with him, probably because of my age. I sleep very little, a 14-year-old wife and mother told the New York Times.”

 

    1. RISK OF PHYSICAL AND SEXUAL VIOLENCE: Some of the most heart-breaking stories that I have heard in my life are from child brides who describe the sexual and physical violence they have faced from their husbands and, in some cases, their in-laws. Child brides are often made to leave school, are more likely to experience domestic violence, and are at higher risk of dying from pregnancy and childbirth complications and so the children of child brides. Once married, a girls world narrows dramatically. Child brides experience isolation from their family, friends and communities, as well as violence, abuse and exploitation. Girls who marry early often become pregnant while they are still children themselves, with great risks for their own well-being and that of their babies. Child brides are vulnerable to physical violence from their partners, or their partners families. Research shows that they are more likely to be abused, threatened or beaten by their husbands than girls who marry later. Often, child brides are married off to men who are older than they are. This age difference is important as the greater the age gap, the more likely girls are to experience violence. As well as suffering physical violence, child brides often have a distorted sense of their own worth. For almost four years now, I have been having some nice conversation with people about child marriage. Yet I am still horrified every time when I hear a girl tell me that she fears for the night and the forced sexual relations that she experience every day  Or when she says that her husband sees her as worthless and treats her like animals. Many of these child brides feel like objects and servants: they are just there to fetch water, cook and clean, and produce children. These are the realities of child marriage.

 

    1. CHILD MARRIAGE  VIOLATES A GIRLS BASIC RIGHTS( RIGHT TO HAVE SEX, RIGHT TO EDUCATION) : Child marriage is a form of violence because it violates a girls basic rights. The right to education is been violated due to child marriage. Lack of education means that young brides often dont know about sex, are ignorant about their bodies and unaware about the mechanics of reproduction. Married young, these girls are denied control over their own bodies and are unable to make informed choices about sex and when or whether to have children. These especially affect the girls than the boys. Because getting married usually means an end to formal education. Because child marriage can be a driver to death sentence: child brides often become pregnant at a young age, long before they are ready physically or emotionally, and this can have devastating consequences. In fact, complications during pregnancy and child birth is the second most common cause of death for 15-19 year olds globally. Ironically, one of the drivers of child marriage is the belief that a girl will be safer if she is married, and that marriage will protect her against physical and sexual assault. The very opposite is true. Many child brides describe their first sexual experience as forced. Again, the age gap matters. The greater the age difference between a child bride and her husband, the more likely she is to experience intimate partner violence. Other studies have also found that many women who have married young continue to experience forced sex throughout their marriage.
    2. SEXUAL RELATIONS: In the case of girls married before puberty, the normal understanding between families is that there will be no sexual intercourse until first menstruation. In Gojam, Ethiopia, husband and wife may grow up playing together in the house of his parents. In this case, the mother-in-law must protect the girl from any advances by her son (Berhane-Selassie, 1993:10). However, the protection may fail where the husband is much older than the girl. Cases of forced intercourse by much older, and physically fully developed husbands with wives as young as eight have been reported in West Africa (Shireen, 2000:10). For the vast majority of under-educated rural adolescent girls in the developing world, marriage remains the likely context for sexual intercourse (Mensch et al., 1998:10). Pain and trauma are enhanced where girls have undergone some form of FGM (female genital mutilation), especially where this has been undertaken recently, and especially in the case of infibulation which is designed to make penetration difficult. Problems may be exacerbated after child birth. In many societies, and in many millions of individual cases, women have no choice but to resume sexual relations within two or three days of childbirth, even if there has been vaginal cutting during delivery, and regardless of the pain it causes (Adamson, 1996:7).

 

  1. DENIAL OF EDUCATION : Early marriage inevitably denies children of school age their right to the education they need for their personal development, their preparation for adulthood, and their effective contribution to the future well-being of their family and society. Indeed, married girls who would like to continue schooling may be both practically and legally excluded from doing so. Even though the attitude towards educating girls is changing, many parents still hold the view that investment in the girl is a wasted resource when she is simply going to be married and work in another household. The cost of investment in education for girls often leads towards girls withdrawal from school. In rural areas, secondary education often means that a girl must leave home to live in a school dormitory. Parents fear that this may expose her to risks including premarital sex and pregnancy. To protect the girl-child from being sexually harassed by male teachers and boys in school, parents opt to withdraw their daughters when they are still young and marry them off before their virginities are broken. The removals from school limit the girls opportunities to develop their intellect. They also lose out on socializing, making friends outside their family circle, and many other useful skills. This reduces their chances of developing their own independent identity (UNICEF, 2001:12).

SOLUTION/PREVENTIVE MEASURE TAKEN TO ERADICATE CHILD MARRIAGES

According to ICRW, This policy brief highlights five evidence-based strategies identified by ICRW to delay or prevent child marriage:

  1. Empower girls with information, skills and support networks.
  2. Provide economic support and incentives to girls and their families.
  3. Educate and rally parents and community members.
  4. Enhance girls access to a high-quality education.
  5. Encourage supportive laws and policies.

According to UNICEF, UNICEF sees ending child marriage as essential for girls empowerment and well-being, and we work with partners to tackle this rights violation wherever it occurs. We do so by focusing on those girls who are most at-risk, promoting their education and mobilizing those who influence families and wider society to give girls more control over their own lives and prospects.

Our work covers five key areas:

  1. Support for development and participation of adolescent girls.
  2. Strengthening legal systems to protect the rights of adolescent girls and boys.
  3. Carrying out cutting-edge research to build a robust evidence base for advocacy, policies, and programmes and tracking progress.
  4. Strengthening services to help adolescents at risk of, or affected by, child marriage, particularly girls.
  5. Raising awareness of the need to invest in and support girls, and shifting the social expectations that stifle their prospects.

My own personal opinion or take on the solution for child marriage

Let me start by asking myself this question

Is girls education the key to ending child marriage?

Answer –YES

Increasing girls education is recognized as the most effective strategy for delaying child marriage a practice that greatly diminishes the choice and capacity of girls to achieve their life goals, and has further repercussions for their children, families and communities.

According to research institutes, this is what they have to say about child marriage:

Research suggests that increasing educational attainment produces a number of positive outcomes. For example, while lower educational attainment is a risk factor for child marriage, higher educational attainment is protective against child marriage.

Recently, researchers from the World Bank and ICRW examined data from 15 countries in sub-Saharan Africa and found a strong relationship between girls educational attainment and child marriage. The study found that across the 15 countries, each additional year of secondary school attendance significantly reduced the chance of girls being married before the age of 18.

 Furthermore, they found that each additional year of secondary school attendance also reduced the likelihood of giving birth before the age of 18, contributing to safer pregnancies and healthier newborns.

Conversely, according to some study, they found that girls who marry early are significantly less likely to complete their secondary school education, which in turn lowers the potential earnings they can make as adults and thereby reduces their familys economic potential. 

Moreover, child marriage and lower educational attainment creates ripples into the next generation by diminishing the educational prospects for children of child brides. In other words, child marriage may be playing an important role in perpetuating poverty.

Finally, investing in girls education can have a tremendous impact on reducing child marriage and therefore in reducing poverty for families, communities, and countries.

I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.

  1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?
  2.  Are you aware of existence of early marriage in your area? If so, explain
  3. What are your perceptions on girls who marry early?
  4. Do these young girls enjoy in this marriage? Elaborate?
  5. How does early marriage affect the girl child in your opinion?
  6. What in your view is the best way forward to solve this problem?
  7. Do parents in any way play a role to this practice of early marriage?
  8. Does culture in any way contribute to early marriage?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

 

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

 

TITLELESS

image

This is something I just wrote. Well, not exactly. More like something I just completed. It’s a new week and its Monday I have to think again.Its really short, I don’t even know what to title it. It just came to my head now. Am surprise am thinking about it now .

But enjoy it.

Scenes play in my head of Memories long buried
Buried but yet alive in a way quite explainable
I smile, my heart had a  rush of emotions
For still the pain and happiness  pierces through
Leaving me confuse, crushed and broken just for a little while
For at the end my head always wins the battle over my heart
I laugh at myself. Its no use when you have long gone
I still moved on.

“””In memory of my true friends during NYSC”””

Starting from the left

  1. Peace(biggest girl)
  2. Patrick(Owner of Patrick stories)
  3. Unity
  4. Ejike
  5. Kenny

image

 

 

My question for my fellow bloggers/viewers/readers:

1. What’s your opinion and contributions on this post/poem?

2. What are the memorable things that you can remember during you schools days?

 

 

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 

 

 

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

www.facebook.com/patrickstories

PATRICK VIEWS – 8 ARGUMENTS TO DISPROVE THE FACT THAT WOMEN BELONG IN THE KITCHEN

 

Here is an essay i saw a couple of weeks ago on the internet. i was so annoyed by the essay that i have to deduce some error and inconsistency in the essay.

I DO NOT support these views. From the essay i have been able to bring out 8 argument towards the essay with my own proves and opinions.His essay is below.

WOMEN BELONG IN THE KITCHEN

“Yes, women DO belong in the kitchen, especially those in the tech field. Those are the true dullards…they can’t program worth beans, and always get in the way, and always bring those hormone laced emotions to work and… Need I say more? Please women…stick to the kitchen or teaching those preschool kids, because you just haven’t earned it yet baby…”

“Since when are women allowed in the workplace? …there ain’t no bitches in my office, for damn sure except the secretaries, of course. Mmmmm… Secretaries.”

I believe that women should keep out of the office and stay in the kitchen. I will explain to you why I think this and then I will refute all the argument used against the subordination of women.

Firstly, women and men are different. They are not equal. There are obvious underlying biological differences between the two sexes, which is the reason for segregation of sexes in places like schools, toilets, and sports. Women are better at something while men are better at other things. In a firm you separate the accountants from the marketers, the economists from the engineers. You wouldn’t let a marketer do the job of an accountant because a marketer is not the same as an accountant. Similarly, you wouldn’t let a woman do the job of a man. For example, women are designed for childrearing.

They have breasts. Breasts provide milk for babies. Women are better at childrearing than men are, so they should stay home while men go to work and do what they are good at, which is making money.

The statistics say that hardly any stay-at-home parents are male. The vast majority of them are women, which is good because it shows that most women know their role. However, because of the efforts of a powerful feminist lobby there has been pressure on this traditional system of female subordination. We are witnessing the crumbling of traditional roles. Women are trying to assert themselves in the office. The media is awash with feminist propaganda, portraying the career woman’s lifestyle as glamorous. This is bad because it effects an atmosphere of uncertainty. Young people start to get confused over their roles in society. This creates tension between the sexes. This creates the 50 divorce rates we see today. It is important for women to understand their role as homemakers and child carers. If they accept these roles without question, society will be better off. It is important to stop women from getting jobs for their own good, to prevent them from being victims of their own savagery. It is important for the good of society.

Another reason why we should prevent women from working is because of the bible. Certainly the bible doesn’t say that women are inferior to men. That is not what I am trying to argue. But the bible does say clearly that roles for women are different to roles of men. The Holy Bible in 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 states that “as in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.” The bible also understands the importance of hierarchy. If women and men kept arguing then there is conflict and chaos. For the sake of harmony there needs to be a clear idea of who is in power. Ephesians 5:22–24 says the following: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”

Some people are prone to believe that whatever is in the bible is wrong. Just because something is in the bible, just because something is religious it doesn’t make it immoral. Atheists often go on about how it is wrong to use the bible to back up the segregation of women but why are the atheists criticizing our opinions when they have opinions themselves? Those who cry out for equality between male and female are just expressing opinions, just as those who cry out for inequality between male and female are doing.

Let me talk about some of the arguments feminists use. Often a feminist will say that it’s not important what happens to society. What is important is individual freedom. A woman is an individual and as such she deserves the freedom to do such things as pursue a career. It is not about what is good for society but what is good for the individual. Individual freedom is what matters. But why go on about freedom? Nobody has perfect freedom. Whenever you do anything in life you have to follow rules. You can’t just do anything you like. When you sign a contract with someone else for gas service or electricity service you are bounded by contractual obligations. You don’t have the freedom to just break the contract.

Men discriminate against women, which is good. Within society there are conventions and norms. The convention of segregating women and assigning them to certain tasks is deeply ingrained in our society. You cannot just ignore the power of these social influences. If a woman walks into a job interview wearing a suit and tie, she is breaking the rule of society and will be looked down upon for this reason. Social conventions are what most people generally believe is correct, and they are enforced on individuals to create harmony in the whole society.

I understand that what I’m saying is controversial. This is because many people have been brainwashed by feminism. I am just giving my opinion. If you give your opinion and disapprove of my opinion, then you are giving an opinion as well. How can you criticize me for giving my opinion when you are giving your opinion?

To conclude, a woman in the office is disgusting. It goes against God’s law. It goes against the laws of nature. It is unnatural. It is wrong.

MY PERSONAL ARGUMENT AGAINST THE ESSAY

Speaking as someone who knows a thing or two about social contracts, moral obligations, philosophy of government, and feminist philosophy, which was seriously the most pathetic – laughably pathetic – essay I have ever read in my life – so much so it does not even deserve any further refutation.

He even refutes his own essay in the statement “those who cry out for equality between male and female are just expressing opinions”, because he concedes that nothing in his essay is morally binding, because it is nothing but an expression his opinion.

However, here are my personal 8 arguments against his essay:

FIRST ARGUMENT

Starting with the first paragraph-

“Firstly, women and men are different. They are not equal. There are obvious underlying biological differences between the two sexes”

This is a superficial fact – that men and women are biologically different and have different general abilities, and therefore not “equal” to one another in the physiological sense. If this is his reason for refuting women’s equality, then it is wrong for 3 reasons:

1) When people talk about being “equal”, they don’t care about the physical differences. The word “equal” means equal treatment before the law, equality of opportunity, and equal consideration of interests. So, the author completely misses the point of equality. I guess he is totally wrong in this aspect of equality.

2) The whole argument/essay begs the question, because he says that women and men are unequal, but never explained how this physical inequality implies that women should be lesser than men and not the other way around. Why shouldn’t the physical differences imply men’s sub ordinance?

3) According to a popular literature book “””. We should all be feminist “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

———-Men and women are different. We have different hormones and different sexual organs and different biological abilities—women can have babies, men cannot. Men have more testosterone and are, in general, physically stronger than women. A man and a woman are doing the same job, with the same qualifications, and the man is paid more because he is a man. So in a literal way, men rule the world. This made sense a thousand years ago. Because human beings lived then in a world in which physical strength was the most important attribute for survival; the physically stronger person was more likely to lead. And men in general are physically stronger. (There are of course many exceptions.) Today, we live in a vastly different world. The person more qualified to lead is not the physically stronger person. It is the more intelligent, the more knowledgeable, the more creative, more innovative. And there are no hormones for those attributes. A man is as likely as a woman to be intelligent, innovative, creative. We have evolved. But our ideas of gender have not evolved very much. ———–

This idea of women being subjected too low make me feel bad. With some proves above, I guess I have answered and argue some troubled thoughts about the author/writer of the essay based on equality.

The whole first paragraph should be crossed out for those reasons.

SECOND ARGUMENT

Another annoying claim the guy was trying to present to back up why women belong in the kitchen is stated below-

“””””””The statistics say that hardly any stay-at-home parents are male. The vast majority of them are women, which is good because it shows that most women know their role. However, because of the efforts of a powerful feminist lobby there has been pressure on this traditional system of female subordination. We are witnessing the crumbling of traditional roles. Women are trying to assert themselves in the office. The media is awash with feminist propaganda, portraying the career woman’s lifestyle as glamorous. This is bad because it effects an atmosphere of uncertainty. Young people start to get confused over their roles in society. This creates tension between the sexes. This creates the 50 divorce rates we see today. It is important for women to understand their role as homemakers and child carers. If they accept these roles without question, society will be better off. It is important to stop women from getting jobs for their own good, to prevent them from being victims of their own savagery. It is important for the good of society. “””””””””

This backup is a fallacy and totally incorrect. From what am seeing now, am able to bring out some funny points said by the writer/author about why women belong in the kitchen-

Point 1

The statistics say that hardly any stay-at-home parents are male. The vast majority of them are women, which is good because it shows that most women know their role.

Point 2

However, because of the efforts of a powerful feminist lobby there has been pressure on this traditional system of female subordination. We are witnessing the crumbling of traditional roles. It is important for women to understand their role as homemakers and childcarers. If they accept these roles without question, society will be better off. It is important to stop women from getting jobs for their own good, to prevent them from being victims of their own savagery. It is important for the good of society.

Point 3

Young people start to get confused over their roles in society. This creates tension between    the sexes. This creates the 50 divorce rates we see today.

These points I guess are totally absurd to me. Starting with

POINT 1

“The statistics say that hardly any stay-at-home parents are male. The vast majority of them are women, which is good because it shows that most women know their role. “

These point is totally wrong because no reference was made or links that shows why women stay at home. The author/writer claims that statistics of women who stay at home are high than men but he does not offer the least amount of evidence to or reason to back up this statement. Any women can stay in home base on some personal decision or some cogent reasons been known to her. So women staying at home is not enough reason to say that is a role of a women.

A woman can believe all this and still say: Given the actual real situation of my life, they choose to stay at home. The “why” and “how” of her life situation is still based on individual choices. But it doesn’t really matter when it comes to what makes sense for her. This is about individual choice. Not societal influence on the role of a women being at home.

POINT 2

However, because of the efforts of a powerful feminist lobby there has been pressure on this traditional system of female subordination. We are witnessing the crumbling of traditional roles. It is important for women to understand their role as homemakers and child carers. If they accept these roles without question, society will be better off. It is important to stop women from getting jobs for their own good, to prevent them from being victims of their own savagery. It is important for the good of society. “

This female subordination which I termed oppression, subjugation and subjection has made women become less in the society.

Society has set a lot of duties for men and women alike and it’s even painful to see that in a children’s textbook, the duties of a wife are “to cook for the family, to bring up the children, homemakers and clean the house.” It’s a huge shame to this writer/author if in this 21 century you still gender bias women base on homely duties. The author need to wake up and stop this nonsense.

For me personally, I kick against the fact that women are weak and less important in the society (female subordination). We are equal. No body have the right to detect if a person is less or weak. Society has made it look like that. Even some of the women has accepted this fact that they are weak and less important. There by making them weaker vessels and making them not to have the equal right with men.

Because of this it gave rise to gender equality that is been declared by feminist.

According to a popular literature book “”” Dear ijeawele or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””””“Teach her, too, to question the idea of women as a special species. I once heard an American politician, in his bid to show his support for women, speak of how women should be ‘revered’ and  ‘championed’ – a sentiment that is all too common. Tell Chizalum that women actually don’t need to be championed and revered; they just need to be treated as equal human beings. There is a patronizing undertone to the idea of women needing to be ‘championed and revered’ because they are women. It makes me think of chivalry, and the premise of chivalry is female weakness.     “”””””

Going further in to reading, the author/ writer made a very absurd statement:

“””””   If they accept these roles without question, society will be better off. It is important to stop women from getting jobs for their own good, to prevent them from being victims of their own savagery. It is important for the good of society.  ””””

I feel personally the author is a misogynist or sexist. Despite that statement, Women are the greatest pillars of society, yet they are being pulled down to dusts (female subordination).

For me personally, Patrick — I strongly believe in equal rights and opportunity for all, regardless of gender (or skin colour, ethnicity etc.).  I believe everyone should be respected as a unique individual and not judged on the basis of being a woman or man, black or white etc.

My point is that we are all people and not defined by preconceived notions of delegated roles assigned by gender (especially upbringing of a child) which the writer/author termed as traditional roles.There are so many successful women who have achieved things that I can only dream of, and it matters not to me if she is married, single, divorced, young, old or strong and loud or soft and gentle. Their accomplishments added to our world.

We have various women in our world today who have accomplish much in term of education, science and technology. Whether married, single, divorce, old and young. They all add benefit to the society at large. No one should be neglected base on gender.

Putting women down to the dust, shows that women don’t have values and this lead to gender role perception which the society still practice. As an individual who support GENDER EQUALITY and agitate for HUMAN RIGHTI feel women have suffered a lot in this patriarchy based society.

The idea of gender role (cooking, domestic, child bringing and chores are meant for women) I don’t agree with it personally. Therefore this statement (we are witnessing the crumbling of traditional roles. It is important for women to understand their role as homemakers and child carers. If they accept these roles without question, society will be better off. It is important to stop women from getting jobs for their own good) made by the author/writer I don’t agree also with it.

The following are the 9 backups to counter the writer/author in support of what am saying;

  1. FIRST BACK UP

Here is a little draft from our renowned feminist.

According to a popular literature book “””. Dear ijeawele or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

Second Suggestion

“”””””   Do it together. Remember in primary school we learned that a verb was a ‘doing’ word? Well, a father is as much a verb as a mother. Chudi should do everything that biology allows – which is everything but breastfeeding. Sometimes mothers, so conditioned to be all and do all, are complicit in diminishing the role of fathers. You might think that Chudi will not bathe her exactly as you’d like, that he might not wipe her bum as perfectly as you do. But so what? What is the worst that can happen? She won’t die at the hands of her father. Seriously. He loves her.

It’s good for her to be cared for by her father. So look away, arrest your perfectionism, still your socially conditioned sense of duty. Share child care equally. ‘Equally’ of course depends on you both, and you will have to work it out, paying equal attention to each person’s needs. It does not have to mean a literal fifty-fifty or a day-by-day score-keeping but you’ll know when the child-care work is equally shared. You’ll know by your lack of resentment. Because when there is true equality, resentment does not exist.      ””””””

  1. SECOND BACK UP

Here is a little draft from our renowned feminist.

According to a popular literature book “””. Dear ijeawele or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

Third Suggestion

“”””””“Teach her that the idea of ‘gender roles’ is absolute nonsense. Do not ever tell her that she should or should not do something because she is a girl. ‘Because you are a girl’ is never a reason for anything ever “””””””

  1. THIRD BACK UP

Here is another quote from our own feminist.

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:  We should all be feminist

——–The knowledge of cooking does not come pre-installed in a vagina. Cooking is learned.

 Cooking – domestic work in general – is a life skill that both men and women should ideally have. It is also a skill that can elude both men and women. We also need to question the idea of marriage as a prize to women, because that is the basis of these absurd debates. If we stop conditioning women to see marriage as a prize, then we would have fewer debates about a wife needing to cook in order to earn that prize. It is interesting to me how early the world starts to invent gender roles. ——–

  1. FOURTH BACKUP

Another excerpt/draft from her book also about gender role.

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:  Dear ijeawele or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions

Third suggestion:

“””””” Gender roles are so deeply conditioned in us that we will often follow them even when they chafe against our true desires, our needs, our happiness. They are very difficult to unlearn, and so it is important to try to make sure that Chizalum rejects them from the beginning. Instead of letting her internalize the idea of gender roles, teach her self-reliance. Tell her that it is important to be able to do for herself and fend for herself. Teach her to try to fix physical things when they break. We are quick to assume girls can’t do many things. Let her try. She might not fully succeed, but let her try.   ””””””

  1. FIFTH BACK UP

Another back up based on cooking from FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi

According to a popular literature book– We should all be feminist

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””””” I know a woman who hates domestic work, but she pretends that she likes it, because

 She has been taught that to be “good wife material,” she has to be—to use that Nigerian word—homely. And then she got married. And her husband’s family began to complain that she had changed. Actually, she had not changed. She just got tired of pretending to be what she was not. The problem with gender is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are. Imagine how much happier we would be, how much freer to be our true individual selves, if we didn’t have the weight of gender expectations. Boys and girls are undeniably different biologically, but socialization exaggerates the differences. And then starts a self-fulfiling process. Take cooking, for example. Today, women in general are more likely to do housework than men— cooking and cleaning.

 But why is that? Is it because women are born with a cooking gene or because over years they have been socialized to see cooking as their role? I was going to say that perhaps women are born with a cooking gene until I remembered that the majority of famous cooks in the world—who are given the fancy title of “chef”—are men.

But what matters even more is our attitude, our mind-set. What if, in raising children, we focus on ability instead of gender? What if we focus on interest instead of gender? I know a family who has a son and a daughter, a year apart in age, both brilliant at school. When the boy is hungry, the parents say to the girl, Go and cook Indomie noodles for your brother. The girl doesn’t like to cook Indomie, but she is a girl and she has to. What if the parents, from the beginning, taught both children to cook Indomie? Cooking, by the way, is a useful and practical life skill for a boy to have—I’ve never thought it made much sense to leave such a crucial thing—the ability to nourish oneself—in the hands of others.  ””””””’

  1. SIXTH BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “””. Dear ijeawele or A feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions   “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the first suggestion

“”” I have no interest in the debate about women ‘doing it all’ because it is a debate that assumes that care-giving and domestic work are singularly female domains, an idea that I strongly reject. Domestic work and care-giving should be gender-neutral, and we should be asking not whether a woman can ‘do it all’ but how best to support parents in their dual duties at work and at home. ”””

  1. SEVENTH BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “”“Dear ijeawele or A feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions   “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the Sixth Suggestion

“”””””””” Teach her to ask questions like: what are the things that women cannot do because they are women? Do these things have cultural prestige? If so, why are only men allowed to do the things that have cultural prestige? It is helpful, I think, to use everyday examples. Remember that television commercial we watched in Lagos, where a man cooks and his claps for him? True progress is when she doesn’t clap for him but just reacts to the food itself – she can either praise the food or not praise the food, just as he can praise hers or not praise hers, but what is sexist is that she is praising the fact that he has undertaken the act of cooking, praise that implies that cooking is an inherently female act. “””””””””

  1. EIGHTH BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “”“Dear ijeawele or A feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions   “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the Tenth Suggestion

“”””””””” She can counter ideas about static ‘gender roles’ if she has been empowered by her familiarity with alternatives. If she knows an uncle who cooks well – and does so with indifference – then she can smile and brush off the foolishness of somebody who claims that ‘women must do the cooking. “””””””””

This should give men a little rethink about cooking and house/domestic chores. Which I personally are meant to be shared equally between the two partners. As for me (UNIQUE RESEACHING) cooking, domestic chores- cleaning sweeping, mopping are supposed to be shared equally. Cooking was never meant for women. Anybody can cook whether male or female.

  1. NINETH BACK UP

Here is the quote I formed early this year to support my argument against the above point 2

PATRICK QUOTES

“”””” I hate when society subject people  to a particular assault or being grouped as “women and children” while there are lots of things that show that they  have quality features to make as  valuable as a strong individual, not being grouped as weak because they are female. Maybe physically, intellectually, etc. “””””””

Finally, child upbringing, cooking, domestic chores- cleaning sweeping, mopping are supposed to be shared equally. Cooking was never meant for women. Anybody can cook whether male or female.

As for me I have been given the orientation about Gender equality right from the onset.

Firstly-

I was brought up by a mother who inculcated in me a deep respect for women. I believe that the inequality that women have faced through the centuries and today as well is a failure of all societies, and especially the mindset of male patriarchy. I cannot call myself anything other than a person who believes strongly in justice and gender-rights for women everywhere.

Secondly-

Though I believe strongly in the cause of the emancipation of women in all societies that repress women and pursue the same practices of male domination.

POINT 3

“Young people start to get confused over their roles in society. This creates tension between the sexes. This creates the 50 divorce rates we see today. “

After talking about the crumbling of traditional roles, the author states “This is bad because it effects an atmosphere of uncertainty. Young people start to get confused over their roles in society.”

Not only does the author refuse to explain why gender roles are ought to be maintained, he does not explain why the crumbling of gender roles is a bad thing. He simply says the crumbling of gender roles is a bad thing because it confuses people about their roles. Finally he didn’t give a clear roles of young people in the society.

Am been made angry by this statement:

“This creates tension between the sexes. This creates the 50 divorce rates we see today. “

The above statement made by the author/writer is a big smug. The author claims that the divorce rate is so high due to women not keeping their place, but he does not offer the least amount of evidence to or reason to back up this statement. There are lots of reasons people get divorced which can include infidelity, loss of intimacy, failure to resolve important differences and unrealistic expectations.

I just felt the author was just drifting apart. Nowhere will you ever see on an article or a paper to be presented that explain the reasons for divorce as something along the lines of “gender role confusion”. Furthermore, the author doesn’t even explain why divorce is bad thing.  I guess he is totally confused.

 

THIRD ARGUMENT

As I went further in to reading, another statement made by the author/writer caught me again

————- Another reason why we should prevent women from working is because of the bible. Certainly the bible doesn’t say that women are inferior to men. That is not what I am trying to argue. But the bible does say clearly that roles for women are different to roles of men. The Holy Bible in 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 states that “as in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.” The bible also understands the importance of hierarchy. If women and men kept arguing then there is conflict and chaos. For the sake of harmony there needs to be a clear idea of who is in power. Ephesians 5:22–24 says the following: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” —————

In reference to above statement- “Another reason why we should prevent women from working is because of the bible.”

Unfortunately, when people say “I believe such and such because of the bible”, there is nothing you can say to reason with such a person. I have personally studied bible years and years, and I have been able to persuade people that some of the bibles commands have no rational explanation. And, I have frequently noted that morality is zilch if it commands are left unjustified. But, I personally have never been able to persuade a bible-believer to say that the commands in the bible are wrong.

The closest I have ever seen is someone say that we should not follow some commands in the bible is when they argue that some commands are outdated or not applicable to the modern era, or that we humans are so simple that we couldn’t possibly fathom the explanations whatever they may be. But I personally have never seen anyone say the commands are wrong.

At the very least, the only counter-argument to the “bible” argument is that there is no reason why the commands in the bible (or any holy text for that matter) ought to be considered morally binding without a reasonable explanation. If no explanation is given to obey the command, then obviously no explanation is needed to disobey the command, making the unexplained moral prescriptions in the bible completely moot.

In reference to the quotation from the bible made by the author in the above statement. Here he talks about submission.

  1. The Holy Bible in 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 states that “as in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be insubmission, as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.”
  1. Ephesians 5:22–24 says the following: “Wives,submitto your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” –

For me personally, I have to give my own argument to counter that statement.

“””” However, the only separate duties occur in marriage where the husband should love and the woman submit but submission does not equate to slavery. This verse of the Bible has been misinterpreted and men think ALL women should subordinate before them just because they have a bigger build. I think God didn’t give men that build for oppression but for security. “””””

This submission/submissiveness has been turned the other side and men take advantage of it which I termed personally as oppression, subjugation and subjection and have made women become less in the society.

Am still getting my own view from the bible which you claim to use to back up WHY WOMEN BELONG IN THE KITCHEN

Here is an exposition of Genesis chapter 1-3, I hope to graciously point out some major flaws and inconsistencies about the writer/author so I can prove to him that the bible gave women authority and nothing like gender role attached to it.

BACK UP 1 (DOMINION, AUTHORITY, EVE’S IDENTITY AND AUTHORITY)

I found Genesis 1:26-27 interesting. Verse 26 does say “let them have dominion” some of the emphasis is also elaborated upon in verse 28. It says that God blessed them and said to them, that they are to subdue and rule over the earth. The creation mandate is given to man and woman together. There is no hint of distinct roles or job descriptions here. Adam and Eve are commanded together to co-rule the earth.

An additional point is that in Genesis 1:26-28, there are only 2 authority structures: God over all creation, and man and woman’s joint authority over the earth. Their dominion was directed towards creation, and not toward each other. Remember that this was before the fall, and harmony characterised their relationship – not tension or intention of overthrow.

Again, there is nothing in Genesis 1 and 2 to indicate that Adam was the responsible one, the leader, or authority figure. There was joint authority and they were to co-rule the earth as God’s representatives.

EVE’S IDENTITY AND AUTHORITY

In Genesis 3:20, Adam calls his wife by the name “Eve” for the first time, because he now understands that she will be the “mother of all the living.” Yet I have seldom heard anyone say that being the “mother of all the living” was Eve’s defining role.

It seems that Eve had more than one role and that her roles changed as circumstances changed.

Most people have many roles in life, and these change as our circumstances change and as we go through different life stages. Nevertheless, some Christians think that Eve and, by extension, all women are fundamentally defined to be the auxiliaries, or subordinate helpers, of men.

Furthermore, the scriptures give us no reason to think that Eve’s station in life was marked by a one-sided help or service to her husband, or that Adam’s station in life was to receive his wife’s help without also helping her.

Genesis 1:26-28 indicates that men and women were created to work together to do what is necessary to act as God’s regents, which includes ruling the earth and having dominion over the animals.

In Genesis 1, men and women are given the exact same commission from God, and they have an identical status, authority, and function. Gender roles are not mentioned before the fall. In Genesis 1, men and women have an identical status, authority and purpose.

BACK UP 2 (PRIMOGENITURE NATURE)

Because Adam was created first, some see this as evidence of the man having special status and privilege (primogeniture). Yet, there is no evidence of primogeniture until a considerable time after creation, moreover nothing primogeniture during the creation account. Furthermore, it was after the creation we started seeing primogeniture nature using those born later such as Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, and David.

BACK UP 3 (AUTHORITY AND NAMING ARE MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE)

Some will also state that because Adam named Eve that this shows him having some special authority. However, in the Bible, the act of naming does not necessarily imply authority. For example, Hagar (the Egyptian slave of Abraham and Sarah) gave God a name! Does that mean Hagar had authority over God? I hardly think so. And both men and women named children in the Old Testament. There are 25 instances of women naming children, and twenty by men. If this demonstrates authority, it is a joint or shared authority by men and women.

BACK UP 4 (MEN AND WOMEN NEED EACH OTHERS)

It doesn’t make sense to suggest that the first woman was created to help the solitary man, and thus all women are auxiliaries with the function of perpetually serving and assisting men who are not solitary as Adam was. It also doesn’t make sense to suggest, as some do, that men have no reciprocal obligation to help women because of the creation order of Adam being made first, before his wife.

Paul corrects this faulty thinking in 1 Corinthians 11:8-9:

“Nevertheless (or, except that), in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God” (1 Cor. 11:11-12 NIV).

Paul states here that men and women, particularly those “in the Lord,” need each other, and that the creation order has no significance in Christian relationships because both men and women ultimately have God as their source.

BACK UP 5 (LOVING AND HELPING ONE ANOTHER)

To say that one sex has a greater obligation to help another sex does not sound like Paul. It also doesn’t sound like Jesus. Jesus told his followers to love one another. Love is his greatest command. Surely love is most clearly expressed when we help one another, irrespective of the gender of the person helping and the gender of the person being helped.

Let me spell it out. Depending on the need and the circumstances, men should help men, women should help women, men should help women, women should help men, mixed groups should help mixed groups, etc. Everyone should help anyone with a need, according to their ability and situation.

The Bible simply does not indicate that being a helper is a special obligation or duty of women. Being a helper is not a gender role. Helping is what considerate and caring human beings do.

I want the writer/author to stick these quote to his head

“Being a helper is not a gender role. Helping is what considerate and caring human beings do.”

BACK UP 6 (END NOTES)

The writer/author who claim to back up some point with the bible should take some notes of theses few end notes using the bible as backup also.

  1. The Hebrew word for “Eve” means “living.”
  1. The phrase ezer kenegdo, in the original language of Genesis 2:18 and 20, does not mean “subordinate helper.” The Hebrew word ezer is always used in the Bible the context of a vital, powerful and rescuing help, and it is usually used of God’s help. It does not refer to ordinary assistance. More on this here.
  1. Note that Paul asks Christians, both men and women, to help certain women ministers in Romans 16:1-2 and Philippians 4:2-3.
  1. We each have a particular obligation to help those in our family, and to help the weak, vulnerable and disadvantaged, regardless of gender.

FOURTH AGRGUMENT

“””””” Atheists often go on about how it is wrong to use the bible to back up the segregation of women but why are the atheists criticizing our opinions when they have opinions themselves? Those who cry out for equality between male and female are just expressing opinions, just as those who cry out for inequality between male and female are doing. “”””””

First, not all atheists believe everything in the bible is wrong. I personally find that the bible gives practical advice sometimes, but if the bible cannot say the right things for the right reasons, the bible is not a reliable moral guide for anything. And given that, there are some Christians who believe that the men and women are equal despite what the bible says.

Second, by admitting that cries for equality are nothing more than expressions of opinions, the author refutes his entire essay. The point of his essay to provide reasons for why he believes women should be subordinate, by stating that he has nothing more than opinions then obviously the purpose of his essay is necessarily not achievable. Because he is just saying his own opinion also.

FIFTH ARGUMENT

“”””” Let me talk about some of the arguments feminists use. Often a feminist will say that it’s not important what happens to society. What is important is individual freedom. A woman is an individual and as such she deserves the freedom to do such things as pursue a career. It is not about what is good for society but what is good for the individual. Individual freedom is what matters. But why go on about freedom? Nobody has perfect freedom. Whenever you do anything in life you have to follow rules. You can’t just do anything you like. “””””””

In reference to pursuing a career, freedom and argument from feminist in the above statement.

Here In my view, feminism is not necessarily about just letting women do whatever they want, as women can be oppressive but instead feminism is about liberty from oppression. It’s a complicated movement with a lot of goals and a lot of layers.

I personally kick against this statement made by the author/writer, every human have freedom to choose a career, freedom to work. Freedom should not be limited to only women. Men and women have freedom to choose a career. Feminist are not only after freedom but after equality of both sexes.

Why are we talking about freedom, the last time I checked freedom was not part of the agitation made by the feminist.

Feminism obviously has a lot to do with examining gender roles, and women are under constant judgement for their decisions. Whether they take more traditional roles or more non-traditional roles, someone always has something negative to say about it, including misinformed feminists sometimes.

Feminism is about freedom and liberty from oppression to me, not freedom and liberty to do anything in the world.

Most of my female friends (and many of my male friends) would self-identify as feminists. Some work, some stay at home to care for the children (yes, some men stay at home with the kids, too!). There is no contradiction there.

Questioning whether one can be a “housewife” and a feminist is blurring things:

  1. Individual choice vs. societal influence
  2. Making money vs. controlling money
  1. Individual choice vs. societal influence

Feminism generally pushes for equal opportunities. It does not demand that a woman work or it demands that a woman stay at home. Being a housewife is not necessarily oppressing yourself. I personally think it is individual choice, if you look at these traditional housewife roles, fully aware of the implications, and decide you want to do it because that’s what you want to do.

With that being said, you can be a feminist no matter what your living situation is because it’s a movement. You can go out and work 70 hours a week with no family and be anti-oppression and pro-social justice. You can scrub floors and stay at home to make dinner for your children/ kids. You can be poor. You can be rich. Most of us are oppressed in some way anyway, so if oppression couldn’t coincide with a movement to end oppression, it wouldn’t exist.

As long as you’re aware of your privilege and your marginalisation and you advocate for oppression on many levels to end, you can be a damn good feminist regardless of what path you’ve chosen in life. If you are self-identify as a feminist, you almost certainly believe that women shouldn’t be forced to stay at home.

You also probably believe that society influences women to stay at home in various ways—e.g., signalling that childcare is for women, having worse career options open for women, offering better maternal leave than paternal leave, etc. This is all about societal influence.

A woman can believe all this and still say: Given the actual real situation of my life, they choose to stay at home. The “why” and “how” of her life situation is still based on individual choices. But it doesn’t really matter when it comes to what makes sense for her. This is about individual choice.

As an extreme example, a woman in the 1950s hasn’t had access to the same career opportunities that her husband has. But given that her husband earns 5x what she does, or given that she just happens to enjoy spending time with the children more than her husband, it makes a lot more sense for her to stay at home.

 There is nothing like feminism attached to sit about that decision. It’s just about individual choice.

  1. Making money vs. controlling money

Moreover, her choosing to stay at home—to not collect a salary—does not mean that she is submitting control to her husband. I know plenty of men who are the sole/primary breadwinners as well as a few women who are. They do not “control” the money. Money is a team effort. The breadwinner may collect the salary, but their partner at home contributes as well.

I do know a few couples where, in practice, one partner has more control over the money. This has to do with the dynamics of their own situation—one partner being more of a better planner.  It has no particular correlation with who’s earning the money.

 

SIXTH ARGUMENT

“”””When you sign a contract with someone else for gas service or electricity service you are bounded by contractual obligations. You don’t have the freedom to just break the contract.””””

What contract? I’d love to see the “contract” that woman signed consented to that which says “we will make babies and never work in the office”.

SEVENTH ARGUMENT

“””””” Men discriminate against women, which is good. The convention of segregating women and assigning them to certain tasks is deeply ingrained in our society. You cannot just ignore the power of these social influences. If a woman walks into a job interview wearing a suit and tie, she is breaking the rule of society and will be looked down upon for this reason. Social conventions are what most people generally believe is correct, and they are enforced on individuals to create harmony in the whole society.””””””

This statement is a fallacy and totally incorrect. From what am seeing now, am able to bring out some funny points said by the writer/author:

POINT 1

Men discriminate against women, which is good.

POINT 2

The convention of segregating women and assigning them to certain tasks is deeply ingrained in our society. You cannot just ignore the power of these social influences. If a woman walks into a job interview wearing a suit and tie, she is breaking the rule of society and will be looked down upon for this reason. Social conventions are what most people generally believe is correct, and they are enforced on individuals to create harmony in the whole society.

POINT 1

Men discriminate against women, which is good.

In reference to discriminating against women in the above statement made by the author/ writer.

Firstly, I still believe that the writer is a misogynist and also a sexist which I said earlier during the Second argument-point 2

POINT 2

“””However, because of the efforts of a powerful feminist lobby there has been pressure on this traditional system of female subordination. We are witnessing the crumbling of traditional roles. It is important for women to understand their role as homemakers and child carers. If they accept these roles without question, society will be better off. It is important to stop women from getting jobs for their own good, to prevent them from being victims of their own savagery. It is important for the good of society. “””

The writer still repeat this statement in seventh argument point 1

POINT 1

“”” Men discriminate against women, which is good. “””

Secondly, I feel is not good to discriminate any one. I guess the writer gave some clue from the bible backing up about wife submission to her husband, I guess personally he should be a Christian. The last time I check the bible talks about love.

To say “”” Men discriminate against women, which is good. “””  It also doesn’t sound like Jesus or a Christian brother or a follower of Jesus. Jesus told his followers to love one another. Love is his greatest command. Surely love is most clearly expressed when we don’t discriminate one another, irrespective of the gender of the person.

POINT 2

The convention of segregating women and assigning them to certain tasks is deeply ingrained in our society. You cannot just ignore the power of these social influences. If a woman walks into a job interview wearing a suit and tie, she is breaking the rule of society and will be looked down upon for this reason. Social conventions are what most people generally believe is correct, and they are enforced on individuals to create harmony in the whole society.

In reference to social influence, societal norms and social convention in the above statement made by the author/ writer.

There is not an inkling/writing of explanation why today’s social norms dictate the moral way we should treat people. What the writer is saying if the society norms says child marriage is good, we should accept it, despite knowing it’s totally wrong to do it. That is stupid. Most of the societal norms are wrong sometimes, like the idea of the cooking or women place in kitchen which you feel is the best is still totally wrong.

We are in the 21 century, some people have drop that absurd idea about WOMEN BELONG IN THE KITCHEN. Change is constant, so societal norms and social conventions must have change.

In fact, it could be just the opposite, it could be that certain societal norms are very immoral (for instance, in some ancient societies using Nigeria as reference, it may have been considered the right thing to do by killing live infants twins, and in other African societies like it is considered acceptable to take a pre-pubescent girl and make her your wife and I call that child marriage).

Now I want to ask the writer/author a simple question- Is child marriage or killing of twin wrong or right according to social conventions or societal norms?  Please ponder on that.

EIGHT ARGUMENT

“””””” I understand that what I’m saying is controversial. This is because many people have been brainwashed by feminism. I am just giving my opinion. If you give your opinion and disapprove of my opinion, then you are giving an opinion as well. How can you criticize me for giving my opinion when you are giving your opinion? To conclude, a woman in the office is disgusting. It goes against God’s law. It goes against the laws of nature. It is unnatural. It is wrong.  “”””””

The point of his essay to provide reasons for why he believes women should be subordinate and the placement of WOMEN BELONG IN THE KITCHEN. By stating that he has nothing more than opinions then obviously the purpose of his essay is necessarily unachievable. Because he is just saying his own opinion also.

Another annoying statement made by the writer/author above says:

“””” To conclude, a woman in the office is disgusting. It goes against God’s law. It goes against the laws of nature. It is unnatural. It is wrong. “””””

This statement is a misogynist and sexist statement, this is the third time he made us of misogynist statement which go against God law also if he is truly a Christian.

Finally I stand to conclude that the writer/author is just a RENOWED MISOGYNIST AND SEXIST because of the following statements he made during his write up/essay.

Statements 1

If they accept these roles without question, society will be better off. It is important to stop women from getting jobs for their own good, to prevent them from being victims of their own savagery. It is important for the good of society.

Statements 2

Men discriminate against women, which is good.

Statements 3

To conclude, a woman in the office is disgusting. It goes against God’s law. It goes against the laws of nature. It is unnatural. It is wrong.

CONCLUSION

If I was that author’s philosophy professor and I read his essay, I would have given him an F

And if it makes any difference, I am happy to say that I am single, am a physics lecturer, am also a blogger, a freethinker, I learn how to cook for myself, is a skill I acquire personally and I never ever succour to societal norms, social conventions and social influence.

I will like to ask a simple question for my fellow readers and viewers.

  1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?
  1. Should cooking be a skill for both men and women or a designated role for women?
  1. Do you agree the society perception about gender role designated to male and female is wrong or right?
  1. Do you agree the society perception about cooking is gender role toward women?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin


www.facebook.com/uniqueresearching

 

PATRICK VIEW – HOW TO BE VEGETARIAN IN NIGERIA

No matter it’s for a diet or a cleanse, you can have your own reason to become a vegetarian. The problem is, it is not easy. Many may have tried, failed and back out from it during their journey of becoming a vegetarian.

Choosing to maintain a vegetarian diet in Nigeria is really not as hard as you think. Here are some tips to help you survive.

Ever met a Nigerian who was vegetarian? Well they do exist.

For some people, they adopt this diet because of health-related reasons or religion, while  for some others, it’s a lifestyle choice.(for me personally is a lifestyle choice).

The vegetarian diet involves abstaining from eating meat, poultry and seafood. (Some vegetarians eat eggs though).

In Nigeria, a lot of our diet is packed with proteins like chicken, meat, turkey fish and eggs. Some of our dishes including (jollof rice, beans, stews and soups) are cooked with  meat.

What Kind Of Vegetarian Are You?

Have you ever considered becoming a vegetarian? Yes, giving up all meat and choosing nuts, seeds and legumes instead. As preposterous as it may seem to the average meat-loving Nigerian, there is a growing number of people in Nigeria and beyond, that are giving up meat to pursue the vegetarian lifestyle.

Types of Vegetarian Diets


While most vegetarians generally avoid red meat, there are varying degrees of the lifestyle. It is common to find vegetarians that enjoy fish, eggs and/or dairy on a regular basis. In fact, the classifications of vegetarianism are so wide that even people who occasionally eat meat can be included. If you are seriously considering becoming vegetarian, you must first pick the classification that fits into your lifestyle.

1. Vegan– Avoids all animal flesh (beef, pork, goat, lamb, chicken, fish, seafood, insects, etc.) and animal products such as eggs, honey, milk and dairy products. Extremely strict vegans avoid the usage of all animal products such as fur, leather and wool in their daily lives.

2. Lacto  Vegetarian– Most likely the most common form of vegetarianism. From the Latin root “Lacto”

Meaning milk.Lacto-vegetarians (include milk and dairy but not eggs). They avoid all forms of animal flesh (beef, pork, goat, lamb, poultry, fish, seafood, insects, etc.) but include milk.

3. Ovo vegetarian- From the Latin root “Ovo” meaning egg. Ovo vegetarians avoid all forms of animal flesh (beef, pork, goat, lamb, poultry, fish, seafood, insects, etc.) but include eggs.

Health Benefits of Vegetarianism

In addition to being supportive of animal rights and having a low carbon foot print, vegetarian diets have numerous documented benefits. From a health standpoint, they are low in saturated fat and cholesterol but high in phytochemicals and fibre. These protective qualities make them the perfect prescription for the prevention and/or treatment of chronic disease. According to the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, vegetarian diets promote:

  • Lower rates of heart disease
  • Decreased low-density lipoprotein (bad) cholesterol levels
  • Lower rates of high blood pressure (hypertension)
  • Lower rates of type 2 diabetes
  • Lower body mass index (weight)
  • Lower overall cancer rates
  • Longevity

Picking the Vegetarian Diet that Works for you:

1. Decide your reasons for going vegetarian. Do you want better health? Do you care about animals living in extremely inhumane conditions? Is decreasing your carbon footprint important to you? Your reasons for making the switch will predict your ability to stick with it. The stronger your driving force, the better the outcome.

2. Pick a classification that supports your tolerances and preferences. You cannot be a Lacto-Ovo vegetarian if you suffer abdominal discomfort when you drink milk (Lactose Intolerant). Similarly, you are less likely to succeed at being a Pescatarian if fish is expensive and/or unavailable where you live.

3. Enjoy the transition.

The wonderful thing about becoming vegetarian is that the lifestyle is not static. If you find one classification too rigid and restrictive, pick one that is more flexible. The key to success lies in finding a plan that works for you. Not ready to fully commit? Consider joining the “Meatless Monday” campaign and start by giving up meat once a week. Before long, you may find yourself following a highly plant powered diet.

ways to cope with being vegetarian in Nigeria:

it’s hard to go to a party or any other event without a piece of chicken, snail or even prawns staring back at your face. Here are five ways to cope with being vegetarian in Nigeria:

1. Don’t be scared

Fear not – you won’t starve. Contrary to what you might have thought, a lot of our meals are vegetable based so you’ll be fine.

Get ready to be asked funny questions

From the minute you declare your identity as a vegetarian, there are many who’ll look at you like you’re an alien and ask you what planet you are from.

“Are you sure you’re Nigerian?”

“Oh, you’re on a diet?”

“Are you a goat?”

Brace yourself – people will look at you strangely and ask how you can cope in a meatless life.

2. Give your host a heads up

If you’re going to an event, be sure to give your hosts a heads up so they can prepare your meal specially. Most events and parties in Nigeria don’t usually come with consideration for a vegetarian menu.

3. Check out the restaurants menu online

Going out to eat? Many restaurants in Lagos now offer options for vegetarians so you can still go out and bond over a meal with friends. To make sure you or your friends have selected the right place, you can look up the restaurant’s menu online or give them a call.

4. Cook your own food

Can’t deal with the hassle of eating out or trying to find a vegetarian menu at a party? Just cook your own food how you like.

5 simple Nigerian vegetarian foods you can try

Maintaining a vegetarian diet in Nigeria is not that hard as most of our meals are plant based. These meals have been vegetarian from the get-go.

Though most of our meals are gotten from plants, we depend heavily on animal source of protein. Here are some simple Nigerian vegetarian foods you can try that wont make you feel like youre missing out.

Vegetarian Nigerians do exist. Vegetarians and Vegans are people who do not eat any form of meat. However, while vegetarians tend to consume dairy products and eggs, vegans avoid all animal products, including eggs and dairy.

Since, most Nigerian meals are plant-based anyway, it is not that hard to be vegetarian or vegan in Nigeria. Here are some simple vegetarian meals you can even prepare at home.

1. Moi Moi

Moi moi is a very versatile meal in Nigeria. It can be eaten with almost anything. Moi Moi is made with beans paste and spices. The best thing is you can add any filling to it. If you want your moi moi to be completely vegan, you can have it completely plain. If you make a main meal like jollof rice or fried rice and skip the meat, you can use moi moi to complement the meal as protein.

2. Akara and Akamu

Akara and Akamu together is one of the common breakfast meals in Nigeria. Akara is also made with bean paste and spices while Akamu is made with corn meal. It is completely meat and dairy free, except you add milk to the akamu.

3. Mushroom stir-fry

Using mushroom in your stir fry instead of shrimp or chicken is a good vegetarian option, with pasta or rice. Check out this eggplant and mushroom pasta recipe.

4. Puff Puff


Puff Puff is a sweet street snack very common all over Nigeria. It is basically made out of flour, sugar and yeast, with no egg or milk at all. You can easily make this snack at home or buy at a street corner.

5. Bole and pepper sauce


Bole is a street food made up of roasted plantain and a spicy pepper sauce. It is usually eaten with fish but you can skip that, obviously. If you don’t have access to the spicy sauce, you can also try the yoruba alternative — Boli and Ekpa (groundnut).

I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.


1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?

2. What was you own experience  of  trying to avoid meat?


3. Have you ever thought of being a vegetarian?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

University of Benin

A PERSONAL VIEW OF GENDER NORMS

WHAT ARE NORMS?

  1. Norms are regarded as collective representations of acceptable group conduct as well as individual perceptions of particular group conduct. They can be viewed as cultural products (including values, customs, and traditions) which represent individuals’ basic knowledge of what others do and think that they should do.
  2. Norms are vital determinants of social stratification as they reflect and reproduce relations that empower some groups of people with material resources, authority, and entitlements while marginalizing and subordinating others by normalizing shame, inequality, indifference or invisibility. It is important to note that these norms reflect and reproduce underlying gendered relations of power, and that is fundamentally what makes them difficult to alter or transform.                         (Sen et al., 2007: 28)
  3. The term norm or behavioral norm can be used simply to mean a common practice, what most people do in a particular context. For example, most people in a given community use umbrellas or raincoats if its raining.

TYPES OF NORMS

According to Wikipedia, the following are the types of norms:

  • Descriptive versus injunctive
  • Prescriptive and proscriptive
  • Subjective
  1. DESCRIPTIVE VERSUS INJUNCTIVE -Descriptive norms depict what happens (what people actually do), while injunctive norms describe what should happen (what people believe they and others are supposed to do). Cialdini, Reno, and Kallgren (1990) define a descriptive norm as people’s perceptions of what is commonly done in specific situations; it signifies what most people do, without assigning judgment. [The absence of trash on the ground in a parking lot, for example, transmits the descriptive norm that most people there do not litter] An Injunctive norm, on the other hand, transmits group approval about a particular behaviour; it dictates how an individual should behave. [Watching another person pick up trash off the ground and throw it out, a group member may pick up on the injunctive norm that he ought to not litter.]
  2. PRESCRIPTIVE AND PROSCRIPTIVE – Prescriptive norms are unwritten rules that are understood and followed by society and indicate what we should do. Expressing gratitude or writing a Thank You card when someone gives you a gift represents a prescriptive norm in American culture. Proscriptive norms, in contrast, comprise the other end of the same spectrum; they are similarly society’s unwritten rules about what one should not do.[37] These norms can vary between cultures; while an acceptable greeting in some European countries, kissing a stranger on the cheek constitutes a proscriptive norm in the United States.
  3. SUBJECTIVE – Subjective norm is determined by beliefs about the extent to which important others want them to perform a behaviour. Social influences are conceptualized in terms of the pressure that people perceive from important others to perform, or not to perform, a behaviour. Gender stereotypes and roles can also be supported implicitly. Implicit stereotypes are the unconscious influence of attitudes a person may or may not be aware that they hold. A person is influenced by these attitudes even though they are not aware. Gender stereotypes can also be held in this manner.

WHAT IS GENDER

  1. Refer to the social differences between males and females.
  2. Socially constructed set of roles and responsibilities associated with being girl and boy or women and men.

WHAT ARE GENDER NORMS?

Here are the definition of gender norms from various research

  1. Gender norms are social norms that relate specifically to gender differences. In this series we use the term gender norms to refer to informal rules and shared social expectations that distinguish expected behavior on the basis of gender. For example, a common gender norm is that women and girls will and should do the majority of domestic work, early marriage or female genital mutilation/ cutting (FGM/C).
  2. A “gender norm” is a behavior or attribute that society attributes to a particular sex.
  3. Gender norms define what society considers male and female behavior, and it leads to the formation of gender roles, which are the roles males and females are expected to take in society.

EVALUATION OF GENDER NORMS (CULTURAL AND HISTORY VIEW)

Gender norms change from culture to culture and throughout history, since they’re based on the expectations of societies that are consistently evolving. Anything society attributes to a particular gender can be considered a gender norm. In my research am able to evaluate gender norms using two factors as stated as follows:

  • using colour designated to a particular sex
  • type of work designated to a particular sex
  1. USING COLOUR DESIGNATED TO A PARTICULAR SEX – This is what gender norms has cause- Why the colour is blue designated for boys and pink for girls?  .  Concepts in terms of the colors boys and girls typically wear are gender norms; people usually consider pink to be a girl’s color, while blue is for boys. Until the turn of the 20th century, pink was a color reserved for male children and blue was assigned to girls showing that gender norms change over time. The color choices have to do with cultural gender norms. These gender norms have changed significantly over the years and continue to evolve.

  2. TYPE OF WORK DESIGNATED TO A PARTICULAR SEX – Gender norms in the past have been deciding factors in the type of work someone can do. For example most women didn’t work and were expected to take care of the family from the home while men farmed or worked in industrial settings.

FORMATION OF GENDER NORMS IN SOCIETY

When you see a baby in a pink dress, there may be the assumption it is therefore a girl. Gender norms start forming early in development through a child’s interactions with parents, teachers, interactions in their surroundings and their peers.

A boy might be given toys designated as a male-gender toy like trucks or toy guns while girls might receive princess toys or dolls. Regarding a child’s surroundings, parents might choose to decorate their baby’s rooms emphasizing the same set gender roles.

Once a gender role is established, children who attempt to deviate from it may experience peer pressure and even bullying. This behavior may further reinforce the gender norm that is acceptable, even if the child wants to personally choose a different gender role path.

CONTROVERSIES OF GENDER NORMS 

Critics of gender norms say they put pressure on males and females to behave a certain way in the home. Women have been gender-normed to do more cleaning and not work outside of the home in past generations. Jobs in more physical settings have been assigned to men based on a perceived need for masculine strength, i.e. working in a construction zone.

Some people are also uncomfortable with the gender role society places on them because of their sex. A boy who has a pink bike or who is taking ballet classes may deal with the same negative responses as a girl with very short hair or who plays with trucks.


INFLUENCES OF GENDER NORMS

This gender norms have affected most especially our day to day job and our relationship in our family. These factors are:

  1. EMPLOYMENT – From an early age, children have learned societal expectations regarding gender-appropriate occupations from different places: in their homes, in businesses, restaurants, from the media, and from their peers. For younger children, girls often have been defined as playing “house” or “teacher” while boys are expected to play “war” or “fire-fighter” or bread winner. Children are exposed to occupational options through books, television programs, social media, news reporting and their own parents choosing less gender-defined roles. These early introductions to careers set the groundwork for a way of thinking about future jobs. Traditional occupations for women once were perceived to include secretaries, housewives, teachers, waitresses and nurses while men were defined as police officers, construction workers, truck drivers, CEOs or factory workers. With changes in family makeup and media portrayal of traditional occupational choices, children are exposed to many different career choices that are less defined by gender. When children see their mothers doing more household chores than their fathers or household tasks gender-designated as female, that observation can form future gender role ideas.
  2. FAMILY RELATIONS – Women have traditionally been the caregivers of children as well as homemakers. Historically, they have done more housework, including laundry, washing dishes, cleaning and cooking but gender roles and tasks in the home are no longer defined strictly by gender. Movies, TV and other forms of media reinforce these traditional roles through characters but are becoming more reflective of balanced roles in the household. Women also often report spending more time with childcare and elderly parents resulting. Studies show that women are still completing more household tasks than men. Narrowing this very well have often be attributed hiring housekeepers or dry cleaning services as women at home.  Even with more women working outside of the home, equity in amount of and type of household tasks hasn’t changed.

THE EFFECTS OF GENDER NORMS

The most important effect after my research are just two. Based on my own personal research

  1. SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR – Women are traditionally considered to be more “gentle,” “passive,” “emotional,” “dependent,” “patient” and “communicative” than their male counterparts. Adjectives such as “tough,”  strong, “independent,” “powerful,” “inexpressive” and “straightforward” are used to describe men. With these cultural labels tied to gender expectations, cultural expectations then influence how people react to each other and how they view themselves based on those labels. If the gender labels are used in a positive way, the gender bias associated with them can be lessened or even removed. In a negative sense, some people can take this gender adjective labels so serious and it becomes the sole way people define themselves. For example, a woman who believes she is “dependent” may continue to be dependent for her entire life because she can’t see past the gender label. A woman who sees herself as strong and capable may also be more inclined to strive for advancement in the workplace. If a man is labelled as being sensitive or emotional, that may affect his life choices just as much as if he is labelled as a strong man.

  2. SELF-AWARENESS(SELF-ESTEEM) – Culture influences how men and women think about themselves within their gender role. Advertisements, movies and TV often depict the female as being promiscuous or vulnerable, a message that can influence how women view their body and their abilities. According to a study, around 30% of clothing that is marketed toward young girls is considered “sexualizing”. These expectations for physical beauty can have an effect on self-esteem or self-awareness and confidence of girls and women.

    Another aspect in which this self-awareness occur is the role of the children in the house-While female gender roles are often defined when children watch their mothers or sisters complete more household tasks or household tasks gender-designated as for women and  also affect  how men form their own gender role perceptions (watching their father showing authoritative roles at home). If a young boy grows up in a household with a masculine character which  put women as a subordinate roles, a child may grow up to reflect those same attitudes in their own relationships and behaviours. This gender norms is been past to the children and it continues like that.

WHAT ARE THE UNDERPINS (SUPPORT) OF GENDER NORMS AND PRACTICES?

After much research on this topic I was able to found three main factors that underpin norms and practices, they include:

  •  Son bias
  •  Ideologies of femininity
  •  Ideologies of masculinity

1.   SON BIAS

Son bias is a deep perceptions (rooted in culture and religion) of the relative roles and values of boys/men/males in the society. Son bias is often seen in some society where daughters are perceived as an economic drain on the family, because they will join another household/ or husband upon marriage. Son bias can also be compounded by the fact that economic opportunities are often gendered, so parents perceive that it is more worthwhile to invest in boys as they will bring better financial returns to the family. It can also contribute to parents regarding daughters as assets who can provide labour or bring in resources upon marriage, rather than as individuals with equal rights to their sons. Son bias manifests itself in a range of norms and practices that lead to negative outcomes for girls. These negative outcomes include;

  • unequal access to education (because parents regard boys education as a better investment or boys as more deserving of education)
  • a greater burden of household duties (with girls typically working longer hours and having less leisure time than boys)
  • lower aspirations for girls futures on the part of parents
  • Limited opportunities for girls to influence household decision making
  • For married girls, son bias can mean pressure to continue childbearing until a son is born( this affect mostly the kingship throne)

2. IDEOLOGIES AND NORMS OF FEMININITY (THROUGH GIRLHOOD AND WOMANHOOD)/ IDEOLOGIES OF FEMININITY


This is another gender ideologies, values and norms that are related to girlhood and the transition to womanhood. These values translate into commonly accepted roles and standards of behaviuor in the society. For example, girls are expected to do more of household labour. This serves two purposes: helping households run smoothly, and training the girl so she has the skills she will need as a wife and a mother.

In Africa especially girls are expected to serve food to the men in their family and any visiting guests. Working hard is a defining feature of what it is to be a good girl or woman or wife. In some society in Africa, sexual maturity (the onset of menstruation and developing breasts) signaled the end of a girls childhood and the start of womanhood, and therefore her readiness to assume adult responsibilities and behave as an adult woman.  In some society, chastity and virginity at marriage were considered important elements in a girls personal and family honour. These norms severely limit girls freedom of movement outside the home: girls feel they must avoid being seen in situations where they could be accused of unchaste behaviour, or where they would be at risk of sexual harassment.

Limits on girls mobility and the high value placed on virginity before marriage in some cultures affect girls access to education. Parents can be reluctant to send girls to mixed schools where they can form relationships with boys, or fear they may interact with (or be harassed by) boys and men while travelling to and from school. This cluster of values and norms contributes to the persistence of child marriage in some areas.  Theses norms and practice has limited girls opportunities for education.

Furthermore is has led to more health problems among these child girl (for example, the likelihood of early pregnancy and repeated pregnancy where there is son bias). Finally it has  also undermine/ underestimate  girls ability to express their own opinions, make decisions  their capacity to make decisions based on their own will, and act on them.

3. IDEOLOGIES AND NORMS OF MASCULINITY (FROM BOYHOOD TO MANHOOD)/ IDEOLOGIES OF MASCULINITY


Traditional or idealized norms of masculinity were often defined in opposition to norms of femininity. So, for example, in all countries, good men were expected to be breadwinners, and boys were expected to learn skills or study hard so that they could fulfil this role in future; with this role as family provider came the expectation that a man would be the head of the household and be the ultimate decision-maker, with women and children deferring to him. Girls, by contrast, were typically expected to earn some income but this was secondary to their main role as mother and home-maker.

In some society adolescent boys workloads are generally lower and they typically have greater freedom than girls to meet with friends outside the home and to move around their communities independently. As they do so, they are further exposed to norms of masculinity modelled by adult men and by their peers.

Norms of masculinity include being virile (interpreted in different contexts as freedom to have more than one sexual partner, and fathering many children, particularly sons). In some society, norms of masculinity condone physical violence against women and girls in certain circumstances, and particularly once a girl is married.

10 POWERFUL QUOTES ABOUT GENDER NORM AND ROLES

Here are some thought-provoking gender role quotes i need to share with you. They include :

  1. ” You are you and just because you have a different way of thinking doesn’t mean you are a certain type of person. Everybody is not made for everyone and that’s perfectly fine. Acceptance is key and when you are firm in who are you there is nothing no one can say that can change it. I had several friends who were atheist and because we didn’t try to change each other the friendship worked. No arguments, we could have conversations without screaming or yelling, and even our families were cordial to each other. Once you are comfortable in your own skin nothing can penetrate it “-Kogwuonye patrick onyeka

  2. ” I hate being subjected to particular assault or being grouped as “women and children” while there are lots of things that show that I have quality features to make me valuable as a strong individual, not being grouped as  weak because I’m female. Maybe physically, intellectually, etc. ” – Fiona Achieng’ Omollo

  3. ” Teach her that the idea of ‘gender roles’ is absolute nonsense. Do not ever tell her that she should or should not do something because she is a girl. ‘Because you are a girl’ is never reason for anything. Ever. ” – Feminist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

  4. ” In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman. ” -Margaret Thatcher

  5. “Women have a much better time than men in this world; there are far more things forbidden to them”-  Oscar Wilde

  6. ” I have not lived as a woman. I have lived as a man. I’ve just done what I damn well wanted to, and I’ve made enough money to support myself, and ain’t afraid of being alone.” -Katharine Hepburn

  7. ” Girls can be athletic. Guys can have feelings. Girls can be smart. Guys can be creative. And vice versa. Gender is specific only to your reproductive organs (and sometimes not even to those), not your interest, likes, dislikes, goals, and ambitions. “- Connor Franta

  8. ” Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short and wear shirts and boots because it’s okay to be a boy; for girls it’s like promotion. But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading, according to you, because secretly you believe that being a girl is degrading.” – Ian McEwan

  9. ” When women’s sexuality is imagined to be passive or “dirty,” it also means that men’s sexuality is automatically positioned as aggressive and right-no matter what form it takes. And when one of the conditions of masculinity, a concept that is already so fragile in men’s minds, is that men dissociate from women and prove their manliness through aggression, we’re encouraging a culture of violence and sexuality that’s detrimental to both men and women.”-  Jessica Valenti

  10. ” The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.”-  Matthew Henry

I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.


1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?

2. What was you own experience  of  being a man or a women in a gendered norm/role society?


3. Do you agree the the society perception about gender norm designated to male and female is wrong or right?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

Credited to :

1. Women who fight very much to be self independent and to all feminist.

2. To my father and mother ( MR &MRS KOGWUONYE) who inculcated in me the idea of rejecting gender norms and live as a full person.

A  VIEW ON KINDNESS: MEANING, BENEFITS, PRACTISE AND INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES

 

MEANING

According to Wikipedia: Kindness is a behaviour marked by ethical characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and concern and consideration for others. It is considered a virtue, and is recognized as a value in many cultures and religions.

Kindness is a trait many people consider key to being a good person, but it can be taken for granted. The importance of being kind often becomes clearer when we experience kindness from another person. Being treated with kindness can improve a persons mood. In addition, treating others with kindness may increase happiness and self-esteem in the person doing the action.

BENEFITS OF PRACTICING KINDNESS/ THE POWER AND BENEFITS OF DOING GOOD DEEDS FOR OTHER PEOPLE

Kindness is one of those happiness paradoxes, whereby we become happier by making other people happier.Think back to the last time someone was kind to you. How did it make you feel? Now think about when you were kind to someone else. Remember how you felt in both situations.

 The beauty of kindness is that it feels just as good to receive it as it does to practice it. According to a new study, practicing kindness is tied to your overall well-being. In other words, being kind is just as beneficial for you as it is for the other person. Kindness is the gift that keeps on giving.

That is why almost every religion and culture values and rewards the performance of good deeds or kindness. There are many benefits to doing or displaying kindness. I am sure you are already a very generous person. I hope that I can give you even more reasons to do even more good deeds than you currently do. But for now, read on to see what benefits you can expect as you cultivate kindness:

Here are 17 benefits of practicing kindness:

    1. Increases happiness
    2. Boosts energy
    3. Reduces anxiety and depression
    4. Lowers blood pressure
    5. Reduces pain
    6. Promotes longevity
    7. Help someone
    8. Help yourself
    9. Meet someone
    10. Go to heaven
    11. Improve Society
    12. Show values
    13. Teach by example
    14. Make the world a better place
    15. Better relationship
    16. Better health
    17. Better performance

 

    1.  HAPPINESS – When it comes to kindness and happiness, there is a positive feedback loop. Researchers found people in general felt happier when they were asked to remember a time they bought something for someone else even happier than when they remembered buying something for themselves. This happiness boost was the same regardless of whether the gift cost $20 or $100. A 2001 study found that regular volunteering increases happiness, life satisfaction, self-esteem, and sense of control over life. And it works for young and old folks. Again those who tutor children have more positive attitudes toward the self, others, their education, and the future; and elderly people who volunteer are more satisfied with life.

    2. BOOSTS ENERGY – Researchers found about half of participants in one study reported that they feel stronger and more energetic after helping others; many also reported feeling calmer and less depressed, with increased feelings of self-worth.

    3. REDUCES ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION – In one study, people with high levels of anxiety who performed at least six acts of kindness each week. At the end, each participants showed an improved mood, increased relationship satisfaction and a decrease in social avoidance. When we give of ourselves, especially if we start young, everything from life satisfaction to self-realization and physical health is significantly improved. Mortality is delayed. Depression is reduced. Well-being and good fortune are increased.

    4. LOWERS BLOOD PRESSURE – Did you know acts of kindness can also protect your heart explained by medical doctors, that practicing kindness produces oxytocin, a hormone that releases nitric oxide, which expands blood vessels  and as a result, lowers blood pressure.

 

    1. REDUCES PAIN – When you practice kindness, endorphins  the body’s natural painkillers – are released in your brain. There’s a reason they call it the helpers high. Being kind does, in fact, feel good. Researchers at the National Institutes of Health found the same area of the brain that is activated in response to food or sex (namely, pleasure) lit up when the participants in the study thought about giving money to a charity.

    2. PROMOTES LONGEVITY – People who volunteer tend to experience fewer aches and pains. Giving help to others protects overall health twice as much as aspirin protects against heart disease. Even more fascinating, people 55 and older who volunteer for two or more organizations have an impressive 44% lower likelihood of dying early, and thats after sorting out every other contributing factor, including physical health, exercise, gender, habits like smoking, marital status and many more.

    3. HELP SOMEONE – When you do a good deed, you are, of course, helping someone. The homeless person in the photos now has food to eat, no shelter or place to sleep. The person who is the receiver of a good deed or random act of kindness has gotten some help. However, he received more than just a meal or two. In addition to getting food, he also received the message that he is important and worth helping. This good deed warms his heart as well as fills his stomach.

    4. HELP YOURSELF – Besides helping someone, doing a good deed warms your own heart and makes you feel good. Helping others gives you a new perspective and keeps you from focusing on your own problems. By focusing on someone other than yourself, you are reminded that you are not the only one in the world that has problems. In fact, it is possible that there are many people out there whose problems are much worse than yours.

    5. MEET SOMEONE –  “A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love – Saint Basil .                Showing kindness is another of meeting someone and gets a whole new perspective in life. When we help others, we expand the number of our contacts, and hopefully get to know how people from different walks of life live. Our worldview is expanded, and our perspective changes. Also, the chance encounter can blossom into a friendship or a relationship, which may never have happened if we didn’t look outside of our own social circle.

    6. GO TO HEAVEN – There are some religions that believe that you must be a good person in order to get to heaven. This means you have to perform good deeds regularly. Whether you tithe to your religious organization or give alms to the poor, doing good deeds is a way to get to heaven for these religions. For religions that believe in reincarnation, doing good deeds is a great way to earn some karma, in hopes of getting a more positive form in the next life.

    7. IMPROVE SOCIETY  – In the movie, PAY IT FORWARD , a child came up with the idea to help three people without accepting anything in return. He would ask the recipient to pay the favour forward to three other people. These three people, in turn, would also help three other people and ask them to pay it forward. When groups of people help each other, it is bound to help society as a whole. When there is a natural disaster, imagine how much faster the recovery would be if people helped each other instead of looting and looking out for their own self-interest.

    8. SHOW VALUES – When you perform a good deed, there is a possibility that someone may have seen you, or may have been told about your good deed. You develop a reputation as a good moral person. Sometimes some of your other flaws are wiped out by the good deeds that you perform. When you share your money, talents, or time with others, you may find that the rewards are so great, that you will share even more. You will be naturally become a more giving, caring, sharing and honourable person.

    9. TEACH BY EXAMPLE – In addition, your good deeds may influence your children and other people in your community to follow suit and do the same or similar kind of giving that you do. Without having to lecture or cajole or compel others, simply by doing, you influence and lead others by your example. When you participate in a community activity, or simply help someone in need, others will see or hear about your actions and be motivated to do the same.

 

  1. MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE – When you donate your time, skills, or money, you are generally doing it to make something better. Whether you help build a house, or provide library books or a school to children, or help fund research for a disease, the world is becoming a slightly better place with each donation. As you become generous, you feel powerful and work happier. You see the world in a more positive way. As you notice the plight of others, your perspective shifts and you don’t look upon your own problems as much. The little things can be ignored, because you realize how little they truly are. Even though the world didn’t really change, your perspective causes you to look at it in a better light. But it can go even farther than that. You can lead by example to help the world become a better place that values generosity and sharing. By encouraging others to PAY IT FORWARD, you can truly feel some comfort in knowing that when you ever need help, there is a good chance that there will be someone there to help you in your time of need. This allows you to take reasonable chances and walk in the world unafraid.

  2. BETTER RELATIONSHIPS – When were kind, we show someone that they mean something to us. Even if they are a stranger, were saying: your life matters. That kind of attention is special: it will usually induce gratitude, and we know all the benefits that gratitude has on relationships. In a hectic world, even a kind word or a small gesture can snap us out of a bad mood, brighten our day, and bring us closer to the giver. The kindness of strangers can be even more moving, since its so unexpected. A study shows that kindness is more attractive than good looks. It seems people are listening to the typical dating advice: you can tell how a man will treat you by the way he treats the waiter. One reason kindness is good for relationships is that kind people are more empathic. This skill is a key in relationships, where feeling seen and understood is part of the glue holding people together.

  3. BETTER HEALTH – Kindness can also be a route to better health and longer life. Kindness strengthens our immune system, reduces aches and pains, improves our cardiovascular profile, and boosts energy and strength in elderly people. In a 2006 study, the most loving and kind couples were shown to have the lowest levels of atherosclerosis (clogging of the arteries). Various studies in the past 15 years have shown that regular volunteers have better health and (among the elderly and those with HIV/AIDS) a lower mortality rate. So how often should we be out volunteering? Among older people ages 64-68, some studies found that we get the greatest health benefits from volunteering about 2-4 hours a week.

  4. BETTER PERFORMANCE – Finally, there’s some evidence that kind people actually perform better. Studies shows that teachers who tutor 4th and 5th graders improve in their math, reading, and sentence completion skills. Another study, found that high school students who are assigned to volunteer work had fewer teen pregnancies, fewer suspensions, and better grades at school. In the wake of the 2004 tsunami, companies that donated to relief efforts saw an unexpected increase in their stock price, with bigger increases for higher donations.

WHY KINDNESS IS GOOD

Each act of kindness might seem small, but its actually changing the way we see ourselves, the way we see others, and the way others see us.

As our kind actions affect the lives of others, we feel more compassionate, confident, useful, and in control. At the same time, we may also feel less guilty or distressed at the problems in our neighbourhood and our world because were doing our part to make a difference. In our normal lives, we may find ourselves feeling more grateful for what we have, and optimistic about the future.

In turn, kindness we make you

  • more trusted, 
  • more likable and
  • more worthy of helping others and ourselves

There are so many reasons to do good deeds that go way beyond simply helping the recipient of the deed. You may question your own motivation if you are giving for these reasons instead of giving simply for the sake of giving.

SIMPLE WAYS YOU CAN PRACTICE KINDNESS EVERY DAY

They are many ways to practise kindness. For the sake of my readers and viewers I was able to bring out about 10 of them for simplicity of this articles.

  1. Smile
  2. Give up your seat on the train to someone standing
  3. Tell your loved ones how much you care
  4. Forgive the driver with road rage
  5. Give your coworker a genuine compliment
  6. Practice active listening when someone is talking to you
  7. Say thank you more often
  8. Hold the door open
  9. Put some coins in someone else’s parking meter
  10. Leave someone a surprise sticky note
    1. SMILE – Even something as simple as a smile can make someone day. Did you know the simple act of smiling releases endorphins and feel good chemicals that are scientifically proven to reduce pain and elevate our happy mood.

    2. GIVE UP YOUR SEAT ON THE TRAIN TO SOMEONE STANDING – Whether its an elderly person or the woman in high heels who has been standing for 20 minutes, choose to be kind and offer your seat to someone in need.

    3. TELL YOUR LOVED ONES HOW MUCH YOU CARE Even when we know someone loves us, its always nice to hear it. Take a minute to send your loved ones a sweet text that shows you’re thinking about them.

    4. FORGIVE THE DRIVER WITH ROAD RAGE – Instead of taking it personally and responding to anger with anger, choose to be kind. Let it go. Chances are that person is having a bad day and could use a little kindness and compassion.

    5. GIVE YOUR COWORKER A GENUINE COMPLIMENT –  Surprise your coworker with a compliment, and make sure it comes from the heart. What makes this person unique? What qualities do you admire about them? Try to make the compliment more meaningful. For example, I can tell how hard you worked on that presentation. You had a lot of great ideas. You are acknowledging both their hard work and creativity.

 

  1. PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING WHEN SOMEONE IS TALKING TO YOU – Are you a good listener? Many of us think that we are listening, when, the truth is we are planning what to say next, eager for our turn to speak. Active listening means focusing entirely on what the other person is saying, processing it and coming up with a thoughtful response. We all want to be heard and understood. Practice kindness by giving someone the gift of truly listening.

  2. SAY THANK YOU MORE OFTEN – Expressing appreciation is an easy way to show kindness. Whether its your spouse or your coworker, saying thank you can strengthen your relationships.

  3. HOLD THE DOOR OPEN – Always glance behind you. It could be holding the door for someone rushing to get on to the train, or another tenant in your building with arms full of groceries/food stuff  whoever it may be, holding the door open is a simple, kind gesture that everyone appreciates.

  4. PUT SOME COINS/MONEY IN THE CHARITY BOX AT SUPER MARKET OR MALL – Random acts of kindness don’t always need to be seen. The kindest gestures are the often the ones you do when nobody is watching.

 

  • LEAVE SOMEONE A SURPRISE STICKY NOTE – Get creative. Write something funny, inspirational or complimentary. Who wouldn’t love a thoughtful surprise like that?

 

Other ways of practising simple kindness include;

    • share some food
    • mow the lawn
    • babysit
    • pay a bill for someone
    • give a hug
    • make a phone call
    • open the door
    • carry a heavy package for someone
    • share your umbrella
    • clean up a neighbour surrounding
    • give a motivational  massage
    • teach
    • volunteer
    • make the coffee

 

10 QUOTES ABOUT THE POWER OF KINDNESS

The following quotes highlight the impact kindness and compassion may have. While the idea of kindness may seem as a threat to some, its effects when in action can be quite powerful.

    1. “Ah, kindness. What a simple way to tell another struggling soul that there is love to be found in the world.” -Alison Malee

 

    1. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. -Amelia Earhart

    2. “It takes many good deeds to build a good reputation, and only one bad one to lose it. -Benjamin Franklin

    3. Kind words, kind looks, kind acts, and warm handshakes-these are means of grace when men in trouble are fighting unseen battles. -John Hall

 

    1. “Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.” -Albert Schweitzer

    2. “Your acts of kindness are iridescent wings of divine love, which linger and continue to uplift others long after your sharing.” -Rumi

 

  1. “Things could change so entirely, in a heartbeat; the world could be made entirely anew, because someone was kind.” -Jo Baker

  2. One kind word can change someones entire day. -Unknown

  3. “Every act of kindness is a piece of love we leave behind.” -Paul Williams

  4. “Kindness is more than deeds. It is an attitude, an expression, a look, a touch. It is anything that lifts another person.” -Plato

In the end though, no matter what reasons you choose for giving, you should continue to give. Your contribution, no matter what the intention is behind it, will still help make you a better person and the world a better place.

I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.

  1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?

  2. What was you own experience  of  being kind ?
  3. Can you give me example of your own definition of being kind?

  4. After showing such kindness where you happy within you or sad. If yes/no give reasons.

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

PATRICK VIEW- THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING

THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING

What is positive thinking?

Positive thinking is a mental attitude in which you expect good and favorable results. In other words, positive thinking is the process of creating thoughts that create and transform energy into reality. A positive mind waits for happiness, health and a happy ending in any situation.

HOW YOU APPLY POSITIVE THINKING ?

Changing everything you’ve learned in a life is not easy, imposing a positive thinking starting today will attract positive things in your life. To change these negative patterns I recommend these exercises and practices. For me personally these are what I practice towards having a positive thinking. The list are;

  1. Use positive words when talking.
  2. Remove all the feelings that are not positive!
  3. Use words that evoke strength and success
  4. Practice positive affirmations
  5. Redirect your thoughts
  6. Start thinking you will succeed
  7. Analyze what went wrong.
  8. Forgive yourself
  9. Think of a failure as an opportunity.
    1. USE POSITIVE WORDS WHEN TALKING –If you constantly say “I cannot” you could convince yourself that it’s true. Replace negative words with positive ones. Tell yourself that you do everything possible to have a happy relationship, tell yourself that you do everything possible to have a brilliant career, tell yourself that you do everything possible to keep you in shape.
    2. REMOVE ALL THE FEELINGS THAT ARE NOT POSITIVE – Do not let negative thoughts and feelings conquer when you have a bad mood. Even if for a few hours a day, remove negativity and focus on the positive things in your life.
    3. USE WORDS THAT EVOKE STRENGTH AND SUCCESS – Fill your thoughts with words that make you feel strong, happy, having control over your life. Make an effort to focus on these words rather than the ones that suggest failure or incompetence.

 

    1. PRACTICE POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS – One of the most common exercises for a positive thinking is positive affirmation. What does that mean? Start repeating a positive phrase like “I deserve to be happy” or “I deserve to be loved ”  Believing that these statements are true and repeating them always will impose a more positive opinion about your life.
    2. REDIRECT YOUR THOUGHTS – This method used by psychotherapists helps you control your thoughts when you start to feel negative emotions like depression or anxiety. How can you do that? When you feel such emotion taking hold on you start generating a happy mind, a positive image, something that makes you feel better to keep your negative feelings under control.
    3. START THINKING YOU WILL SUCCEED – Nothing compares with self confidence that creates a successful reality. Put your doubts aside and believe that you will succeed in meeting the objectives.

 

    1. ANALYZE WHAT WENT WRONG – Positive thinking is not about denying that nothing can go wrong. Instead take the time to see what went wrong and what led to the current situation in order to avoid future mistakes and look forward more positive.
    2. FORGIVE YOURSELF – Always arguing for things that went wrong will not change anything. Tell yourself you are forgiven and it allow you to move on.
    3. THINK OF A FAILURE AS AN OPPORTUNITY Sometimes the most negative things in our lives give us opportunities that we may not have seen otherwise. For example losing your job can be a good opportunity to open your own business or head for a better well paid job than the former.

 

 ADVANTAGES OF BEING POSITIVE AND POSITIVE IN OUR THINKING

Over the years I’ve done a lot of research on the positive effects of being positive and the negative effects of being negative. The research is clear. It really does pay to be positive and the advantages include;

  • enhanced health and longevity
  • happiness
  • career advancement
  • team building
  • Financial success

Being positive is not just a nice way to live. It’s the way to live.  Here are my own personal research on 10 advantages of being positive.

    1. Positive People Live Longer – In a study of nuns, those that regularly expressed positive emotions lived on average 10 years longer. (The Nun Study)
    2. Positive people who regularly express positive emotions are more resilient when facing stress, challenges and adversity. (Several Studies)
    3. Positive thoughts and emotions counter the negative effects of stress. For example, you can’t be thankful and stressed at the same time. (Several Studies)
    4. Positive and popular leaders are more likely to garner the support of others and receive pay raises and promotions and achieve greater success in the workplace. (Several Studies)
    5. Positive people have more friends which is a key factor of happiness and longevity.
    6. Positive work environments outperform negative work environments
    7. Positive, optimistic sales people sell more than pessimistic sales people.
    8. Positive leaders are able to make better decisions under pressure.
    9. Positive people are able to maintain a broader perspective and see the big picture which helps them identify solutions whereas negative people maintain a narrower perspective and tend to focus on problems.
    10. Positive emotions such as gratitude and appreciation help athletes perform at a higher level.

 

 TRAINING YOUR MIND FOR POSITIVE THINKING

Over the years I’ve done a lot of research on the positive thinking, I have being able to bring out 6 ways I train my mind on positive thinking.

  1. Meditate
  2. Be Thankful
  3. Be Kind
  4. Take Time for Yourself
  5. Stress less / avoid stress
  6. Talk  to Yourself
  1. MEDITATE 

    Meditating might just be the best way to clear negativity from your life and bring about emotional and physical recovery. Meditation rejuvenates the mind, it get rids the body of harmful chemicals that cause stress and anxiety. Think of it this way: if your mind is wired to be miserable, meditation would be the reset button that allows you to unplug, switch off, and tune out. Then, you can easily learn, through meditation, to turn your brain back on and tune into positive thinking frequencies. After this, you’ll be left with a clean slate and a refreshed perspective.  

  2. BE THANKFUL 

    Research studies have proven that gratitude makes us happier. Gratitude or be thankful invokes the law of attraction. Remember, like attracts like. If you make an effort to be grateful, you will find that you will be blessed with more things to be grateful for. A fantastic way to practice gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal. Every night before you to go to sleep, list everything you were grateful for throughout the day. Over time, you will see your lists become much longer! Having a gratitude attitude is really using the power of positive thinking to its highest degree.

  3. BE KIND –

    Kindness has also been proven to make us happier and less stressed. Studies have also proven, time and time again, that kindness is attract a lot of favour. If someone is kind to you, you will be inspired to pay it forward, and the person who receives your kindness will feel the same, so on and so forth.Kindness also inspires gratitude and makes us more inclined to be grateful, so if you are truly struggling with positive thinking and finding something to be thankful for, do a good deed for someone else — you will notice immediately how great it makes you feel. Positive thoughts with kindness.

  4. TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF –

    If you plan certain days or times just for pure pleasure, you will begin to look forward to those moments and the thought about it is already a positive thinking. Are you setting time aside to focus on your hobbies and passions? Again, remember the law of attraction — like attracts like.

  5. STRESS LESS / AVOID STRESS –

    Stress is usually the sole cause of everything that goes wrong in our lives, and as with emotional distress, it is usually self- inflicted. Imagine stress as fire, and all other negative and unhealthy conditions such as sadness, anger, sleeplessness, depression, anxiety, and addiction as the smoke. If you work too hard, you will be unhealthy. If you sleep too little, you will be exhausted. So why not get rid yourself of most negativity by just choosing to relax and avoiding any stressful activities. Drink plenty of water, eat balanced meals, exercise, meditate, and enforce a rigid sleep routine on yourself. When stress leaves your body, your cells regenerate more efficiently. Less stress is literally more healing. Positive thoughts with self-love.

  6. TALK TO YOURSELF –

    Tell yourself at least once a day that you are beautiful, talented, or just plain awesome. Do this for a while and you will come to believe it. For example, the next time something goes wrong, instead of telling yourself “This is bad,” instead say stuff like this, “I can handle this” or “I will be okay.”  Be your biggest fan!!!! What you tell yourself, you will believe.


POWERFUL POSITIVE THINKING QUOTES

 If you’re having trouble coming up with positive thinking or you just like to hear a different perspective on positive thinking, you might find some quotes helpful. These quotes are gotten from popular people around the world. The list are;

    1. Norman Cousins: “Optimism doesn’t wait on facts. It deals with prospects.”

    2. Noam Chomsky: “Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so.”

    3. Harvey Mackay: “An optimist understands that life can be a bumpy road, but at least it is leading somewhere. They learn from mistakes and failures, and are not afraid to fail again. ”

    1. John Wooden:“Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.”

    2. Robert H. Schuller: “Optimism refuses to believe that the road ends without options.”

    1. Wayne W. Dyer: “What is hope but a feeling of optimism, a thought that says things will improve, it won’t always be bleak [and] there’s a way to rise above the present circumstances.”

    2. Winston Churchill: “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

    3. Martin Luther: “Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.”

    1. Norman Vincent Peale: “Change your thoughts and you can change your world.”

    1. Alice Walker : “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”

    2. Rachel Hollis : “You, and only you, are ultimately responsible for who you become and how happy you are.”

  1. Mary Engelbreit: “If you don’t like something, change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.”

  2. Benjamin Disraeli: “Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think.”

  3. William James: “Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.”

  4. Joseph Campbell: “Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.”




I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.


1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?

2. What are your way of having a positive thoughts?


3. Can you give me example of your own definition of positive thinking?


4. Do you think in a positive direction in your way of life? 



Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

HOW TO BE PERFECT IN EVERYTHING YOU DO

 

But even in our regular lives, knowing how to be perfect can help a lot. After all, perfection leads to success and a lot of happy moments too. Being perfect is a trait that we’re not born with. It’s something that we learn and understand along this journey of life.

We want perfection in everything around us, yet most of us ignore it in our own lives.

Do you want to know how to be perfect? Want to know how you can achieve your goals and lead/live a better life?

Well, it all starts when you understand about perfection and how to achieve it.

Want to know how to be perfect? All it takes is just 10 little steps in the right direction to attain perfection the easy way, one step at a time. Perfection is what all of us want.

Read these 10 steps and sincerely use them in your daily life. You’ll see the magical effects of perfection in no time.

  1. LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES

When we achieve something, it’s called success. When you fail at something, we call it an experience. An experience isn’t a bad thing. After all, it teaches you about life and trains your mind for bigger dangers. Value your experiences and remember them. Learn from your mistakes and use those lessons to see better results the next time around.

  1. LEARN FROM OTHER’S MISTAKES

While mistakes and experiences can be a blessing in disguise, it’s not a pleasant feeling to fall into the pits along every step of the way just to notch up a few more experiences. At times, if you want to be perfect, you have to watch others and learn from their mistakes too. Read autobiographies of your role models, watch your enemies and friends, and learn from their hurdles and mistakes.

  1. BE NOBLE IN YOUR EFFORTS

There is no easy way to success. Well, unless you’re lucky. If you’re not dating lady luck or guy luck, learn to persevere. And most importantly, be genuine in your efforts, be it to please a partner or earn more money. Most people spend all their lives looking for the easy way out, and they fail miserably. If you truly want to earn respect and achieve perfection and greatness, learn to be noble and genuine in your pursuits.

  1. BE PREPARED, ALWAYS

You don’t want to get in trouble with your boss/teacher for not having your supplies, or run into a problem because you didn’t bring something you really needed! Throughout the day, make checklists for what you want to remember to keep you in check about what you need to do. Also, always keep a tab on your supplies! That way, you can make a note on what you need to buy.

  1. DON’T PROCRASTINATE

As Benjamin Franklin said, don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Just try your best every day, make small and big goals and keep track of them. Do it for yourself, and be realistic! You are worth it. You can feel perfect.

  1. TRY TO GET INSPIRED BY OTHER PERFECT PEOPLE

If there are people around you who may seem perfect for you, try to get inspired by them by observing their way of working, making decisions, attitudes and their habits and behaviors, this will keep you motivated to be like them and attain your own perfection.

  1. OUT ALL YOUR EFFORT ON EACH TASK YOU DO

You must think of each task you do as the most important thing in your life, put all your efforts into it and don’t even think about failing, if you convince yourself that the world is going to end if you don’t succeed this task you will naturally become perfect in everything you do.

  1. MAKE A SCHEDULE

Fill out school, work, the days homework or work assignments are due, appointments, meetings, and time with friends or family. Don’t overbook yourself! You shouldn’t spend all of your time alone, but it’s perfectly okay to have some “me time”, too.

Post the schedule on the fridge, or your bedroom door, or just keep it to yourself in a purse or backpack. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when you have to mentally keep track of all your plans. So don’t! Just jot it down once you think of it. It doesn’t take much time.You’ll become more organised and you’ll have less stress.

  1. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

Eat healthily and exercise regularly, but remember that it’s not about being super skinny or fit, it’s about being healthy. Bathe daily. Brush your teeth twice a day, and floss to have good teeth. Wash your face every morning and night to prevent breakouts. Get your hair trimmed regularly, and clip or file your nails to keep them healthy. Wear clothing that makes you look good. It doesn’t matter if you’re not seeing anybody else today or if you’re seeing everybody. Wear what you feel the best in.

These are mine little way of being healthy:

  • Pick out the clothes you will wear the next day before you go to bed. It’ll help you feel better when you wake up. It gives you a little present from yourself to wake up to! Bonus points if the clothes are clean and ironed.
  • Clean your room-Start with just making your bed every day or just a quick laundry pick-up, even if you just do it quickly as you walk in or just before you walk out! It’s refreshing to have your own space that you actually get excited to look at.
  1. DON’T BE DISTRACTED

This is one of the biggest hurdles when a person tries to be perfect, be in their work lives, their relationships or in their ambitions. There’s a little law about distraction too, the closer you are to finishing something, the more the chances of getting distracted. The closer you are to your goal, the more you tend to take things easy, because well, you’re almost there already. But it’s these little distractions that can delay your rewards all the time. When you’re focused on something, don’t be distracted. You’ll save several hours every day just by using this one tip!

I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.


1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?

 

2. What was you own experience  of  being perfect?

3. Can you give me example of your own definition of being perfect?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

PATRICK VIEW: A SPECIAL FRIEND AND THEIR QUALITIES

 

Everybody has that special person they call they special friend who is always around to talk and chat with.

From my views, i was able to note some specific things i found in that my special friend.

Here goes an analogy about that special person i call my special friend.

*******************************

Last time you were here we felt a different atmosphere couldn’t recover from the feeling of your smile.

Then I watched out for you the next Sunday, I Prayed Monday to Saturday that I may see that beautiful smile in you.

Then today, so anxious as I ponder in my heart about you. If only I could see your smile and your face i feel at ease. I looked up aimlessly into the clouds. A call might have at least confirmed my doubt

Then I saw you being ushered in like a royalty and coming toward me.How I jumped and screamed in my mind “My special friend is coming”.

It is fun , just when you’re here everything changes for good.

It is fun when we shout, sing, scream and rejoice together.

It is fun, when we talked about life and prosperity

It is fun My friend, just when you’re here i feel ease and i feel like talking to you all through.

**************************************

Here are some pictures related quotes  that shows some analogy of that trustworthy, honest, and loyal special friend.

1. “The greatest gift of life is friendship, and I have received it.” – Hubert H. Humphrey

2. “A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.” – Elbert Hubbard

3. “My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.” – Henry Ford

4. “The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.” – Henry David Thoreau

5. “True friends are those rare people who come to find you in dark places and lead you back to the light.”

6. “Friends are the siblings God never gave us.” – Mencius

7. “Friendship isn’t about who you’ve known the longest. It’s about who walked into your life, said “I’m here for you”, and proved it.”

8.   “I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.” – Helen Keller

9.  “F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Fight for you. Respect you. Include you. Encourage you. Need you. Deserve you. Stand by you.”

10. “Friendship is the source of the greatest pleasures, and without friends even the most agreeable pursuits become tedious.” – Thomas Aquinas

With the above pictures related quote am able to cover some areas why you have that special friend.

QUALITIES OF A SPECIAL FRIEND


What is the key to maintaining quality relationships, especially in today’s hurried world?


After years of personal research on the topic of friendship, I have discovered a pattern of qualities that we can follow to keep a good friendship/relationship.

Here are the top 5 friendship ingredients that have surfaced over the years. I encourage you to consider these qualities in light of your current friendship and relationship.


1. They are loyal.

2. Always a positive person.

3. They  Build on common interests.

4. They are  open, honest, and real.

5. They are giver, not a taker




1. THEY ARE LOYAL

Loyalty is an essential quality in any close relationship. It’s a strong assurance of another person.  Whether it be in work, business, family, friendship or a relationship, loyalty builds from specific characteristics.

HERE ARE 5 WAYS TO RECOGNIZE A TRULY LOYAL RELATIONSHIP/FRIENDSHIP –


 a. A LOYAL RELATIONSHIP IS SUPPORTIVE

A loyal person will reach out to you when you need them.  They care enough to stay aware, and take action when they know you need a pick-me-up, or just a little reminder to stay on track.


b. A LOYAL RELATIONSHIP IS RESPECTFUL


A loyal person will be respectful of you away from your presence. They will decline the opportunity to spread gossip, and may even deliver a serious message, sharing their opinion of gossiping with the people doing it.


c. A LOYAL RELATIONSHIP IS TRUSTWORTHY

A loyal person will share their honest opinion (even if it’s not always what you want to hear).  Sometimes, they want to share their experience with you, hoping that it will give you insight and help you follow your best path. In a relationship, a loyal person loves you (and only you) fully and completely.

d. A LOYAL RELATIONSHIP IS SINCERE

A truly loyal person is always sincere. They show very subtle, yet powerful signs that they care. You’ll find that they are faithful in a way that they show up during the good times and the bad times. Loyal people are supportive (even loving) for no other reason than that they care.


e. LOYAL RELATIONSHIP HAS INTEGRITY

When one does what is right by their own personal values and morals, and is also supported by societal norms, that’s integrity. They are kind. They properly care for themselves and others around them. In fact, they are known for it.

When a person with high integrity makes a mistake they will apologize, and you’ll find they generally won’t repeat it. It’s important to them to uphold their good character and moral righteousness.

2. ALWAYS A POSITIVE PERSON



According to Cambridge dictionary –  the word positive means

full of hope and confidence, or giving cause for hope and confidence

So, here are a few of the traits I believe a positive friend embodies more often than not.  A positive Friend:

a. Forgives easily.

b. Is thankful for all blessings, big and small.

c. Is optimistic and expects good things will happen.

d. Avoids complaining and gossiping.

e. Smiles, hugs and laughs with anyone, even strangers.

f. Tolerant and accepts people for who they are.

g. Helps others and gives back.



h. Spreads joy intentionally.

i. Accepts his or her mistakes, and is comfortable saying “I’m sorry.”

j. Has fun every day.


3. THEY BUILD ON COMMON INTEREST

Common – Interest friends are friends that a person has and keeps in contact with because of a shared interest, hobby, activity, club, etc. In some ways, a common interest friend is similar to a teammate: you interact with that person frequently due to practice and game schedules, and you are likely cordial to each other.

Here are some qualities to note about if you have a friend that share common interest:

a. You’re both present.


b. You truly want the best for each other.


c. You can laugh with each other — over the silliest things.


c. You’re willing to answer each other’s calls any time, day or night.


d. You’re honest enough to call each other out.


e. You can pick up exactly where you left off even after a long absence.

4. THEY ARE OPEN , HONEST AND REAL

With this in mind, I recently asked on Facebook, “What does it mean to be a and honest friend?”

I pool in to different groups on Facebook who share my same idea of the questions.


I compiled some of the ideas that I saw in the comments of some people in the groups. So I accepted ten strongly ease. 


Here’s what uniqueresearching was able to bring out:


1. Always be there, even in silence. (Nerrisa Nam)


2. Be kind and listen. Be fun and light. Be serious when needed, love extensively, and forgive always. (Sandra Lumb)


3. Don’t be scared to tell each other the truth, no matter how difficult it may be. (Eva Valencia)


4. Guide each other in times of need with your honest opinions. (Ashna Singh)


5. A true friend is someone who always listens and is genuinely interested in the good and bad, and someone who calls or writes just to say hello. (Kimberly McCarthy)


6. Be loyal in confidence and character, always open and inviting to share concerns, always honest even if you disagree. (Peggy Turner Beatty)


7. A true friend tries his best to cheer you up when you are upset and makes you feel special. (Kalpana Tewani)


8. Try and improve their life though your friendship. (Barry Cassidy)


9. Be who you truly are, be that vulnerable, and provide the other person the space, safety and choice to do the same. (Cynthia Ruprecht Hunt)


10. Be genuinely happy when they get, receive, or achieve something you truly desire. (Heather Tucker)


11. Share the truth in your heart, without the fear of misunderstandings. (Ricardo Marques)


12. Be loyal and forgive but above all: love and respect. (Casey Jo Wagner)


13. Accept the person as they are, as an individual, without conditions. Also, as important as it is for you to be there for them, sometimes you have to be willing to let them be there for you. (Casey Kimes)


14. Remain friends despite a person’s choices in life and don’t bail on them when they aren’t who you want them to be. (Kim Shaw)


15. A true friend always supports the person but doesn’t feel compelled to support the situation. A true friend knows how and when to say the firm, “No.” (Leslie Mollay)


16. Help yourself and those closest to you grow. To live means to grow, and a true friend is someone that you can honestly say has helped define you as an individual. (Kevin Ball)


17. Celebrate the wins and be there to support the losses. Keep your word and acknowledge it when you don’t. (Margalit Ward)


18. Walk in to a friend’s aid when others are walking out. (Larry Stilts)


19. Don’t hold grudges over petty disagreements. (Annika de Korte)

20. Show up! You can pretend to care but you cannot pretend to show up. (Sherri Levy)



5. THEY ARE GIVER ,NOT A TAKER

According to Adam Grant, author of Give and Take, there are three different types of reciprocity styles: givers, takers, and matchers.

Givers, takers, and matchers

What’s the difference between these types?

1. Takers are self-focused and put their own interests ahead of others’ needs. They try to gain as much as possible from their interactions while contributing as little as they can in return.

2. Matchers like to preserve an equal balance of giving and taking. Their mindset is: “If you take from me, I’ll take from you. If you give to me, I’ll give to you.”

3. Givers are others-focused, and tend to provide support to others with no strings attached. They ask themselves, “How can I add value for this person? What can I contribute?”

Qualities of a giver and a taker

This are the qualities of a both a giver and a taker-

    • Givers are focused on others. Takers are focused on themselves.
    • Givers ask, “How can I contribute?” Takers ask, “What’s in it for me?” This should give you a real clue as to the motivation of an individual.
    • Givers bring energy. Takers drain energy. I want to be someone who brings energy into every situation. I sure don’t want to be a drainer.
    • Givers are grateful. Takers are greedy. 
    • Givers are engaged people. Takers are entitled people. We could say this another way. Givers are kingdom-minded. Takers are only concerned with their own agenda.
    • Givers serve others. Takers use others. 
    • Givers are loyal to others. Takers are loyal only to themselves.

  • Givers are happy and fulfilled. Takers tend to be miserable and complaining.
  • Givers enjoy life. Takers are too busy blaming others for their failures.

My questions for my fellow readers and viewers :

1. Do you have a special friend?

2.  Who is that person that gives you joy when both of you are together talking,chating, rejoicing, trolling and Partying together?


3. Can you trust your special friend? If yes or no ,give me reasons?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

www.facebook.com/patrickstories

AN OVERVIEW OF GENDER ROLES AND STEREOTYPES- AGENTS, EFFECTS AND WAYS TO COMBAT IT.

gender_addiction

GENDER VS. SEX

You announced your sex to the world the minute you were born, if not before through sonogram photos. Your genitals showed whether you were a male or a female. If someone were to do a DNA test when you were born, your genetic code would have also revealed whether you were biologically a male or female. These differences are purely biological.

Gender is something different, though. Gender refers to ways of being male and female within a culture or society. The larger group promotes a certain type of gender roles, responsibilities, and relationships for a male or female. However, these expectations are not set in stone. They can and have been changed as society progresses.

 

DEFINITION OF GENDER ROLES

According to Wikipedia – A gender role, also known as a sex role is a social role encompassing a range of behaviours and attitudes that are generally considered acceptable, appropriate, or desirable for people based on their actual or perceived sex Gender roles are usually centred on conceptions of femininity and masculinity, although there are exceptions and variations.

Gender roles are cultural and personal.

 They determine how males and females should think, speak, dress, and interact within the context of society. Learning plays a role in this process of shaping gender roles. These gender roles are deeply embedded cognitive frameworks regarding what defines masculine and feminine.

WHAT IS A STEREOTYPE?

A stereotype is a fixed belief or image of a certain type of person or thing. To deal with many complex things and people in life, people form stereotypes or rely on the stereotypes of their culture. Yet, this simplified image doesn’t have the desired effect because it doesn’t take into account the differences within that group of people or things.

DEFINITION OF GENDER STEREOTYPE

1. According to Wikipedia Gender stereotypes are widely held beliefs about the characteristics and behaviour of women and men.

2. According to another journal by “Economic Inquiry”, stereotyping is the act of assigning to a member of a particular group a characteristic or trait based solely on the individual’s membership in that group (Grossman, 2013). Gender stereotypes are the thoughts that drive gender roles, roles such as women’s expectations in the home and men’s expectations outside of the home. Although there is always the atypical family who does not adhere to gender stereotypes and roles as a whole stereotypes are generalised in society.

3. Gender stereotypes are fixed and oversimplified beliefs about what is normal and appropriate for people in a certain culture based on their biological sex.

FEMALE GENDER STEREOTYPES

Gender stereotypes begin the second a baby’s gender is found out. As soon as we find out it’s a girl, we immediately begin decorating a pink nursery filled with soft decor and butterflies and flowers. We assume that our daughter will be very “girly” and fill her closet with beautiful dresses and her toy box with tea sets and dolls. What this is essentially doing, even though many parents don’t realise it, is setting our child up to be the “perfect lady,” and teaching her how to be the stereotypical woman. We are teaching her that girls are supposed to wear dresses, serve food, and take care of babies; the biggest and most common stereotype put on women.

Have you ever watched a little girl playing house? Even as young as five or six, she is well aware that she is supposed to stay home with the baby while the husband goes to work, and she has dinner ready when he gets home. Here is another stereotype; women stay at home while men go to work. While there are a million gender stereotypes about females, these are definitely the biggest, and the most debated by feminists of today. Some other stereotypes include:

  • Women are supposed to have “clean jobs” such as secretaries, teachers, and librarians
  • Women are not good at maths
  • Women are nurses, not doctors
  • Women are not as strong as men
  • Women are supposed to make less money than men
  • Women don’t need to go to college
  • Women don’t play sports
  • Women are not politicians
  • Women are quieter than men and not meant to speak out
  • Women are supposed to be submissive and do as they are told
  • Women are supposed to cook and do housework
  • Women are responsible for raising children
  • Women do not have technical skills and are not good at “hands on” projects such as car repairs
  • Women are meant to be the damsel in distress; never the hero
  • Women are supposed to look pretty and be looked at
  • Women love to sing and dance
  • Women do not play video games
  • Women are never in charge
  • Women should be secretaries
  • Women should be “ladylike.”

MALE GENDER STEREOTYPES

Stereotyping is no different when it’s found out that a boy is on the way. The nursery is decked out in blue, his closet is filled with tiny jeans, polo shirts, and boots, and the theme is usually something like jungle animals or dinosaurs; something tough. Boys’ toys consist of trucks, dinosaurs, action figures, and video games. From the beginning boys are taught to be tough, to be protective, and to defend themselves. Boys are taught that daddy’s go to work and mommy’s  stay at home; from their point of view, boys have fun and girls do all the work.

Are you surprised to hear that most parents admit that they do not teach their sons how to do chores such as washing dishes or folding laundry? Instead, they teach them to take out the trash and mow the lawn; from the get-go boys are made to think that certain household chores are “women’s work.” This is a major stereotype, Men are supposed to do the dirty jobs and anything that requires muscle, they are also supposed to go to work and provide for the family. Little boys see this and the stereotype continues. Other gender stereotypes that describe all men are:

  • All men enjoy working on cars
  • Men are not nurses, they are doctors
  • Men do “dirty jobs” such as construction and mechanics; they are not secretaries, teachers, or cosmetologists
  • Men do not do housework and they are not responsible for taking care of children
  • Men play video games
  • Men play sports
  • Men enjoy outdoor activities such as camping, fishing, and hiking
  • Men are in charge; they are always at the top
  • As husbands, men tell their wives what to do
  • Men are good at mathematics
  • It is always men who work in science, engineering, and other technical fields
  • Men do not cook, sew, or do crafts or cooking
  • Men should be macho.
  • Men shouldn’t kindergarten teachers.

WHAT’S WRONG WITH GENDER STEREOTYPES?

Gender stereotypes aren’t always wrong in the sense that sometimes people do behave the way society or their culture expects them to behave. However, there is no reason why you should have to conform to the expectations of others based on your biological sex alone.

If you’re a woman and want to be the CEO of a major corporation, you won’t get far by putting too much stock in gender stereotypes that a man should be in charge. If you’re a man and want to be a nurse-midwife, you may have to fight gender stereotypes that say you should be a doctor or stay out of the delivery room. In this way, gender stereotypes deprive society of workers who would otherwise thrive in a non-traditional job and contribute greatly to society.

The idea that women are weaker and must be protected creates a world where women are discouraged from taking on exciting challenges. The belief that true men don’t show emotion creates a world where men aren’t able to form deep, personal relationships. Thus, gender stereotypes can hold people back from their true potential.

Gender stereotypes also make the bad behaviour more acceptable at times. Consider the old saying, “boys will be boys.” This attitude makes it more acceptable for men to be aggressive, violent, or unfaithful to their wives.

The stereotype that women need men to survive may sometimes encourage women to allow men to do all the work for them rather than getting out in the world and doing their share to support the family.

GENDER SOCIALIZATION

Gender socialization is the process through which children learn about the social expectations, attitudes and behaviours typically associated with boys and girls.

SOCIALIZING AGENTS OF GENDER ROLES

There are various socializing agent that underpin the gender roles in the society. There agents include: parents, teachers, peers, media (movies, television, music) books, and religion— they teach and reinforce gender roles throughout the lifespan, parents probably exert the greatest influence, especially on their very young offspring.

  1. Parents
  2. teachers
  3. peers
  4. media- movies and television music
  5. books
  6. religion

1. PARENTS

As mentioned previously, sociologists know that adults perceive and treat female and male infants differently. Parents probably do this in response to their having been recipients of gender expectations as young children. Traditionally, fathers teach boys how to fix and build things; mothers teach girls how to cook, sew, and keep house clean. Children then receive parental approval when they conform to gender expectations and adopt culturally accepted and conventional roles. Gender roles adopted during childhood normally continue into adulthood. At home, people have certain presumptions about decision‐making, child‐rearing practices, financial responsibilities, and so forth. Gender roles are realities in almost everyone life.

Gender roles in the past have been deciding factors in the type of work someone can do. For example most women didn’t work and were expected to take care of the family from the home while men farmed or worked in industrial settings.

Society has set a lot of duties for men and women alike and it’s even painful to see that in a children’s textbook, the duties of a wife are “to cook for the family and clean the house.” It’s a huge shame. We need to wake up and stop this nonsense.

Firstly, I will backed it up with 4 QUOTES/ powerful statements made by FEMINIST/WRITER CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE in terms of cooking and domestics chores.

FIRST BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “””. Dear ijeawele or A feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the third suggestion

“”””” There have been recent Nigerian social media debates about women and cooking, about how wives have to cook for husbands. It is funny, in the way that sad things are funny, that we are still talking about cooking as some kind of marriageability test for women. The knowledge of cooking does not come pre-installed in a vagina. Cooking is learned. Cooking – domestic work in general – is a life skill that both men and women should ideally have. It is also a skill that can elude both men and women   “””””””””

SECOND BACKUP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””””””””    I know a woman who hates domestic work, but she pretends that she likes it, because  she has been taught that to be “good wife material,” she has to be—to use that Nigerian word—homely. And then she got married. And her husband’s family began to complain that she had changed. Actually, she had not changed. She just got tired of pretending to be what she was not. The problem with gender is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are. Imagine how much happier we would be, how much freer to be our true individual selves, if we didn’t have the weight of gender expectations.

 Boys and girls are undeniably different biologically, but socialization exaggerates the differences. And then starts a self-fulfilling process. “””””””””

THIRD BACKUP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””””””””“Take cooking, for example. Today, women in general are more likely to do housework than men— cooking and cleaning.  But why is that? Is it because women are born with a cooking gene or because over years they have been socialized to see cooking as their role? I was going to say that perhaps women are born with a cooking gene until I remembered that the majority of famous cooks in the world—who are given the fancy title of “chef”—are men. But what matters even more is our attitude, our mind-set. What if, in raising children, we focus on ability instead of gender? What if we focus on interest instead of gender? I know a family who has a son and a daughter, a year apart in age, both brilliant at school. When the boy is hungry, the parents say to the girl, Go and cook Indomie noodles for your brother. The girl doesn’t like to cook Indomie, but she is a girl and she has to. What if the parents, from the beginning, taught both children to cook Indomie? Cooking, by the way, is a useful and practical life skill for a boy to have—I’ve never thought it made much sense to leave such a crucial thing—the ability to nourish oneself —in the hands of others.   “”””””””””””””

FOURTH BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “”

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

””””””” The knowledge of cooking does not come pre-installed in a vagina. Cooking is learned.

 Cooking – domestic work in general – is a life skill that both men and women should ideally have. It is also a skill that can elude both men and women. We also need to question the idea of marriage as a prize to women, because that is the basis of these absurd debates. If we stop conditioning women to see marriage as a prize, then we would have fewer debates about a wife needing to cook in order to earn that prize. It is interesting to me how early the world starts to invent gender roles. ””””””””””

FIFTH BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “”

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””””””” Boys and girls are undeniably different biologically, but socialization exaggerates the differences. And then starts a self-fulfilling process. Take cooking, for example. Today, women in general are more likely to do housework than men—cooking and cleaning. But why is that? Is it because women are born with a cooking gene or because over years they have been socialized to see cooking as their role? I was going to say that perhaps women are born with a cooking gene until I remembered that the majority of famous cooks in the world—who are given the fancy title of “chef”—are men.  “””””””””

SIXTH BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “””. Dear ijeawele or A feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the first suggestion

“”””””””” I have no interest in the debate about women ‘doing it all’ because it is a debate that assumes that care-giving and domestic work are singularly female domains, an idea that I strongly reject. Domestic work and care-giving should be gender-neutral, and we should be asking not whether a woman can ‘do it all’ but how best to support parents in their dual duties at work and at home. “””””””””

SEVENTH BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “”“Dear ijeawele or A feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the Sixth Suggestion

“”””””””” Teach her to ask questions like: what are the things that women cannot do because they are women? Do these things have cultural prestige? If so, why are only men allowed to do the things that have cultural prestige? It is helpful, I think, to use everyday examples. Remember that television commercial we watched in Lagos, where a man cooks and his claps for him? True progress is when she doesn’t clap for him but just reacts to the food itself – she can either praise the food or not praise the food, just as he can praise hers or not praise hers, but what is sexist is that she is praising the fact that he has undertaken the act of cooking, praise that implies that cooking is an inherently female act. “””””””””

EIGHTH BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “”“Dear ijeawele or A feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the Tenth Suggestion

“”””””””” She can counter ideas about static ‘gender roles’ if she has been empowered by her familiarity with alternatives. If she knows an uncle who cooks well – and does so with indifference – then she can smile and brush off the foolishness of somebody who claims that ‘women must do the cooking. “””””””””

This should give men a little rethink about cooking and house/domestic chores. Which I personally are meant to be shared equally between the two partners. As for me (PATRICK STORIES) cooking, domestic chores- cleaning sweeping, mopping are supposed to be shared equally. Cooking was never meant for women. Anybody can cook whether male or female.

2. TEACHERS

Teachers are major contexts for socialization agent/ gender socialization because children spend large amounts of time engaged with teachers in such settings.

For nearly all psychological traits on which young boys and girls differ (e.g., reading ability, play preferences) teachers can magnify or diminish gender differences by providing environments that promote within-gender similarity and between-gender differences. Teachers shape children’s gender attitudes and, in turn, their gender differences, gender recognition and gender behaviour.

How do teachers contribute to gender differences?

Many educators endorse cultural gender stereotypes (e.g., maths is easier for boys than girls) and prejudices (show preferences for same-gender individuals). These biases can be explicit (e.g., consciously endorsed) or implicit (unconsciously held), and they influence teachers’ classroom behaviours.

Teachers’ gender stereotypes and prejudices shape their classroom behaviour in at least three ways.

First, teachers often model gender stereotypic behaviour. Female teachers, for example, often exhibit “maths phobic” behaviours.

Second, teachers often exhibit differential expectations for males and females (e.g., creating “dress-up” and “construction” centres and accepting—even facilitating—gender-differentiated use).

Third, teachers facilitate children’s gender biases by marking gender as important by using it to label and organize students.

PROBLEMS OF GENDER ROLES/STEREOTYPING UNDERPINNED BY TEACHERS

Teachers directly influence gender differentiation by providing boys and girls with different learning opportunities and feedback. Teachers and peers are also sources of learning about gender. Teachers present curricular materials that contain gender stereotypic behaviour, and this school children copy and exhibit gender stereotypic attitudes and behaviour towards each other. Children internalize gender stereotypes and prejudices, which in turn guide their own preferences and behaviours.

HOW TO SOLVE GENDER ROLES/STEREOTYPING UNDERPINNED BY TEACHERS

Thus, most teachers create and maintain—rather than counteract—traditional gender stereotypes, biases, and differences. However, educators who adopt a commitment to gender egalitarianism and thus promote cross-gender interaction, expose pupils to counter-stereotypic models, and discuss and teach challenges to gender stereotyping and harassment optimize their pupils’ developmental outcomes.

Firstly, I will backed it up with a powerful statements made by FEMINIST/WRITER CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE  about the gender roles in schools which is been underpinned by teachers

 BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””””””””    Now here’s a story from my childhood: When I was in primary school in Nsukka, a university town in southeastern Nigeria, my teacher said at the beginning of term that she would give the class a test and whoever got the highest score would be the class monitor. Class monitor was a big deal. If you were class monitor, you would write down the names of noisemakers each day, which was heady enough power on its own, but my teacher would also give you a cane to hold in your hand while you walked around and patrolled the class for noise makers. Of course you were not allowed to actually use the cane. But it was an exciting prospect for the nine-year-old me. I very much wanted to be class monitor. And I got the highest score on the test.  Then, to my surprise, my teacher said the monitor had to be a boy. She had forgotten to make that clear earlier; she assumed it was obvious. A boy had the second-highest score on the test. And he would be monitor. What was even more interesting is that this boy was a sweet, gentle soul who had no interest in patrolling the class with a stick. While was full of ambition to do so. But I was female and he was male and he became class monitor. I have never forgotten that incident. If we do something over and over, it becomes normal. If we see the same thing over and over, it becomes normal. If only boys are made class monitor, then at some point we will all think, even if unconsciously, that the class monitor has to be a boy. If we keep seeing only men as heads of corporations, it starts to seem “natural” that only men should be heads of corporations.      “””””””””””””””

CONCLUSIONS

Teacher are important contexts for the socialization of young children’s gender attitudes and behaviour. Unfortunately, teachers receive relatively little training in recognizing and combating gender stereotypes and prejudices—their own and others—and, as a consequence, teachers often model, expect, reinforce, and lay the foundation for gender differentiation among their pupils.

3. PEERS

Peers are also important contexts for the socialization of young children’s gender attitudes and behaviour.

How do peers contribute to gender differences?

Like teachers, peers contribute to the socialization of gender difference via multiple pathways. Upon entering school, children encounter large numbers of peers, many of whom model traditional gender behaviour, producing and reinforcing the content of gender stereotypes/norms.

In addition, schools are characterized by gender segregation. When many peers are available, children tend to select same-sex playmates. Children’s gender segregation, in turn, affects their play experiences, leading them to spend more time in stereotypic play. Furthermore, gender segregation predicts children’s future conformity to gender stereotypes.  Study shows that, as the amount of time that children played with same-sex peers increased, children’s own behaviour became more gender stereotypicic.

Peers also contribute to gender differentiation by teaching their classmates stereotypes (e.g., “Short hair is for boys not girls”) and punishing them for failing to conform to stereotypes via verbal harassment and physical aggression.

In addition, more work is needed to identify effective means to prevent and minimize gender biased attitudes and behaviour. In conclusion, many of the socialization processes that lead to gender differentiated outcomes, includes gender segregation.

4. MEDIA

Media has assumed a significant role in the nations of the world in that it not only allows extensive networking but also brings nations closer together by easy dissemination of news and opinions. As with all forms of media, messages perpetrated through media can have good and bad influences on society and youngsters in particular. Given that more women than men use social media, it is but logical to suppose that this has a sizeable impact, both good and bad, on gender matters.

Commercials that appear in social networking sites, as with advertisements in all other forms of media, can be a source of gender stereotyping. Women are more often presented in commercials involving cosmetic and domestic products while adverts for men focus on cars, business products or investments. Another important distinction is that adverts show entire figures of women (objectifying the female body) and close-up shots for men (evoking positive associations).

Another area where media applies is in social networking sites (Instagram, Facebook) which shows a significant gender difference in the way users, especially youngsters, present themselves. Adolescent girls and boys differ in the types of content they post to their profiles; girls reportedly post “cute” pictures, either of themselves or random, while boys were more likely to share pictures and comments that they described as self-promoting and often containing sexual content or references to alcohol. Such behavior promote the cultural gender stereotypes and media portrayals of the woman as a “commodity” and men as the strong and stable person.

Firstly, I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned about the sexualisation of girls on media (marketing strategy )

Here is a backup to that statement of yours from our own popular Nigeria feminist: CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE

Here is an interview with her.

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/qz.com/quartzy/1133732/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-talks-about-feminism-and-raising-her-daughter-in-a-gendered-world/amp/

Here is the question that was asked her about raising a girl child.

Lauren Alix Brown:  So in terms of teaching people how to be feminists, has raising a girl changed or challenged any of your suggestions for how to raise a feminist?


CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE :  It hasn’t challenged anything, it’s just that it’s made me realize how difficult it is. Because I think I felt that. I’m only just realizing that sometimes it feels like the universe is conspiring against me. Because I am trying to push against ideas and norms that are so ingrained that they can start to feel invisible. And it’s little things. I’m just amazed at how everything is gendered—diapers. I mean baby bodies are the same. But now there are diapers where there’s the girl picture. Some months ago we wanted to get the overnight diapers for Baby because she was starting to wake up quite wet. So we wanted to get the diapers marketed as overnight because they absorb more and there’s girls and boys. I remember saying to my husband, who’s a physician, I said, “Do you think maybe the boys’ has a little thing to hold the penis? I mean, why are they different? He had a good laugh and he’s like, “It’s just marketing.” I remember thinking, there has to be a reason for this because it made no sense to me. But there’s no reason for it. Also, I’m just realizing how early the sexualization of girls starts. Four-year-old girls’ dresses. I find many of them disturbing. It’s sort of like four year olds’ now have to be mini women. I’m noticing these things a lot more just because of my child. And children’s books and cartoons. It does sometimes feel that there’s a conspiracy of the universe. But at the same time, I’m utterly undeterred.


It requires pushing back, but I’m going to push back. I want to equip her with the tools. I’m hoping that she grows up to be the girl who sort of mocks these things—who gets it and who mocks them. That’s my hope,  that would be ideal for me.

5. BOOKS

Book is also a major factor that promote gender roles or stereotypes in the society. The last time I check books are made to “expand”, “open” or “broaden” our “minds”, “hearts”, “horizons” or “imaginations”. Sad this days, that many books for children do just the opposite; they peddle stereotypes, close minds to new experiences and offer limited horizons.

Children are individuals. They should feel free to choose their own interests, not feel that they’re supposed to like or reject certain things. And anyone who chooses a gift based only on a child’s gender is making some massive, and quite likely wrong, assumptions about what that child may like.

Firstly, I will backed it up with some QUOTES/ powerful statements made by FEMINIST/WRITER CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE in terms of  children interest and ability.

First Backed up

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””” But what matters even more is our attitude, our mind-set. What if, in raising children, we focus on ability instead of gender? What if we focus on interest instead of gender?  “””””

Typical themes for boys include robots, dinosaurs, astronauts, vehicles, football and pirates; while girls are allowed princesses, fairies, make-up, flowers, butterflies, fashion and cute animals. There’s nothing wrong with these things, but it is wrong when they are repeatedly presented as only for one gender. Girls can like pirates and adventure, boys can like magic and dressing up. Why tell them otherwise? Why tell them that boys and girls should like different things that their interests never overlap.

Separate cookery books seem particularly ridiculous; the suggestion being that boys eat pizza and burgers, while girls prefer pink iced cupcakes.

In conclusion it’s accepted to practice target products at one segment of the population, but when it comes to children’s books it’s morally questionable to promote gender stereotypes. Children take messages about what’s “for girls” or “for boys” seriously.

Society has set a lot of duties for men and women alike and it’s even painful to see that in a children’s textbook, the duties of a wife are “to cook for the family and clean the house.” It’s a huge shame. We need to wake up and stop this nonsense.

Firstly, I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned about the sexualisation of girls on books and cartoons.

This is just a little excerpt I brought out from her reply based on children books to back up my above statement (Society has set a lot of duties for men and women alike and it’s even painful to see that in a children’s textbook, the duties of a wife are “to cook for the family and clean the house.” It’s a huge shame. We need to wake up and stop this nonsense.)

Here is a backup to that statement of yours from our own popular Nigeria feminist: CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE

Here is an interview with her.

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/qz.com/quartzy/1133732/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-talks-about-feminism-and-raising-her-daughter-in-a-gendered-world/amp/

Here is the question that was asked her about raising a girl child.

Lauren Alix Brown:  So in terms of teaching people how to be feminists, has raising a girl changed or challenged any of your suggestions for how to raise a feminist?

CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE : :  It hasn’t challenged anything, it’s just that it’s made me realize how difficult it is. Because I think I felt that. I’m only just realizing that sometimes it feels like the universe is conspiring against me. Because I am trying to push against ideas and norms that are so ingrained that they can start to feel invisible. And it’s little things. I’m just amazed at how everything is gendered.  Also, I’m just realizing how early the sexualization of girls starts. Four-year-old girls’ dresses. I find many of them disturbing. It’s sort of like four year olds’ now have to be mini women. I’m noticing these things a lot more just because of my child. And children’s books and cartoons. It does sometimes feel that there’s a conspiracy of the universe. But at the same time, I’m utterly undeterred. It requires pushing back, but I’m going to push back. I want to equip her with the tools. I’m hoping that she grows up to be the girl who sort of mocks these things—who gets it and who mocks them. That’s my hope, that would be ideal for me.

6. RELIGION

Gender stereotypes and gender roles have been an integral part of history. Stereotypical thoughts that gender stereotypes go all the way back to Adam and Eve, the idea that Eve was made for Adam, and the instance that Eve persuaded Adam to eat the fruit, it all helps for many people to justify gender roles and stereotypes. In modern culture within the past hundred years there has been a movement to eliminate unequal or oppressive gender stereotypes and therefore the roles that are associated with those stereotypes.

Women are significantly more likely to attend church than men and are also much more likely to self-report as being religious. For example, Church census records show that in 2005 congregations were divided 57% women and 43% men (and this gender division had remained quite consistent for some years). A 1990 opinion poll for that 84% of women believed in God compared with 64% of men.

Here are a number of reasons for this in which religious underpinned gender roles and stereotype:

Firstly, from a traditional view, women’s expresses some default role (nurturing and caring) which is a good match with religious faith. Raising children in their religion and taking them to church was seen as part of that role. Also women’s proximity to childbirth, childrearing, caring for the sick and caring for the elderly all, it is suggested, gives them reason to pray and seek spiritual support and guidance. Furthermore, women traditionally having been marginalised in domestic roles gave them more time to devote to religion whereas men had little time away from work and therefore were more likely to spend it on leisure pursuits.

Secondly, men and women are socialised differently and women are socialised to be more compliant and passive. Religion – particularly traditional, established religions – expects compliance, conformity and passivity from its congregation. Men are socialised to be more dominant and therefore, while they take leadership positions in churches (indeed in many churches and religions they are the only ones permitted to take leadership positions). looking at the different roles of women and men  in the church -men are to fill the roles of pastors, such as, head pastor and elder of the church while women should primarily work with the children, so they would work in the nursery or as children’s pastor.

 Lastly, Woodhead (2005) has suggested that churches have become feminised. She argues that secularisation has had a bigger impact on men than women. This is echoed by Bruce, who suggests that as religion becomes more a private matter than a public one, it appeals more to women, particularly women who perform a domestic role and look after children. Some feminists, such as Simone De Beauvoir, argue that women are sold a false ideology by religious teachings which encourages them to believe that they will get their reward in heaven and should therefore be committed and devoted to their faith.

Evaluating The View That Women Are More Religious Than Men

Women would appear to attend church more than men, but that does not necessarily mean that they are more likely to believe in their chosen faith. Women may attend church for other reasons (form and keep friendships, support with their families, etc.) and men who do not attend church may still have a religious faith.

Similarly, according to a survey that was conducted towards religious practises by women and men, women are more likely to respond to surveys that they have a religious belief and affiliation than men. Perhaps, because of the historic association between faith and women, they see it is as socially desirable and therefore answer surveys accordingly. Young men, in particular, may have the opposite response and worry that religious faith is not socially desirable or might be seen as “uncool”.

EFFECT OF GENDER ROLES ON CHILDREN

This idea starts in early childhood, reinforced by schools, parents and media. Interviews with children and their guardians revealed that the onset of puberty triggers increased reinforcement of pressure to conform to sex-typed identities and roles.

  1. EFFECT ON THE GIRLS

For girls, those risks can include child marriage, pregnancy, leaving school early, sexually transmitted infections, and exposure to violence, mobility restricted (Parents also tell girls not to go out alone, parents tell this girls not to go out at night because they had grown breasts, Parental fear for girls’ safety and family status is a common rationale for restricting girls’ movements) and access to education restricted (This restricted mobility of girls to education may lead to restricted knowledge and power and socialization with the public or people around and also loss of prestige especially among poor families).

As they enter adolescence, silence and modesty are instilled as desirable values, as girls are pressed to behave in a “modest fashion. They are taught on how to take care in selecting their clothing or risk being seen as “too easy” or “prostitutes,” making them potential victims of violence.

Once puberty hits, it’s all about (preventing) sex: Messages such as “don’t sit like that,” “don’t wear that”, “boys will ruin your future”, and “Cover up“and “don’t go out” reinforce the gender division of power and promote sex segregation with the aim of preserving a girl’s sexuality. In some society, once a girl reaches puberty, “her family is concerned with protecting her chastity, preventing the stigma from losing family honour. Due to the idea of holding family honour the girls are not supposed to look at or talk to boys, “as this might raise suspicion that they were initiating romantic relationships.”  As puberty deepens, the idea sexuality come in to place turning girls into potential targets from the boys.

During the process of menstruation and breast development, negative societal attitudes further contribute to girls’ sense of self-objectification, body shame and restricted in sexual decision-making. The onset of menstruation appeared to constitute a major concern for parents as they are afraid that the girls we involve in early romantic and sexual engagements and subsequent risk of adolescent pregnancy. As a consequence of adult perceptions of girls’ “sexual vulnerability girls” mobility is far more restricted than it is for boys.

Firstly, I will backed it up with  4 QUOTES/ powerful statements made by FEMINIST/WRITER CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE in terms homely character possesses by  girls which act as an effect of gender roles.

FIRST BACKED UP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””  We police girls. We praise girls for virginity but we don’t praise boys for virginity (and it makes me wonder how exactly this is supposed to work out, since the loss of virginity is a process that usually involves two people of opposite genders).     “”” 

SECOND BACKED UP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””””””””   We teach females that in relationships, compromise is what a woman is more likely to do. We raise girls to see each other as competitors—not for jobs or accomplishments, which in my opinion can be a good thing—but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way boys are. If we have sons, we don’t mind knowing about their girlfriends. But our daughters’ boyfriends? God forbid. (But we of course expect them to bring home the perfect man for marriage when the time is right.)  “”””””””””

THIRD BACKED UP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””””””””” We teach girls shame. Close your legs. Cover yourself. We make them feel as though by being born female, they are already guilty of something. And so girls grow up to be women who cannot say they have desire. Who silence themselves. Who cannot say what they truly think. Who have turned pretence into an art form.  “”””””””””

FOURTH BACKED UP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””””””””“And then we do a much greater disservice to girls, because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of males. We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls: You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful but not too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man. If you are the breadwinner in your relationship with a man, pretend that you are not, especially in public, otherwise you will emasculate him. But what if we question the premise itself: Why should a woman’s success be a threat to a man? What if we decide to simply dispose of that word—and I don’t know if there is an English word I dislike more than this—emasculation.  “”””””””””

FIFTH BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “””. Dear ijeawele or A feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the Twelfth Suggestion

“””””””””“

  1. Talk to her about sex, and start early. Remember that seminar we went to in class where we were supposed to be taught about ‘sexuality’ but instead we listened to vague semi threats about how ‘talking to boys’ would end up with us being pregnant and disgraced? I remember that hall and that seminar as a place filled with shame. Ugly shame. The particular brand of shame that has to do with being female. With her, don’t pretend that sex is merely a controlled act of reproduction. Or an ‘only in marriage’ act, because that is disingenuous.
  1. And speaking of shame – never, ever link sexuality and shame. Or nakedness and shame. Do not ever make ‘virginity’ a focus. Every conversation about virginity becomes a conversation about shame. Teach her to reject the linking of shame and female biology. Why were we raised to speak in low tones about periods? To be filled with shame if our menstrual blood happened to stain our skirt? Periods are nothing to be ashamed of. Periods are normal and natural, and the human species would not be here if periods did not exist. I remember a man who said a period was like shit. Well, sacred shit, I told him, because you wouldn’t be here if periods didn’t happen.            “””””””””

SIXTH BACK UP

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned ““her personal view on chivalry””

For further reading here is the link to convince you:

https://m.guardian.ng/life/nigerians-divided-over-chimamanda-adichies-chivalry-comment/

She said:  “I think just like holding the door shouldn’t be gender because we should open the door for every one. I hold the door for men and women. I think the idea of sort of holding the door for a woman because she is a woman, I have trouble with, I’m quite happy for people to hold the door for me i hope they are not doing for the sort of idea of chivalry because chivalry is the idea of women are somehow weak and need protecting but we know that there many women who are stronger than men”

  1. EFFECT ON THE BOYS

Boys suffer, too, from increased risk of substance abuse, suicide and shorter life expectancy than women, must act strong and bold (Conversely, “boys who ‘act like girls’ are generally not granted the same social acceptance because of the lower power or prestige associated with femininity traits and behaviors.”) — Especially if they try to challenge masculine norms. Puberty deepens when it comes to sexuality, turning boys into predators on girls. Boys are given the freedom to go out and go as they pleased to pursue education and other opportunities. Despite the freedom and benefits conferred upon them, boys are still perceived as a danger to girls because of their vulnerability — a bias with negative impacts for both genders.

Firstly, I will backed it up with  2 QUOTES/ powerful statements made by FEMINIST/WRITER CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE in terms homely character possesses by boys which act as an effect of gender roles

FIRST BACKED UP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””””””””   We do a great disservice to boys in how we raise them. We stife the humanity of boys. We define masculinity in a very narrow way. Masculinity is a hard, small cage, and we put boys inside this cage. We teach boys to be afraid of fear, of weakness, of vulnerability. We teach them to mask their true selves, because they have to be, in Nigerian-speak—a hard man. “”””””””””

SECOND BACKED UP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””””””””” In secondary school, a boy and a girl go out, both of them teenagers with meager pocket money. Yet the boy is expected to pay the bills, always, to prove his masculinity. (And we wonder why boys are more likely to steal money from their parents.) What if both boys and girls were raised not to link masculinity and money? What if their attitude was not “the boy has to pay,” but rather, “whoever has more should pay.” Of course, because of their historical advantage, it is mostly men who will have more today. But if we start raising children differently, then in fifty years, in a hundred years, boys will no longer have the pressure of proving their masculinity by material means. But by far the worst thing we do to males—by making them feel they have to be hard —is that we leave them with very fragile egos. The harder a man feels compelled to be, the weaker his ego is. “”””””””””

THIRD BACK UP

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned “””” why men have a higher rate of dying by suicide. “””””””

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://m.guardian.ng/features/how-patriarchy-could-be-spiking-rate-of-suicide-among-men/

https://dailypost.ng/2018/09/12/men-die-suicide-chimamanda-adichie/

Here is her speech:

She said: “Both men and women suffer from the illnesses that lead to suicide but it is men that have a much higher rate of dying by suicide.

“Why? Because men are socialized to suppress so many human parts of themselves, men are socialized not to ask for help, men are socialized to be afraid of fear, men are socialized not to show vulnerability.

“From the moment we tell a little boy that ‘boys don’t cry’ or we tell a hurting teenager to ‘man up’ we are creating an adult man who will be cheated of the full range of his emotions. So, while men benefit from patriarchy, they also suffer from it.”

WAYS TO COMBAT/OVERCOME GENDER ROLES

  1. Implementation Of Educational Policy

Educational policy makers should resist the creation of gender segregated educational contexts (e.g., single-sex schools) and instead seek to enhance co-educational schools’ promotion of gender egalitarian attitudes and behaviour.

  1. Training Of Teachers

Teachers need training to recognise their own explicit (e.g., consciously endorsed)) and implicit biases (unconsciously held) and how these biases affect their classroom behaviours. Additionally, teachers should receive explicit training in confronting children’s biases, so that they reduce peer policing of gender normativity. Teachers should seek educational settings for their students that are gender integrated and that make use of curricula that directly teach about, and challenge, gender bias and inequality.

  1. Parents awareness

Parents should set aside traditional gender roles which affect these children, instead they should focus more on the interest, goals and ability of the children than on gender or society roles of both sexes.

  1. Emphasize Accomplishment over Physical Attributes

Whether you’re thinking of yourself, interacting with your children, or dealing with others, emphasizing accomplishments is much more helpful than focusing on physical attributes. Too often, people put their attention on “being pretty” when speaking to and about girls and too little attention to their capabilities. The same is true of adult women. Focusing on a boy’s or men physical strength can be just as harmful, especially if the male isn’t as physically strong as the culture expects him to be. However, everyone, no matter who they are or what their physical capabilities might be, can accomplish something. Find that something, whether it’s in someone else or yourself, and give it credit it’s due.

  1. Choose Colours Based On Personal Preferences

The idea that you should choose a specific colour for the sole reason that it the right colour for a person of your biological sex makes no sense. In fact, the colours for boys and girls have changed over the years based on nothing more than the whims of the fashion industry. If you’re a male and want to wear a pink shirt, do it unapologetically. If you’re a woman and prefer to decorate your home in brown corduroy, do what appeals to you.

  1. Learn Skills Based On What Interests You

There was a time when all women were expected to learn skills like sewing, cooking, and childcare first and foremost. Even today, women are often denigrated if they try to learn skills like auto mechanics or electronic repair. On the other hand, a man who spends his free time sewing may be considered less than a man. Whatever skills you want to gain, find someone to learn from them and set to work. You might find that it’s harder than you thought, or you might just find your new vocation.

  1. Encourage Young Women to Excel In Science and Maths Subjects

There’s been a lot of talks lately about getting young women more into the STEM subjects of science, technology, engineering, and maths. The numbers still don’t add up. There are still many more young men studying and excelling in STEM courses than young women. Why? Chances are it has nothing to do with the biological capabilities of the students and everything to do with cultural norms for gender. By encouraging your daughter to study STEM subjects, you open up a whole new world to her.

  1. Expect Men and Women to Share Fairly In Household Chores

Every couple must make decisions about who will do the household chores, especially those that no one enjoys doing. It’s unfair to suggest that women should do all the cooking and cleaning if that’s something they don’t enjoy doing. It’s also unfair to expect that men should do all the yard work if they’d rather contribute in some other way. So, who do the chores no one wants to do? Decide that fairly so that both men and women take a part of the burden.

  1. Create Mentoring Programs for Men and Women in Non-Stereotypical Jobs

Being in a job where there are no or few other workers of your gender can be extremely stressful. You may be seen as an outsider. Others may fear you or discredit your contributions. Having support is crucial. A great way to get that support as well as learn how to navigate a difficult work situation is to find a mentor who has been through what you’re going through. And, if you want to help change societal norms, help other thrive in non-stereotypical jobs by working to create a mentoring program for others.

  1. Acknowledge Both Men’s and Women’s Contributions to History

Now, the society needs to incorporate more stories of the contributions of women. By telling your children stories of women who helped make history, you empower the girls and help boys understand their value as well. Then, this men and women stereotypes won’t colour their view of the past, the present, or the future.

  1. Be Friends with People of Both Genders

Friendships between men and women can be just as satisfying as those between women and other women or men and other men. When you choose your friends based on shared beliefs, interests, and activities, you may find that you enjoy spending time with someone not of your gender in a non-sexual way. At the same time, you may come to understand and respect the other gender more.

  1. Don’t Accept Violence from Anyone Regardless Of Their Gender

Violence is never okay, whether it’s a man or a woman who initiates the violence. Never accept violence in any form. “Boys will be boys” is not a good enough explanation for physically hurting someone. Men are not slaves to any preconceived gender expectations. Instead, they must be held to the same high standard of human decency as anyone else.

  1. Acknowledge and Help both Women and Men Who Are Victims of Domestic Violence

Both men and women can be the victims of domestic violence. Yet, many people find it hard to get past the gender expectation that men should be able to defend themselves. If a man is a victim of abuse, he deserves the same help in getting out of the abusive relationship as a woman. Help someone who is a victim of domestic violence whether they’re a man or a woman.

  1. Recognize Men’s Needs to Be Parent Figures Too

At one time, children were sent to live with their mothers after a divorce unless the mother didn’t want the child or she was openly abusive. That is changing, but equality hasn’t been reached yet. Men need to be given opportunities to parent and spend time with their children just as women are given those opportunities. If you’re a male and feel you’re being shut out of your child’s life, there’s no reason you should go along with it. If you’re a female, you need to make room for your children’s father to play a part in their upbringing.

  1. Plan Policies to Meet the Needs of Both Women and Men

If you’re a member of a government agency, a business executive, or a leader of a community organization, you might have the opportunity to have an impact on eliminating gender stereotypes. When you’re creating policies for your organization, simply pay attention to what men and women need and create policies that make it easier for both to fulfil those needs within your organization.

  1. Plan Budgets to Take Everyone’s Needs into Account

Whether you’re making a family budget or planning spending for a large corporation, you need to consider the needs of both the men and women involved. With those needs in mind, create a budget that allows room for both to satisfy their needs, so they can contribute more effectively to the family or organization and have a satisfying life within it.

  1. Build Your Self-Esteem Based On Who You Are As A Person.

When you build your self-esteem based on your gender, you limit yourself to only seeing the good in yourself if it reinforces your preconceived notions of what you should be as a man or a woman. Yet, many parts of who you are have nothing at all to do with your biological sex. If you celebrate every good thing about yourself, you’ll likely find yourself going well beyond gender stereotypes.

  1. Look for Work Opportunities In All Your Areas of Interest, Regardless Of Gender Expectations

Looking for work can be a task for anyone. When you automatically eliminate job opportunities from your search because they don’t fit with what you think a man or woman should do, you make the task even more difficult. Instead, look at the full range of job opportunities and allow yourself to consider any job that sounds interesting and within your capabilities.

  1. Write Fiction That Promotes Gender Equality

Well-written prose can have a powerful impact on the culture. If you write fiction, whether you write stories, screenplays or novels, you can work to change female stereotypes with each word you write.

  1. Allow Time and Space To Care For Others Whether You’re A Male or a Female

Caring for others has long been considered a female occupation. It is the women who have been expected to care for children at home, care for children in daycares or kindergartens, and care for elderly or disabled people inside or outside the family. If you’re a man, you can choose to take on these roles, too. If you’re a business leader, you can make sure your male employees get the personal time they need for caring for others, just as you would for a woman. And, if you’re a woman, you can allow and even expect men to share in these duties.

  1. Network with Others Who Are Promoting Gender Equality

People in business often do a lot of networking, but if you’re only networking with those who want to keep things as they are, you may miss out on opportunities to help overcome stereotypes of women. At least include others who share your intention to make a difference in gender equality within your networking circle.

  1. Speak Out Gender Bias

When you or someone else is harmed or held back due to gender bias against them, be prepared to speak out against the practices that caused the damage. Whether the problem is female or male stereotypes, the added attention can help effect change.

  1. Don’t Put Yourself or Others Down Because Of Gender

Whatever you do, never put yourself down for being the gender that you are. Whether you’re a woman or a dude perfect stereotypes, don’t exist. Think of yourself as the complex person that you are, because reducing yourself to a stereotypical image may encourage you to devalue yourself in a way that harms you in the long term. Find a way to be happy and proud of who you are, regardless of what other people think you should be due to your gender.

I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.

  1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?
  2. What was you own experience  of  being a man or a women in a gendered role or stereotypical  society?
  3. Do you agree the the society perception about gender role designated to male and female is wrong or right?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

www.facebook.com/patrickstories

Credited to :

  1. Women who fight very much to be self independent and to all feminist.
  2. To my father and mother ( MR &MRS KOGWUONYE)who inculcated in me the idea of rejecting gender norms and live as a full person.

THE CAULDRON

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THE CAULDRON

Next to the cauldron
Is my corpse
I hear my father saying
“Isabella,you wrapped your hands
Around me and slept beside me,
I brought you very early close to the cauldron,
Waiting for your return,
But you lit the cauldron up in huge flames
Unlike your mother
Your cauldron was already boiling
“your mother’s cauldron was hot
But your cauldron was boiling
My father did not realize
That the boiling cauldron
Was a principal icon
My present abode had more boiling
Cauldron principally for our lost loved ones
Written by:
MORDI IFEANYI APEX
Writer/Educator/Tutor
University of Benin
Department of English

STRUCTURAL/ LITERATURE  REVIEW

According to Wikipedia –A cauldron (or caldron) is a large cast iron pot(kettle) for cooking or boiling over an open fire, with a large pot and frequently with an arc -shaped hanger.

The poem is a symbolic expression of the impart of two women in the life of one man, even after death, there was a greater impartation. The title of the poem “ The CAULDRON “

Its implicit:
Line 6-7 say:

I brought you very early close to the cauldron,
Waiting for your return

First, the cauldron in this setting was built by some special women in this community as rites of passage and also as a medium to bring them back from deep slumber. These class of women are powerful women who design special cauldron for their love ones and this love should be RECIPROCAL.

Those shown this “CAULDRON LOVE “ must bring these women close to the cauldron at the first sign of dawn or face the risk of loosing these women. The cauldrons in these homes bring great fortune.

Isabella and her mother in this poem have brought her father and husband to her mother good fortune, but they intend extending the love and fortune they brought to their family. So, they decided not to wake up.

The fortune and love brought by them to their family was a complete one.
The cauldron from original description is used for boiling as 

Line 11-12 says:

your mother’s cauldron was hot
But your cauldron was boiling

Reading further again,
Line 16-17 says:

My present abode had more boiling
Cauldron principally for our lost loved ones

The above expression mark the fact that the purpose of the cauldron had been defeated just as the purpose of their (Isabella and mother) death being defeated.

Note: The dead in the poem refer their loved ones as being lost too as the living puts them thus as being lost. 

 

Here is a question for my fellow bloggers and readers:

1. What are you contributions,opinions and views about the poem?

2. In the society you find yourself, do women try extremely hard to extend a special love to their husband.

3. Being a man or a woman. What are the things you do that shows special love to your wife or husband.( I need an inspirational answers)

4. When or if  you lost a loved one. Did it or if it will change your kind of person? or perceptions about Life? ( I need an inspirational answers)

5. Can the poem relate with your perception of women in your area/region — if so say YES or NO(with clear reasons)

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Typed and Edited by:
Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka
Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor
University of Benin
Department of Electrical/Electronics

Credited / dedicated : To every special woman who has found the strength to extend every form of love she shown in any means possible.

RECEPTACLE

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RECEPTACLE
I slept and slept deep
In my reduced state of consciousness,
I saw a sharp, hooked claw like a fork.
This fork-like object took me up
And placed me on a shoulder
The shoulder of a month old baby girl
The baby girl had whole planets
Tied up with a string round her neck
It looked like African beads on her neck
I am the adult
But this baby girl spoke in riddles
The planets on her neck were hatching
I sometimes forget what she gives birth to
Her children were so many in 1939
And even in 1945
Even when her planets hatches
And her hatchings were premature
Or grown birds
At times her good children see
Mother’s bosom as a place for debris
Despite all, a beast of burden
Is one of her beautiful names
Written by:

MORDI IFEANYI APEX
Writer/Educator/Tutor
University of Benin
Department of English

STRUCTURAL REVIEW
This poem is enwritten to all women, weak and strong. The main idea of the poem is strength and respect attributed to womanhood.
The poem is set in the poet’s mind “RECEPTACLE” as the poem’s title refers to woman’s natural mysterious capacity to adapt to inconceivable challenges.
As Line 12 reads:

The planets on her neck were hatching
The poet extends the use of zoomorphism to expatiate on the woman’s nature to accept her situation even as it is already part of her as the poet says
“The planets on her neck were hatching”.
The planets here also signifies :

“”” the 9months during her pregnancy. Each months have something to tell about her. “””””
Starting from the beginning of the poem
Line 1-4 says:
I slept and slept deep
In my reduced state of consciousness,
I saw a sharp, hooked claw like a fork.
This fork-like object took me up

And placed me on a shoulder
The poet try to tell us about the caring nature of a mother. The fork-like object signifies the hand of a woman. Her hand signifies her caring nature for the baby which at this state,the baby experience a deep sleep as the poet says in line 1-2:
I slept and slept deep
In my reduced state of consciousness,
The woman according to the poet is ready to accept whatsever her planets hatches/gives birth to as the poem alludes/signifies the woman as Mother Earth.
Line 13-15:
I sometimes forget what she gives birth to
Her children were so many in 1939
And even in 1945
The use of allusion and indirect personification is a way of showing respect to the womanhood. 1939 to 1945(World War II) events in history which cost the earth at that time a lot of time regain its value. The woman here is referred to as mothers earth who still stands despite all burden, depression, and what the 1939-1945 which caused the death of some 50 million people, most of whom were civilian.
Here the children the mother earth gave birth within that 1939 to 1945(World War II) were;
1. Mortality
2. Hunger-
3.Dispossession
4.Persecution
5. Migration.
The poet affirms that pregnancy and child birth does not only make the woman a beast of burden,but she is a beast(decorated name ) of kinds of burden as
line 21-22 says:
Despite all, a beast of burden
Is one of her beautiful names
The poet also submits that this mark of respect is given to a newly born baby girl as
lines 4-8 reads:
This forklike object took me up
And placed me on a shoulder
The shoulder of a month old baby girl
The baby girl had whole planets
Tied up with a string round her neck
The poet generally aspire to understand more about the strength of a woman. Here also when it comes to true strength and the ability to endure pain for 9months women blow men away especially how she adapts when all hope is lost as
line 13,19 and 20 reads:
I sometimes forget what she gives birth to
At times her good children see
Mother’s bosom as shoulder for debris
Here is a question for my fellow bloggers and readers:
1. What are you contribution,opinion and views about the poem?

2. In the society you find yourself, do pregnant women have access to these antenatal care in hospitals?

3. Being a bearer of a child in your womb for 9 months. What are the things you feel during that period?( I need an inspirational answers)

4. Bringing a child to this world — Did it change your kind of person? or perceptions about Life? ( I need an inspirational answers)

5. Can the poem relate with your perception of women during pregnancy?
Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!
Typed and Edited by:
Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka
Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor
University of Benin
Credited to:
pregnant women in the world

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME (MARCH 16)

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I want to use this time to appreciate my blog family. Those whom I followed and those who followed me… Thanks for the likes and comments all this while.

You all are so close to my heart despite the distance between us.
Thank to you all.
I have come a long way now. I want you bloggers to celebrate my birthday with

 

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Today is a new dawn and a new day for me. Am +1 today.

Here is my birthday wishes:

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Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

http://www.facebook.com/patrickstories

 

 

POEM: MARCH 8

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MARCH 8

 

It’s the day to celebrate
It’s the day to think
For all that the world have done
To the charming colour pink

They blocked off her way
They chased her that day
They stormed all her life
Her blurred eyes did say

They found her so helpless
They made her to cry
They turned her life to hell
And forced her to die

But let me say a word
A word full of hope
She made her way out
And learned how to cope

A woman, a mother, a wife
With patience she strives
Caring, bearing and working
Still struggling with life

 

 

Typed and Edited by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

 

March 8 is International Women’s Day every year. The day has been observed since the early 1900s. It was 1908, more than 100 years ago, that women finally stood up and demanded better working conditions and the right to vote. We think of the 60s as the decade of feminism, but the first feminists were grandmothers by then.

International Women’s Day can be traced back to the women’s suffrage movement starting in the 19th century. Over many decades, women achieved tremendous progress in many areas of life.

The purpose of International Women’s Day is to;

1. bring attention to the social, political, economic, and cultural issues that women face

2. advocate for the advance of women within all those areas.(social, political, economic, and cultural)

 

As the organizers of the celebration state, “Through purposeful collaboration, we can help women advance and unleash the limitless potential offered to economies the world over.”

The day is often also used to recognize women who’ve made significant contributions to the advancement of their gender.

 

 

Insightful Quotes About Womenhood

 

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My question for my fellow bloggers/viewers/readers:

1. What’s your opinion and contributions on this post/poem?

2. What are the things your mother have done that are worthy of appreciation?

3.What are your advice to young women/mothers  in the outside world?

 

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 

Credited to : MY MOTHER AND MY SISTER

MRS KOGWUONYE RITA NGOZI 
SISTER KOGWUONYE HENRIETTA OGOR

 

 

 

 

 

A VIEW OF FEMINISM: PLUMCOT

 

img_20190121_155914_790PLUMCOTS

It is parentage
That engraves my names on the pillar
It was not the amount of calories
Nor was it the number of ribs
Like Eve in the garden
If the fruit had the supposed knowledge
Then who knew firsts
Like Adam, if his rib was taken
Then where was the rib
I felt I had more calories
Because I am more bitter and sour
I became also so sweet
My muse were all speaking at once
The beautiful ancient speaks
If two can tangle, HE is there
HE brings me to fore
When they join

 

Written by:

MORDI IFEANYI APEX
Writer/Educator/Tutor
University of Benin
Department of English

 

 

STRUCTURAL REVIEW

Plumcot is practically a piece that tends to appreciate and renovate the vehicles of feminism.

Feminism is as old as man. In fact, it tends to be biblical knowledge that GOD of the bible created women with the man’s rib. Therefore, the woman share common features with man and she is mentioned as “help mate” not servant or housemaid. The same bible extract from it by submitting that the gathering of two brings another company. It might be a man or a woman or two men or two women. This biblical traces tends to be a natural wave of feminism. The “man made” or may be “woman made” feminism had its route traced to 1880. But for the reason of analysis and the poem involved, the poet gives an understanding on the purpose of feminism.


Foremost, the plumcots are a certain delicacy which are also hybrids. The poet uses plumcots as a result of parentage to identify feminism which depends on other ideas in order to be independent.


As line 1 and 2 states:

It is parentage
That engraves my names on the pillar

Here, the poet tries to expatiate on the fact that feminism need not advocate for independency alone as every achievement is hinged on support or two ideas leaving on each other. The feminist who hates men will get to know that two (male and female) can only give another life. The plum and apricots are two fruits which are fruits of a hybrid called plumcots. The plum and apricots need each other to produce the best. The bible records the two ideas anything male or female as being productive.

The poet identifies himself again as the plumcot as he feels the impact on the society from some feminist. The poet wants to advise that feminist is never standing alone. Feminism should not be confusing as it may not mean hatred for anything in the quest for equality.

From line 5-7:

Like Eve in the garden

If the fruit had the supposed knowledge

Then who knew firsts

Here, the poet make reference to the bible saying that the women knew first about the knowledge. So these knowledge has made them agitate for equality with men. Here quoting that “ without them the men could not have the knowledge” .

Going further in to the poem.

From Line 8-9:

Like Adam, if his rib was taken
Then where was the rib

Now the argument for knowledge can’t supersede the source in which women came from according to the biblical views. Therefore, if feminist fighting for equality especially with the opposite sex it still boils than to the fact that the woman was taken from the man according to biblical view. This means that a feminist has a degree of equality with the opposite sex. In the poet view the “taken rib” was a WOMAN.

The poet speaks in line 10-13:

I felt I had more calories

Because I am more bitter and sour

I became also so sweet 

My muse were all speaking at once

The poet attest to the fact that more calories in the plumcots was as a result of cross-breeding two fruits and in comparison with what gave birth to the feminist.

The expressionBecause I am more bitter and sour” means that the poet is confused about the state of how the feminist deviate from the purpose in which feminism is defined.

Going further in the poem, another line in the poem says: I became also so sweet.

Here the poet try to define SWEET as a total support of FEMINISM since they still stand that logo for equality.

In summary, the expression in lines 10-13 advocate for a better definition of feminism. The word FEMINISM might be gender sensitive which might not have the strength to fight total equality.

In the last 4 lines(line 14-17):

The beautiful ancient speaks

If two can tangle, HE is there

HE brings me to fore

When they join

The poet in the last 4 lines yells for feminism as a peaceful movement which understands natural law. The poet is not against the feminist but wants the feminist to clearly define its purpose with aspirations to unite. It should be communal.

 

Here is a question for my fellow bloggers and readers:

1. What are you contribution,opinion  and views about the poem?

2. What are the views about FEMINIST and FEMINISM in the society?

3.Are you in support of GENDER EQUALITY been agitated by FEMINIST?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 

Typed and Edited by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

 

Credited to :

Women who fight very much to be self independent and to all feminist

Quote based on the post:  PLUMCOTS

1. Quote  from my kenyan  blogger friend who support feminism.

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2. Quote from Patrick Stories

 

 

 

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FATE OF WOMEN – THE FOUR BROKEN MIRRORS (TALES)

THE FOUR BROKEN MIRRORS (TALES)

Patrickrealstories.WordPress.com

 

 

THE GOLDEN MIRROR

I was once beautiful, perfectly sculpted with gold clothing

My face clearer than the springs, smiles radiated from me

She greeted me naked, clothed, happy and I in turn showed her perfection

She was fulfilled and safe as was i, hidden from the faces of men

I stare into her soul as she does mine and innocence radiates

She was as pure as the sparkles from the diamonds

Then in the dark my back felt the crack as I kissed the ground

Slowly, painfully I could see the crack surface to my once perfect face

My glassy particles fell and her blood spilled

I was on the ground and she beside me barely clothed not by choice

My once beautifully sculpted back broken, her roses taken

I was broken and so was she

Our faces met, but darkness erupted

No more sparkles in her eyes, no more joy

Our secrets were taken from us by force

For the robber had stolen from us our purity and dignity

She put me back together, yet I am not whole for all I see is a hollow being

THE WOODEN MIRROR

I was alive before the earth invited her

My body as large as the whale, and yet sturdy and sound

I watched her walk with four limbs and they good enough

Till maturity decided otherwise

She once crawled close to my feet and greeted me with a smile

I looked into her soul and peace radiated

Every morning I had greeted her with her father and mother

He gave her kisses and gave me neatness

She was my friend and I her confidant

Her father became too busy and my face too cloudy

He missed days, then weeks before his presence became another’s

Her mother broken , became engulfed by drunkenness

I was rejected by her and she sought refuge at tables

Little by little she became bigger and I smaller

Till she could no more bear the being she saw in me

Depression arrived and I was forgotten

She became larger than I and once she looked at me only shame radiated

Till she greeted me for the last time with a fist

Then I was shattered

THE PLASTIC MIRROR

I was not specially clothed but I was bought with love

She took me from the slick tongue for notes

I arrived her home because of her journey

She was beautiful and ready to leave her home

Love had reached out its tentacles to her and she held on

Little by little I saw the signs; he was not good enough I felt at my first glance

There was something dark in his eyes and I could tell

To the aisles they headed and she was sold to slavery

Days into the nuptial Bliss, was a peaceful miss

Beautiful face, bright eyes and nose

She was happy or so she thought

Weeks passed and the real monster surfaced

At first black circles became friends with her eyes

She’d try to cover it up, but I always saw even down to vulnerability

The broken lips surfaced , handprints followed then blood

I was horrified at the figure before me

She was no longer the sweet lady that brought me home

She’d look at me and cry ,I her and mourn

He came back and she healed but I knew better.

Hit ! Kick ! Hit someone was pounding I felt

Then followed the scream

She ran into our room and then I saw the monster in his full form

Hit! Kick !push and with that she landed on my face

She looked at me and I saw in her what I had never seen before Rage

We lay side by side while he left

She in a pool of blood and I surrounded by my pieces

THE SILVER MIRROR

I was her most prized possession, she made me glow

Her mother would tie her hair in front of me and she’d look at me and smile

Her eyes were filled with love, it was more than a brown stream

We were the only ones in our kingdom as her father had left us in a coffin

Her mother sought the best for her and sometimes forgot who she was toiling for after all

Loneliness slapped us in the face and soon she spoke

Her mother pained, decided a little help was needed

The neighbour !

A week after he was ushered in and gave her the attention she needed

She always told how good he was and I did see truth to it

She showed me gifts and expressed her warmth and I saw that she had seen a father in him

Today she stormed in tear eyed, confused and scared

There was something she was not telling and I was her confidant

Moments after he followed with gifts ,but I thought he was forbade from entering our room

He begged like his life depended on it, then I noticed her limping

She was horrified and I confused.

Love had become fear in a matter of hours

She held her up and spoke harshly, she was never to mention to anyone he said

She fell and whimpered and he left

She crawled to me and looked at me with disgust

She pulled of her skirt, then saw I marks in the forbidden area

Blood!! Marks! Pain

I now understood what had happened

She shrieked away from me like I repelled her

Or was it who she saw in me that drove her away

For thirteen years I was her Friend but now she loathed me

I saw her cry and I died within me

When she arose she picked up the vase

And with a hard throw my body cracked and let out pieces

I was betrayed and she violated

She took a piece of me and sliced her wrists and I lay helplessly

As the blood bid her veins farewell

“Mother be on time” she whispered and with that she slept

Written by:

NWAGBARA MICHELLE NWAONU

Writer/Blogger
michael okpara university
Department of biochemistry

STRUCTURAL REVIEW ON THE TALES

THE FOUR BROKEN MIRRORS is a tale that tends to justify the women Fate which extends its mysterious manipulation using the broken mirrors. Here the writer was passing a message of rape, suicide,blood,death,rage, love turned sour and all its mess.

1.The Golden mirror (RAPE)

Most times women and ladies are victims of a robbery gone bad.

When the thieves don’t find valuables to take, the rape their female victims.This does not only happen in Nigeria but the whole world.Rape is a deadly form of abuse that affects the victim psychologically, emotionally, physically and even socially.The mirror tells the tale of a young lady full of life and bright till she’s faced with the trauma of rape.

2.The Wooden mirror(DEPRESSION)

Here in the tales of the wooden mirror,The child who used to enjoy a loving family is shattered by her parent’s divorce.She is depressed and fights it by eating a lot. Sometimes broken marriages affect the children more,which is why parents should always pay attention to their kids in such situations.Anyone going through difficult situations should learn to speak up,depression is a disease and should be treated as such.Here in the tales of the wooden mirror.

3.The Plastic mirror(ABUSIVE MARRIAGE)

Abusive marriages have been one err in the society that has brought many women to their early graves.Before tying the knot with any man make sure you look out for such signs.’ Is he hot tempered? ‘ Did he hit you while you were dating? or during courtship?

Don’t blow any signs off ,open up to people. When you find yourself in such situations as a lady please open to people, do not conceal your agony .

4.The Silver mirror(MOLESTATION)

Here in the tales of the wooden mirror,This tells of neglect on the part of the children. Here the writer is talking about molestation. Every parent should always make time for their children.Do not let work consume you and never leave your children in the hands of other people. The world is becoming evil ,uncles and other family members can also form one of this abusive behaviour on your child.Teach your children to speak up when someone does anything to them ,As a parent you should be their number one confidant.

Children(girls) within the age range of 6-15 have been constant victims of child molestation. It is our duty as women to curb that.

Here is a question for my fellow bloggers and readers:

1. What are you contribution,opinion and views about the tale?

2. What are the views about the four tales of women?

3. How can you connect this four tales about women in the society?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Credited to :

Women who fight depression, molestation and thrive to be self independent, and to all feminist

WRITER CONTACT INFO

Facebook@ Nwagbara Michelle Nwaonu

Instagram@ NwagbaraMichelle

Email @ michellelittlenmm24@gmail.com

Writer@ Purple-ng.com/Michelle

Blog@themichelle1.wordpress.com

IN HONOUR OF WOMEN

In Honour Of Women

https://patrickrealstories.files.wordpress.com/2018/10/chimamanda-hero-med-e1539396670415.jpg?w=1750&h=661

They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy.
They laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up for injustice.
They don’t take “no” for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without new shoes so their children can have them.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new marriage.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes.
They’ll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!
Women do more than just give birth.They bring joy and hope.
They give compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have a lot to say and a lot to give.
Pass this along to your women friends,


to remind them how amazing they are.
My question for my fellow bloggers/viewers/readers:
1. What’s your opinion and contributions on this post/poem?
2. What are the things your mother have done that are worthy of appreciation?
3.What are your advice to young mothers in the outside world?
Written by:
Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka
Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor
University of Benin
www.facebook.com/patrickstories
Credited to : MY MOTHER AND MY SISTER
MRS KOGWUONYE RITA NGOZI
SISTER KOGWUONYE HENRIETTA OGOR

A VIEW ON WOMAN IN THE SOCIETY-FATE OF A MANGO FRUIT

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FATE OF A MANGO FRUIT

Finally it fell down

But nobody noticed it

It started a decaying process

They noticed, but it was late

Its beauty become a stench

Decomposition was not optional

What would it have done?

To hang loose on its mother and still decompose?

Or fall to the ground and still decompose?

What is its fate?

Was it to be plucked, sucked

Or left to fall and decay?

 

Written by:

MORDI IFEANYI APEX
Writer/Educator/Tutor
University of Benin
Department of English

 

 

 

STRUCTURAL REVIEW

FATE OF A MANGO FRUIT is a poem that tends to justify the mystery of fate. Fate extends its mysterious manipulation on the mango fruit.

 

LINE 1-Finally it fell down

Here the poems tells us that the  mango fruit finally fell down.

LINE 2-But nobody noticed it

This line tells us that nobody noticed it.

In this line the poet MORDI IFEANYI APEX uses symbolic expression of line 1 and 2 to portray a given life situation of the fate of a maiden who is ready and mature to mingle or even marry in case any man is ready

Line 2 of the poem tells us nobody noticed it. The poet uses it to mean the young maiden.

LINE 3-It started a decaying process

It started decaying process: Age and time is no longer a friend to this young maiden. A question is then put across thus: Is fate truly a blessing or a curse to this maiden. All these manipulation by fate, is it worth it? What is the actual plan of fate on all gifted young maiden, apart from ripening and falling, will this mango fruit be useful even after decomposition?

Most society/communities do not show value and respect for a woman who is long due for marriage and yet remain single. These women are sometimes abused by their fathers, brothers and sometimes their employers. Some communities see marriage as rare and highly privilege opportunity for a woman rather than men.

According to feminist scholars such as Al-Sa’ adawi(1990), Al-Marneisi(1997);Banani(1995) and Sharabi(1987), woman are connected to one single fine thread that unites them in one image; they feel subordinate and inferior to men.

This is why most women take marriage seriously like in African, a beautiful woman in her late 40’s who is not working and not educated and still single is often portrayed as been fully be witched or oppressed by “OBANJE” spirit .So for some young beautiful maidens, their uttermost desire is early marriage to avoid the stigma of being labelled a taboo.

The poet demystifies the mysteries of fate by reflecting on the working of fate on this maiden in the poem. To avoid being labelled a cursed woman or because she is a naturally subordinate being. She must attain marriage status. The poet understands that not everyone is allowed the fate of a marriage status. Time and age is no longer on the side of this maiden. At last she was nocticed and she finally got married. The poem tells us it was late.

LINE 4- They noticed, but it was late:

This was the fate of a beautiful maiden who got a late marriage. The late, marriage and even her age as the poet uses decomposition as when all things have an expiring date affect this young maiden marriage. Decomposition use by the poet portrays menopause and aging beauty which affect this young maiden.

 

LINE 5– Its beauty become a stench

Here the poet reveals how beauty was wasted and not utilized on the part of this young maiden. Will you blame the maiden for being a beauty not found and not utilized? This young maiden must have shown some effort to attract suitor as line 7-9 express thus:

“What would it have done?

To hang loose on its mother and still decompose?

Or fall to the ground and still decompose? “

 

Finally, the poet hails the omnipotent nature of fate and the several options fate has for a young unmarried woman as line 10-12 express:

What is its fate?

Was it to be plucked, sucked

Or left to fall and decay?

 

REFERENCE

Al-Sa’ adawi(1990) studies about the women and men in the Arab society Beirut,Labanon

Arab Institution for studies and publishing.

 

Al-Marneisi F (1997); Behide the veil. Translate by: Ahmed Saleh Damascus: Dar Huran for publishing and distribution.

 

Here is a question for my fellow bloggers and readers:

1. What are you contribution,opinion  and views about the poem?

2. What are the views about women in the society?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 

Credited to :

Women who fight very much to be self independent and to all feminist

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OSCILLATION

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Who can tell me where Maria is?

At the cold end of Ikogosi spring

I looked at the flow of this cold spring

I thought Maria sitting by the side of this cold spring

But this cold end of my Ikogosi

Became an ocean current

It was an endless search in

My pacific ocean

I looked at the warm end of my Ikogosi

It was better than a hot plate

Where is my Maria?

I could only find a clone Maria

At the Ikogosi convergence

There lies cloned Maria

Mixed in the hot and cold spring

Conjugation gave me a minute sense

It was not Maria’s unique bonding

All I recall was Maria makes me whole

All grave become six more feet

The undertakers carried a living corpse

It was a condolence of Ignorance

Despite who I am now

I know Maria left with a part of me

If she came back, bonding was same

Then who is this drone after bonding

 

Written by:

MORDI IFEANYI APEX

Writer/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

Department of English

 

STRUCTURAL REVIEW 

Oscillation is a poem that portrays the social transaction between two ‘die hard’ lovers.

Unlike Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet where the story lies on the distinction in status between Romeo background and that of Juliet. The lovers in this poem (oscillation) experienced not only status difference,but class differences. The poet justifies the experience of the lovers in Oscillation with an identity to that of the experience of Jack and Rose in the movie entitled ‘Titanic’ and Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet in respect of statues and class differences.

The poem does not only wear a tragic blanket but also has elements of chaos becoming the order of the day for both lovers.

Line 1-5of the poem tell us about the mood of one of the lovers.

Line 1-5

Who can tell me where Maria is?

At the cold end of Ikogosi spring

I looked at the flow of this cold spring

I thought Maria sitting by the side of this cold spring

The preceding expression by the lover in this poem tells how experience several mood swings in his subconscious. The subconscious of the lover in this poem is likened to the cold end of IKOGOSI.

The IKOGOSI warm spring is a tourist attraction located at IKOGOSI, a town in Ekiti state, Southern western Nigeria. Flowing abreast the warm spring is another cold spring at a confluence, each maintaining its thermal properties. The attributions of IKOGOSI warm and cold spring’s thermal properties to the loves subconscious is figurative and tends to be factual of the natural , sometimes mixed feelings of humans.

Line 10I looked at the warm end of my Ikogosi

Here line 10 of the poem shows the expression of the lover as this thought roam the warm end of IKOGOSI spring. Even in the lover’s subconscious and his physical search for his Maria, he ends up confused .

This poem has a story line. It began with two passionate lovers who began experiencing challenges because of parental religious background and class distinction. The main story has it that the parents of the boy(Jubril) who are very rich and are Muslims introduced a plan to get rid of their son’s Maria who was a Christian and from a very poor background. The parent  of Maria where not also in support of their daughters relationship with Jubril. The parents of Jubril decided to clone another Maria for their son,but after love making with cloned Maria ,Jubril’s confusion becomes more of a tangle. His suspicious and doubt becomes more stronger. He suspects he is not with the same Maria he loves.

The poet intention analyse the deep thought of Jubril love for Old Maria and doubt for cloned Maria. The poet MORDI IFEANYI APEX also seek to portray the religious misfit and class conflicts in an under-developed society, a developing society and sometimes a developed society.

The poet main intention of this poem is to let us understand the ‘ products’ of religious and class wars.

Jubril new transformation in confusion, cloned Maria and old Maria are all results of this religious,and class wars. The lover (Jubril) in the poem expresses thus:

Lines 18-21

Conjugation gave me a minute sense

It was not Maria unique bonding

All I recall was Maria make me whole

All grave became six more feet

Line 25-28

Despite who I am now

I know Maria left with a part of me

If she came back, bonding was same

Then who is this drone after bonding

The above expression from Jubril is his new state when his doubts for the cloned Maria become stronger.

Despite the accident he had,he could still distinguish that the woman with him is not really his true Maria. Even love making with cloned Maria confirms his doubts.

To get the full novel contact the author of the novel  “oscillation

Mordi ifeanyi Apex

+2347033289203

 

Here is a question for my fellow bloggers and readers:

What are you contribution,opinion  and views about the poem in relation to the society?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

 

Credited to :

Those who experience religious crisis,  social, class and status misfit in the society

 

 

SPOKEN WORDS CAN’T BE RETRIEVED

 

A farmer insulted his neighbor. Realizing his mistake, he went to the preacher to ask for forgiveness. The preacher told him to take a bag of feathers and drop them in the center of town. The farmer did as he was told. 

Then the preacher asked him to go and collect the feathers and put them back in the bag. The farmer tried but couldn’t as the feathers had all blown away. When he returned with the empty bag, the preacher said, “The same thing is true about your words.

Advice:
You dropped them rather easily but you cannot retrieve them, so be very careful in choosing your words.

 

My question for my fellow bloggers/viewers/readers:

1. What’s your opinion and contributions on this post?

2. Have you said or use harsh words to someone you know or you just met or having a simple conversation?

3.What was your reaction when you find out you were wrong?

 

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

www.facebook.com/patrickstories

PATRICK VIEW: A SPECIAL FRIEND

https://patrickrealstories.files.wordpress.com/2018/07/preview_special-friend-tree-keyring.jpgEverybody has that special person they call they special friend who is always around to talk and chat with.

From my views, i was able to note some specific things i found in that my special friend.

Here goes an analogy about that special person i call my special friend.

 

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Last time you were here we felt a different atmosphere couldn’t recover from the feeling of your smile.

Then I watched out for you the next Sunday, I Prayed Monday to Saturday that I may see that beautiful smile in you.

Then today, so anxious as I ponder in my heart about you. If only I could see your smile and your face i feel at ease. I looked up aimlessly into the clouds. A call might have at least confirmed my doubt

Then I saw you being ushered in like a royalty and coming toward me.How I jumped and screamed in my mind “My special friend is coming”.

It is fun , just when you’re here everything changes for good.

It is fun when we shout, sing, scream and rejoice together.

It is fun, when we talked about life and prosperity

It is fun My friend, just when you’re here i feel ease and i feel like talking to you all through.

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Here are some pictures related quotes  that shows some analogy of that trustworthy, honest, and loyal special friend.

1. “The greatest gift of life is friendship, and I have received it.” – Hubert H. Humphrey

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2. “A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.” – Elbert Hubbard

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3. “My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.” – Henry Ford

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4. “The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.” – Henry David Thoreau

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5. “True friends are those rare people who come to find you in dark places and lead you back to the light.”

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6. “Friends are the siblings God never gave us.” – Mencius

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7. “Friendship isn’t about who you’ve known the longest. It’s about who walked into your life, said “I’m here for you”, and proved it.”

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8.   “I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.” – Helen Keller

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9.  “F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Fight for you. Respect you. Include you. Encourage you. Need you. Deserve you. Stand by you.”

 

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10. “Friendship is the source of the greatest pleasures, and without friends even the most agreeable pursuits become tedious.” – Thomas Aquinas

 

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With the above pictures related quote am able to cover some areas why you have that special friend.

 

 

My questions for my fellow bloggers :

1. Do you have a special friend?

2.  Who is that person that gives you joy when both of you are together talking,chating, rejoicing, trolling and Partying together?

 

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 

 

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

http://www.facebook.com/patrickstories

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PATRICK VIEWS- YOU ARE WHAT YOU DO

 

https://patrickrealstories.files.wordpress.com

I look at successful billionaires and always ask this question, what did they do different?
How did they achieve this much success and money? People usually say “It all destiny, they were lucky”. I could take any answer for my questions, but not when destiny is involved.

I am a strong believer that everyone makes their own destiny, from a beggar on the street to the president of a country. Everyone sees the end result, but no one sees the effort that has gone behind that success.

Did these successful people had it easy?

Nope I don’t think so. So what it is that differentiate them from the rest of us?

Also, what is it that we can do to at least start to be like them?

1. You are your own limit – Yes, you can have everything you want in life, if you don’t put limitations in your brain.

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2. You don’t know what to do – You have a goal, but you don’t know how to go about achieving it. Well, maybe you haven’t researched enough. Breathe and live your goals. Don’t rest till you find out how and what you need to do to achieve your goals.

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3. The law of cause and effect – For every cause there is an effect. Everything happens because of an underlying reason. You want to be rich? Follow a life history of a person who rose from rags to riches. You want to be a successful entrepreneur, imitate a successful entrepreneur you know.

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4. it’s not going to be easy – Make peace with it. it will require an extra effort. You have to push yourself again and again. Find time to do what you want to do. Your comfort zone is your biggest enemy. Do it yourself.

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5. Don’t forget your values – Last but most important. Don’t ever forget you are made up of. If its feels wrong, most probably it is. You think it is wrong as those are your values.

https://patrickrealstories.files.wordpress.com/2018/01/download-25-e1515856662401.jpg

 

Here is a question for my fellow bloggers and readers:

1. What are you contribution,opinion  and views about the Post?

2. What are the things you do that shows who you are?

 

Please let me know all your reactions,views and insights in the comments below!

 

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

www.facebook.com/patrickstories

 

Credited to :

Those who Struggle and also have the mindset of don’t quit.

 

 

 

THE CONCEPT ABOUT TIME IS PRECIOUS

 

 

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Time is precious. It is by far one of the most important commodities in our lives. This is why it is important to treasure every moment and make the best out of things, no matter what.
As of late I have been paying more attention to how I spend my time and whom I spend it with. l realized how “careless” and “freely” I have given away my time to people and activities that weren’t worth it.
The thing is that I have always been very good about freely offering my time, help, heart and loyalty to anyone who ask for it. It didn’t occur to me that it was OK for me to ask for the same in return. I therefore found myself frequently around people who never seemed to be able to make any effort for me; and at times, didn’t even seem to care about me all that much. This made me an easy target for users or selfish individuals.
Taking stock of what I do, how I do it and with whom, has made a huge difference in how I feel. So, when it comes to your time, spend it wisely. A friend recently told me that I should only give my all to someone who is worthy. I think “all” includes one’s time.
So today, I am making new choices and these include not giving time to people who give nothing but only seem to remember me when they need or want something from me.
Time, it’s precious, as is your heart – choose wisely whom you give them to. Choose people who are worthy of you and your time.
My question for you how well have you used your time preciously?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Written by:
Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka
Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor
University of Benin
www.facebook.com/patrickstories

PATRICK VIEW -THE MINDSET OF DON’T QUIT

 

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Over the time, i personally discovered that there is no  finish line in the race of life.Every body has different stages of living it.

What a life! Life is full of twists, turns, ups and downs, surprises and disappointments. Life offers each and everyone of us different opportunities and once an opportunity is lost, its gone forever.

Its up to us to patiently prepare, wait, recognise and utilize every opportunity that comes our way. We learn on the way.

The following are instances i used to judge on my view about the “don’t quite mindset” which i know i have used alot and it favours me alot. Every body have a time to make it. The instance are listed below:

  1. one person graduates @20yrs and struggle for the next 5yrs to get a job, another graduates @25yrs and gets a job immediately. 
  2. One can marry a virgin and wait for the next decade to have the blessing of Children, while another probably after series of abortions in her past becomes a mother immediately after marriage.
  3. A fellow becomes MD @25yrs and dies @55yrs, another MD @ 55yrs and lives to 90yrs.

Nobody has it all or knows it all. There is a reason why we all don’t fall at the same time, it’s so that when one is down, weak and discourage, the other who is strong can encourage and lift the other.

Although life is complicated, lets learn to go easy on ourselves.

Whatever trials, challenges and down times we face will surely come to pass. And we will be up and strong again to help those that are down around us.

NEVER LOSE HOPE…When the road gets tough have this mindset of don’t quit. we all have a story to tell someday.

May God bless your hustle.

Here is a question for my fellow bloggers and readers:

1. What are you contribution,opinion  and views about the Post?

2. Have you ever thought of quiting as your struggle for life?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

www.facebook.com/patrickstories

 

Credited to :

Those who Struggle and also have the mindset of don’t quit.

 

SHORT WRITE UP–PATRICK VIEW-LET IT GO

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This post or topic have different views depending on the person. Here is my own personal research on this topic based on our life and people around us.
I just started with the meaning of let it go

From urban dictionary

Now let go majorly in to this topic now.

Let it go, When people walk away from you, let them walk, don’t talk another person into staying with you,don’t talk another person into loving you,don’t talk another person into calling you or caring about you.
don’t talk another person into staying with you, let it go.
when people walk away from you let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left, people leave you because they are not comfortable with you and if they are not comfortable to you, you can’t make them stay, let them go, and that doesn’t make them bad people,
It just means that their part in your story is over, and you have to know when peoples part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to think about it
You have to know when someone special is dead, let it go.
When it is over, let it go, stop begging people to stay, let them go.
If you are holding unto something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life then you need to let it go.
If you are holding unto past hurts and pains let it go,
If someone cant treat you right let it go.
If someone has angered you let it go, if you are holding unto some evil taught and revenge let it go.
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction let it go.
You are holding unto a job that no longer meet your needs let it go,
if you have a bad attitude let it go.
If you are judging others to make your self feel better let it go.
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship let it go, if you are trying to help someone who can’t even help himself let it go.
If you are feeling stressed and depressed let it go.
let the past be past, forget the former things let it go.
Think about the future and present.
Here is a question for my fellow bloggers and readers:
what are the things you have let go off?
What was your state of being when you decided to let go off those things?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Written by:
Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka
Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor
University of Benin
www.facebook.com/patrickstories

PATRICK VIEW:THERE IS NO THING AS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

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It doesn’t exist and don’t even tell me you believe in it without a proper explanation. Whatever happens on the first meeting is ATTRACTION and not love

Meeting someone for the first time,something must attract you to them. It could be their way of speaking,dance steps,dressing or smiles.

It doesn’t mean you love them,it only means they have caught your fancy. Attraction can be channeled to love and can also bring heart break if not well handled.

Attraction is an interest. Someone’s  black thick eyes can instantly attract you to them.
It doesn’t mean you are ready enough to call it love.

Love has many definition. It is an intense feelings of affection and care toward someone while attraction is  the action or power of evoking interest in or liking for someone or something.

Attraction at first sight happens,not love. So that is the  based on the definition.

It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be very friendly the first time you meet people but don’t be fast to think you are in love because what you still have is ATTRACTION  which can be grown, developed in to love or shattered  into heartbreak.

Here are my personal 26 characteristics you can be attracted to in people that have nothing to do with their physical appearance.

1. Their handwritings.

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2. Their laugh.

 

 

 

3. Their dancing,whether they’re good or bad at it.

 

 

 

 

4. Being confident without being arrogant.

 

 

5. When their smiles makes other people smiles.

 

 

 

6. The way they quote their favorite movies.(Indian)

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7. Their voice.

 

 

8. Being able to admitt their are wrong

 

 

9. Their secrets

 

 

10. Their walking step.

 

 

11. Their knowledge on wide range of topics

 

 

12. Their sense of humor

 

 

13. Their unique scent.

 

 

14. Their  ability to be playful.

 

 

15. Their humility.

 

16. When they can tease you without being offensive.

 

 

17. Their intelligence.

 

 

18. Their approach to life with ease

 

19. Their way of eating(shy to eat in public place, hiding to eat).

 

 

20.The way they pronounce and repeat certain words.( really, yeah, OK, right)

 

 

21. When they have integrity about everything they do.

 

22. Their good social skills – they know how to have a friendly conversation.

 

23. When they know how to have fun.

 

 

24. Their loyalty.

 

 

25.Their talk of motivation and drive.

 

 

26. Their choice of clothes/outfit.

 

 

 

 

With the above characteristics mentioned I can now stand on my own view : THERE IS NO THING AS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

Am not here to make anybody find fault in me. This is my own personal view on this topic.

I guess am able to convince any body reading this post or write up. This is my own view about “nothing like love at first sight”

I have a simple question for my fellow bloggers.

My questions for you:

  1. Have you ever love someone at first sight?
  2. Have you been attracted to someone at first sight

 

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below. 

 

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

www.facebook.com/patrickstories

 

 

 

 

 

SUNDAY SPICE UP: PATRICK VIEW ON SHARING & CARING

 

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Hi peeps, today post is all about sharing and caring. Here is a little write up about my encounter i had in a service i was invited to.

I attended a “church band love feast” get together in one of the church in my area and there was so much to eat and drink, just like a normal feast with games to play but when this session of exchange of gifts came, I was amazed at a presentation that captured my imagination.

First I felt about the idea, base on the sharing and caring for neighbours, family and friends in the church.You don’t have to have the world to show kindness to anyone, all you would ever need is your heart.

Yes! Your heart, you can start by thinking about the need of that person sitting or standing next to you.Alright! Sharon is about four years old and she came out to present his gift to a little girl(Joan) about his age.

His father is a member in the band in the church While the parents of Joan are active members of the band as well.Sharon  must have seen his father rap a gift to present to the name he had picked some weeks ago and insisted to be given something to give too.

It was funny, everyone laughed but left with a strong massage. What can I give even when I have nothing for myself? I asked myself.

Again sharing amd caring is not all about money giving but is all about giving time and good word to people around.

But I ponder on this things the more, I keep it to myself, from my own point of view,the following are ways to share and care for people around you

  1. SHOWING LOVE

sharing and caring is all about showing love, not only for lovers, but also for anyone worth showing love to, show love to the poor and neglected in the streets and to anyone else.

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  1. SAYING A PRAYER

 Spare a thought for someone; Find time to pray that we will continue to understand the importance of love in our family units and  to the overall welfare of our society and our world. Say a prayer that every soul in need finds someone to love. That is the real spirit of caring for that person, it is the thing that our world  needs.

Pray and worship

  1. SPENDING QUALITY TIME

Again, is all about spending quality time with one’s family, friends, and relatives.

 

 

 

  1. GIVING ARMS AND GIFTS

By sharing with someone through gift, love card. By caring for the hospitalized person in the society, giving free medical check up for old/aged people in the society.

 

 

 

5. GOOD CONVERSATION

Here you care about that person by giving him or her good words that encourage them each time they face difficulty or been around you. Here are several things to say to someone during a conversation there by making a very positive impression:

  • “Tell me all about your day.”
  • “What do you think about [insert topic here]?”
  • “What would you like to do for dinner tonight?”
  • “How are you feeling?”
  • “What would you do this weekend if you could do anything you wanted?”

Other everyday comments that can make your to care for that person   are compliments, such as the following:

  • “You are funny.”
  • “You look beautiful today, just like every day.”
  • “You always know the right thing to say to make me smile.”
  • “I had a bad day, but as soon as I saw you, I cheered right up.”
  • “I miss you when you’re not here. You make my day complete.”
  • “You are the smartest person.
  • “You always make me laugh, in a good way.”

 

I am hoping this week will be pleasant for everyone. 

This week’s Sunday(sharing & caring) encourages you to share and show care with  someone. Like am adage which says “when you give you will receive in so many folds.”

And for you bloggers here i have a simple question for you –what is your own idea about sharing  and caring”.

 

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 

Written by:
Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka
Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor
University of Benin
www.facebook.com/patrickstories

PATRICK VIEW- CIRCLE OF FRIENDS

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Talking about circle of friends, i found this quote very inspiring:

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If someone wants to walk out of your life…. LET THEM GO especially when you have done your best, You have put in your Time, your Energy and have been the best person to them.

They say “You don’t know what you have till you loose it” and when they realise they made a mistake it would be too late for them to come back running to you.

Some people come into your life for a lifetime while some come in for a season and some also come in for a reason. You have to realise which is which to avoid mixing the  seasonal people with the lifetime expectations.

You realise your life has turned to SHIT, you are never happy and you wonder why you never have peace.From my own personal view am using the tree as an example of friends. A tree is made up of;

1. The branches

2. Theleaves

3.the  roots 

1.The branches -Some people are like a Branch on a Tree, they make you think they are good friends – strong and reliable but when you step on them they break off and leave you dry.

2.The leaves-Some people are like Leaves on a Tree. When the wind blows they move, always unstable. Season changes they wither and die off. Most people in the world are only there to take from the Tree never adding value.

3.The roots-But these are very rare, the Roots, if you find some people who are like the Roots of a tree then you are truly blessed because  they are not going anywhere. They are not worried about being seen, they are not worried about what people will say or about what they doing for you.

You can have a million branches but without the Roots, the Tree can’t live. So if you have some Roots in your life hold on to them and the rest you LET THEM GO.

After analzing this tree concept, I scrolled through my contact list and differentiated the Roots from the Leaves and the Branches.I said NO MORE… I kept a far distance from them and i concentrated of fixing Myself. And also holding to the root categories of friends which i know right from high school.

At this point of my life i have to make a choice about whom i keep as friends in my workplace, my neighbourhood and my place of worship.At some point in my life i was seeking for a good frienship which will lead to a good relationship and then life partner.

But later i view it from other angle: The Philosophy of Life-When you want something does not necessarily mean it will come that particular time Nope but it happens at the Right Time not at Your Time.

I rather be by myself and my root categories of friends  than be with the branch and leaves making me miserable for the rest of my Life.

My question for you

  1. How well have you kept your circle of friends
  2. Are  your friends among the branch, leaves or roots

 

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 

Written by:
Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka
Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor
University of Benin
www.facebook.com/patrickstories