PATRICK VIEW-DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE’S PURPLE HIBISCUS

PATRICK VIEW-DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE’S PURPLE HIBISCUS

 

DEFINITION OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence

According to Wikipedia
Domestic violence (also named domestic abuse or family violence) is violence or other abuse by one person against another in a domestic setting, such as in marriage or cohabitation. It may be termed intimate partner violence when committed by a spouse or partner in an intimate relationship against the other spouse or partner, and can take place in heterosexual or same-sex relationships, or between former spouses or partners.
Domestic violence can also involve violence against children, parents, or the elderly.

FORM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
According to Wikipedia, domestic violence takes different form which include

  1. physical abuse
  2. emotional/psychological abuse
  3. sexual abuse
  4. social abuse
  5. financial abuse

 

Based on my writing am going to focus on the two form of domestic violence’s recorded on the novel. Which include:
1. Physical abuse
2. Emotional/psychological abuse
For more info about the other forms of domestic violence (sexual abuse, social abuse and financial abuse) you can check using the link below:

https://patrickrealstories.wordpress.com/2019/09/29/patrick-view-domestic-violence

Here goes the meaning of physical and emotional/psychological abuse.

1.  PHYSICAL ABUSE
Physical abuse often begins with less violent assaults such as pushing. As the abuse continues, however, it becomes increasingly violent. Abusers often target areas of the body that are usually covered with clothing because the injuries are less likely to be visible to others. Acts of physical abuse include:

  • Pushing
  • Restraining
  • Shaking
  • Slapping
  • Biting
  • Punching
  • Kicking
  • Throwing objects at the victim
  • beating
  • Using weapons
  • Strangulation
  • Withholding medications
  • Attempting to force miscarriage
  • Scratching
  • Biting
  • Pulling hair
  • Refuse to help when sick, injured or disabled
  • Using or threatening to use weapons

2. EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE
Emotional/psychological abuse is a tool used by those who want to make their partners feel scared, crazy, worthless, or responsible for the abuse. The abuser’s goal is control over the victim. Emotional abuse may include:

  • Making jokes about the victim
  • Insults
  • Criticizing the victim’s competence
  • Ignoring the victim’s feelings
  • Withholding affection as a form of punishment
  • Blaming the victim for all problems
  • Yelling at the victim
  • Humiliating the victim in front of others
  • Accusing the victim of being the abusive partner
  • Threatening to take the children away from the victim
  • Threatening physical violence
  • Extreme jealousy
  • Hiding or destroying important belongings
  • Frequent demands to know where she is and with whom
  • Alienation/Separation from family and friends
  • Public humiliation

 

A REVIEW ON THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE- PHYSICAL ABUSE IN THE NOVEL “PURPLE HIBISCUS”

The novel Purple Hibiscus introduce a central conflict right at the beginning. Here Eugene, who sees himself as a devout catholic sets a standard in his house that does not allow for any errors. Rules on appropriate behaviour at home and outside the home are set. When a rules is violated contrary to his standard, Eugene reacts by acts of violence in which his wife is the principal recipient or focus.
An instance in the novel is when his wife is reluctant/or refuses to visit the priest after mass because of her pregnant status, beats her up, despite her pregnancy status. Kambili describes the scene thus:
“”””” I was in my room after lunch, reading James chapter five, when I heard the sounds. Swift, heavy thuds on my parent‘s hand-carved bedroom door I imagined the door had gotten stuck and Papa was trying to open it. If I imagined it hard enough, then it would be true. I sat down, closed my eyes, and started to count. Counting made it seem not that long, made it seem not that bad. Sometimes it was over before I even got to twenty. I was at nineteen when the sounds stopped. I heard the door open. Papa gait on the stairs sounded heavier, more awkward than usual […] Mama was slung over his shoulder like the jute sacks of rice his factory workers bought in bulk at the Seme border. (PH, 32-33) “””””

Kambili gives vivid description of what transpires when she continues, We cleaned up the trickle of blood, which trailed away as if someone had carried a leaking jar of red watercolor all the way downstairs. Jaja scrubbed while I wiped (PH, 33).
Afterwards Eugene asked the children to recite sixteen different novenas for Mama‘s forgiveness.
Kambili‘s narration of the violence that goes on in their home is something not too good for a child of her age and she portrays her daily life which entails/embrace a constant witnessing and experience of psycho-physical violence. Here she says:

”””Counting made it seem not that long, made it seem not that bad. Sometimes it was over before I even got to twenty (PH,33). ”””

His wife, Beatrice’s polishing of the étagère was her way of containing her emotional and psychological abuse after each physical assault/abuse (beating, kicking, punching).

In these moments, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie novel describes most of the causes of the domestic violence is as a result of the misuse of  patriarchal power and control that Eugene uses in the family.

Eugene uses power over his wife and children to make them to be submissive toward him. The wife‘s subordinate position as a full time house wife with no educational background or money of her own makes it easy for her husband to perpetuate violence against her and their children without her making any effort to stop the violence or report it for fear of losing her marriage and her source of dependence.

The oppression faced by Beatrice, (Eugene‘s wife) is manifested in the control her husband has over her, the unkind way he treats her, the violence melted out on her and the children and her inability to do anything about it.

Through the Achike‘s family, Adichie portrays the problem of intimate partner violence and domestic violence as it happens in the Nigerian Society. She also gives an insight into why it thrives using the character of Beatrice, Eugene‘s wife.
From the beginning of her marriage to Eugene, Beatrice learnt to suffer in silence as defence mechanism against further violence from her husband. Instead, she polishes the figurines in the living room to grieve. In the words of Kambili, this is what she said:

“”””” Years before I understood, I used to wonder why she polish them each time I heard the sounds from their room, like something being banged against the door…There were never tears on her face. The last time, only two weeks ago, when her swollen eye was still the black-purple colour of an overripe avocado, she had rearranged them after she polished them‘(PH, 10). “””””

Of all the accounts of intimate partner violence/marital violence recorded in the African novel, none has been described as brutal or as sadistic as Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie‘s in PURPLE HIBISCUS, especially because of its realistic and narrative point of view. The dynamics of domestic violence is treated as the main theme of this text PURPLE HIBISCUS.
From the novel, Beatrice attached much attention to marriage, she sees it as something she can’t do without, these lead to her inability to do anything about the daily domestic violence she received. Instead, she kept silence and she endured and allow herself to be beaten by her husband Eugene.
Despite her husband‘s violence against her and the children, Jaja and Kambili, Beatrice refuses to leave, clinging to her view of marriage as sacred and her only way of existence. In a conversation with Aunty Ifeoma, Beatrice point of view about marriage is the most important in her life becomes very clear in a discussion with Aunty Ifeoma, her sister- in –law. She says:

’’’’A husband crowns a woman‘s life‘(PH, 75).’’’’

Her sister-in-law Aunty Ifeoma who pleads Beatrice to leave Eugene before it is too late says:
“”””This cannot go on, nwunye m,” Aunty Ifeoma said. “When a house is on fire, you run out before the roof collapses on your head. (PH, 213). “”””

 

A REVIEW ON THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE- EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE IN THE NOVEL “PURPLE HIBISCUS”

Psychological violence is experienced in Eugene‘s home at the beginning of the novel. Emotional/psychological abuse affected the Eugene children and his wife Beatrice.

Here in the novel, emotional and psychological abuse that is been observed is the narration given by Beatrice on her experiences to Aunty Ifeoma, her sister in-law, who lives in Nsukka:

“”””” I got back from the hospital today. The doctor told me to rest but I took Eugene‘s money and asked Kevin to take me to the Park. I hired a taxi and came here… You know that small table where we keep the family Bible? [Eugene] broke it on my belly. My blood finished on that floor even before he took me to St. Agnes [Hospital]. My doctor said there was nothing he could do to save [the pregnancy]… (PH, 248). “””””
In this incident, Eugene beats his pregnant wife to the point of miscarriage over a domestic dispute. Her inability to bear more children in the marriage she attributes to the constant beating and subsequent miscarriages that follows each beating by her husband (Eugene).

From the novel, Kambili had a fear to speak out. She chokes several times in unsuccessful attempts to speak, as her body becomes part of violence and silence and therefore she experience trauma each day.

Kambili’s body is a site of critical silence made visible by the constant choking and inability to speak at crucial moments. Kambili ordinary life is illuminated through the act of violence, silence and wounded bodies that show a long-suffering and traumatized existence.

Scars, left behind by inflictions of punishments, like Jaja’s crooked finger and Mama’s (Beatrice) awkward limp are evidence of the act of violence carried out by Eugene in their household.
Father‘s expectations demand absolute perfection and anything less provokes his unpredictable rage and cruel punishments. Kambili summarizes their everyday existence as;

“”””” Our steps on the stairs were as measured and as silent as our Sundays: the silence of waiting until Papa was done with his siesta so we could have lunch; the silence of reflection time, when Papa gave us a scripture passage or book by one of the early church fathers to read and meditate on; the silence of the evening rosary; the silence of driving to the church for benediction afterward. (PH, 31) “”””””

Kimbali and Beatrice as well as Jaja for some time experience high amounts of stress, fear, and anxiety while living with their perpetrator (Eugene)
Kambili’s case is confounded by her reliving the pain of an inner journey through the traumatic event, and by her inability to witness, as she listens to the pounding in her parents’ bedroom which she safely describe to the idea that her father was finding it difficult to open the door.

Later, in one of the significant moments of self-reflection, Kambili concludes, I did not think, I did not even think to think, what Mama needed to be forgiven for. (PH, 36).

Kambili‘s narration of the violence that goes on in their home is something not too good for a child of her age and portrays her daily life which entails/embrace a constant witnessing and experience of psycho-physical violence. Here she says:
“”””” Counting made it seem not that long, made it seem not that bad. Sometimes it was over before I even got to twenty (PH, 33). “””””
From the beginning of her marriage to Eugene, Beatrice learnt to suffer in silence as defence mechanism against further violence from her husband. Instead, she polishes the figurines in the living room to grieve. In the words of Kambili, this is what she said:

“”””” Years before I understood, I used to wonder why she polish them each time I heard the sounds from their room, like something being banged against the door…There were never tears on her face. The last time, only two weeks ago, when her swollen eye was still the black-purple colour of an overripe avocado, she had rearranged them after she polished them‘(PH, 10). “””””

Depression is also common and also part of the emotional abuse/psychological the victims are made to feel guilty for ‘provoking’ the abuse and are frequently subjected to intense criticism as this could be vividly seen in the novel when it became too unbearable and led to the poisoning of Eugene by Beatrice. The sense of guilt prompted Jaja to take full responsibility for his father’s death and this landed him in the prison walls for three years. (209 • both she and Jaja claim responsibility • Papa rips up the picture. • Kambili hugs painting as she is kicked and beaten by Papa • She wakes up in hospital with broken ribs •)

Eugene who is a violent man in Achike household, subjected his wife Beatrice, Kambili his daughter, and his son Jaja to beatings and psychological abuse.

(•MAMA’S FINAL BEATING p. 247-8 • Mama arrives in Nsukka in slippers • She takes Eugene’s money • He had broken the family Bible on her belly • “My blood finished on that floor before he took me to St Agnes. My doctor said there was nothing he could do to save it.” • She was 6 weeks pregnant and had not told Eugene • her act of coming to Nsukka – shows increased resistance on her part. • )

 

CONCLUSION

The titled DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE‘S PURPLE HIBISCUS examines the act of domestic violence in the novel. It has been established that since the post-colonial era in Nigeria, various voices of women expressing their concerns about the subjugation of women and other issues affecting the growth of the Nigerian female have been heard.

In chimamanda ngozi adichie‘s writings, it is established that patriarchy is an ideology that seeks to show that a woman‘s main purpose in life was to be a mother and a wife and this categorization affects different women regardless their educational status.

In Purple Hibiscus Adichie presents a complex rather than simple view of her characters. She effectively works to kick against the image of African women as a stereotypical group of hard-working, powerless and self-sacrificing victims in their subordinate positions.

In Purple Hibiscus through the character of Beatrice, she paints a picture of an African woman that is burdened by patriarchy and illiteracy. Unable to redefine herself or stand up for her rights, she finally resorts to murdering her husband, Eugene, to liberate herself and her victimized or violated children. Her inability to stand up for herself early enough in the novel leads to the tragedy of her husband‘s death and imprisonment of her son‘s.

In the novel, Beatrice experience such abuse due to her financial dependent on Eugene and lack of exposure to western education. Adichie illustrates that the only difference is that the Western educated women are able to free themselves from this abuse quickly because of their ability to stand on their rights  as seen in the characters of Ifeoma, Olanna and Kainene. Therefore, women‘s education  are emphasized as means of women‘s empowerment and growth.

The novel clearly argues that Nigerian women are oppressed, exploited and degraded by a mix of traditional cultures and the modern forms of patriarchy.

Violence against women in the novel is one of the primary forms of oppression, traditions, illiteracy, and religious intolerance are core challenges that the Nigerian women still face.

Adichie challenges women to have a voice so as to confront their oppressors. Silence was a tool used by Beatrice and her children which lead to further suffering and violence in the novel. In the novel Adichie advocates that women should shun submissiveness, subjection, subjugation  and oppression so that their condition may be redeemed.

Adichie kick against the perpetuation of violence as a tool of female oppression and show of male power and dominance. Radical feminist theory state that the oppression against women manifests itself in men’s control of women in families, sexual oppression within and outside the family and violence against women
This oppression is further legitimized by cultural and traditional authority as a norms or customs by the people in that particular society.

In this case, Beatrice in “Purple Hibiscus” believes that the typical African male has the right to physically correct his spouse or child when they err. She does not question her husband‘s behaviour towards her because in the typical Nigerian tradition a good wife does not challenge her husband.

Adichie is able to illustrate that most of the victims of these forms of violence were females. So there is a call for a discontinuation of gender violence against women in the novel.
The review on the novel also shows that Adichie and her female characters are voices advocating for change in the way society treats women and the marginalization of women in the society.

As a writer, Adichie uses her novel to explain the problem face by women in Nigeria which include gender violence, domestic violence, religious bigotry, tribalism and other social inequalities. Her work (PURPLE HIBISCUS) challenge the already established patriarchy structures of male order at both domestic and national levels.

 

COMPETING INTERESTS

I declare that I have no financial or personal relationships that may have influenced me in writing this article. I write this articles based on my experience with those who have such.

 

I will like to ask a simple question for my fellow readers and viewers.

  1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?

  2. Are you aware of existence of domestic violence in your area? If so, explain

  3. What are your perceptions of girls/women who experience domestic violence

  4. Do these girls/women enjoy in this marriage/relationship? Elaborate.

  5. What in your view is the best way forward to solve this problem?

  6. Does culture in any way contribute to domestic violence?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

Credited to :

Women  who fight gender based violence, intimate partner violence, molestation and thrive to be self independent, and to all feminist

PATRICK PERSONAL VIEW: 14 REASONS WHY I STILL LOVE FEMINIST/ WRITER CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE

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PATRICK PERSONAL VIEW:  14 REASONS WHY I STILL LOVE CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE

The first time I heard about her I was in Benin doing my masters at UNIBEN. I heard it from a girl who was able to explain in details her novel (purple hibiscus). And I was unhappy for that because I felt she was a misandrist by her attitude towards the character of the man at the end of the novel. After that I made a detail research about her. I did a detail analysis of some of her novel and watch more of her feminist tour and talk show around Europe and American countries. I was able to gather some popular questions she was been asked during her talk/speech in some universities. I used almost a year to do my research. That was 2016. I kept all the research hidden from some of my friends. I kept it personal. I was trying to have a blog where I can talk more about what women face in the society based on the gender issues, domestic violence. In that same year, I read more about her popular write up about

  • WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST
  • DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS
  • PURPLE HABISCUS

Those were what motivated me in to having such a likeness toward her. She became my godmother in terms of feminism. She made it easy for me to understand about it very well. I started with DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS.  I used almost 4/5 months to know what feminism was all about. As I research more about her, I made more references to her book in some of my feminist topic in my blog site.

I have become an addicted fan to her works, write up and speech/talk about feminism, gender issues. Her literature and writing  change my views about women and her write up empower me to  remove the ideas of being stereotype and have a wider view of why people are just like that.

After that, I went further in to reading WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST. That was the height of all. At this point I knew all about feminism (50 ). I can explain the plight about feminist to someone. The reason for the gender equality and the right them fight for. The books were able to discuss everything from the rise of misogyny, the problem with modern masculinity, likeability, gender issues and domestic violence.

14 REASONS WHY I STILL LOVE CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE

From most of the research I did. I personally brought out the major area she talk about. The fourteen points are the major reason why I like CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE

  1. LIKEABILITY
  2. SEX, MARRIAGE, RELATIONSHIP AND VIRGINITY
  3. LOVE AND ROMANCE
  4. CHILDREN INTEREST AND ABILITY
  5. MASCULINITY AND FEMININITY/MULIEBRITY
  6. SEXISM
  7. GENDER AND GENDER/SEX ROLES
  8. FEMINIST HUMANIST AND EQUALITY
  9. SOCIALISATION AND CULTURE
  10. DOMESTIC CHORE –LIKE COOKING
  11. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
  12. ACT OF CHIVALRY
  13. WOMEN APPEARANCE
  14. MONEY

For more information on the proves, some of the links to the site are provided and some excerpts from her books to prove my point why I love her idea on the 14 points listed above.

1.  LIKEABILITY

DEFINITIONS OF LIKEABILITY

  1. According to Wiktionary

The property that makes a person likeable, that allows them to be liked.

https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/likeability

     2.   According to Cambridge dictionary.

Likeability (US likability)

https://www.google.com/amp/s/dictionary.cambridge.org/amp/english/likeable

Thesaurus: synonyms and related words

Friendly, Affability, affable, affably, agreeableness, amiability, convivially, cordial, cordiality, cordially, hospitably, hospitality, inseparable.

 

PROVE 1 (FROM INTERNET/SITE)

I did a research on the internet about her talk and post about likeability. I was able to bring out major sites where she said something about likeability. For more information on it. Here are the links to some of the site.

 

  1. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.vogue.co.uk/article/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-likeability-women-strive-to-be-liked%3famp
  2. https://qz.com/414456/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-says-likability-is-bullshit-and-shes-100-right/

Here is what she said about likeability-

“”””I think that what our society teaches young girls, and I think it’s also something that’s quite difficult for even older women and self-professed feminists to shrug off, is that idea that likeability is an essential part of you, of the space you occupy in the world, that you’re supposed to twist yourself into shapes to make yourself likeable, that you’re supposed to hold back sometimes, pull back, don’t quite say, don’t be too pushy, because you have to be likeable,

“And I say that is bullshit. So what I want to say to young girls is forget about likeability. If you start thinking about being likeable you are not going to tell your story honestly, because you are going to be so concerned with not offending, and that’s going to ruin your story, so forget about likeability. And also the world is such a wonderful, diverse, and multi-faceted place that there’s somebody who’s going to like you; you don’t need to twist yourself into shapes.””””

 

PROVE 2 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the eight Suggestion

“”””” Teach her to reject likeability. Her job is not to make herself likeable, her job is to be her full self, a self that is honest and aware of the equal humanity of other people. “””””

 

PROVE 3 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the eight Suggestion

  1. So instead of teaching Chizalum to be likeable, teach her to be honest. And kind. And brave. Encourage her to speak her mind, to say what she really thinks, to speak truthfully. And then praise her when she does. Praise her especially when she takes a stand that is difficult or unpopular because it happens to be her honest position.
  2. Show her that she does not need to be liked by everyone. Tell her that if someone does not like her, there will be someone else who will. Teach her that she is not merely an object to be liked or disliked, she is also a subject who can like or dislike.

 

PROVE 4 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””” What struck me—with her and with many other female American friends I have—is how invested they are in being “liked.” How they have been raised to believe that their being likable is very important and that this likabletrait is a specific thing. And that specific thing does not include showing anger or being aggressive or disagreeing too loudly.

 We spend too much time teaching girls to worry about what boys think of them. But the reverse is not the case. We don’t teach boys to care about being likable. We spend too much time telling girls that they cannot be angry or aggressive or tough, which is bad enough, but then we turn around and either praise or excuse men for the same reasons. All over the world, there are so many magazine articles and books telling women what to do, how to be and not to be, in order to attract or please men. There are far fewer guides for men about pleasing women.  “””””

 PROVE 5(FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the eight Suggestion

  1. We teach girls to be likeable, to be nice, to be false. And we do not teach boys the same. This is dangerous. Many sexual predators have capitalized on this. Many girls remain silent when abused because they want to be nice.
  2.  Many girls spend too much time trying to be ‘nice’ to people who do them harm. Many girls think of the ‘feelings’ of those who are hurting them. This is the catastrophic consequence of likeability.

 

PROVE 6(FROM INTERNET/SITE)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned “” LIKABILITY IS BULLSHIT “”

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://qz.com/414456/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-says-likability-is-bullshit-and-shes-100-right/

In her Arthur Miller Freedom to Write lecture last month, Adichie addressed the codes of silence that govern American life. She said that Americans like to be “comfortable” and that she worried this has brought “dangerous silencing” into American public conversation.

“The fear of causing offence, the fear of ruffling the careful layers of comfort, becomes a fetish,” Adichie said. As such, The Guardian reports, Adiche said the goal of many public conversations in the United States “is not truth,” but “comfort.”

“To choose to write is to reject silence,” she added. And indeed, silence won’t get you anywhere. At the same time, when you choose to speak out, to say something that goes against popular discourse, that make people uncomfortable, or that isn’t “nice,” you will be punished for it. You will be told to shut up and to step back in line. And if people actually listen to you, well, the push back will become ever more intense. You are really dangerous, then.

 

PROVE 7(FROM INTERNET/SITE)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned “” RAISING A GIRL TO BE LIKEABLE “”

For further reading here is the link to convince you:

https://time.com/3921492/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-graduation-commencement-wellesley/

“”” All over the world, girls are raised to be make themselves likeable, to twist themselves into shapes that suit other people.

Please do not twist yourself into shapes to please. Don’t do it. If someone likes that version of you, that version of you that is false and holds back, then they actually just like that twisted shape, and not you. And the world is such a gloriously multifaceted, diverse place that there are people in the world who will like you, the real you, as you are. “””

 

 

2.SEX, MARRIAGE, RELATIONSHIP AND VIRGINITY

DEFINITION OF THE TERM SEX

  1. According to Cambridge dictionary

https://www.google.com/amp/s/dictionary.cambridge.org/amp/english/sex

  1. The state of being either male or female.
  2. All males considered as a group, or all females considered as a group.
  3. Physical activity between people involving the sexual organs.
  4. The activity of sexual intercourse.

 

   2.  According to oxford learners dictionary

https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/sex_1

  1. The state of being male or female.
  2. Physical activity between two people in which they touch each other’s sexual organs, and which may include sexual intercourse.
  3. Either of the two groups that people, animals and plants are divided into according to their function of producing young.

3.  According to MerriamWebster dictionary

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sex

  1. Either of the two major forms of individuals that occur in many species and that are distinguished respectively as female or male especially on the basis of their reproductive organs and structures.
  2. The sum of the structural, functional, and sometimes behavioural characteristics of organisms that distinguish males and females
  3. The state of being male or female
  4. Males or females considered as a group

 

DEFINITION OF THE TERM MARRIAGE

  1. According to Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage

Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a culturally recognised union between people, called spouses, that establishes rights and obligations between them, as well as between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws.[1] The definition of marriage varies around the world, not only between cultures and between religions, but also throughout the history of any given culture and religion. Over time, it has expanded and also constricted in terms of who and what is encompassed.

 

    2. According to Cambridge dictionary

https://www.google.com/amp/s/dictionary.cambridge.org/amp/english/marriage

A legally accepted relationship between two people in which they live together, or the official ceremony that results in this:

They had a long and happy marriage.

She went to live in another state after the break-up of her marriage.

She has two daughters by her first marriage.

 

DEFINITION OF THE TERM RELATIONSHIP

According to Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intimate_relationship

Mating system.

An intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional intimacy. Although an intimate relationship is commonly a sexual relationship, it may also be a non-sexual relationship involving family, friends, or acquaintances.

Emotional intimacy involves feelings of liking or loving one or more people, and may result in physical intimacy. Physical intimacy is characterized by romantic love, sexual activity, or other passionate attachment. These relationships play a central role in the overall human experience. Humans have a general desire to belong and to love, which is usually satisfied within an intimate relationship. Such relationships allow a social network for people to form strong emotional attachments.

DEFINITION OF THE TERM VIRGINITY

According to Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virginity

Virginity is the state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse.[1][2] There are cultural and religious traditions that place special value and significance on this state, predominantly towards unmarried females, associated with notions of personal purity, honour and worth.

 

This is the one other reason I like her, she blended the idea sex, marriage, relationship and virginity for us to understand. I did a research on the internet about her talk and post on sex, marriage, relationship and virginity.  I was able to bring out major sites where she said something about sex marriage, relationship and virginity. For more information on it, here are some of the statement made by her in her two books to prove my point why I love her.

 

PROVE 1 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the Twelfth Suggestion

“”””” Talk to her about sex, and start early. Remember that seminar we went to in class 3 where we were supposed to be taught about ‘sexuality’ but instead we listened to vague semi threats about how ‘talking to boys’ would end up with us being pregnant and disgraced? I remember that hall and that seminar as a place filled with shame. Ugly shame. The particular brand of shame that has to do with being female. With her, don’t pretend that sex is merely a controlled act of reproduction. Or an ‘only in marriage’ act, because that is disingenuous. “””””

 

PROVE 2 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””””””””“And then we do a much greater disservice to girls, because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of males. We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls: You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful but not too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man. If you are the breadwinner in your relationship with a man, pretend that you are not, especially in public, otherwise you will emasculate him. But what if we question the premise itself: Why should a woman’s success be a threat to a man? What if we decide to simply dispose of that word—and I don’t know if there is an English word I dislike more than this—emasculation.  “”””””””””

 

Note-

Emasculation– the act of depriving of virility, or the state of being so deprived

Loss of power and masculinity

Neutering a male animal by removing the testicles

 

PROVE 3 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””” I teach a writing workshop in Lagos and one of the participants, a young woman, told me that a friend had told her not to listen to my “feminist talk”; otherwise she would absorb ideas that would destroy her marriage. This is a threat—the destruction of a marriage, the possibility of not having a marriage at all—that in our society is much more likely to be used against a woman than against a man. “””””

 

PROVE 4 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “”

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””” We teach females that in relationships, compromise is what a woman is more likely to do. We raise girls to see each other as competitors—not for jobs or accomplishments, which in my opinion can be a good thing—but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way boys are. If we have sons, we don’t mind knowing about their girlfriends. But our daughters’ boyfriends? God forbid. (But we of course expect them to bring home the perfect man for marriage when the time is right.)  “”””””

 

PROVE 5 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the Twelfth Suggestion

“”””Do not ever make virginity’ a focus. Every conversation about virginity becomes a conversation about shame. Teach her to reject the linking of shame and female biology. “”””

 

PROVE 6 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””””   We police girls. We praise girls for virginity but we don’t praise boys for virginity (and it makes me wonder how exactly this is supposed to work out, since the loss of virginity is a process that usually involves two people of opposite genders). “”””” 

 

PROVE 7 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the seventh Suggestion

“””””” Never speak of marriage as an achievement. Find ways to make clear to her that marriage is not an achievement, nor is it what she should aspire to. A marriage can be happy or unhappy, but it is not an achievement. “”””””””

 

PROVE 8 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the seventh Suggestion

“””””” We condition girls to aspire to marriage and we do not condition boys to aspire to marriage, and so there is already a terrible imbalance at the start. The girls will grow up to be women preoccupied with marriage. The boys will grow up to be men who are not preoccupied with marriage. The women marry those men. The relationship is automatically uneven because the institution matters more to one than the other. Is it any wonder that, in so many marriages, women sacrifice more, at a loss to themselves, because they have to constantly maintain an uneven exchange? One consequence of this imbalance is the very shabby and very familiar phenomenon of two women publicly fighting over a man, while the man remains silent. “”””””

 

PROVE 9 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the twelfth Suggestion

“”””” With her, don’t pretend that sex is merely a controlled act of reproduction. Or an ‘only in marriage’ act, because that is disingenuous. (You and Chudi were having sex long before marriage and she will probably know this by the time she is twelve.) Tell her that sex can be a beautiful thing and that, apart from the obvious physical consequences (for her as the woman!), it can also have emotional consequences. Tell her that her body belongs to her and her alone, that she should never feel the need to say yes to something she does not want, or something she feels pressured to do. Teach her that saying no when no feels right is something to be proud of. “””””

 

PROVE 10 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””” When women say “I did it for peace in my marriage,” it is usually because they have given up a job, a career goal, a dream. “”””

 

PROVE 11 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””” We also need to question the idea of marriage as a prize to women, because that is the basis of these absurd debates. If we stop conditioning women to see marriage as a prize, then we would have fewer debates about a wife needing to cook in order to earn that prize. It is interesting to me how early the world starts to invent gender roles.””””””

 

PROVE 12 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

Because I am female, I’m expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Marriage can be a good thing, a source of joy, love, and mutual support. But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage, but we don’t teach boys to do the same?

 

PROVE 13 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””” I know young women who are under so much pressure—from family, from friends, even from work—to get married that they are pushed to make terrible choices. Our society teaches a woman at a certain age who is unmarried to see it as a deep personal failure.  Even the language we use illustrates this. The language of marriage is often a language of ownership, not a language of partnership. “””””

 

PROVE 14 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the thirteen Suggestion

“”””” And speaking of women lamenting about men who ‘promise’ marriage and then disappear – isn’t it odd that in most societies in the world today, women generally cannot propose marriage? Marriage is such a major step in your life and yet you cannot take charge of it; it depends on a man asking you. So many women are in long-term relationships and want to get married but have to wait for the man to propose – and often this waiting becomes a performance, sometimes unconscious and sometimes not, of marriage-worthiness. If we apply the first Feminism Tool here, then it makes no sense that a woman who matters equally has to wait for somebody else to initiate what will be a major life change for her.

 It goes back, I think, to that early conditioning. At a recent baby’s baptism ceremony, guests were asked to write their wishes for the baby girl. One guest wrote: ‘I wish for you a good husband.’ Well-intentioned but very troubling. A three-month-old baby girl already being told that a husband is something to aspire to. Had the baby been a boy, it would not have occurred to that guest to wish for him ‘a good wife’. “””””””

 

PROVE 15 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the twelfth suggestion

“””””And speaking of shame – never, ever link sexuality and shame. Or nakedness and shame. Do not ever make ‘virginity’ a focus. Every conversation about virginity becomes a conversation about shame. Teach her to reject the linking of shame and female biology. Why were we raised to speak in low tones about periods? To be filled with shame if our menstrual blood happened to stain our skirt? Periods are nothing to be ashamed of. Periods are normal and natural, and the human species would not be here if periods did not exist. I remember a man who said a period was like shit. Well, sacred shit, I told him, because you wouldn’t be here if periods didn’t happen. “””””

 

 PROVE 16 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the sixth suggestion

 “””” Don’t you know you are old enough to find a husband?’ I used to say that often. But now I choose not to. I say, ‘You are old enough to find a job.’ Because I do not believe that marriage is something we should teach young girls to aspire to. “”””

 

3. LOVE AND ROMANCE

DEFINITION OF LOVE 

a. According to Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love

Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection and to the simplest pleasure.

b. According to merriam-webster dictionary

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/love

  1. Strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.
  2. Attraction based on sexual desire: affection and tenderness felt by lovers.
  3. Affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests.
  4. An assurance of affection.
  5. Warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion.
  6. The object of attachment, devotion, or admiration.

 

DEFINITION OF ROMANCE

According to Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romance_(love)

Romance is an emotional feeling of love for, or a strong attraction towards another person, and the courtship behaviours undertaken by an individual to express those overall feelings and resultant emotions.

PROVE 1 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the thirteen Suggestion

“””” Make sure you are aware of the romance in her life. And the only way you can do that is to start very early to give her the language with which to talk to you not only about sex but also about love. I don’t mean you should be her ‘friend’; I mean you should be her mother to whom she can talk about everything. “”””

 

PROVE 2(FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the thirteen Suggestion

“””” Teach her that to love is not only to give but also to take. This is important because we give girls subtle cues about their lives – we teach girls that a large component of their ability to love is their ability to sacrifice their selves. We do not teach this to boys. Teach her that to love she must give of herself emotionally but she must also expect to be given to. “”””

 

PROVE 3(FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the thirteen Suggestion

 “””” I think love is the most important thing in life. Whatever kind, however you define it, but I think of it generally as being greatly valued by another human being and greatly valuing another human being. But why do we raise only one half of the world to value this? “”””

 

PROVE 4 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the thirteen Suggestion

“”””” Romance will happen, so be on board. I’m writing this assuming she is heterosexual – she might not be, obviously. But I am assuming that because it is what I feel best equipped to talk about. “””””

 

PROVE 5 (FROM SITE/INTERNET)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned “” the most important thing in the world: love  “”

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://time.com/3921492/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-graduation-commencement-wellesley/

SHE SAYS

“” And, finally I would like to end with a final note on the most important thing in the world: love.Now girls are often raised to see love only as giving. Women are praised for their love when that love is an act of giving. But to love is to give AND to take. Please love by giving and by taking. Give and be given. If you are only giving and not taking, you’ll know. You’ll know from that small and true voice inside you that we females are so often socialized to silence. Don’t silence that voice. Dare to take. “””

 Congratulations.

 

4. CHILDREN INTEREST AND ABILITY

DEFINITION OF INTEREST

According to Cambridge dictionary

https://www.google.com/amp/s/dictionary.cambridge.org/amp/english/interest

  1. The feeling of wanting to give your attention to something or of wanting to be involved with and to discover more about something:
  2. The quality that makes you think that something is interesting:
  3. Something that brings advantages to or affects someone or something:
  4. A feeling of having your attention held by something, or of wanting to be involved with and learn more about something.

 

DEFINITION OF ABILITY

a. According to Merriam-Webster dictionary

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ability

  1. The quality or state of being able especially: physical, mental, or legal power to do something.
  2. Competence in doing something: SKILL.
  3. Natural aptitude or acquired proficiency.

b. According Cambridge dictionary

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/amp/english/ability

The physical or mental power or skill needed to do something.

 

PROVE 1 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””” But what matters even more is our attitude, our mind-set. What if, in raising children, we focus on ability instead of gender? What if we focus on interest instead of gender?  “””””

 

5. MASCULINITY AND FEMININITY

 

DEFINITION OF MASCULINITY

According to Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masculinity

Masculinity (also called manhood or manliness) is a set of attributes, behaviours, and roles associated with boys and men. Although masculinity is socially constructed, some research indicates that some behaviours considered masculine are biologically influenced. To what extent masculinity is biologically or socially influenced is subject to debate. It is distinct from the definition of the biological male sex, as both males and females can exhibit masculine traits.

Definition of femininity

a. According to Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Femininity

Femininity (also called womanliness or girlishness) is a set of attributes, behaviours, and roles generally associated with women and girls. Although femininity is socially constructed, some research indicates that some behaviours considered feminine are biologically influenced. To what extent femininity is biologically or socially influenced is subject to debate. It is distinct from the definition of the biological female sex, as both males and females can exhibit feminine traits.

 

b. According to merriam-webster dictionary

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/femininity

The quality or nature of the female sex : the quality, state, or degree of being feminine or womanly challenging traditional notions about femininity and masculinity

 

PROVE 1(FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the fourth Suggestion

“”” But here is a sad truth: our world is full of men and women who do not like powerful women. We have been so conditioned to think of power as male that a powerful woman is an aberration. ”””

 

PROVE 2(FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””“And then we do a much greater disservice to girls, because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of males. We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls: You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful but not too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man. If you are the breadwinner in your relationship with a man, pretend that you are not, especially in public, otherwise you will emasculate him. But what if we question the premise itself: Why should a woman’s success be a threat to a man? What if we decide to simply dispose of that word—and I don’t know if there is an English word I dislike more than this—emasculation.  “”””

 

PROVE 3(FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””” We do a great disservice to boys in how we raise them. We stifle the humanity of boys.

We define masculinity in a very narrow way. Masculinity is a hard, small cage, and we put boys inside this cage. We teach boys to be afraid of fear, of weakness, of vulnerability. We teach them to mask their true selves, because they have to be, in Nigerian-speak—a hard man. “””””

 

PROVE 4(FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the sixth Suggestion

“”””””“Teach her, too, to question the idea of women as a special species. I once heard an American politician, in his bid to show his support for women, speak of how women should be ‘revered’ and  ‘championed’ – a sentiment that is all too common. Tell Chizalum that women actually don’t need to be championed and revered; they just need to be treated as equal human beings. There is a patronizing undertone to the idea of women needing to be ‘championed and revered’ because they are women. It makes me think of chivalry, and the premise of chivalry is female weakness.     “”””””

 

PROVE 5(FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”“””” Men and women are different. We have different hormones and different sexual organs and different biological abilities—women can have babies, men cannot. Men have more testosterone and are, in general, physically stronger than women. A man and a woman are doing the same job, with the same qualifications, and the man is paid more because he is a man. So in a literal way, men rule the world. This made sense a thousand years ago. Because human beings lived then in a world in which physical strength was the most important attribute for survival; the physically stronger person was more likely to lead. And men in general are physically stronger. (There are of course many exceptions.) Today, we live in a vastly different world. The person more qualified to lead is not the physically stronger person. It is the more intelligent, the more knowledgeable, the more creative, more innovative. And there are no hormones for those attributes. A man is as likely as a woman to be intelligent, innovative, creative. We have evolved. But our ideas of gender have not evolved very much.         “””””””

 

PROVE 6 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””” Boys and girls are undeniably different biologically, but socialization exaggerates the differences. And then starts a self-fulfilling process. Take cooking, for example. Today, women in general are more likely to do housework than men—cooking and cleaning. But why is that? Is it because women are born with a cooking gene or because over years they have been socialized to see cooking as their role? I was going to say that perhaps women are born with a cooking gene until I remembered that the majority of famous cooks in the world—who are given the fancy title of “chef”—are men. ”””””

 

PROVE 7 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the twelfth Suggestion

“”” In every culture in the world, female sexuality is about shame. Even cultures that expect women to be sexy – like many in the West – still do not expect them to be sexual. The shame we attach to female sexuality is about control. Many cultures and religions control women’s bodies in one way or another. If the justification for controlling women’s bodies were about women themselves, then it would be understandable. If, for example, the reason was ‘women should not wear short skirts because they can get cancer if they do’. Instead the reason is not about women, but about men. Women must be ‘covered up’ to protect men. I find this deeply dehumanizing because it reduces women to mere props used to manage the appetites of men. “”””

 

PROVE 8 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the Eleventh Suggestion

“”””” We often use biology to explain the privileges that men have, the most common reason being men’s physical superiority. It is of course true that men are in general physically stronger than women. But if we truly depended on biology as the root of social norms, then children would be identified as their mother’s rather than their father’s because when a child is born, the parent we are biologically – and incontrovertibly – certain of is the mother. We assume the father is who the mother says the father is. How many lineages all over the world are not biological, I wonder? ””””

 

PROVE 9 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””” In secondary school, a boy and a girl go out, both of them teenagers with meager pocket money. Yet the boy is expected to pay the bills, always, to prove his masculinity. (And we wonder why boys are more likely to steal money from their parents.) What if both boys and girls were raised not to link masculinity and money? What if their attitude was not “the boy has to pay,” but rather, “whoever has more should pay.” Of course, because of their historical advantage, it is mostly men who will have more today. But if we start raising children differently, then in fifty years, in a hundred years, boys will no longer have the pressure of proving their masculinity by material means. But by far the worst thing we do to males—by making them feel they have to be hard —is that we leave them with very fragile egos. The harder a man feels compelled to be, the weaker his ego is. “”””

 

PROVE 10 (INTERNET/SITE-INTERVIEW)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned “”””why men have a higher rate of dying by suicide “”””

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://m.guardian.ng/features/how-patriarchy-could-be-spiking-rate-of-suicide-among-men/

https://dailypost.ng/2018/09/12/men-die-suicide-chimamanda-adichie/

 

Here is her speech:

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi :  “””“Both men and women suffer from the illnesses that lead to suicide but it is men that have a much higher rate of dying by suicide.

“Why? Because men are socialized to suppress so many human parts of themselves, men are socialized not to ask for help, men are socialized to be afraid of fear, men are socialized not to show vulnerability.

“From the moment we tell a little boy that boys don’t cry’ or we tell a hurting teenager to man up’ we are creating an adult man who will be cheated of the full range of his emotions. So, while men benefit from patriarchy, they also suffer from it. ”””””

 

PROVE 11 (INTERNET/SITE-INTERVIEW)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned “”” men were not inherently bad or evil.They were merely privileged “”””

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://time.com/3921492/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-graduation-commencement-wellesley/

Here is her speech:

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi :

“””” And I knew that men were not inherently bad or evil. They were merely privileged. And I knew that privilege blinds because it is the nature of privilege to blind.

I knew from this personal experience, from the class privilege I had of growing up in an educated family, that it sometimes blinded me, that I was not always as alert to the nuances of people who were different from me.

And you, because you now have your beautiful Wellesley degree, have become privileged, no matter what your background. That degree, and the experience of being here, is a privilege. Don’t let it blind you too often. Sometimes you will need to push it aside in order to see clearly.  “””””

 

PROVE 11 (INTERNET/SITE-SPEECH)

 I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned “”” men were not inherently bad or evil.They were merely privileged “”””

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://time.com/3921492/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-graduation-commencement-wellesley/

Here is her speech:

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi :

“”””” Write television shows in which female strength is not depicted as remarkable but merely normal. Teach your students to see that vulnerability is a HUMAN rather than a FEMALE trait.

Commission magazine articles that teach men HOW TO KEEP A WOMAN HAPPY. Because there are already too many articles that tell women how to keep a man happy. And in media interviews make sure fathers are asked how they balance family and work. In this age of ‘parenting as guilt,’ please spread the guilt equally. Make fathers feel as bad as mothers. Make fathers share in the glory of guilt.

Campaign and agitate for paid paternity leave everywhere in America.

Hire more women where there are few. But remember that a woman you hire doesn’t have to be exceptionally good. Like a majority of the men who get hired, she just needs to be good enough. “””””

 

6. SEXISM

According to Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexism

Sexism is prejudice or discrimination based on a person’s sex or gender. Sexism can affect anyone, but it primarily affects women and girls. It has been linked to stereotypes and gender roles, and may include the belief that one sex or gender is intrinsically superior to another. Extreme sexism may foster sexual harassment, rape, and other forms of sexual violence.

 

PROVE 1 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the sixth Suggestion

“”””” Teach her to ask questions like: what are the things that women cannot do because they are women? Do these things have cultural prestige? If so, why are only men allowed to do the things that have cultural prestige? It is helpful, I think, to use everyday examples. Remember that television commercial we watched in Lagos, where a man cooks and his claps for him? True progress is when she doesn’t clap for him but just reacts to the food itself – she can either praise the food or not praise the food, just as he can praise hers or not praise hers, but what is SEXIST is that she is praising the fact that he has undertaken the act of cooking, praise that implies that cooking is an inherently female act.  ”””””

 

PROVE 2 (INTERNET/SITE)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi where she mentioned “””” she is angrier about sexism than she is about racism “”””

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://givingcompass.org/article/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-on-sexism-and-racism/

In “Dear Ijeawele or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions”, FEMINIST/WRITER Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi writes that she is angrier about sexism than she is about racism. “I don’t think sexism is worse than racism, it’s impossible even to compare,” she clarifies.

“”””” It’s that I feel lonely in my fight against sexism, in a way that I don’t feel in my fight against racism. My friends, my family, they get racism, they get it. The people I’m close to who are not black get it. But I find that with sexism you are constantly having to explain, justify, convince, make a case for. ‘’’’’’’

 

PROVE 3 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the fourth Suggestion

“”””” I am angry about racism. I am angry about sexism. But I recently came to the realization that I am angrier about sexism than I am about racism. Because in my anger about sexism, I often feel lonely. Because I love, and live among, many people who easily acknowledge race injustice but not gender injustice. I cannot tell you how often people I care about – men and women – have expected me to make a case for sexism, to ‘prove’ it, as it were, while never having the same expectation for racism. (Obviously, in the wider world, too many people are still expected to ‘prove’ racism, but not in my close circle.) I cannot tell you how often people I care about have dismissed or diminished sexist situations. “””””

 

PROVE 4 (INTERNET/SITE)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi where she mentioned “”” she is angrier about sexism than she is about racism “””

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.pulse.ng/entertainment/celebrities/chimamanda-adichie-angrier-about-sexism-than-racism/5z32fs8.amp

 

FEMINIST/WRITER Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi   :  ““”” “I said that because in my very own personal space, the people I love, the people I’m close to, my family, my friends, all get race.  So, I have never with them have to make a case, for why something was racist.

“So, I’m in my circle of friends, White people, Black people, Asian people, Hispanic people and when something happens to do with Blackness, immediately, we all get it.

“But with gender, I find that with the people I love, I’m constantly being expected to make the case, the ways in which, women are reduced, the ways in which authority in women is judged much more different than authority in a man.

“And I’m constantly being asked by the people, I love. So, I’m not talking about anonymous people, to make that case and it gets emotionally exhausting.

“Because, I don’t feel like I have the kind of effortless support that I have, when I talk about race. “””””

 

 

7. GENDER AND GENDER/SEX ROLES

 

DEFINITION OF GENDER

a. According to encyclopaedia 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender

Gender is the range of characteristics pertaining to, and differentiating between, masculinity and femininity. Depending on the context, these characteristics may include biological sex (i.e., the state of being male, female, or an intersex variation), sex-based social structures (i.e., gender roles), or gender identity. 

b. According to other research by individuals

Gender refers to ways of being male and female within a culture or society. The larger group promotes a certain type of gender roles, responsibilities, and relationships for a male or female.. They can and have been changed as society progresses.

 

DEFINITION OF GENDER ROLES

According to Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_role

A gender role, also known as a sex role is a social role encompassing a range of behaviours and attitudes that are generally considered acceptable, appropriate, or desirable for people based on their actual or perceived sex Gender roles are usually centred on conceptions of femininity and masculinity, although there are exceptions and variations.

FEMALE GENDER/SEX ROLES

Gender roles begin a second a baby’s gender is found out. As soon as we find out it’s a girl, we immediately begin decorating a pink nursery filled butterflies and flowers. What this is essentially doing, even though many parents don’t realise it, is setting our child up to be the “perfect lady,” and teaching her how to be the stereotypical woman. We are teaching her that girls are supposed to wear dresses, serve food, and take care of babies; the biggest and most common stereotype/roles put on women.

Here is another gender role being placed on women; women stay at home while men go to work. While there are a million gender stereotypes about females, these are definitely the biggest, and the most debated by feminists of today. Some other stereotypes include

  1. Women are supposed to have “clean jobs” such as secretaries, teachers, and librarians
  2. Women are not good at maths
  3. Women are nurses, not doctors
  4. Women are not as strong as men
  5. Women are supposed to make less money than men
  6. The best women are stay at home moms
  7. Women don’t need to go to college
  8. Women don’t play sports
  9. Women are not politicians
  10. Women are quieter than men and not meant to speak out
  11. Women are supposed to be submissive and do as they are told
  12. Women are supposed to cook and do housework
  13. Women are responsible for raising children
  14. Women do not have technical skills and are not good at “hands on” projects such as car repairs
  15. Women are meant to be the damsel in distress; never the hero
  16. Women are supposed to look pretty and be looked at
  17. Women love to sing and dance
  18. Women do not play video games
  19. Women are never in charge
  1. Women should be secretaries
  2. Women should be “ladylike.”

 

MALE GENDER/SEX ROLES

Stereotyping is no different when it’s found out that a boy is on the way. The nursery is decked out in blue, his closet is filled with tiny jeans, polo shirts, and boots, and the theme is usually something like jungle animals or dinosaurs; something tough. Boys’ toys consist of trucks, dinosaurs, action figures, and video games. From the beginning boys are taught to be tough, to be protective, and to defend themselves. Boys are taught that daddy’s go to work and mommy’s stay at home; from their point of view, boys have fun and girls do all the work.

Are you surprised to hear that most parents admit that they do not teach their sons how to do chores such as washing dishes or folding laundry? Instead, they teach them to take out the trash and mow the lawn; from the get-go boys are made to think that certain household chores are “women’s work.” This is a major gender roles, Men are supposed to do the dirty jobs and anything that requires muscle, they are also supposed to go to work and provide for the family.

Other gender roles that describe all men are:

  1. All men enjoy working on cars
  2. Men are not nurses, they are doctors
  3. Men do “dirty jobs” such as construction and mechanics; they are not secretaries, teachers, or cosmetologists
  4. Men do not do housework and they are not responsible for taking care of children
  5. Men play video games
  6. Men play sports
  7. Men enjoy outdoor activities such as camping, fishing, and hiking
  8. Men are in charge; they are always at the top
  9. As husbands, men tell their wives what to do
  10. Men are good at maths
  11. It is always men who work in science, engineering, and other technical fields
  12. Men do not cook, sew, or do crafts or cooking
  13. Men should be macho.
  1. Men shouldn’t kindergarten teachers.

From the above analysis and detail examples of gender roles designated to both male and female in the society.  Am able to come with some prove to underpinned the reason I like her based on an own idea on gender and gender roles in the society. Here are the list of a little draft/excerpt from our renowned feminist to underpin my proves:

 

PROVE 1(FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””””” Gender matters everywhere in the world. And I would like today to ask that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world. A fairer world. A world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves. And this is how to start: We must raise our daughters differently. We must also raise our sons differently. “””””

 

PROVE 2(FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””” That many men do not actively think about gender or notice gender. Because gender can be uncomfortable, there are easy ways to close this conversation. Other men might respond by saying: Okay, this is interesting, but I don’t think like that. I don’t even think about gender. Some people will bring up evolutionary biology and apes, how female apes bow to male apes—that sort of thing. But the point is this: We are not apes. Apes also live in trees and eat earthworms. We do not. “””””

 

PROVE 3(FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””” I know a woman who hates domestic work, but she pretends that she likes it, because she has been taught that to be “good wife material,” she has to be—to use that Nigerian word—homely. And then she got married. And her husband’s family began to complain that she had changed. Actually, she had not changed. She just got tired of pretending to be what she was not. The problem with gender is that it prescribe how we should be rather than recognizing how we are. Imagine how much happier we would be, how much freer to be our true individual selves, if we didn’t have the weight of gender expectations. “””””

 

PROVE 4(FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””” I am trying to unlearn many lessons of gender I internalized while growing up. But I sometimes still feel vulnerable in the face of gender expectations. “”””

 

PROVE 5(FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the third Suggestion

““” Gender roles are so deeply conditioned in us that we will often follow them even when they chafe against our true desires, our needs, our happiness. They are very difficult to unlearn, and so it is important to try to make sure that Chizalum rejects them from the beginning. Instead of letting her internalize the idea of gender roles, teach her self-reliance.”””

 

 PROVE 6(FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the third Suggestion

””If we don’t place the straitjacket of gender roles on young children, we give them space to reach their full potential. Please see Chizalum as an individual. Not as a girl who should be a certain way. See her weaknesses and her strengths in an individual way. Do not measure her on a scale of what a girl should be. Measure her on a scale of being the best version of herself.””

 

PROVE 7 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the Tenth Suggestion

““”” She can counter ideas about static ‘gender roles’ if she has been empowered by her familiarity with alternatives. If she knows an uncle who cooks well – and does so with indifference – then she can smile and brush off the foolishness of somebody who claims that ‘women must do the cooking. “”””

 

PROVE 8 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the third Suggestion

“”””Teach her that the idea of ‘gender roles’ is absolute nonsense. Do not ever tell her that she should or should not do something because she is a girl. ‘Because you are a girl’ is never a reason for anything ever “”””

 

PROVE 9 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

””””” The knowledge of cooking does not come pre-installed in a vagina. Cooking is learned. Cooking – domestic work in general – is a life skill that both men and women should ideally have. It is also a skill that can elude both men and women. We also need to question the idea of marriage as a prize to women, because that is the basis of these absurd debates. If we stop conditioning women to see marriage as a prize, then we would have fewer debates about a wife needing to cook in order to earn that prize. It is interesting to me how early the world starts to invent gender roles. “””””

 

PROVE 10 (FROM HER BOOK)

I will backed it up with a powerful statements made by FEMINIST/WRITER CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE  about the gender roles in schools which is been underpinned by teachers

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””” Now here’s a story from my childhood: When I was in primary school in Nsukka, a university town in southeastern Nigeria, my teacher said at the beginning of term that she would give the class a test and whoever got the highest score would be the class monitor. Class monitor was a big deal. If you were class monitor, you would write down the names of noisemakers each day, which was heady enough power on its own, but my teacher would also give you a cane to hold in your hand while you walked around and patrolled the class for noise makers. Of course you were not allowed to actually use the cane. But it was an exciting prospect for the nine-year-old me. I very much wanted to be class monitor. And I got the highest score on the test.  Then, to my surprise, my teacher said the monitor had to be a boy. She had forgotten to make that clear earlier; she assumed it was obvious. A boy had the second-highest score on the test. And he would be monitor. What was even more interesting is that this boy was a sweet, gentle soul who had no interest in patrolling the class with a stick. While I was full of ambition to do so. But I was female and he was male and he became class monitor. I have never forgotten that incident. If we do something over and over, it becomes normal. If we see the same thing over and over, it becomes normal. If only boys are made class monitor, then at some point we will all think, even if unconsciously, that the class monitor has to be a boy. If we keep seeing only men as heads of corporations, it starts to seem “natural” that only men should be heads of corporations.  ””””””

 

PROVE 11 (SITE/INTERNET)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned about the sexualization of girls on media (marketing strategy)

Here is a backup to that statement of yours from our own popular Nigeria feminist: FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi

Here is an interview with her.

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/qz.com/quartzy/1133732/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-talks-about-feminism-and-raising-her-daughter-in-a-gendered-world/amp/

Here is the question that was asked her about raising a girl child.

LAUREN ALIX BROWNSo in terms of teaching people how to be feminists, has raising a girl changed or challenged any of your suggestions for how to raise a feminist?

FEMINIST ADICHIE CHIMANMANDA NGOZI:  “”””” It hasn’t challenged anything, it’s just that it’s made me realize how difficult it is. Because I think I felt that. I’m only just realizing that sometimes it feels like the universe is conspiring against me. Because I am trying to push against ideas and norms that are so ingrained that they can start to feel invisible. And it’s little things. I’m just amazed at how everything is GENDERED—diapers. I mean baby bodies are the same. But now there are diapers where there’s the girl picture. Some months ago we wanted to get the overnight diapers for Baby because she was starting to wake up quite wet. So we wanted to get the diapers marketed as overnight because they absorb more and there’s girls and boys. I remember saying to my husband, who’s a physician, I said, “Do you think maybe the boys’ has a little thing to hold the penis? I mean, why are they different? He had a good laugh and he’s like, “It’s just marketing.” I remember thinking, there has to be a reason for this because it made no sense to me. But there’s no reason for it. Also, I’m just realizing how early the sexualization of girls starts. Four-year-old girls’ dresses. I find many of them disturbing. It’s sort of like four year olds’ now have to be mini women. I’m noticing these things a lot more just because of my child. And children’s books and cartoons. It does sometimes feel that there’s a conspiracy of the universe. But at the same time, I’m utterly undeterred.

It requires pushing back, but I’m going to push back. I want to equip her with the tools. I’m hoping that she grows up to be the girl who sort of mocks these things—who gets it and who mocks them. That’s my hope, that would be ideal for me.   “”””””

 

PROVE 12 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”” But what matters even more is our attitude, our mind-set. What if, in raising children, we focus on ability instead of gender? What if we focus on interest instead of gender?  “””

 

PROVE 13 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

””””Gender is not an easy conversation to have. It makes people uncomfortable, sometimes even irritable. Both men and women are resistant to talk about gender, or are quick to dismiss the problems of gender. Because thinking of changing the status quo is always uncomfortable. ””””

 

PROVE 14 (FROM SITE/INTERNET)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned “””” MOTHER IN RELATION TO FEMININITY””””

For further reading here is the link to the SPEECH convince you.

https://time.com/3921492/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-graduation-commencement-wellesley/

IN HER SPEECH SHE SAYS-

“”””” Okay, one last thing about my mother. My mother and I do not agree on many things regarding gender. There are certain things my mother believes a person should do, for the simple reason that said person ‘is a woman.’ Such as nod occasionally and smile even when smiling is the last thing one wants to do. Such as strategically give in to certain arguments, especially when arguing with a non-female. Such as get married and have children. I can think of fairly good reasons for doing any of these. But ‘because you are a woman’ is not one of them. And so, Class of 2015, never ever accept ‘Because You are a Woman’ as a reason for doing or not doing anything. “”””

 

8. FEMINISM (FEMINIST), HUMANISM (HUMANIST) AND EQUALITY

 

DEFINITION OF FEMINISM

a. According to Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminism

Feminism is a range of social movements, political movements, and ideologies that aim to define, establish, and achieve the political, economic, personal, and social equality of the sexes.

b. According to Merriam Webster dictionary

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/feminism

  1. the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes
  2. organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests

 

DEFINITION OF FEMINIST

According to Cambridge dictionary

https://www.google.com/amp/s/dictionary.cambridge.org/amp/english/feminist

A person who believes in feminism, and tries to achieve change that helps women to get equal opportunities and treatment.

 

DEFINITION OF HUMANISM

  1. According to Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humanism

Humanism is a philosophical and ethical stance that emphasizes the value and agency of human beings, individually and collectively, and generally prefers critical thinking and evidence (rationalism and empiricism) over acceptance of dogma or superstition.

  1. According to merriam-webster

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/humanism

  1. Devotion to the humanities: literary culture.
  2. The revival of classical letters, individualistic and critical spirit, and emphasis on secular concerns characteristic of the Renaissance.
  3. Devotion to human welfare: HUMANITARIANISM
  4. A doctrine, attitude, or way of life centred on human interests or values especially: a philosophy that usually rejects supernaturalism and stresses an individual’s dignity and worth and capacity for self-realization through reason
  5. A system of values and beliefs that is based on the idea that people are basically good and that problems can be solved using reason instead of religion

 

DEFINITION OF HUMANIST

According to Cambridge dictionary

  https://www.google.com/amp/s/dictionary.cambridge.org/amp/english/humanist

  1. A person who believes in humanism (= the idea that people do not need a god or religion to satisfy their spiritual and emotional needs)
  2. Relating to or believing in humanism (= the idea that people do not need a god or religion to satisfy their spiritual and emotional needs)

 

DEFINITION OF EQUALITY

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equality

Political equality, in which all members of a society are of equal standing

  • Consociationalism, in which an ethnically, religiously, or linguistically divided state functions by cooperation of each group’s elites
  • Egalitarianism, a trend of thought that favours equality for all people
  • Equal opportunity, a stipulation that all people should be treated similarly
  • Equality of outcome, in which the general conditions of people’s lives are similar
  • For specific groups:
  • Gender equality
  • Racial equality
  • Equality Party (disambiguation), several political parties

 

Social equality, in which all people within a group have the same status, a form of social justice.

 

Because of my work am going to specify on the one that pertains to my study:

  • political equality
  • egalitarianism
  • equal opportunity
  • gender equality
  • social equality

 

POLITICAL EQUALITY

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Political_egalitarianism

Political egalitarianism is where members of a society are of equal standing in terms of political power or influence.  A founding principle of various forms of democracy, political egalitarianism was an idea which was supported by Thomas Jefferson and it is a concept similar to moral reciprocity and legal equality. The idea suggests all citizens of a certain country must be treated equally solely depending on their citizenship status, not on their race, gender, religion and how clever or how rich they are. Equal citizenship constitute the core of political egalitarianism. This is expressed in such principles as one-person/one-vote, equality before the law and equal rights of free speech.

 

EGALITARIANISM

a. According to Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Egalitarianism

Egalitarianism (from French égal, meaning ‘equal’), or equalitarianism, is a school of thought within political philosophy that prioritizes equality for all people. Egalitarian doctrines are generally characterized by the idea that all humans are equal in fundamental worth or moral status.

b. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary

The term has two distinct definitions in modern English, namely either as a political doctrine that all people should be treated as equals and have the same political, economic, social and civil rights,  or as a social philosophy advocating the removal of economic inequalities among people, economic egalitarianism, or the decentralization of power. Some sources define egalitarianism as the point of view that equality reflects the natural state of humanity.

 

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equal_opportunity

Equal opportunity is a state of fairness in which job applicants are treated similarly, unhampered by artificial barriers or prejudices or preferences, except when particular distinctions can be explicitly justified. The intent is that the important jobs in an organization should go to the people who are most qualified – persons most likely to perform ably in a given task – and not go to persons for reasons deemed arbitrary or irrelevant, such as circumstances of birth, upbringing, having well-connected relatives or friends, religion, sex, ethnicity, race, caste, or involuntary personal attributes such as disability, age, gender identity, or sexual orientation.

Equal opportunities is interpreted as being judged by ability, which is compatible with a free market economy. Relevant problems are horizontal inequality − the inequality of two persons of same origin and ability and differing opportunities given to individuals − such as in (education) or by inherited capital.

 

 

GENDER EQUALITY

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_equality

Gender equality, also known as sexual equality or equality of the sexes, is the state of equal ease of access to resources and opportunities regardless of gender, including economic participation and decision-making; and the state of valuing different behaviors, aspirations and needs equally, regardless of gender. Gender equality is the goal, while gender neutrality and gender equity are practices and ways of thinking that help in achieving the goal. UNICEF says gender equality “means that women and men, and girls and boys, enjoy the same rights, resources, opportunities and protections. It does not require that girls and boys, or women and men, be the same, or that they be treated exactly alike.

 

 

SOCIAL EQUALITY

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_equality

Social equality is a state of affairs in which all people within a specific society or isolated group have the same status in possibly all respects, possibly including civil rights, freedom of speech, property rights and equal access to certain social goods and social services. However, it may also include health equality, economic equality and other social securities. Social equality requires the absence of legally enforced social class or caste boundaries and the absence of discrimination motivated by an inalienable part of a person’s identity. For example, sex, gender, race, age, sexual orientation, origin, caste or class, income or property, language, religion, convictions, opinions, health or disability must absolutely not result in unequal treatment under the law and should not reduce opportunities unjustifiably.

 

 

From the above definitions of feminism, humanist and equality. I will say women and men are different. They are not equal. There are obvious underlying biological differences between the two sexes. This is a superficial fact – that men and women are biologically different and have different general abilities, and therefore not “equal” to one another in the physiological sense. When people talk about being “equal”, they don’t care about the physical differences. The word “equal” means equal treatment before the law, equality of opportunity, and equal consideration of interests. Some people completely misses the point of equality. I guess they are totally wrong in this aspect of equality.

 

 

PROVE 1 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””” My own definition is a feminist is a man or a woman who says, yes, there’s a problem with gender as it is today and we must fix it, we must do better. All of us, women and men, must do better.”””””

 

PROVE 2(FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””” Men and women are different. We have different hormones and different sexual organs and different biological abilities—women can have babies, men cannot. Men have more testosterone and are, in general, physically stronger than women. A man and a woman are doing the same job, with the same qualifications, and the man is paid more because he is a man. So in a literal way, men rule the world. This made sense a thousand years ago. Because human beings lived then in a world in which physical strength was the most important attribute for survival; the physically stronger person was more likely to lead. And men in general are physically stronger. (There are of course many exceptions.) Today, we live in a vastly different world. The person more qualified to lead is not the physically stronger person. It is the more intelligent, the more knowledgeable, the more creative, more innovative. And there are no hormones for those attributes. A man is as likely as a woman to be intelligent, innovative, creative. We have evolved. But our ideas of gender have not evolved very much. “””””

 

PROVE 3 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””””” Some people ask: “Why the word feminist? Why not just say you are a believer in human rights, or something like that?” Because that would be dishonest. Feminism is, of course, part of human rights in general—but to choose to use the vague expression human rights is to deny the specific and particular problem of gender. It would be a way of pretending that it was not women who have, for centuries, been excluded. It would be a way of denying that the problem of gender targets women. That the problem was not about being human, but specifically about being a female human. For centuries, the world divided human beings into two groups and then proceeded to exclude and oppress one group. It is only fair that the solution to the problem acknowledge that. Some men feel threatened by the idea of feminism. This comes, I think, from the insecurity triggered by how boys are brought up, how their sense of self-worth is diminished if they are not “naturally” in charge as men.   “”””””

 

PROVE 4 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the sixth Suggestion

“”””””“Teach her, too, to question the idea of women as a special species. I once heard an American politician, in his bid to show his support for women, speak of how women should be ‘revered’ and  ‘championed’ – a sentiment that is all too common. Tell Chizalum that women actually don’t need to be championed and revered; they just need to be treated as equal human beings. There is a patronizing undertone to the idea of women needing to be ‘championed and revered’ because they are women. It makes me think of chivalry, and the premise of chivalry is female weakness.     “”””””

 

 PROVE 5 (FROM SITE/INTERNET-SPEECH)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned “””” MOTHER IN RELATION TO FEMININITY“”””

For further reading here is the link to the SPEECH to convince you:

https://time.com/3921492/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-graduation-commencement-wellesley/

 

IN HER SPEECH SHE SAYS-

“”””” Okay, one last thing about my mother. My mother and I do not agree on many things regarding gender. There are certain things my mother believes a person should do, for the simple reason that said person ‘is a woman.’ Such as nod occasionally and smile even when smiling is the last thing one wants to do. Such as strategically give in to certain arguments, especially when arguing with a non-female. Such as get married and have children. I can think of fairly good reasons for doing any of these. But ‘because you are a woman’ is not one of them. And so, Class of 2015, never ever accept ‘Because you are a Woman’ as a reason for doing or not doing anything. “”””

 

PROVE 6 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the second Suggestion

 “”””””   Do it together. Remember in primary school we learned that a verb was a ‘doing’ word? Well, a father is as much a verb as a mother. Chudi should do everything that biology allows – which is everything but breastfeeding. Sometimes mothers, so conditioned to be all and do all, are complicit in diminishing the role of fathers. You might think that Chudi will not bathe her exactly as you’d like, that he might not wipe her bum as perfectly as you do. But so what? What is the worst that can happen? She won’t die at the hands of her father. Seriously. He loves her.

It’s good for her to be cared for by her father. So look away, arrest your perfectionism, still your socially conditioned sense of duty. Share child care equally. ‘Equally’ of course depends on you both, and you will have to work it out, paying equal attention to each person’s needs. It does not have to mean a literal fifty-fifty or a day-by-day score-keeping but you’ll know when the child-care work is equally shared. You’ll know by your lack of resentment. Because when there is true equality, resentment does not exist.      ””””””

 

PROVE 7(FROM SITE/INTERNET-TALK)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned “”””FEMINISM“”””

For further reading here is the link to convince you:

https://pen.org/press-clip/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-on-the-world-of-african-literature/

FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE   speech:

“” At the TED conference in 2013, Ms Adichie gave a now-famous talk titled, “We Should All Be Feminists.” (The singer Beyoncé quoted it in her song “Flawless.”) “My version of feminism means acknowledging that women have and continue to have gotten the bad end of things, politically and socially, all over the world,” she says. “Feminism means not only acknowledging that, but wanting to make it better.””

 

PROVE 8 (FROM SITE/INTERNET-SPEECH)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned “”””FEMINISM  AND FEMINIST “”””

For further reading here is the link to the SPEECH to convince you.

https://time.com/3921492/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-graduation-commencement-wellesley/

IN HER SPEECH SHE SAYS-

“””””” Recently a feminist organization kindly nominated me for an important prize in a country that will remain unnamed. I was very pleased. I’ve been fortunate to have received a few prizes so far and I quite like them especially when they come with shiny presents. To get this prize, I was required to talk about how important a particular European feminist woman writer had been to me. Now the truth was that I had never managed to finish this feminist writer’s book. It did not speak to me. It would have been a lie to claim that she had any major influence on my thinking. The truth is that I learned so much more about feminism from watching the women traders in the market in Nsukka where I grew up, than from reading any seminal feminist text. I could have said that this woman was important to me, and I could have talked the talk, and I could have been given the prize and a shiny present.

But I didn’t.

Because I had begun to ask myself what it really means to wear this FEMINIST label so publicly.

Just as I asked myself after excerpts of my feminism speech were used in a song by a talented musician whom I think some of you might know. I thought it was a very good thing that the word ‘feminist’ would be introduced to a new generation.

But I was startled by how many people, many of whom were academics, saw something troubling, even menacing, in this. It was as though feminism was supposed to be an elite little cult, with esoteric rites of membership.

But it shouldn’t. Feminism should be an inclusive party. Feminism should be a party full of different feminisms.

And so, class of 2015, please go out there and make Feminism a big raucous inclusive party. “”””””

 

PROVE 9 (FROM SITE/INTERNET)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she talked about  “”””EQUAL RIGHT””””

For further reading here is the link to the SPEECH convince you.

https://time.com/3921492/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-graduation-commencement-wellesley/

IN HER SPEECH SHE SAYS-

“””””   I am lucky that my writing has given me a platform that I choose to use to talk about things that I care about, and I have said a few things that have not been so popular with a number of people. I have been told to shut up about certain things – such as my position on the equal rights of gay people on the continent of Africa, such as my deeply held belief that men and women are completely equal. I don’t speak to provoke. I speak because I think our time on earth is short and each moment that we are not our truest selves, each moment we pretend to be what we are not, each moment we say what we do not mean because we imagine that is what somebody wants us to say, then we are wasting our time on earth.   “””””

 

PROVE 10 (FROM SITE/INTERNET-SPEECH)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned “”””FEMINISM“”””

For further reading here is the link to the SPEECH to convince you:

 “”””” Think of people as people, not as abstractions who have to conform to bloodless logic but as people—fragile, imperfect with prides that can be wounded and hearts that can be touched. Literature is my religion. I have learned from literature that we humans are flawed, all of us are flawed, but even while we are flawed, we are capable of enduring goodness. “””””

 

 

9. SOCIALIZATION AND CULTURE

 

DEFINITION OF SOCIALIZATION.

a. According to Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socialization

In sociology, socialization is the process of internalizing the norms and ideologies of society. Socialization encompasses both learning and teaching and is thus the means by which social and cultural continuity are attained”. Socialization essentially represents the whole process of learning throughout the life course and is a central influence on the behaviour, beliefs, and actions of adults as well as of children.

 

b. According to merriam-webster dictionary

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/socialization

  1. The process beginning during childhood by which individuals acquire the values, habits, and attitudes of a society.
  2. Social interaction with others.
  3. Exposure of a young domestic animal (such as a kitten or puppy) to a variety of people, animals, and situations to minimize fear and aggression and promote friendliness.
  4. The action or process of making something (such as an industry) socialistic : conversion to collective or governmental ownership and control.

 

DEFINITION OF CULTURE

  1. According to Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture

Culture is an umbrella term which encompasses the social behaviour and norms found in human societies, as well as the knowledge, beliefs, arts, laws, customs, capabilities and habits of the individuals in these groups.  Humans acquire culture through the learning processes of enculturation and socialization, which is shown by the diversity of cultures across societies. A cultural norm codifies acceptable conduct in society; it serves as guideline for behaviour, dress, language, and demeanour in a situation, which serves as a template for expectations in a social group.

 

  1. According to merriam-webster dictionary

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/culture

  1. The customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group.
  2. The characteristic features of everyday existence (such as diversions or a way of life) shared by people in a place or time.
  3. The set of shared attitudes, values, goals, and practices that characterizes an institution or organization.
  4. The set of values, conventions, or social practices associated with a particular field, activity, or societal characteristic.
  5. The integrated pattern of human knowledge, belief, and behaviour that depends upon the capacity for learning and transmitting knowledge to succeeding generations.

 

  1. According to Cambridge dictionary

https://www.google.com/amp/s/dictionary.cambridge.org/amp/english/culture

  1. The way of life, especially the general customs and beliefs, of a particular group of people at a particular time.
  2. The way of life of a particular people, esp. as shown in their ordinary behaviour and habits, their attitudes toward each other, and their moral and religious beliefs.
  3. The arts of describing, showing, or performing that represent the traditions or the way of life of a particular people or group; literature, art, music, dance, theatre, etc.

 

PROVE 1(FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””” Some people will say a woman is subordinate to men because it’s our culture. But culture is constantly changing. I have beautiful twin nieces who are fifteen. If they had been born a hundred years ago, they would have been taken away and killed. Because a hundred years ago, Igbo culture considered the birth of twins to be an evil omen. Today that practice is unimaginable to all Igbo people.

 What is the point of culture? Culture functions ultimately to ensure the preservation and continuity of a people. In my family, I am the child who is most interested in the story of who we are, in ancestral lands, in our tradition. My brothers are not as interested as I am. But I cannot participate, because Igbo culture privileges men and only the male members of the extended family can attend the meetings where major family decisions are taken. So although I am the one who is most interested in these things, I cannot attend the meeting. I cannot have a formal say. Because I am female. Culture does not make people. People make culture. If it is true that the full humanity of women is not our culture, then we can and must make it our culture. “””””

 

PROVE 2 (INTERNET/SITE)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned “”””why men have a higher rate of dying by suicide “”””

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://m.guardian.ng/features/how-patriarchy-could-be-spiking-rate-of-suicide-among-men/

https://dailypost.ng/2018/09/12/men-die-suicide-chimamanda-adichie/

Here is her speech:

FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE :  “””“Both men and women suffer from the illnesses that lead to suicide but it is men that have a much higher rate of dying by suicide.

“Why? Because men are socialized to suppress so many human parts of themselves, men are socialized not to ask for help, men are socialized to be afraid of fear, men are socialized not to show vulnerability.

“From the moment we tell a little boy that ‘boys don’t cry’ or we tell a hurting teenager to ‘man up’ we are creating an adult man who will be cheated of the full range of his emotions. So, while men benefit from patriarchy, they also suffer from it. ”””””

 

PROVE 3 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

 “”””” Boys and girls are undeniably different biologically, but socialization exaggerates the differences. And then starts a self-fulfilling process. Take cooking, for example. Today, women in general are more likely to do housework than men—cooking and cleaning. But why is that? Is it because women are born with a cooking gene or because over years they have been socialized to see cooking as their role? I was going to say that perhaps women are born with a cooking gene until I remembered that the majority of famous cooks in the world—who are given the fancy title of “chef”—are men. ”””””

 

PROVE 4 (FROM SITE/ INTERNET)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned/talk on “””” culture integrated with appearance (make up) “””

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.forbes.com/sites/karenhua/2016/10/21/the-cultural-importance-of-chimamanda-ngozi-adichies-boots-beauty-campaign/amp/

Here is her speech:

“”” Our culture teaches us that to be taken seriously, women should not care too much about their appearance. So I stopped wearing makeup and became a false version of myself,” Adichie said. “But then I woke up because makeup doesn’t actually mean anything. It’s about how I feel when I get it right—what makes me walk ever so taller. It’s about the face I choose to show the world and what I choose to say. ”””

 

PROVE 5 (FROM SITE/ INTERNET-TALK)

I will backed it up with a powerful ted talk made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned/talk on “””” culture integrated with single story“”””

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_ngozi_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story/transcript?language=en

Here is her speech:

00:12

I’m a storyteller. And I would like to tell you a few personal stories about what I like to call “the danger of the single story.” I grew up on a university campus in eastern Nigeria. My mother says that I started reading at the age of two, although I think four is probably close to the truth. So I was an early reader, and what I read were British and American children’s books.

 

00:39

I was also an early writer, and when I began to write, at about the age of seven, stories in pencil with crayon illustrations that my poor mother was obligated to read, I wrote exactly the kinds of stories I was reading: All my characters were white and blue-eyed, they played in the snow, they ate apples,

 

01:04

(Laughter)

01:06

And they talked a lot about the weather, how lovely it was that the sun had come out.

 

01:10

(Laughter)

 

01:12

Now, this despite the fact that I lived in Nigeria. I had never been outside Nigeria. We didn’t have snow, we ate mangoes, and we never talked about the weather, because there was no need to.

 

01:26

My characters also drank a lot of ginger beer, because the characters in the British books I read drank ginger beer. Never mind that I had no idea what ginger beer was.

 

01:36

(Laughter)

 

01:37

And for many years afterwards, I would have a desperate desire to taste ginger beer. But that is another story.

 

01:44

What this demonstrates, I think, is how impressionable and vulnerable we are in the face of a story, particularly as children. Because all I had read were books in which characters were foreign, I had become convinced that books by their very nature had to have foreigners in them and had to be about things with which I could not personally identify. Now, things changed when I discovered African books. There weren’t many of them available, and they weren’t quite as easy to find as the foreign books.

 

02:15

But because of writers like Chinua Achebe and Camara Laye, I went through a mental shift in my perception of literature. I realized that people like me, girls with skin the color of chocolate, whose kinky hair could not form ponytails, could also exist in literature. I started to write about things I recognized.

 

02:36

Now, I loved those American and British books I read. They stirred my imagination. They opened up new worlds for me. But the unintended consequence was that I did not know that people like me could exist in literature. So what the discovery of African writers did for me was this: It saved me from having a single story of what books are.

 

02:59

I come from a conventional, middle-class Nigerian family. My father was a professor. My mother was an administrator. And so we had, as was the norm, live-in domestic help, who would often come from nearby rural villages. So, the year I turned eight, we got a new house boy. His name was Fide. The only thing my mother told us about him was that his family was very poor. My mother sent yams and rice, and our old clothes, to his family. And when I didn’t finish my dinner, my mother would say, “Finish your food! Don’t you know? People like Fide’s family have nothing.” So I felt enormous pity for Fide’s family.

 

03:43

Then one Saturday, we went to his village to visit, and his mother showed us a beautifully patterned basket made of dyed raffia that his brother had made. I was startled. It had not occurred to me that anybody in his family could actually make something. All I had heard about them was how poor they were, so that it had become impossible for me to see them as anything else but poor. Their poverty was my single story of them.

 

04:13

Years later, I thought about this when I left Nigeria to go to university in the United States. I was 19. My American roommate was shocked by me. She asked where I had learned to speak English so well, and was confused when I said that Nigeria happened to have English as its official language. She asked if she could listen to what she called my “tribal music,” and was consequently very disappointed when I produced my tape of Mariah Carey.

 

04:42

(Laughter)

 

04:45

She assumed that I did not know how to use a stove.

 

04:49

What struck me was this: She had felt sorry for me even before she saw me. Her default position toward me, as an African, was a kind of patronizing, well-meaning pity. My roommate had a single story of Africa: a single story of catastrophe. In this single story, there was no possibility of Africans being similar to her in any way, no possibility of feelings more complex than pity, no possibility of a connection as human equals.

 

05:21

I must say that before I went to the U.S., I didn’t consciously identify as African. But in the U.S., whenever Africa came up, people turned to me. Never mind that I knew nothing about places like Namibia. But I did come to embrace this new identity, and in many ways I think of myself now as African. Although I still get quite irritable when Africa is referred to as a country, the most recent example being my otherwise wonderful flight from Lagos two days ago, in which there was an announcement on the Virgin flight about the charity work in “India, Africa and other countries.”

 

05:55

(Laughter)

 

05:56

So, after I had spent some years in the U.S. as an African, I began to understand my roommate’s response to me. If I had not grown up in Nigeria, and if all I knew about Africa were from popular images, I too would think that Africa was a place of beautiful landscapes, beautiful animals, and incomprehensible people, fighting senseless wars, dying of poverty and AIDS, unable to speak for themselves and waiting to be saved by a kind, white foreigner. I would see Africans in the same way that I, as a child, had seen Fide’s family.

 

06:35

This single story of Africa ultimately comes, I think, from Western literature. Now, here is a quote from the writing of a London merchant called John Lok, who sailed to west Africa in 1561 and kept a fascinating account of his voyage. After referring to the black Africans as “beasts who have no houses,” he writes, “They are also people without heads, having their mouth and eyes in their breasts.”

 

07:05

Now, I’ve laughed every time I’ve read this. And one must admire the imagination of John Lok. But what is important about his writing is that it represents the beginning of a tradition of telling African stories in the West: A tradition of Sub-Saharan Africa as a place of negatives, of difference, of darkness, of people who, in the words of the wonderful poet Rudyard Kipling, are “half devil, half child.”

 

07:32

And so, I began to realize that my American roommate must have throughout her life seen and heard different versions of this single story, as had a professor, who once told me that my novel was not “authentically African.” Now, I was quite willing to contend that there were a number of things wrong with the novel, that it had failed in a number of places, but I had not quite imagined that it had failed at achieving something called African authenticity. In fact, I did not know what African authenticity was. The professor told me that my characters were too much like him, an educated and middle-class man. My characters drove cars. They were not starving. Therefore they were not authentically African.

 

08:21

But I must quickly add that I too am just as guilty in the question of the single story. A few years ago, I visited Mexico from the U.S. The political climate in the U.S. at the time was tense, and there were debates going on about immigration. And, as often happens in America, immigration became synonymous with Mexicans. There were endless stories of Mexicans as people who were fleecing the healthcare system, sneaking across the border, being arrested at the border, that sort of thing.

 

08:54

I remember walking around on my first day in Guadalajara, watching the people going to work, rolling up tortillas in the marketplace, smoking, laughing. I remember first feeling slight surprise. And then, I was overwhelmed with shame. I realized that I had been so immersed in the media coverage of Mexicans that they had become one thing in my mind, the abject immigrant. I had bought into the single story of Mexicans and I could not have been more ashamed of myself.

 

09:26

So that is how to create a single story, show a people as one thing, as only one thing, over and over again, and that is what they become.

 

09:37

It is impossible to talk about the single story without talking about power. There is a word, an Igbo word, that I think about whenever I think about the power structures of the world, and it is “nkali.” It’s a noun that loosely translates to “to be greater than another.” Like our economic and political worlds, stories too are defined by the principle of nkali: How they are told, who tells them, when they’re told, how many stories are told, are really dependent on power.

 

10:12

Power is the ability not just to tell the story of another person, but to make it the definitive story of that person. The Palestinian poet Mourid Barghouti writes that if you want to dispossess a people, the simplest way to do it is to tell their story and to start with, “secondly.” Start the story with the arrows of the Native Americans, and not with the arrival of the British, and you have an entirely different story. Start the story with the failure of the African state, and not with the colonial creation of the African state, and you have an entirely different story.

 

10:52

I recently spoke at a university where a student told me that it was such a shame that Nigerian men were physical abusers like the father character in my novel. I told him that I had just read a novel called “American Psycho” —

 

11:08

(Laughter)

 

11:10

— And that it was such a shame that young Americans were serial murderers.

 

11:15

(Laughter)

 

11:19

(Applause)

 

11:25

Now, obviously I said this in a fit of mild irritation.

 

11:28

(Laughter)

 

11:30

But it would never have occurred to me to think that just because I had read a novel in which a character was a serial killer that he was somehow representative of all Americans. This is not because I am a better person than that student, but because of America’s cultural and economic power, I had many stories of America. I had read Tyler and Updike and Steinbeck and Gaitskill. I did not have a single story of America.

 

11:55

When I learned, some years ago, that writers were expected to have had really unhappy childhoods to be successful, I began to think about how I could invent horrible things my parents had done to me.

 

 

12:08

(Laughter)

 

12:10

But the truth is that I had a very happy childhood, full of laughter and love, in a very close-knit family.

 

12:17

But I also had grandfathers who died in refugee camps. My cousin Polle died because he could not get adequate healthcare. One of my closest friends, Okoloma, died in a plane crash because our fire trucks did not have water. I grew up under repressive military governments that devalued education, so that sometimes, my parents were not paid their salaries. And so, as a child, I saw jam disappear from the breakfast table, then margarine disappeared, then bread became too expensive, then milk became rationed. And most of all, a kind of normalized political fear invaded our lives.

 

12:57

All of these stories make me who I am. But to insist on only these negative stories is to flatten my experience and to overlook the many other stories that formed me. The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story.

 

13:25

Of course, Africa is a continent full of catastrophes: There are immense ones, such as the horrific rapes in Congo and depressing ones, such as the fact that 5,000 people apply for one job vacancy in Nigeria. But there are other stories that are not about catastrophe, and it is very important, it is just as important, to talk about them.

 

13:45

I’ve always felt that it is impossible to engage properly with a place or a person without engaging with all of the stories of that place and that person. The consequence of the single story is this: It robs people of dignity. It makes our recognition of our equal humanity difficult. It emphasizes how we are different rather than how we are similar.

 

14:09

So what if before my Mexican trip, I had followed the immigration debate from both sides, the U.S. and the Mexican? What if my mother had told us that Fide’s family was poor and hardworking? What if we had an African television network that broadcast diverse African stories all over the world? What the Nigerian writer Chinua Achebe calls “a balance of stories.”

 

14:33

What if my roommate knew about my Nigerian publisher, Muhtar Bakare, a remarkable man who left his job in a bank to follow his dream and start a publishing house? Now, the conventional wisdom was that Nigerians don’t read literature. He disagreed. He felt that people who could read, would read, if you made literature affordable and available to them.

 

14:56

Shortly after he published my first novel, I went to a TV station in Lagos to do an interview, and a woman who worked there as a messenger came up to me and said, “I really liked your novel. I didn’t like the ending. Now, you must write a sequel, and this is what will happen …”

 

15:11

(Laughter)

 

15:14

And she went on to tell me what to write in the sequel. I was not only charmed, I was very moved. Here was a woman, part of the ordinary masses of Nigerians, who were not supposed to be readers. She had not only read the book, but she had taken ownership of it and felt justified in telling me what to write in the sequel.

 

15:33

Now, what if my roommate knew about my friend Funmi Iyanda, a fearless woman who hosts a TV show in Lagos, and is determined to tell the stories that we prefer to forget? What if my roommate knew about the heart procedure that was performed in the Lagos hospital last week? What if my roommate knew about contemporary Nigerian music, talented people singing in English and Pidgin, and Igbo and Yoruba and Ijo, mixing influences from Jay-Z to Fela to Bob Marley to their grandfathers.

 

16:06

What if my roommate knew about the female lawyer who recently went to court in Nigeria to challenge a ridiculous law that required women to get their husband’s consent before renewing their passports? What if my roommate knew about Nollywood, full of innovative people making films despite great technical odds, films so popular that they really are the best example of Nigerians consuming what they produce? What if my roommate knew about my wonderfully ambitious hair braider, who has just started her own business selling hair extensions? Or about the millions of other Nigerians who start businesses and sometimes fail, but continue to nurse ambition?

 

16:47

Every time I am home I am confronted with the usual sources of irritation for most Nigerians: our failed infrastructure, our failed government, but also by the incredible resilience of people who thrive despite the government, rather than because of it. I teach writing workshops in Lagos every summer, and it is amazing to me how many people apply, how many people are eager to write, to tell stories.

 

17:14

My Nigerian publisher and I have just started a non-profit called Farafina Trust, and we have big dreams of building libraries and refurbishing libraries that already exist and providing books for state schools that don’t have anything in their libraries, and also of organizing lots and lots of workshops, in reading and writing, for all the people who are eager to tell our many stories.

 

17:36

Stories matter. Many stories matter. Stories have been used to dispossess and to malign, but stories can also be used to empower and to humanize. Stories can break the dignity of a people, but stories can also repair that broken dignity.

 

 

 

17:56

The American writer Alice Walker wrote this about her Southern relatives who had moved to the North. She introduced them to a book about the Southern life that they had left behind. “They sat around, reading the book themselves, listening to me read the book, and a kind of paradise was regained.”

 

18:17

I would like to end with this thought: That when we reject the single story, when we realize that there is never a single story about any place, we regain a kind of paradise.

 

18:30

Thank you.

 

18:31

(Applause)

 

 

10. DOMESTIC CHORES,HOUSE CHORE, HOUSE KEEPING – COOKING

 

DEFINITION OF CHORES

  1. According to merriam-webster dictionary

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/chore

  1. The regular or daily light work of a household or farm
  2. A routine task or job
  3. A difficult or disagreeable task.

 

  1. According to.Cambridge. Dictionary

https://www.google.com/amp/s/dictionary.cambridge.org/amp/english/chore

A job or piece of work that is often boring or unpleasant but needs to be done regularly

 

DEFINITION OF HOUSEHOLD-CHORES

  1. According to Collins dictionary

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.collinsdictionary.com/amp/english/household-chores

Tasks such as cleaning, washing, and ironing that have to be done regularly at home.household chores, such as cleaning and cooking

 

  1. According to ldoceonline dictionary

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/chore

  1. A small job that you have to do regularly, especially work that you do to keep a house clean everyday chores like shopping and housework
  2. Something you have to do that is very boring and unpleasant

 

  1. According to telegraph

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/11141910/36-household-chores-men-dont-bother-to-do.html

We have 36 household chores men don’t bother to do

  1. Weekly clean
  2. Daily clean
  3. Vacuuming
  4. Cleaning kitchen/bathroom
  5. Heavy duty kitchen cleaning (oven/fridge)
  6. Tidying up
  7. Washing clothes
  8. Washing bedding
  9. Changing sheets
  10. Ironing
  11. Managing the family budget
  12. Organising car insurance
  13. Organising home insurance
  14. Organising payment of utility bills
  15. Liaising with school/nursery over everyday issues
  16. Liaising with school/nursery over trips
  17. Being the first person called if there’s a problem at school/nursery
  18. Packing schoolbags
  19. Doing/supervising homework
  20. Arranging childcare
  21. Arranging applications for primary/secondary school
  22. Arranging play dates
  23. Taking children to clubs
  24. Organising birthday parties
  25. Buying clothes
  26. Organising Christmas
  27. Buying family presents/cards
  28. Managing doctor/dentist/optician appointments
  29. Looking after children at evenings and weekends
  30. Preparing activities for your partner to look after the children at evenings and weekends
  31. Reading bedtime stories
  32. Looking after poorly children
  33. Taking time off work to look after poorly children
  34. Settling children that wake in the night
  35. Organising birthday presents for family members
  36. Booking holidays

 

DEFINITION OF HOUSEKEEPING

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Housekeeping

Housekeeping refers to the management of duties and chores involved in the running of a household, such as cleaning, cooking, home maintenance, shopping, and bill payment. These tasks may be performed by members of the household, or by other persons hired for the purpose. The term is also used to refer to the money allocated for such use. By extension, an office or organization, as well as the maintenance of computer storage systems.

 

DEFINITION OF COOKING

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cooking

Cooking or cookery is the art, technology, science and craft of preparing food for consumption.

 

PROVE 1(FROM HER BOOK)

 According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

”””” I know a woman who has the same degree and same job as her husband. When they get back from work, she does most of the housework, which is true for many marriages, but what struck me was that whenever he changed the baby’s diaper, she said thank you to him. What if she saw it as something normal and natural, that he should help care for his child? “”””

 

 

PROVE 2 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””” I know a woman who hates domestic work, but she pretends that she likes it, because she has been taught that to be good wife material,” she has to be—to use that Nigerian word—homely. And then she got married. And her husband’s family began to complain that she had changed. Actually, she had not changed. She just got tired of pretending to be what she was not. The problem with gender is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are. Imagine how much happier we would be, how much freer to be our true individual selves, if we didn’t have the weight of gender expectations. “””””

 

PROVE 3 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the first Suggestion

 “”” I have no interest in the debate about women ‘doing it all’ because it is a debate that assumes that care-giving and domestic work are singularly female domains, an idea that I strongly reject. Domestic work and care-giving should be gender-neutral, and we should be asking not whether a woman can ‘do it all’ but how best to support parents in their dual duties at work and at home. ”””

 

PROVE 4 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimamanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the tenth Suggestion

”””” She can counter ideas about static ‘gender roles’ if she has been empowered by her familiarity with alternatives. If she knows an uncle who cooks well – and does so with indifference – then she can smile and brush off the foolishness of somebody who claims that ‘women must do the cooking.  ””””

 

PROVE 5 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimamanda Ngozi she says in her book:

”””” I know a woman who has the same degree and same job as her husband. When they get back from work, she does most of the housework, which is true for many marriages, but what struck me was that whenever he changed the baby’s diaper, she said thank you to him. What if she saw it as something normal and natural, that he should help care for his child? “”””

 

 PROVE 6 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

 “””””The knowledge of cooking does not come pre-installed in a vagina. Cooking is learned. Cookingdomestic work in general – is a life skill that both men and women should ideally have. It is also a skill that can elude both men and women. We also need to question the idea of marriage as a prize to women, because that is the basis of these absurd debates. If we stop conditioning women to see marriage as a prize, then we would have fewer debates about a wife needing to cook in order to earn that prize. It is interesting to me how early the world starts to invent gender roles.”””””

 

PROVE 7  (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the third Suggestion

“”” There have been recent Nigerian social media debates about women and cooking, about how wives have to cook for husbands. It is funny, in the way that sad things are funny, that we are still talking about cooking as some kind of marriageability test for women. The knowledge of cooking does not come pre-installed in a vagina. Cooking is learned. Cooking – domestic work in general – is a life skill that both men and women should ideally have. It is also a skill that can elude both men and women   “””

 

PROVE 8 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””“Take cooking, for example. Today, women in general are more likely to do housework than men— cooking and cleaning.  But why is that? Is it because women are born with a cooking gene or because over years they have been socialized to see cooking as their role? I was going to say that perhaps women are born with a cooking gene until I remembered that the majority of famous cooks in the world—who are given the fancy title of “chef”—are men. But what matters even more is our attitude, our mind-set. What if, in raising children, we focus on ability instead of gender? What if we focus on interest instead of gender? I know a family who has a son and a daughter, a year apart in age, both brilliant at school. When the boy is hungry, the parents say to the girl, Go and cook Indomie noodles for your brother. The girl doesn’t like to cook Indomie, but she is a girl and she has to. What if the parents, from the beginning, taught both children to cook Indomie? Cooking, by the way, is a useful and practical life skill for a boy to have—I’ve never thought it made much sense to leave such a crucial thing—the ability to nourish oneself —in the hands of others. ””””

 

PROVE 9 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the sixths Suggestion

””””” Teach her to ask questions like: what are the things that women cannot do because they are women? Do these things have cultural prestige? If so, why are only men allowed to do the things that have cultural prestige? It is helpful, I think, to use everyday examples. Remember that television commercial we watched in Lagos, where a man cooks and his claps for him? True progress is when she doesn’t clap for him but just reacts to the food itself – she can either praise the food or not praise the food, just as he can praise hers or not praise hers, but what is sexist is that she is praising the fact that he has undertaken the act of cooking, praise that implies that cooking is an inherently female act. “”””

 

 

This should give men a little rethink about cooking and house/domestic chores. Which I personally are meant to be shared equally between the two partners. As for me (PATRICKREALSTORIES.WORDPRESS.COM) cooking, domestic chores- cleaning sweeping, mopping are supposed to be shared equally. Cooking was never meant for women. Anybody can cook whether male or female.

 

 

11. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

 

DEFINITION OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence

According to Wikipedia

Domestic violence (also named domestic abuse or family violence) is violence or other abuse by one person against another in a domestic setting, such as in marriage or cohabitation. It may be termed intimate partner violence when committed by a spouse or partner in an intimate relationship against the other spouse or partner, and can take place in heterosexual or same-sex relationships, or between former spouses or partners.

Domestic violence can also involve violence against children, parents, or the elderly.

FACTS ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

The following are some facts about domestic violence:

  1. Occurs in all socio-economic groups, all religious groups, all races, and all ethnic groups and within all form of relationship, to people of all ages and physical abilities.
  2. Is perpetrated against women in 95% of cases.
  3. Is the single greatest cause of injury to women in this country?
  4. Includes psychological, verbal or emotional abuse that can be as devastating as the physical violence.
  5. Something that has happened to people you know; perhaps your neighbor, friend, sister, mother, your co-worker or even yourself.

 

EVIDENCE FROM “”PURPLE HABISCUS”” TO SUPPORT THE OCCURRENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi employed a narrative approach to explore the theme of domestic violence. I will examined how fifteen-year-old girl (Kambili) whose father is a violent, extremist Igbo Catholic did a great harm of domestic violence to them.  Because of her young age she was gentle as well as honest thus allowed her to portray to the audience the kind of violence she and the other members of her family were subjected to by Eugene (their father).

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi    utilized all of her characters (Eugene and his household) in presenting the different perspectives of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

 

PROVE (FROM INTERNET/SITE-INTERVIEW)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned ““the connection of single story with domestic violence””

For further reading here is the links to convince you:

https://www.compasspoint.org/blog/domestic-violence-and-shackles-single-story

Here are the questions that the interviewer ask her

Jennifer Chen Speckman So what does this notion of a single story have to do with domestic violence?

 

FEMINIST Adichie Chimamanda Ngozi Domestic violence is what people aren’t talking about. News stories reference estranged spouses, “high-conflict marriages,” or “custody battles,” but never domestic violence. In the discussion of differing priorities—whether it be gun violence, opportunity youth, mental health, education, or child welfare—it is essential to comprehend why it is so uncomfortable to acknowledge the larger picture—the one where the complexity of a domestic violence dynamic operating in a single household can wreak such havoc in the world. Prescribing a single story to the situation creates comfort. We pretend we know how things stand for other people. Assigning space for multiple stories opens our eyes to oppression, systemic failures, and incredible human cruelty. People don’t want to think about it. However, research shows us that we cannot ignore it and we cannot afford to assign a single story.

 

Jennifer Chen Speckman So where do we go from here and where do the solutions lie?

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi

First, we must come to the table with openness and curiosity to find our client as a multi-faceted human being, a full picture of historical legacies, power dynamics, social norms, political forces, and personal perspectives.

The next step is to empower children, families, and adults to find the multitude of their personal narratives. Research conducted by Sara and Marshall Duke at Emory University shows that children who have a strong sense of family narrative demonstrate greater self-confidence and resilience than those without. (“The Stories that Bind Us,” New York Times). Historical contexts of oppression and resilience matter, and connection to those complexities result in empowerment. How are children to find their family narrative if their family is marginalized and shackled to a single story?

Finally, we must acknowledge that domestic violence exists in our society in part because of the oppression of the single story. The oppression of women and children has existed since the beginning of human history; not too long ago, women and children were considered property and what happened in the home was private. We cannot think that such oppression will be eradicated easily. The WDVN challenges the community to view domestic violence as a confluence of stories about power dynamics and oppression, permeating all elements of historic legacies, life, well-being, family, and community. We ask that members of the community reflect and support every child’s and parent’s right to exist beyond a single story. The ability to allow for many stories ultimately will foster a community which is strong and empowered in mind, body, and soul.

 

FORMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE THAT OCCUR IN THE NOVEL “PURPLE HABICUS”

They are two major form of violence that occur in the novel, which I personally will use to explain my own evidence/prove of domestic violence. They are

  1. physical abuse
  2. emotional/psychological abuse

 

1. PHYSICAL ABUSE

According to the U.S Department of Justice (2007), Physical abuse which on its own is a form of Domestic violence, is usually intended to cause pain, injury, other physical suffering or bodily harm.

Physical violence can be the as a result of other abusive behaviours, such as threats, intimidation, and restriction of victim self-determination through isolation, manipulation and other limitations of personal freedom.

Physical abuse often begins with less violent assaults such as pushing. As the abuse continues, however, it becomes increasingly violent. Abusers often target areas of the body that are usually covered with clothing because the injuries are less likely to be visible to others. Acts of physical abuse include:

  • Pushing
  • Restraining
  • Shaking
  • Slapping
  • Biting
  • Punching
  • Kicking
  • Throwing objects at the victim
  • beating
  • Using weapons
  • Strangulation
  • Withholding medications
  • Attempting to force miscarriage
  • Scratching
  • Biting
  • Pulling hair
  • Refuse to help when sick, injured or disabled
  • Using or threatening to use weapons

 

 

In reference to purple hibiscus, the physical violence that occur in the novel include:

  • Pushing
  • Slapping
  • Biting
  • Punching
  • Kicking
  • Throwing objects at the victim
  • beating

 

PROVE 1 (FROM HER BOOK)

In FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi  popular literature book “”” PURPLE HABISCUS “””

Kimbali recounts the throwing of the Catholic missal at her by her father for refusing to receive Holy Communion.

 

PROVE 2 (FROM HER BOOK)

In FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi  popular literature book “”” PURPLE HIBISCUS “””

There is a continuous beatings, Kimbali’s mother received from Eugene that led to several miscarriages. This is as a result from physical abuse received from her by her husband Eugene.

This is how Beatrice recounts her experiences to Aunty Ifeoma, her sister in-law, who lives in Nsukka:

“””” I got back from the hospital today. The doctor told me to rest but I took Eugene‘s money and asked Kevin to take me to the Park. I hired a taxi and came here… You know that small table where we keep the family Bible? [Eugene] broke it on my belly. My blood finished on that floor even before he took me to St. Agnes [Hospital]. My doctor said there was nothing he could do to save [the pregnancy]… (248). “”””

 

In this incident, Eugene beats his pregnant wife to the point of miscarriage over a domestic dispute. Her inability to bear more children in the marriage she attributes to the constant beating and subsequent miscarriages that follows each beating by her husband. After her discharge from the hospital, Eugene invites the priest to his house for him to cleanse the house from all unrighteousness and pray for the forgiveness of his wife‘s sin of disobedience.

 

PROVE 3 (FROM HER BOOK)

In FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi  popular literature book “”” PURPLE HABISCUS “””

Eugene, who sees himself as a devout catholic sets a standard in his house that does not allow for any flexibility. Rules on appropriate behaviour at home and outside the home are set. When a routine is violated against his instructions, Eugene reacts by acts of violence in which his wife is the principal recipient. An instance in the novel is when his wife is reluctant to visit the priest after mass because of her pregnant status, beats her up, despite being aware of her pregnant status. Kambili describes the scene thus:

“”””” I was in my room after lunch, reading James chapter five, when I heard the sounds. Swift, heavy thuds on my parent‘s hand-carved bedroom door I imagined the door had gotten stuck and Papa was trying to open it. If I imagined it hard enough, then it would be true. I sat down, closed my eyes, and started to count. Counting made it seem not that long, made it seem not that bad. Sometimes it was over before I even got to twenty. I was at nineteen when the sounds stopped. I heard the door open. Papa gait on the stairs sounded heavier, more awkward than usual […] Mama was slung over his shoulder like the jute sacks of rice his factory workers bought in bulk at the Seme border. (32-33) “””””

 

 

2. EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE

Emotional/psychological abuse is a tool used by those who want to make their partners feel scared, crazy, worthless, or responsible for the abuse. The abuser’s goal is control over the victim. Emotional abuse may include:

  • Making jokes about the victim
  • threats
  •  isolation
  • unrelenting criticism,
  • constant personal devaluation, and
  • gas lighting
  • Insults
  • Criticizing the victim’s competence
  • Ignoring the victim’s feelings
  • Withholding affection as a form of punishment
  • Blaming the victim for all problems
  • Yelling at the victim
  • Humiliating the victim in front of others
  • Accusing the victim of being the abusive partner
  • Threatening to take the children away from the victim
  • Threatening physical violence
  • Extreme jealousy
  • Hiding or destroying important belongings
  • Frequent demands to know where she is and with whom
  • Alienation/Separation from family and friends
  • Public humiliation

 

PROVE 1 (FROM HER BOOK)

In FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi  popular literature book ““” PURPLE HABISCUS “””

Eugene who is a violent man in Achike household, subjected his wife Beatrice, Kambili his daughter, and his son Jaja to beatings and psychological abuse.

(•MAMA’S FINAL BEATING p. 247-8 • Mama arrives in Nsukka in slippers • She takes Eugene’s money • He had broken the family Bible on her belly • “My blood finished on that floor before he took me to St Agnes. My doctor said there was nothing he could do to save it.” • She was 6 weeks pregnant and had not told Eugene • her act of coming to Nsukka – shows increased resistance on her part. • )

 

PROVE 2 (FROM HER BOOK)

In FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi  popular literature book “”” PURPLE HABISCUS “””

Kimbali and Beatrice as well as Jaja for some time experience high amounts of stress, fear, and anxiety while living with their perpetrator (Eugene)

 

PROVE 3 (FROM HER BOOK)

In FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi  popular literature book “”” PURPLE HABISCUS “””

Depression is also common, as victims are made to feel guilty for ‘provoking’ the abuse and are frequently subjected to intense criticism as this could be vividly seen in the novel when it became too unbearable and led to the poisoning of Eugene by Beatrice. The sense of guilt prompted Jaja to take full responsibility for his father’s death and this landed him in the prison walls for three years until he was granted amnesty at the end of Adichie’s narrative thus making him brew differently when he faced prison violence.

(209 • Both she and Jaja claim responsibility • Papa rips up the picture. • Kambili hugs painting as she is kicked and beaten by Papa • She wakes up in hospital with broken ribs •

 

PROVE 4 (FROM HER BOOK)

In FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi  popular literature book “”” PURPLE HABISCUS “””

Kambili ordinary life is illuminated through the subtexts of violence, silence and wounded bodies that depict a long-suffering and traumatised existence. Scars left behind by constant torturous punishments, like Jaja’s crooked finger and Mama’s(Beatrice) awkward limp. Father‘s expectations demand absolute perfection and anything less provokes his unpredictable rage and cruel punishments. Kambili summarizes their everyday existence as:

“”””Our steps on the stairs were as measured and as silent as our Sundays: the silence of waiting until Papa was done with his siesta so we could have lunch; the silence of reflection time, when Papa gave us a scripture passage or book by one of the early church fathers to read and meditate on; the silence of the evening rosary; the silence of driving to the church for benediction afterward. (P.31) “”””

 

STRATEGIES USED TO ADDRESS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Here are some key strategies used to address domestic violence based on the novel “PURPLE HABISCUS”

  1. Counselling strategy (assessment of the presence, extent and types of abuse)
  2. Prevention and intervention strategies

 

1.Counselling strategy

This strategy was used by ifeoma in “PURPLE HIBISCUS”, here ifeoma tries to caution and Counsel Beatrice.

“This cannot go on, nwunye m,” Aunty Ifeoma said. “When a house is on fire, you run out before the roof collapses on your head.”

 (• Aunty Ifeoma, Page 213•)

 

2. Prevention and intervention strategies

These includes ways to prevent domestic violence by offering safe shelter, crisis intervention, advocacy, and education and prevention programs as did Aunty Ifeoma in Purple Hibiscus.

(• Kambili and Jaja are taken back to Nsukka to be cared for by their aunt. P. 219 • • Aunty Ifeoma and Father Amadi visit and convince Eugene to let Kambili go to Nsukka)

 

Thoughtful questions to ask yourself about domestic violence in the novel “PURPLE HIBISCUS”

  1. What has made Papa such a violent father?
  2. What kinds of things trigger his violence?
  3. Why don’t his wife and children actively resist his violence earlier?
  4. What do you think of Amaka’s statement “Some people can’t handle stress”?
  5. Do you think Mama’s action was justified?
  6. Why do you think Jaja wanted to take the blame for her crime?
  7. What kind of message does the novel as a whole give us about domestic violence?

 

 

 

11. ACT OF CHIVALRY

 

DEFINITION OF CHIVALRY

a. According to Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chivalry

Chivalry, or the chivalric code, is an informal, varying code of conduct developed between 1170 and 1220, but never decided on or summarized in a single document. It was associated with the medieval Christian institution of knighthood; knights’ and gentlewomen’s behaviours were governed [when?] by chivalrous social codes.

 

b. According to Cambridge dictionary

https://www.google.com/amp/s/dictionary.cambridge.org/amp/english/chivalry

  1. very polite, honest, and kind behaviour, especially by men towards women
  2. The system of behaviour followed by knights in the medieval period of history, that put a high value on honour, kindness, and courage.

 

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi  talk on act of chivalry was another treason I love her. The idea was a very big idea that she raised. Which causes some controversies in one of her talk show. As a lover of her idea about feminism. I did a research on chivalry and I found more proves about it. The proves are listed below:

 

PROVE 1 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the sixth Suggestion

“””” Teach her, too, to question the idea of women as a special species. I once heard an American politician, in his bid to show his support for women, speak of how women should be ‘revered’ and  ‘championed’ – a sentiment that is all too common. Tell Chizalum that women actually don’t need to be championed and revered; they just need to be treated as equal human beings. There is a patronizing undertone to the idea of women needing to be ‘championed and revered’ because they are women. It makes me think of chivalry, and the premise of chivalry is female weakness. “”””””

 

PROVE 2 (FROM INTERNET/SITE)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned ““her personal view on chivalry””

For further reading here is the links to convince you:

1.

https://m.guardian.ng/life/nigerians-divided-over-chimamanda-adichies-chivalry-comment/

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi :  “”””I think just like holding the door shouldn’t be gender because we should open the door for every one. I hold the door for men and women. I think the idea of sort of holding the door for a woman because she is a woman, I have trouble with, I’m quite happy for people to hold the door for me i hope they are not doing for the sort of idea of chivalry because chivalry is the idea of women are somehow weak and need protecting but we know that there many women who are stronger than men “”””

 

2.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/blogs-trending-44413286

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi explained she was happy for people to hold the door for her but hoped “they’re not doing it for this idea of chivalry,” as it could imply weakness on the woman’s part.

 

3.

https://www.google.com/amp/www.click042.com/features/opinion/whataboutism-chimamanda-adichie-chivalry/amp/

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi states “””” I think gestures like holding the door shouldn’t be gender-based. I think it’s a lovely thing to hold the door but we should hold the door for everyone. Like, I hold the door for men and women. And so I think the idea of someone holding the door for a woman because she’s a woman…I have trouble with it. ””””

 

4.

https://www.olisa.tv/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-triggers-another-heated-debate-after-sharing-thoughts-on-chivalry/

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi said:  “””“I think just like holding the door shouldn’t be gender because we should open the door for every one. I hold the door for men and women. I think the idea of sort of holding the door for a woman because she is a woman, I have trouble with, I’m quite happy for people to hold the door for me i hope they are not doing for the sort of idea of chivalry because chivalry is the idea of women are somehow weak and need protecting but we know that there many women who are stronger than men.

Which is also why I have issues with women and children when women are classified…when there is a tragedy and we say women and children should live first. I think actually it is the people who are weak and unwell who should leave first.””””

 

 

 

13. WOMEN APPEARANCE (SEXUALITY AND SHAME)

 

DEFINITION OF APPEARANCE

1. According to. Cambridge dictionary

https://www.google.com/amp/s/dictionary.cambridge.org/amp/english/appearance

  1. An occasion when someone appears in public
  2. An occasion when someone goes to court to be officially involved in a trial:
  3. a public performance by an entertainer:
  4. To be present somewhere for a short time

 

2.According to merriam-webster dictionary

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/appearance

  1. External show: SEMBLANCE
  2. Outward aspect: LOOK

 

 

DEFINITION OF SEXUALITY

1. According to Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_sexuality

Human sexuality is the way people experience and express themselves sexually. This involves biological, erotic, physical, emotional, social, or spiritual feelings and behaviours.

2. According to Cambridge dictionary

https://www.google.com/amp/s/dictionary.cambridge.org/amp/english/sexuality

  1. Someone’s ability to experience or express sexual feelings:
  2. Attitudes and activities relating to sex

 

3. According to merriam-webster dictionary

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sexuality

  1. The quality or state of being sexual:
  2. The condition of having sex
  3. Sexual activity
  4. Expression of sexual receptivity or interest especially when excessive

 

 

DEFINITION OF SHAME

1. According to Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shame

Shame is an unpleasant self-conscious emotion typically associated with a negative evaluation of the self, withdrawal motivations, and feelings of distress, exposure, mistrust, powerlessness, and worthlessness.

2. According to merriam-webster dictionary

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/shame

  1. A painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety.
  2. The susceptibility to such emotion.
  3. Condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute: IGNOMINY.
  4. Something that brings censure or reproach.
  5. Something to be regretted: PITY.

 

PROVE 1 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””The sad truth of the matter is that when it comes to appearance, we start off with men as the standard, as the norm. Many of us think that the less feminine a woman appears, the more likely she is to be taken seriously. A man going to a business meeting doesn’t wonder about being taken seriously based on what he is wearing—but a woman does. S”””

 

PROVE 2 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””” We teach girls shame. Close your legs. Cover yourself. We make them feel as though by being born female, they are already guilty of something. And so girls grow up to be women who cannot say they have desire. Who silence themselves. Who cannot say what they truly think. Who have turned pretence into an art form. “””””

 

PROVE 3 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the tenth Suggestion

“”””” Sadly, women have learned to be ashamed and apologetic about pursuits that are seen as traditionally female, such as fashion and make-up. But our society does not expect men to feel ashamed of pursuits considered generally male – sports cars, certain professional sports. In the same way, men’s grooming is never suspect in the way women’s grooming is – a well-dressed man does not worry that, because he is dressed well, certain assumptions might be made about his intelligence, his ability, or his seriousness. A woman, on the other hand, is always aware of how a bright lipstick or a carefully put-together outfit might very well make others assume her to be frivolous. “””””

  

PROVE 4 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””” I have chosen to no longer be apologetic for my femininity. And I want to be respected in all my femaleness. Because I deserve to be. I like politics and history and am happiest when having a good argument about ideas. I am girly. I am happily girly.

 I  like high heels and trying on lipsticks. It’s nice to be complimented by both men and women (although I have to be honest and say that I prefer the compliments of stylish women), but I often wear clothes that men don’t like or don’t “understand.” I wear them because I like them and because I feel good in them. The “male gaze,” as a shaper of my life’s choices, is largely incidental. “””””

 

PROVE 5 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””” We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way boys are. If we have sons, we don’t mind knowing about their girlfriends. But our daughters’ boyfriends? God forbid. (But we of course expect them to bring home the perfect man for marriage when the time is right.) “””””

 

PROVE 6 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the twelfth Suggestion

“”””” In every culture in the world, female sexuality is about shame. Even cultures that expect women to be sexy – like many in the West – still do not expect them to be sexual. The shame we attach to female sexuality is about control. Many cultures and religions control women’s bodies in one way or another. If the justification for controlling women’s bodies were about women themselves, then it would be understandable. If, for example, the reason was ‘women should not wear short skirts because they can get cancer if they do’.

Instead the reason is not about women, but about men. Women must be ‘covered up’ to protect men. I find this deeply dehumanizing because it reduces women to mere props used to manage the appetites of men. “””””

 

PROVE 7 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the Suggestion

“”””””“Teach her, too, to question the idea of women as a special species. I once heard an American politician, in his bid to show his support for women, speak of how women should be ‘revered’ and  ‘championed’ – a sentiment that is all too common. Tell Chizalum that women actually don’t need to be championed and revered; they just need to be treated as equal human beings. There is a patronizing undertone to the idea of women needing to be ‘championed and revered’ because they are women. It makes me think of chivalry, and the premise of chivalry is female weakness.     “”””””

 

PROVE 8 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the tenth Suggestion

‘’”” Be deliberate about how you engage with her and her appearance. Encourage her participation in sports. Teach her to be physically active. Take walks with her. Swim. Run. Play tennis. Football. Table tennis. All kinds of sports. Any kind of sports. I think this is important not only because of the obvious health benefits but because it can help with all the body-image insecurities that the world thrusts on girls. Let Chizalum know that there is great value in being active. Studies show that girls generally stop playing sports as puberty arrives. Not surprising. Breasts and self-consciousness can get in the way of sports – I stopped playing football when my breasts first appeared because all I wanted to do was hide the existence of my breasts, and running and tackling didn’t help. Please try not to let that get in her way. ‘’”””

 

PROVE 9 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the twelfth Suggestion

“””And speaking of shame – never, ever link sexuality and shame. Or nakedness and shame. Do not ever make ‘virginity’ a focus. Every conversation about virginity becomes a conversation about shame. Teach her to reject the linking of shame and female biology. Why were we raised to speak in low tones about periods? To be filled with shame if our menstrual blood happened to stain our skirt? Periods are nothing to be ashamed of. Periods are normal and natural, and the human species would not be here if periods did not exist. I remember a man who said a period was like shit. Well, sacred shit, I told him, because you wouldn’t be here if periods didn’t happen.”””

 

PROVE 10 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the tenth Suggestion

“”””” If she likes make-up, let her wear it. If she likes fashion, let her dress up. But if she doesn’t like either, let her be. Don’t think that raising her feminist means forcing her to reject femininity. Feminism and femininity are not mutually exclusive. It is misogynistic to suggest that they are. “”””

 

 

PROVE 11 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimamanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the tenth Suggestion

“””””” Never ever link Chizalum’s appearance with morality. Never tell her that a short skirt is ‘immoral’. Make dressing a question of taste and attractiveness instead of a question of morality. If you both clash over what she wants to wear, never say things like ‘You look like a prostitute’, as I know your mother once told you. Instead say: ‘That dress doesn’t flatter you like this other one.’ Or doesn’t fit as well. Or doesn’t look as attractive. Or is simply ugly. But never ‘immoral’. Because clothes have absolutely nothing to do with morality. “”””””

 

PROVE 12 (FROM INTERNET/SITE)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned/talk on “””” culture and appearance “”””

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.forbes.com/sites/karenhua/2016/10/21/the-cultural-importance-of-chimamanda-ngozi-adichies-boots-beauty-campaign/amp/

 

FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE says-

 

  1. “Our culture teaches us that to be taken seriously, women should not care too much about their appearance. So I stopped wearing makeup and became a false version of myself,”  “But then I woke up because makeup doesn’t actually mean anything. It’s about how I feel when I get it right—what makes me walk ever so taller. It’s about the face I choose to show the world and what I choose to say.”

 

  1. In her Feminists TED Talk, she recalls preparing to teach a graduate class and thinking, “I was worried that if I looked too feminine, I would not be taken seriously. I really wanted to wear my shiny lip gloss and my girly skirt, but I decided not to. I wore a very serious, very manly, and very ugly suit… I have chosen to no longer be apologetic for my femininity. And I want to be respected in all my femaleness because I deserve to be.”

 

  1. Adichie told FORBES, “I love makeup and its possibilities for temporary transformation, but I also love my face after I wash it all off. (Makeup is) about what I like—what makes me feel slightly better on a dull day—what makes me comfortable.”

 

 

PROVE 12 (FROM HER BOOK)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned/talk on “””” culture and appearance “”””

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://time.com/3921492/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-graduation-commencement-wellesley/

FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE says-

“”””” I’m truly, truly happy to be here today, so happy, in fact, that when I found out your class colour was yellow, I decided I would wear yellow eye shadow. But on second thoughts, I realized that as much as I admire Wellesley, even yellow eye-shadow was a bit too much of a gesture. So I dug out this yellow—yellowish—head wrap instead.

“It’s Heart breaking for us.” Syrian Students’ Struggle to Study in the U.S.

Speaking of eye shadow, I wasn’t very interested in makeup until I was in my twenties, which is when I began to wear makeup. Because of a man. A loud, unpleasant man. He was one of the guests at a friend’s dinner party. I was also a guest. I was about 23, but people often told me I looked 12. The conversation at dinner was about traditional Igbo culture, about the custom that allows only men to break the kola nut, and the kola nut is a deeply symbolic part of Igbo cosmology.

I argued that it would be better if that honour were based on achievement rather than gender, and he looked at me and said, dismissively, “You don’t know what you are talking about, you’re a small girl.”

I wanted him to disagree with the substance of my argument, but by looking at me, young and female, it was easy for him to dismiss what I said. So I decided to try to look older.

So I thought lipstick might help. And eyeliner.

And I am grateful to that man because I have since come to love makeup, and its wonderful possibilities for temporary transformation.

So, I have not told you this anecdote as a way to illustrate my discovery of gender injustice. If anything, it’s really just an ode to makeup.

It’s really just to say that this, your graduation, is a good time to buy some lipsticks—if makeup is your sort of thing—because a good shade of lipstick can always put you in a slightly better mood on dark days. “””””

 

 

 

 

14. MONEY

DEFINITION OF MONEY

1. According to Wikipedia

Money is any item or verifiable record that is generally accepted as payment for goods and services and repayment of debts, such as taxes, in a particular country or socio-economic context. The main functions of money are distinguished as: a medium of exchange, a unit of account, a store of value and sometimes, a standard of deferred payment. Any item or verifiable record that fulfils these functions can be considered as money.

 

2. According to merriam-webster dictionary

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/money

  1. Something generally accepted as a medium of exchange, a measure of value, or a means of payment: such as
  2. Officially coined or stamped metal currency

 

According to Collins dictionary

https://www.collinsdictionary.com/amp/english/money

  1. Money is the coins or bank notes that you use to buy things, or the sum that you have in a bank account.
  2. Monies is used to refer to several separate sums of money that form part of a larger amount that is received or spent.

 

PROVE 1 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimamanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the thirteen  Suggestion

“””” I want to say something about money here. Teach her never ever to say such nonsense as ‘my money is my money and his money is our money’. It is vile. And dangerous – to have that attitude means that you must potentially accept other harmful ideas as well. Teach her that it is NOT a man’s role to provide. In a healthy relationship, it is the role of whoever can provide to provide. “”””

 

PROVE 2 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””” In secondary school, a boy and a girl go out, both of them teenagers with meager pocket money. Yet the boy is expected to pay the bills, always, to prove his masculinity. (And we wonder why boys are more likely to steal money from their parents.) What if both boys and girls were raised not to link masculinity and money? What if their attitude was not “the boy has to pay,” but rather, “whoever has more should pay.””””

 

 

PROVE 3 (FROM SITE/INTERNET-SPEECH)

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned/talk on “””” culture and appearance “””

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://amp.theguardian.com/books/2007/jun/08/orangeprizeforfiction2007.orangeprizeforfiction

FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE says-

“””Creative writing programmes are not very necessary.They just exist so that people like us can make a living.”””

 

PROVE 4 (FROM HER BOOK)

According to a popular literature book “”” AMERICANAH “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimamanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””” There are many different ways to be poor in the world but increasingly there seems to be one single way to be rich. “”””

 

 

 

 

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

www.facebook.com/patrickstories

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THANK YOU MY WORDPRESS COMMUNITY-FOLLOWERS, COMMENTERS, VIEWERS AND LIKERS

https://patrickrealstories.files.wordpress.com/2018/02/honey.jpg

Thanking someone matters a lot in our daily life, whether the thank you is in kind, gift or word. Its shows how much you still remember them for letting you get to the point where you are.

For my followers, commenters, viewers and likers, I have to say;

Thank you for making my PATRICKSTORIES  blog so meaningful to me and to other bloggers.

Thank you for giving me a reason to interact with people and making new friends on WordPress platform.

Thank you for tolerating my own “personal view nature” when it comes to my posting of some crucial topics.

Thank you for  responding to, commenting on and replying to my post ,for I feel happy and glad for the way you comment and reply easily to my post.

Thank you for having so much patience to read my blog post and also for sharing each and every small little things with me in your comment box.

Thank you for listening and viewing my post when I had something to share on my blog.

Thank you for understanding me before I could say anything to you, for giving me those beautiful replies for that particular post which touches your heart.

Thank you for what you have done to me and for the beautiful difference you make in my life through your comments and replies to my postings on my blog.

Thank you for understanding me so much about my own “personal view nature

Thank you for letting me be a part of your blogger friend lists.

Thanks you for giving me that inspiration to write more on what bothers us in our mind.

I know you think it’s totally unnecessary to say thank you but I want you followers and those am following to know I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

You might not know this, but you helped me find happiness in being the person that I really am. 

Thanks for making me form two powerful word which I preach and say everyday as my personal slogan

1-peace-and-love-linda-woods

With you followers around me, Life seems easy for me. But in spite of everything. What more can I say except –

https://patrickrealstories.files.wordpress.com/2018/02/hqdefault.jpg

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

www.facebook.com/patrickstories

CHURCH IS FUN, WHEN YOU ARE THERE

https://patrickrealstories.files.wordpress.com/2018/01/church.png

Last time you were here we felt a different atmosphere couldn’t recover from the feeling of your smile.

Then I watched out for you the next Sunday, I Prayed Monday to Saturday that I may see that beautiful smile in you.

But you weren’t here my friend, didn’t see you till service end. Seemed the Old serpent spoke to you that weekend. How scared I was, the thought of loosing you to his wicked serpent. For he’s such a callous liar, Deceit is his signature.

Then today, so anxious as I ponder in my heart about you. If only I could asked for your contact, I looked up aimlessly into the clouds. A call might have at least confirmed my doubt

Then I saw you being ushered in like a royalty. How I jumped and screamed in my mind “My friend is back home”, to his very father’s house.

 

Church is fun friend, just when you’re here.

Church is fun when we shout, sing, scream and rejoice

Church is fun friend, I’m so glad to be here.

Church is fun My friend, just when you’re here!

 

my question for my fellow bloggers is “who is that person that gives you joy when both of you are together singing, shouting and praising God?”
May God bless you?

https://patrickrealstories.files.wordpress.com/2018/01/5-happy-sunday-quotes.jpg

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 

 

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

www.facebook.com/patrickstories

 

 

 

 

 

 

PATRICK VIEW: THE IDEA OF LABELING AND STEREOTYPES IN THE SOCIETY

DEFINITION OF STEREOTYPE

1. According to Wikipedia

a) A stereotype is an over-generalized belief about a particular category of people.  It is an expectation that people might have about every person of a particular group. The type of expectation can vary; it can be, for example, an expectation about the group’s personality, preferences, or ability.

b) Stereotypes are generalized because one assumes that the stereotype is true for each individual person in the category. While such generalizations may be useful when making quick decisions, they may be erroneous when applied to particular individuals. Stereotypes encourage prejudice and may arise for a number of reasons.

c) In social psychology, a stereotype is any thought widely adopted about specific types of individuals or certain ways of behaving intended to represent the entire group of those individuals or behaviours as a whole.

 

2. According to Cambridge dictionary

Cambridge dictionary explains the notion of stereotype as a “fixed idea people have about something or somebody, in particular about something wrong”.

According to the same dictionary, prejudices are “an opinion or an unfair and unreasonable feeling formed without enough thought or knowledge”.

In other words, stereotypes are preconceptions, cliches which individuals use frequently while prejudices are irrational feelings of fear and dislike. These can be understood as protection filters against the multitude of information which allows us to judge people without interacting personally with them or knowing them only superficially: they limit our view to reality.

 

3. According to my online research

A stereotype is a belief that all members of a given group share the same fixed personality traits or characteristics as a result of this group membership. Stereotypes are always based on an oversimplified generalization of a social group. For example:

  • All young people have loads of energy and imagination
  • All older people are lonely
  • All women are great at multitasking

 Stereotypes can be attached to any assumed marker of group membership, such as age, ethnicity, skin colour, gender, sexual orientation, family, religion and disability. It is important to note that we also stereotype our own group(s) as well as others. Needless to say, we often tend to emphasis our own ‘virtues’ by attributing positive labels to them.

For example: In Nigeria where I come from

  1. “The Yoruba’s are always dirty”   
  2.  “The Igbos like money” 
  3. “The Hausa’s/Fulani’s are terrorist.”

 

DEFINITION OF LABELLING

1. According to Wikipedia 

Labelling or using a label is describing someone or something in a word or short phrase. For example, describing someone who has broken a law as a criminal.

2.  According to oxford 

Assign to a category, especially inaccurately or restrictively.

 

TYPES OF STEREOTYPES

According to Wikipedia and social psychology

1. Explicit stereotypes

Explicit stereotypes are those people who are willing to verbalize and admit to other individuals. It also refers to stereotypes that one is aware that one holds, and is aware that one is using to judge people. People can attempt to consciously control the use of explicit stereotypes, even though their attempt to control may not be fully effective.

2. Implicit stereotypes

Implicit stereotypes are those that lay on individuals’ sub-consciousness, that they have no control or awareness of.

 

STEREOTYPES CAN BE NEGATIVE AND/OR POSITIVE

A negative Stereotypes goes like this, For example, belief in the stereotypical notion of NIGERIA mentality “The Yoruba’s are always dirtywhile “The Igbos like money”. They forgot not all in Yoruba are dirty and also not all Igbos like money, they say such regardless of the individual person concerned.

Stereotypes do not necessarily need to be negative. While positive stereotypes may seem harmless enough it is important to recognize that all stereotypes are problematic because they tend to be patronizing in tone and damaging in effect.

Whether positive or negative it has its own effect on a group or individual. Here is a positive stereotype statement:  ‘young people’ are ‘energetic’, ‘enthusiastic’, and ‘eager to learn’.

 However, to complicate matters, it is also possible to express contradictory statements about the young people which I termed negative stereotype statement:  ‘young people’, ‘youth’ or ‘teenagers’ are also often described as ‘being drinkers’, ‘loud’, ‘troublesome’ and ‘spoilt’.

 

STEREOTYPES, LABELLING AND SOCIAL RULES AND NORMS BETWEEN ADULTS AND CHILDREN.

Examples of stereotypes which are frequently used in relationships between adults and children:

 ”How are we supposed to buy this pink teddy bear? It’s for little girls, not for boys. Let’s look for another toy suitable for you”.

 ”I told you not to play in the mud. You are being dirty all day as if you were a boy not a girl. Look at the other little girls, they are all clean and they wear dresses, only you are full of mud”

They are reactions which many parents have when their children show preferences which are “not appropriate” to behaviors specific to boys, respectively to girls. There are the labeling or stereotypical requirements for children of a specific gender in our society today-

“Boys don’t cry”,

“Girls must be tidy, learn to cook and to clean”,

“Boys must be strong and girls delicate”,

“Boys are better at mathematics, exact sciences than girls”,

 “Girls must be good at handiness activities (sewing, for instance)”.

Such stereotypes underline discrimination in various situations: girls who are not encouraged to develop a career in fields dominated by men or boys. They feel girls should have a more “gentle” behaviour than the boys.

 

ENVIRONMENT THAT UNDERPINNED LABELLING AND STEREOTYPES.

The environment where children learn these frequent labelling and stereotype are as follows:

  • From TV;
  • From video games;
  • On internet;
  • From school;
  • In the family;
  • From ads (both billboard and internet ads);
  • From books.

Children are not born with stereotypes and they do not learn them either as a poem, they born from interaction with people. Stereotype are fixed opinion someone has about something or someone else without knowing many things about it. These fixed ideas are unfair and unjustifiable and made up of erroneous knowledge and a hasty generalization which arises in relation to them.

These idea are fused inside the children by  watching plenty of stereotypical situations in TV and mass-media and they watch cartoons and games which built inside their personality and as they grow they become stereotypical adults.

Stereotypes and labelling show in time that the child’s skills and interests haven’t been valued.  For Example;

1. A Stereotype like “boys do not cook, only girls ” does not allow boys which might be champions at this cooking to use and value all his inbuilt abilities

Firstly, I will backed it up with 3 QUOTES/ powerful statements made by FEMINIST/WRITER CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE in terms of cooking and domestics chores.

 

FIRST BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””””””””“Take cooking, for example. Today, women in general are more likely to do housework than men— cooking and cleaning.  But why is that? Is it because women are born with a cooking gene or because over years they have been socialized to see cooking as their role? I was going to say that perhaps women are born with a cooking gene until I remembered that the majority of famous cooks in the world—who are given the fancy title of “chef”—are men. But what matters even more is our attitude, our mind-set. What if, in raising children, we focus on ability instead of gender? What if we focus on interest instead of gender? I know a family who has a son and a daughter, a year apart in age, both brilliant at school. When the boy is hungry, the parents say to the girl, Go and cook Indomie noodles for your brother. The girl doesn’t like to cook Indomie, but she is a girl and she has to. What if the parents, from the beginning, taught both children to cook Indomie? Cooking, by the way, is a useful and practical life skill for a boy to have—I’ve never thought it made much sense to leave such a crucial thing—the ability to nourish oneself —in the hands of others.   “”””””””””””””

 

SECOND BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “” DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS  “”

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

THIRD SUGGESTIONS

“”””””””” The knowledge of cooking does not come pre-installed in a vagina. Cooking is learned. Cooking – domestic work in general – is a life skill that both men and women should ideally have. It is also a skill that can elude both men and women. We also need to question the idea of marriage as a prize to women, because that is the basis of these absurd debates. If we stop conditioning women to see marriage as a prize, then we would have fewer debates about a wife needing to cook in order to earn that prize. It is interesting to me how early the world starts to invent gender roles. “””””””””””

 

2. A stereotype like “girls do not play hockey, only boys”, does not allow girls which might be champions at this sport to use and value all her interest and abilities on it.

 

3. Another example is happens with ballet in case of boys who are not allowed to practice it because it turns them into “girls”. Sport is meant to develop our body, to create a discipline for individual, to show him how a positive competition is created and not to create him stereotypes.

Secondly, I will backed example 2 and 3 with 2 QUOTES/ powerful statements made by FEMINIST/WRITER CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE in terms of children interest and ability.

FIRST BACKED UP

According to a popular literature book “” WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST “””

FEMINIST ADICHIE CHIMANMANDA NGOZI she says in her book:

“””” But what matters even more is our attitude, our mind-set. What if, in raising children, we focus on ability instead of gender? What if we focus on interest instead of gender?  “”””

 

SECOND BACKED UP

According to a popular literature book “DEAR IJEAWELE OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS”

FEMINIST ADICHIE CHIMANMANDA NGOZI she says in her book:

TENTH SUGGESTIONS

‘’”” Be deliberate about how you engage with her and her appearance.

Encourage her participation in sports. Teach her to be physically active. Take walks with her. Swim. Run. Play tennis. Football. Table tennis. All kinds of sports. Any kind of sports. I think this is important not only because of the obvious health benefits but because it can help with all the body-image insecurities that the world thrusts on girls. Let Chizalum know that there is great value in being active. Studies show that girls generally stop playing sports as puberty arrives. Not surprising. Breasts and self-consciousness can get in the way of sports – I stopped playing football when my breasts first appeared because all I wanted to do was hide the existence of my breasts, and running and tackling didn’t help. Please try not to let that get in her way. ‘’””

 

THIRD BACK UP

Here is an interview with her.

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/qz.com/quartzy/1133732/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-talks-about-feminism-and-raising-her-daughter-in-a-gendered-world/amp/

Here is the question that was asked her about raising a girl child.

LAUREN ALIX BROWN:  So in terms of teaching people how to be feminists, has raising a girl changed or challenged any of your suggestions for how to raise a feminist?

CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE:   It hasn’t challenged anything, it’s just that it’s made me realize how difficult it is. Because I think I felt that. I’m only just realizing that sometimes it feels like the universe is conspiring against me. Because I am trying to push against ideas and norms that are so ingrained that they can start to feel invisible. And it’s little things. I’m just amazed at how everything is gendered.  Also, I’m just realizing how early the sexualization of girls starts. Four-year-old girls’ dresses. I find many of them disturbing. It’s sort of like four year olds’ now have to be mini women. I’m noticing these things a lot more just because of my child. And children’s books and cartoons. It does sometimes feel that there’s a conspiracy of the universe. But at the same time, I’m utterly undeterred. It requires pushing back, but I’m going to push back. I want to equip her with the tools. I’m hoping that she grows up to be the girl who sort of mocks these things—who gets it and who mocks them. That’s my hope that would be ideal for me.

WAY IN WHICH PEOPLE STEREOTYPE AND LABEL IN THE SOCIETY.

People are not all the same. People might have lots of things in common but the ‘category’ of people with different identities and situations. People are diverse. Being diverse means people having a variety of characteristics, beliefs and values. In any one group of people we have different of stereotyping people base on the following;  

  • Ethnicity
  • Family structure
  • Age
  • Gender
  • Ability/disability
  • Religious belief
  • Sexual orientation
  • Skin colour

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IDEAS ON AND WAYS TO CHALLENGE LABELLING AND STEREOTYPING

After gathering of information from my students I was able to come up with some ideas to tackle labelling and stereotyping in the society (PATRICK STORIES personal ideas). They are followed by a few suggestions on how you could begin to change these labelling and stereotyping.

  1. The Media
  2. The Local Community
  3. Security Staff
  4. Politicians & Decision-makers
  5. Teachers and Schools

 

1. THE MEDIA

Media has assumed a significant role in the nations of the world in that it not only allows extensive networking but also brings nations closer together by easy dissemination of news and opinions. The media create images and ideas independently. Therefore the media is a powerful communicator of ideas that may have originated elsewhere. These images and ideas can reflect stereotypes or labelling of group, gender, physical traits, social status, race, beliefs, behaviour styles and career.

Stereotypes behaviours are mostly endorsed by influential people and/or institutions using the media as an avenue for them to have a powerful impact. As with all forms of media, messages perpetrated through media can have good and bad influences on society and youngsters in particular.

 

PATRICK STORIES PERSONAL IDEAS ON AND WAYS TO CHALLENGE LABELLING AND STEREOTYPING THROUGH MEDIA.

Here are my ideas on how to tackle media propagation of stereotype and labelling in the society;

a. Media Monitoring

Start collecting images and stories from newspapers, the internet and magazines about people (young)

Cut out all the stories and identify the positive ones as well as the negative ones. At the end of three months or even a year, put all of the stories together and see if there are any trends emerging?

Report your findings to your local media.

b. Write your own articles

Contact the editor of your local paper with the idea of featuring a series of articles by, and about, people belief and ethnicity and your focus should be on labelling and stereotype.

c. Community Radio

Approach your local community radio to do a feature on people or ask to produce a program yourself. The station might provide young people with training or find opportunities to get young people involved.

 

2.THE LOCAL COMMUNITY

Local community is another factor that lead to labelling, inequality and Stereotyping of people who do not belong to that community. Here the local community use the notion of their belief and ethnicity to judges other people who don’t belong to them. There conditioned ideas are they copied by young ones/teenagers which they later pass to their generation when they are adult.

PATRICK STORIES PERSONAL IDEAS ON AND WAYS TO CHALLENGE LABELLING AND STEREOTYPING THROUGH THE LOCAL COMMUNITY

a. Share the REAL news

When people in your community do something good or positive, tell other people.

b. Partnership works

Invite members of the local resident or community association to your organized party (like during festive period). Let them know about the activities you usually do on a festive period. Ask them about their association and see if there is any project that you could work on together with them. Explore whether you could identify a space in the community where young people come together to share ideas. Through this process partnership is already working.

c. Celebrate People

Hold an awards event to celebrate the talent and contribution people make to the community.

Find a local celebrity to present the awards and invite young/adults in the community and the media. Have information stands on all of the work you have done over the year in your community.

 

3. SECURITY STAFF

Security staff of various establishment also place label on people especially the young ones in relation to shopping and commercial venues. The young people reported that they were often ‘followed’ by security staff and were treated differently because of their age, dress code and also hairstyle.

Some report of young one are as follows concerning the labelling on them.

  • If you’re wearing a hoodie you’re intimidating or you are suspected as a thief trying to hold his/her identity. They usually forgot is what they like to wear.

 

  • If there’s a load of adults standing around, they’ll say nothing. If we were standing there they’d tell us to move, but if there was a load of adults they’d just leave them there.”

 

  • If a young person drives a car with pack of his/her friends going for outing, he/she is suspected to be in to fraudulent activities.

 

  • Hairstyles (dreadlock, long hair) is a another factor young ones face in the society, they are regarded as being indecent and most of them are not allowed in some establishment or given attention by security staff.

 

  • Another is the dress code that this young ones wear, a casual wears is regarded as been not gentle but a co-operate wear signifies he is humble and honest.

 

PATRICK STORIES PERSONAL IDEAS ON AND WAYS TO CHALLENGE LABELLING AND STEREOTYPING BY THE SECURITY STAFF.

a. Follow instructions given by the security staff

When you are suspected of such behaviour always try and obey instruction given on the notice of that establishment. For Example, no entering of the bank with metal material to avoid being suspicious.

b. Always comply with what a security staff says to you.

Don’t feel annoyed over little instruction to you to do. These thing are used as a test to check upon people that are being suspected. For example, if you’re wearing a hoodie you’re intimidating or you are suspected as a thief trying to hold his/her identity. They usually forgot is what they like to wear

c. Always try to avoid situation that may label you.

Most of these security staff have been trained to identify people character that is being suspicious. At these point just make sure you follow a procedure that is not suspicious to avoid been harassed in public

d. We’re just shopping!

If you or your friends are experiencing problems with the security staff of a shopping Centre/ shop, you could consider doing something about it. How about getting everyone collect their shopping receipts from the shopping center for a period of two months or so? When you have gathered enough ‘evidence’ why not send a letter outlining your grievances to the manager of the shopping centre? Attach the receipts to the letter and arrange a meeting with a representative of the shopping centre to explore any issues that both sides may have in relation to young people using the facilities.

 

4. TEACHERS AND SCHOOLS

Many of the people says that ‘Inequality, labelling and the Stereotyping of People’ of people sometimes begin in schools and is headed by teachers. Most of these schools or teachers inculcate these notion of stereotype on them.  Most of the pupils/students are not given a “say or no voice” in decisions made about how the school was run.

For me personally (patrick stories), ‘I think the way schools should be run is it should work between the pupils/students and the teachers, where the rules would be worked out between the two so it benefits everyone.’

However, another factor is the students and teachers relationship were dependent on the personality of the teacher and whether they were prepared to engage with them or not.

‘Some teachers are more understanding and more about the individual whereas other teachers kind of just think I’m the teacher, do as I say and I don’t have to give you a reason, you know, this is how it’s going to be. But they don’t seem to recognize that they can be wrong.’

 

PATRICK STORIES PERSONAL IDEAS ON AND WAYS TO CHALLENGE LABELLING AND STEREOTYPING BY TEACHERS AND SCHOOLS

a. Get involved in the Student Council

Ask your Student representative to put the issue of ‘negative stereotyping’ of young people on the agenda for the next meeting. Get the Council to look at issues that discriminate against students.

b. Work with the School Council to promote anti-bullying/harassment policies and procedures for your school.

If your school does not have a policy in place, suggest that such a policy is developed with an input from the student body. Make sure that the policy names and addresses issues such as sexual harassment and other forms of harassment. If your school has a policy in place, suggest that a plan of action is drawn up to implement the policy.

 

REASONS TO LET GO OF LABELLING AND STEREOTYPES

In society we are often told to conform to certain norms instead of being open and focused on discovering the truth about ourselves and the universe. From the time we are born till much later into adulthood we are programmed to worry about what other people think of us. We label ourselves and others based on generalized notions of what we ‘should’ be like with respect to age group, gender, physical traits, social status, race, beliefs, career, behaviour styles ethnicity, family structure, ability/disability, sexual orientation, skin colour.

Here are some reasons of why and how we can avoid some of effect of labelling and stereotypes.

1.  FOCUSING ON WHAT REALLY MATTERS:

Instead of worrying about whether you ‘fit into’ social perceptions regarding how we should behave with respect to our age, gender, physical traits, social status, race, beliefs, career we might find that focusing upon our core or essential values like health, well-being, inner joy and self-development could be far more beneficial as these are things that actually matter for each and every person in the world. Instead of these core or essential values and also looking deeper within ourselves we have been distracted by society/social expectations of how to talk, how to dress and how to behave.

2.  EVOLVING HIGHER THAN THE NORMS:

If all people were to ‘fit into’ specific parameters of thinking and behaving nobody would ever discover anything new. We would constantly imitate the crowd instead of learning new things, trying new ways of living or progressing higher than generic social norms already prevalent in society. If we continue to conform to whatever is believed, practiced and preached to the masses by our predecessors our thinking and ideas will be limited. Innovation, self-realization and transformation can only take place when we have the courage to step out of the matrix of widely prevalent routines, rules and expectations.

3.  COMPLETE SELF-ACCEPTANCE:

Society would always say something like how we are and how we are supposed to be like other normal people.  Stereotypes regarding the right clothing, makeup, choice of vocation, body-type, hobbies and interests can sometimes feel restrictive. We all are expected to develop different personalities, talents, physiques and points of view over time on a particular thing, these things can totally define who we really are. We need to keep expanding our minds and allow ourselves to not be limited by prescribed notions or norms by the society of these things make us feel inferior. We are more than just a gender, a profession, a belief system, a physical body, an ethnic group or nationality. By letting go of all such labels and stereotype addressing  we can embrace a full acceptance of our true self.

4.  EQUALITY:

Stereotypes regarding gender, spirituality, race, cultures can all influence us consciously and subconsciously with false ideas such as ‘pink is a feminine colour’, “blue colour is for boys”, or ‘white is more positive than black’, or “gurus are intelligent people” or ‘gurus are men with long beards’. Disregards all notions that often result in gender and racial discrimination which is commonly accepted in society. Notions of what is masculine or feminine in fashion, in terms of career and false perceptions regarding ‘black or dark being evil versus white being good’ need to be discarded from our everyday thinking, language and choices. Through these you are defining or heading towards equality of all social norms/notions.

5.  STAYING NON-JUDGEMENTAL:

By letting go of outward perceptions based on appearances we can avoid judging each other through our limited thinking. We need to focus more on who we are instead of judging other people as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, ‘deserving’ or ‘undeserving’. We can never truly know another person because we hardly know enough about ourselves. The people we come across in our life often reflect our inner thoughts and characteristics that are hidden within us. By realizing that everything we encounter is either a reflection or a shadow of our own energy, we can let go of judgments and embrace our light.

6. AWAKENING OUR CONSCIOUSNESS:

Most scientific breakthroughs and enlightenments are thanks to those people who did not conform to conditioned ideas and thinking of the society. Instead they focused on raising their own awareness of who they are. Through meditation and self-realization we automatically begin to shed all our labels and dissolve into a higher light of truth. We can awake our consciousness through developing our inner skills, powers and qualities.

 

 

10 QUOTES ON STEREOTYPE AND LABELLING  FROM POPULAR PEOPLE

 

1.

“” The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story. “”

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

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2.

I consider it part of my responsibility as President of the United States to fight against negative stereotypes of Islam wherever they appear.

Barack Obama

IMG_20191204_132229_306

 

3.

We slaughter one another in our words and attitudes. We slaughter one another in the stereotypes and mistrust that linger in our heads, and the words of hate we spew from our lips.

Nelson Mandela

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4.

There’s a difference between being yourself and being your stereotype.

Iggy Azalea

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5.

Stereotypes do exist, but we have to walk through them.

Forest Whitaker

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6.

a. We must reject not only the stereotypes that others have of us but also those that we have of ourselves.

b. The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says, ‘It’s a girl.’
Shirley Chisholm

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7.

Instead of being presented with stereotypes by age, sex, color, class, or religion, children must have the opportunity to learn that within each range, some people are loathsome and some are delightful.

Margaret Mead

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8.

The problem with labels is that they lead to stereotypes and stereotypes lead to generalizations and generalizations lead to assumptions and assumptions lead back to stereotypes. It’s a vicious cycle, and after you go around and around a bunch of times you end up believing that all vegans only eat cabbage and all gay people love musicals.

Ellen DeGeneres

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9.

People are much deeper than stereotypes. That’s the first place our minds go. Then you get to know them and you hear their stories, and you say, ‘I’d have never guessed.

Carson Kressley

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10.

Stereotypes lose their power when the world is found to be more complex than the stereotype would suggest. When we learn that individuals do not fit the group stereotype, then it begins to fall apart.

Ed Koch

IMG_20191204_142809_460

 

 

I will like to ask a simple question for my fellow readers and viewers.

  1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?
  2. What was your own experience of being a man or a women in a gendered role or stereotypical society?
  3. Do you agree the society perception about gender role designated to male and female is wrong or right?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

www.facebook.com/uniqueresearching

 

Credited to:

Those who experience labelling and stereotypical character from the society in relationship, social and status.

 

 

PATRICK LETTER TO MY DEAR READERS/VIEWERS/FELLOW BLOGGERS-THE LESSONS YOU LEARN IN LIFE DEFINE YOU

Continue reading “PATRICK LETTER TO MY DEAR READERS/VIEWERS/FELLOW BLOGGERS-THE LESSONS YOU LEARN IN LIFE DEFINE YOU”

PATRICK RESEARCH WORK ON FEMINISM 1 – THE CONCEPT OF FEMINISM: INTRODUCTION

1200px-Feminism_symbol.svg

THE CONCEPT OF FEMINISM: INTRODUCTION

After a long suffering and discrimination of woman in the society, she is nowadays playing an important role in society as a politician, socialist and economist. Those achievements emerged by the coming of feminism which granted woman’s rights.

This research work studies woman suffering, dehumanization and segregation by man. It deals also with the efforts of Feminism to change woman’s oppression in the entire world and to ask for her equal rights and existence in all the domains (politics, socialism and economy)

This research tries to see at what extend does feminism influence woman’s fighting path and to answer the following questions:

1. How was the situation of woman in the past?
2. What did feminism brought to woman?
3. Was feminism efficient to change woman’s life?

The questions asked in this research aims to find if feminism was able to change the stereotypical image of woman and to give her more opportunities to have a place in the society, this why this research hypothesis state that:

1. Feminism was able to eradicate the stereotypical image of woman.

2. It gave more chances to woman to be important members in the society.

After a long trip of making the world better by making new rules, inventing new things and changing ancient ideas and thoughts. Women were still struggling every moment and they were still looking for their rights. Feminism has generated an on-going debate in all over the world and it came to solve women’s problems and to put an end to the injustice treatment for them. It was the voice of women in times they were not able to speak or to express their feelings and wishes.

DEFINITION OF FEMINISM:

1.ACCORDING TO WIKIPEDIA

Feminism is a range of social movements, political movements, and ideologies that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve the political, economic, personal, and social equality of the sexes.
Whether as a theory, a social movement or a political movement, feminism specifically focuses on women’s experiences and highlights various forms of oppression that the female gender has subjected in the society.
Whether Feminism is considered as a social movement or a political movement, it specifically and mainly focuses on women’s experiences in her daily life, which she subjected to in the society. Since Feminists are able to feel and experience the pain and suffering of women they are totally convinced of what it means to be a “women” in Patriarchal societies. Feminists, therefore seek to remove all the barriers to equal social, political and economic opportunities for women and object to the notion that a women’s worth is determined principally by her gender and that women are inherently inferior, subservient or less intelligent than men.

2. ACCORDING TO MANY RESEARCHERS AND SCHOLARS:

A) Feminism refer it to the belief that women live an injustice life with no rights and no equality.
Zara Huda Faris explained this idea, as: “…Women need feminism because there are women who suffer injustice …”

B) Feminism represents women’s problems and suffering in addition to their dreams in equal opportunities in societies controlled by man i.e. his power, rules, wishes and orders.
Lara Huda Faris added also: “…women have traditionally been dehumanized by a male dominated society, which they call patriarchy; and that has been always better to be a man…”

TYPES OF FEMINISM

Feminism is both an intellectual commitment and a political movement that seeks justice for women and the end of sexism in all forms. There are many kinds of feminism in which sometimes and each one of them gives principles and conditions for giving woman her rights.

1.  LIBERAL FEMINISM

Liberal feminism is a particular approach to achieving equality between men and women. It emphasizes on the power of an individual Person to alter discriminatory practices against women. It is considered as the most important kinds of feminism, which works within the structure of society to integrate women into it.

Liberal feminism aims for individuals to use their own abilities and the democratic process to help women and men to become equal in the eyes of the law and in society. By organizing women into larger groups that can speak at a higher level, push for legislation, and raise awareness of issues, those taking a liberal feminist approach will use the resources and tools available in our society to advocate for change.

Liberal feminism witnessed several waves of changes that contributed in its development and its power throughout the history. The main thrust of liberal feminism is that an individual woman should be able to determine her social role with as great freedom as does a man. Feminism therefore has required removing the historic structure of patriarchal law that denied women’s civil rights.

The major emphasis of liberal feminism include:

  • Equality of women before the law, in educational and professional opportunities
  • Change in marriage laws, property rights
  • Equal pay for equal work
  • Protection from rape
  • Wife battering in the home
  • Liberation from all dehumanizing forces.

In short, it aims at bringing equality between women and men in the framework of the existing social systems.

2.  RADICAL FEMINISM

Radical feminism is a philosophy emphasizing the patriarchal roots of inequality between men and women, or, more specifically, the social domination of women by men. Radical feminism views patriarchy as dividing societal rights, privileges, and power primarily along the lines of sex, and as a result, oppressing women and privileging men.
Radical feminism is a movement that believes sexism is so deeply rooted in society that the only cure is to eliminate the concept of gender. It started to emerge in the late 1960s by the famous leaders Ti-Grace Atkinson and Shulamith Firestone. It denies the liberal feminism claim that the lack of political or civil rights causes women’s oppression.

WHAT MAKES IT ‘RADICAL’?

Radical feminists tend to be more militant in their approach (radical as “getting to the root”) than other feminists. A radical feminist aims to dismantle patriarchy rather than making adjustments to the system through legal changes. Radical feminists also resist reducing oppression to an economic or class issue, as socialist or Marxist feminism sometimes did or does.
The reason this group gets the radical label is that they view the oppression of women as the most fundamental form of man’s domination, one that cuts across boundaries of race, culture, and economic class.

Radical feminism opposes patriarchy, not men. To equate radical feminism to man-hating is to assume that patriarchy and men are inseparable, philosophically and politically. (Although, Robin Morgan has defined “man-hating” as the right of the oppressed class to hate the class that is oppressing them.)

The major emphasis of radical feminism include:

A)  ELIMINATION OF PATRIARCHY
It aims is to challenge and overthrow patriarchy by opposing standard gender roles and oppression of women and calls for a radical reordering of society.

They raise the demand for the destruction of patriarchy. They believe they should be a shift from struggle for role and legal reforms to the destruction of patriarchy. The chief institution of patriarchy is the family and the family promotes patriarchy in the society.

It is a perspective within feminism that focuses on the patriarchy as a system of power that organizes society into a complex of relationships based on the idea that male supremacy oppresses women.

B) BIOLOGICAL REVOLUTION

This group of feminists claims that the root of women’s oppression is biological. They believe that the physical subordination of women by men is the primary form of oppression and others are secondary.
Therefore, radical feminism believes that woman’s liberation requires a biological revolution. Radical feminism questions why women must adopt certain roles based on their biology, just as it questions why men adopt certain other roles based on gender.

They attempt to draw lines between biologically determined behavior and culturally determined behavior in order to free both men and women as much as possible from such gender roles.

Moreover, they believe that the whole system must be abolished even, its biological aspects. Radical feminism principles contains many interesting claims such as pregnancy and child birth in which they consider them as the most painful and unpleasant experiences that can person pass through.

They believe that the technology should be used to eliminate all kinds of pain particularly from the fundamental inequality of the bearing and rising of the children.

This must be the basic achievement because they believe that the heart of women’s oppression is their childbearing and childrearing roles.

Radical feminists believe that the male psychology or biology is the source of women’s oppression and pain. This is why they call for separation and the independence from men.

KEY ISSUES AND TACTICS
Central issues engaged by radical feminists include:

  • Reproductive rights for women, including the freedom to make choices to give birth, have an abortion, use birth control, or get sterilized.
  • Evaluating and then breaking down traditional gender roles in private relationships as well as in public policies
  • Understanding pornography as an industry and practice leading to harm to women.
  • Understanding rape as an expression of patriarchal power, not a seeking of sex
  • Understanding prostitution under patriarchy as the oppression of women, sexually and economically.
  • A critique of motherhood, marriage, the nuclear family, and sexuality, questioning how much of our culture is based on patriarchal assumptions.
  • A critique of other institutions, including government and religion, as centered historically in patriarchal power

KEY RADICAL FEMINISTS

The following are some key radical feminist:

RADICAL FEMINIST GROUP OF FEMINISM 

These groups include:

TOOLS USED BY RADICAL FEMINIST GROUP OF FEMINISM 

Tools used by radical women’s groups includes:

  • Consciousness – raising groups
  • Actively providing services
  • Organizing public protests
  • Putting on art and culture events.
  • Women’s studies programs at universities are often supported by radical feminists.

QUOTES FROM RADICAL FEMINISTS

1.  “All men hate some women some of the time and some men hate all women all of the time.” — Germaine Greer

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2.  “The fact is that we live in a profoundly anti-female society, a misogynistic ‘civilization’ in which men collectively victimize women, attacking us as personifications of their own paranoid fears, as The Enemy. Within this society it is men who rape, who sap women’s energy, who deny women economic and political power.” — Mary Daly

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3.  “I feel that ‘man-hating’ is an honorable and viable political act, that the oppressed have a right to class-hatred against the class that is oppressing them. — Robin Morgan

“In the long run, Women’s Liberation will of course free men—but in the short run it’s going to COST men a lot of privilege, which no one gives up willingly or easily.” — Robin Morgan

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4.  “Feminists are often asked whether pornography causes rape. The fact is that rape and prostitution caused and continue to cause pornography. Politically, culturally, socially, sexually, and economically, rape and prostitution generated pornography; and pornography depends for its continued existence on the rape and prostitution of women.” — Andrea Dworkin

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5.  Feminism is a theory, lesbianism is a practice.

  I propose that the phenomenon of love is the psychological pivot in the persecution of women.

  Love is the victim’s response to the rapist.

  The institution of sexual intercourse is anti-feminist

  Since the beginning of the Movement, lesbianism has been a kind of code word for female resistance.

                                   -Ti-Grace Atkinson

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6.  We are unalterably opposed to the presentation of the female body being stripped, bound, raped, tortured, mutilated, and murdered in the name of commercial entertainment and free speech.

Pornography is the undiluted essence of anti-female propaganda.

Women are all female impersonators to some degree.

ALL men keep ALL women in a state of fear.

Who said that clothes make a statement? What an understatement that was. Clothes never shut up.

Women as a class have never subjugated another group; we have never marched off to wars of conquest in the name of the fatherland. We have never been involved in a decision to annex the territory of a neighboring country, or to fight for foreign markets on distant shores. These are the games men play, not us. We want to be neither oppressors nor oppressed. The women’s revolution is the final revolution of them all.

                                 -Susan Brownmiller

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7. Romanticism is a cultural tool of male power to keep women from knowing their conditions.

Feminism, when it truly achieves its goals, will crack through the most basic structures of our society.

(Male) culture was (and is) parasitical, feeding on the emotional strength of women without reciprocity.

Men are thinking, writing, and creating, because women were pouring their energy into those men; women are not creating culture because they are occupied with love.

All men are selfish, brutal and inconsiderate–and I wish I could find one.

He has let her in not because he genuinely loved her, but only because she played so well into his preconceived fantasies.

                                -Shulamith Firestone

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8. Politically, I call it rape whenever a woman has sex and feels violated.

Feminism is built on believing women’s accounts of sexual use and abuse by men.

Women and men are divided by gender, made into the sexes as we know them, by the social requirements of heterosexuality, which institutionalizes male sexual dominance and female sexual submission.

Women are raped and coerced into sex.

Men, permitted to put words (and other things) in women’s mouths, create scenes in which women desperately want to be bound, battered, tortured, humiliated, and killed.

Empirically, all pornography is made under conditions of inequality based on sex, overwhelmingly by poor, desperate, homeless, pimped women who were sexually abused as children.

                           -Catharine MacKinnon

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9. The complete destruction of traditional marriage and the nuclear family is the ‘revolutionary or utopian’ goal of feminism.

A sexual revolution begins with the emancipation of women, who are the chief victims of patriarchy, and also with the ending of homosexual oppression.

Many women do not recognize themselves as discriminated against; no better proof could be found of the totality of their conditioning.

The image of the woman as we know it is an image created by men and fashioned to suit their needs.

The concept of romantic love affords a means of emotional manipulation which the male is free to exploit, since love is the only circumstance in which the female is (ideologically) pardoned for sexual activity.

When one group rules another, the relationship between the two is political. When such an arrangement is carried out over a long period of time it develops an ideology (feudalism, racism, etc.). All historical civilizations are patriarchies: their ideology is male supremacy.

                                                -Kate Millett

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10. Passivity is the dragon every woman has to murder in her quest for independence.

Until all women are lesbians, there will be no true political revolution.

All women are lesbians except those who don’t know it.

                                           -Jill Johnston

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3. SOCIALIST FEMINISM

The phrase “socialist feminism” was increasingly used during the 1970s to describe a mixed theoretical and practical approach to achieving women’s equality. Socialist feminist theory analyzed the connection between the oppression of women and other oppressions in society, such as racism and economic injustice.
Socialist feminism also known as Marxist feminism or Materialist feminism is an important movement of feminism. It calls for an end to capitalism through a socialist reformation of economy.
Socialist feminism argues that capitalism strengthens and supports the sexist status because men are the ones who currently have power and money. Those men are more willing to share their power and money with other man, which means that women have fewer opportunities and resources.
Therefore, they tried to eliminate the capitalist system and replace it with socialism, which collectively shares the wealth created by human labor.
Sexism benefits the capitalism, by providing a supply of cheap labor for industry.

They believe that most oppressions women suffer in capitalist society include low paid, low status or even no paid work.

THE SOCIALIST FEMINISM BASIS
The following are the basis of socialist feminist:

  • Socialists had fought for decades to create a more equal society that did not exploit the poor and the powerless in the same ways that capitalism did.
  • Like Marxism, socialist feminism recognized the oppressive structure of a capitalist society.
  • Like radical feminism, socialist feminism recognized the fundamental oppression of women, particularly in a patriarchal society.
  • Socialist feminists did not recognize gender and only gender as the exclusive basis of all oppression. Rather, they held and continue to hold that class and gender are symbiotic, at least to some degree, and one cannot be addressed without taking the other into consideration.
  • Socialist feminists wanted to integrate the recognition of sex discrimination within their work to achieve justice and equality for women, for working classes, for the poor and all humanity.
  • Socialist feminists reject the idea that liberation for women requires the abolition of childbirth. They seek to analyze the subordination of women as linked with other forms of oppression, and attempt to unite the fights for socialism with that for women’s liberation.
  • Under the socialist conditions, Marxist feminism believes that the restoration of women to autonomy is possible. Having equal salary for both man and woman was in the top of Socialist feminists‟ aims and demands.

SOCIALIST FEMINIST GROUP OF FEMINISM

These groups include:

Thanks for reading my article  on feminism next is PATRICK RESEARCH WORK ON FEMINISM 2 :THE CONCEPT OF FEMINISM: THE  4 WAVES OF FEMINISM

 

I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.

1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?

2. Are you aware of existence of feminist and the movement feminism in your area? If so, explain

3. What are your perceptions of girls/women who call themselves feminist?

4.  Do these girls/women that you know enjoy been a feminist?

5. Does culture in any way contribute/support to feminist and feminism?

 

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

Credited to :

Women who fight depression, molestation and thrive to be self independent, and to all feminist.

PATRICK VIEW-DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

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WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

According to Wikipedia Domestic violence (also named domestic abuse or family violence) is violence or other abuse by one person against another in a domestic setting, such as in marriage or cohabitation. It may be termed intimate partner violence when committed by a spouse or partner in an intimate relationship against the other spouse or partner, and can take place in heterosexual or same-sex relationships, or between former spouses or partners.

Domestic violence can also involve violence against children, parents, or the elderly.

FACTS ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

The following are some facts about domestic violence:

1.      Occurs in all socio-economic groups, all religious groups, all races, and all ethnic groups and within all form of relationship, to people of all ages and physical abilities.

2.      Is perpetrated against women in 95% of cases.

3.      Is the single greatest cause of injury to women in this country?

4.      Includes psychological, verbal or emotional abuse that can be as devastating as the physical violence.

5.      Something that has happened to people you know; perhaps your neighbor, friend, sister, mother, your co-worker or even yourself.

FORM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

According to Wikipedia -It takes a number of forms, including physical, verbal, emotional, economic, religious, reproductive, and sexual abuse, which can range from subtle, coercive forms to marital rape and to violent physical abuse such as choking, beating, female genital mutilation, and acid throwing that results in disfigurement or death.

Abusive behaviors are not symptoms that someone is angry or out of control. An abuser makes a choice to exert power and control over his or her partner. Abusive behaviors include physical, emotional, sexual, social, and financial abuse.

  1. PHYSICAL ABUSE

Physical abuse often begins with less violent assaults such as pushing. As the abuse continues, however, it becomes increasingly violent. Abusers often target areas of the body that are usually covered with clothing because the injuries are less likely to be visible to others. Acts of physical abuse include:

  • Pushing
  • Restraining
  • Shaking
  • Slapping
  • Biting
  • Punching
  • Kicking
  • Throwing objects at the victim
  • beating
  • Using weapons
  • Strangulation
  • Withholding medications
  • Attempting to force miscarriage
  • Scratching
  • Biting
  • Pulling hair
  • Refuse to help when sick, injured or disabled
  • Using or threatening to use weapons
  1. EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE

Emotional/psychological abuse is a tool used by those who want to make their partners feel scared, crazy, worthless, or responsible for the abuse. The abuser’s goal is control over the victim. Emotional abuse may include:

  • Making jokes about the victim
  • Insults
  • Criticizing the victim’s competence
  • Ignoring the victim’s feelings
  • Withholding affection as a form of punishment
  • Blaming the victim for all problems
  • Yelling at the victim
  • Humiliating the victim in front of others
  • Accusing the victim of being the abusive partner
  • Threatening to take the children away from the victim
  • Threatening physical violence
  • Extreme jealousy
  • Hiding or destroying important belongings
  • Frequent demands to know where she is and with whom
  • Alienation/Separation from family and friends
  • Public humiliation
  1. SEXUAL ABUSE

Sexual abuse is one of the least discussed, but most common, forms of domestic violence. Sexual abuse includes:

  • Sexual jokes that make the victim uncomfortable
  • Treating women as sex objects
  • Criticizing the victim’s sexuality
  • Using sexual jealousy as a tool of control
  • Uncomfortable or unwanted touch
  • Withholding sex as punishment
  • Demanding sex
  • Flaunting affairs
  • Rape
  • Sex after beatings
  • Forcing the victim to witness or participate in sexual activity with others
  • Sexually assaulting the victim in front of the children
  • Sexual torture – Forced sexual activities with abuser and/or others
  • Forced prostitution
  • exotic dancing
  • Threatening to sexually abuse children
  • Refusing to use or allowing contraception use
  • Public display of extramarital affairs
  • Forcing victim to watch batterer have sex with others
  • Forcing harmful sexual acts against the wish of the person
  1. SOCIAL ABUSE

Social abuse is used to isolate the victim from others in the community. The fewer people the victim is connected with, the more control the abuser has over the victim. Examples of social abuse include:

  • Insisting that the couple spend all time together
  • Discouraging the victim from seeing friends or family
  • Forbidding the victim to see friends or family
  • Monitoring the victim’s mail or phone calls
  • Restricting access to the car or car keys
  • Telling others the victim is crazy or abusive
  1. FINANCIAL ABUSE

Abusers often attempt to establish financial control over victims. Victims who are financially dependent on abusers have fewer resources for escape. Financial abuse includes:

  • Making all financial decisions for the household
  • Keeping financial secrets
  • Monitoring the victim’s spending
  • Controlling the victim’s access to cash
  • Controlling the victim’s access to chequebook or credit cards
  • Refusing to let the victim work
  • Forcing the victim to turn over income to the abuser
  • Taking person’s earned income
  • Making person beg for money

 DRIVERS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

The key factors found to drive domestic violence are

  1. Gender attitude,
  2. Alcohol and other substance abuse
  3. Relationship conflicts
  1. Gender attitude

The notion of male dominance and female subservience/ submissiveness is common and accepted by many communities in a country. Some form of discipline, physical or psychological, inflicted on their female partners is commonly culturally accepted as the right of men in relationships. Most of this gender attitude is promoted from childhood where the male child is accepted to be more aggressive and dominant while the girl child is encouraged to be more domestic, subservient/submissive and tolerant.

  1. Alcohol and other substance abuse

Alcohol in both regulated and locally brewed forms are consumed by many youths. Many also abuse other psycho-active substances, the most common of which is cannabis or Indian hemp. Most men who are reported to the security agency agreed perpetrating such act also due to the takeoff alcohol and other intoxicating substances.

  1. Relationship conflicts

Suspicion of infidelity appears to contribute to the experience of domestic violence. Most women who experience domestic violence is due to the fact that they interfered in their partner having other affairs and cheating them, which lead to relationship conflict. Therefore playing a role in their experience of domestic violence.

STRATEGIES USED TO ADDRESS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Here are some key strategies used to address domestic violence:

  1. Public education

Various forms of educational materials, mainly in print media, are used to convey messages discouraging domestic violence. Once a while, non-governmental organizations promote walk-through in the community to draw attention to the evils of domestic violence.

  1. The social works office

Patients identified by health workers as victims of domestic violence are usually referred for counselling by social workers. The counselling also includes negotiations for the safety of the victims and arrangements for alternative homes where appropriate. These social workers are based at the clinics and the referral hospitals from where they conduct visits to victims’ homes in the community as needed. They receive patients with domestic violence only when they are referred to them by the attending health practitioners. They are often challenged by transport, apart from arranging safe shelters when requested by the victim, they are unable to provide conclusive assistance in most instances.

  1. The police department

Self-reports of domestic violence and referrals from the social works department are attended to by the police. Perpetrators of domestic violence are often arrested and charged for assault occasioning when the victim or relatives of the victim are willing to press charges.

  1. governmental organizations

These organizations handle self-referrals of domestic violence victims and intervene with counselling, arrangements for safety and support for litigation of the perpetrator. They are the main promoters of community education and motivation against domestic violence.

The focus of interventions against domestic violence currently consists of actions taken, usually after the domestic violence has been going on for considerable periods. Community education and mobilization against domestic violence are often prompted by reports of severe violence or death – passion killing – of a victim.

YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT

These questions may help you determine if you or someone you know or are working with is being battered.

Does someone close to you?

  1. Push, hit, shove, slap, kick, choke, hurt or scare you?
  2. Threaten to hurt or kill you or your family or friends?
  3. Call you names and humiliate you?
  4. Criticize the things you do and say, or the way you look?
  5. Force you to have sex against your will?
  6. Threaten to take your children?
  7. Hurt your pets or destroy things special to you?
  8. Isolate you by: taking away the car keys, money or credit cards; listening to your phone calls; opening your mail; locking you inside your home; or refusing to let you work, attend school, go to church, or form friendships?
  9. Call you or appear unexpectedly at your workplace, home, school or elsewhere to check up on you?
  10. Tell you that you are crazy?
  11. If you are lesbian, bisexual or gay, threaten to “out” you or tell others of your sexual orientation?
  12.  

If any of these sound familiar, you may be or your friend may be a victim of domestic abuse.

NOTE: Asking or answering these questions in the presence of the perpetrator or others may endanger you or someone else. This information must be kept confidential.

 

WHY DO VICTIMS STAY IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS?

The following are the various reasons why most victims stay in an abusive relationship:

  • For sake of children
  • Economic dependence
  • Family pressure
  • Fear of being alone
  • Fear of retaliation
  • Loyalty to abuser
  • Love
  • Duty & responsibility
  • Shame & humiliation
  • Things will get better
  • Feels deserve treatment
  • Social isolation

HOW TO HELP

If you know someone who is in an abusive relationship or if you know someone who is being hurt due to domestic violence. Here are the list of things to do so you can the person:

  1. Listen without giving advice, unless it is asked for, and believe what they tell you
  2. Acknowledge their feelings. Do not tell them how they should feel
  3. Let them know you are concerned about their safety
  4. Do not pressure them to leave their partner‐ this could be dangerous
  5. Don’t assume that they will identify as a “victim of domestic violence.” Ask Questions such as “Do you feel afraid of your partner?”
  1. Believe your friend, and keep what she tells you confidential.
  2. Don’t blame the victim for the abuse. The abused person is not responsible for being abused and does not deserve to be abused.
  3. They need to tell their story in their own time and own pace. Take the time to talk privately with your friend or co-worker and ask about suspicious bruises or fights that you know about.
  4. Help her make safety plans.
  5. Validate feelings. Your friend or co-worker may feel hurt, angry, afraid, ashamed and trapped and may also love the abuser.
  6. Assault is a crime. If you hear or see abuse that is occurring, call any agency responsible for domestic violence within your area.

COMPETING INTERESTS

I declare that I have no financial or personal relationships that may have inappropriately influenced me in writing this article. I write this articles based on my experience with those who have such.

I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.

  1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?
  2. Are you aware of existence of domestic violence in your area? If so, explain
  3. What are your perceptions of  girls/women who experience domestic violence
  4. Do these girls/women  enjoy in this marriage/relationship? Elaborate.
  5. What in your view is the best way forward to solve this problem?
  6. Does culture in any way contribute to domestic violence?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

 

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

 

Credited to :

Women who fight depression, molestation and thrive to be self independent, and to all feminist

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PATRICK VIEW : MISCONCEPTION ABOUT PRIDE — POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE SIDE

Good morning, everybody!

Pride!                         Pride!!                           Pride!!!

I feel like this can often conflict with what we are taught in society these days. Society tells us to have pride in our work, pride in our actions, and pride in our nation, pride in our kids, and pride in our achievements.

After much reading, I was able to get a concrete view about pride.

According to Wikipedia definition:

Pride is an inwardly directed emotional term that carries two (antithetical) meanings. 

1. With a negative connotation- Pride refers to a foolishly and irrationally corrupt sense of one’s personal value, status or accomplishments,used synonymously with hubris. In Judaism, pride is called the root of all evil.


A negative connotation of pride may look like this:

“”” when you are proud in your work, how will you be humble enough to try to improve? If you’re proud in your achievements, what is truly the motivation behind your actions?

If you’re prideful in your nation, how do you know if problems are arising, or not being solved?

Pride makes our hearts dull. It closes our ears to that conscience, and shuts our eyes against what is right. Swallowing that pride is what we need to do.”””

2. With a positive connotation- Pride refers to a humble and content sense of attachment toward one’s own or another’s choices and actions, or toward a whole group of people, and is a product of praise, independent self-reflection, and a fulfilled feeling of belonging.

A positive connotation of pride may look like this:

While in college, as there is so much competition among peers, I’ve found myself taking pride in my own accomplishments, too. But, pride is blinding. We should take pride in our work, pride in our actions, and pride in our nation, pride in our kids, and pride in our achievement.

POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE SIDE OF PRIDE

What I notice are the flaws in our pride when they are misplaced. So how do we go about distinguishing positive side of  Pride from negative side of  Pride?

POSITIVE  SIDE OF PRIDE 

  • You worked hard towards a goal and accomplished your goals.
  • Using pride to maintain a certain standard in the things you do.
  • You are proud of who you have become.
  • Not comparing oneself advantageously (and frequently unfairly) to others.
  • Authentic. It’s an accurate, realistic estimate of one’s abilities.
  • Those with healthy pride motivate and inspire others to take their lead and join them. 

NEGATIVE SIDE OF PRIDE-

    •  Letting you or your family/friends suffer because you do not want the help.
    • Using pride to put others down.
    • Measuring our achievements against someone else vs. our own previous performances.
    • Regularly bragging about their (often exaggerated) accomplishments.
    • Distorted claims about one’s capacities.
    • Call their-self “lord”  over others. They don’t want to share their successes, but rather do everything possible to make certain no one “trespasses” on them

Finally, misconception of Pride has to be noted, so we need to understand all this things.

Just a food for thought for this week.

If you could relate to this post and think others you know might also, please consider forwarding them its link.

I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.

    1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?
    2. What comes to mind when you hear the word ‘pride’?
    3. Are you a proud person?
    4. What achievement are you most proud of?
    5. Who are you most proud of?
    6. What do you take great pride in doing?
    7. When was the last time you were very proud of yourself?

  1. Do you think you were always a source of great pride for your parents?
  2. Do you think carefully about your actions to maintain your family pride?
  3. What do you do to restore your pride after it has been wounded?
  4. Do I know when my pride creeps up in my conversation? When am I most vulnerable to talk too much about myself?
  5. Do I have a sensible assessment of who I am? What are my gifts, skills, abilities and contributions to people around? How can I rethink  and transform my language to be less about me and more about others?
  6. Can I reduce my use of I, me, my and mine in conversations with man?

Please let me know all your reactions and insights in the comments below!

 Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

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CHILD MARRIAGE – MEANING, CAUSES, EFFECTS AND SOLUTIONS

 

 

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MEANING

According to Wikipedia definition of child marriage;

  1. Child marriage is a formal marriage or an informal union entered into by an individual before reaching a certain age, specified by several global organizations such as UNICEF as minors under the age of 18.
  2. The term child marriage is used to refer to both formal marriages and informal unions in which a girl or boy lives with a partner as if married before the age of 18. An informal union is one in which a couple live together for some time, intending to have a lasting relationship, but do not have a formal civil or religious ceremony.

The legally prescribed marriageable age in some jurisdictions is below 18 years, especially in the case of girls; and even when the age is set at 18 years, many jurisdictions permit earlier marriage with parental consent or in special circumstances, such as teenage pregnancy. In certain countries, even when the legal marriage age is 18, cultural traditions take priority over legislative law. Child marriage violates the rights of children; it affects both boys and girls, but it is more common among girls (Child marriage is a form of violence because it violates a girls basic rights). Child marriage has widespread and long term consequences for child brides and grooms.

After much surfing on the internet I was able to collect some comments made by some girls who were lured in to child marriage by their parents without their consent and also by their parents, giving reason for taking such drastic step. Here are their sayings;

  1. I liked going to school with my friends and playing with them. I really liked studying. If my parents had allowed me to study I would have studied very sincerely. My friends could continue their study and now they have become wiser and clever. If I had studied, I would have been working like you [referring to the interviewer]. But my parents held my marriage. I could not do anything after marriage. I now have children to look after.
  2. It was much better for her to get married, even though she was still a child, than to be raped by a soldier, one mother said.
  3. Its not that I wanted to [drop out of school], it was out of ignorance that my parents said that a girls schooling is not the same thing as a boys and so they should pull me out of school to give me away in marriage. I did not want that.
  4. One mother in Bangladesh explained, She knew it was wrong to marry [her daughter off] very early, but  marriage is seen as a cover of respect and protection by women. By not going to school, it reduces the risk of being sexually active outside the house or being harassed while commuting.

 

CAUSES OF CHILD MARRIAGE

After much conversation with some enlighten individuals in the society where I live I was able to gather some basic causes of child marriage. Here are the lists;

    1. LEVEL OF EDUCATION: Most women with no formal education were married before 18, compared to those who had completed higher education. Further education is almost impossible for some girls, who have little choice but to depend on their husbands for the rest of their lives.
    2. POLITICAL AND ECONOMIC TIES: Some girls are married off by their parents to enhance political and social alliances with rich families or business partners and to improve their economic status.
    3. GENDER NORMS:  A gender norm” is a behavior or attribute that society attributes to a particular sex. Gender norms change from culture to culture and throughout history, since they’re based on the expectations of societies that are consistently evolving. Anything society attributes to a particular gender to can be considered a gender norm. These gender roles and norms have changed significantly over the years and continue to evolve.Critics of gender norms say they put pressure on males and females to behave a certain way in the home. Women especially have been gender-normed to do more cleaning and not work outside of the home in past generations. Jobs in more physical settings have been assigned to men within the traditional gender roles based on a perceived need for masculine strength. Women are seen as weaker vessels, they have no say in the society. Since some society feels women do not worth it they are married out at an early age. Girls are not accepted as equal partners within marriages, which contributes to a sense of low self-worth.Some people are also uncomfortable with the gender role society places on them because of their sex (especially the women).

 

    1. POVERTY: Poverty is the critical factor contributing to early marriage. Where poverty is acute, a young girl may be regarded as an economic burden and her marriage to a much older man. This is a family survival strategy, and may even be seen as being in her interest. In some cultures, girls and women are not seen as potential wage earners  theyre considered a financial burden to the family. In these cases, families living in poverty who have several children may arrange a marriage for their child to reduce their economic burden: One less daughter to take care of means one less mouth to feed and one less education to pay for. Girls are also married off to offset debts or settle conflicts, effectively acting as a substitute for money.
    2. TRADITIONAL AND CULTURAL PRACTICES: Traditional and cultural practices such as female genital mutilation (FGM) contribute to the early marriage of girls. Female genital mutilation (FGM) FGM is defined as partial or complete removal of the external female genitals for cultural rather than medical reasons. Other names for female genital mutilation (FGM) include female circumcision or ritual female surgery. It is performed in some African, South American, Asian and Middle Eastern countries. Female genital mutilation (FGM) is a cultural rather than a religious practice, and its origins are unknown. However, its practitioners believe the procedure enhances the girls health, hygiene, chastity, fertility and marriage prospects. The effect of this practice on the circumcised girls is that they get a license to get married and the men are ready to take them away for marriage. According to some culture, the rite is very important and necessary as virginity at marriage is extremely highly valued, and is the second most common group of reasons centered around the belief that infibulation is the most valid means for ensuring that a girl will remain a virgin until marriage and that proof of an intact infibulation on the wedding night is proof of the virginity.Many cultures considered non-virgin girls as ruined and unsuitable for marriage, as a result, families marry off their young daughters to ensure they remain virgins until marriage, to prevent babies out-of-wedlock, and to maximize her childbearing years. A younger girl can also be more easily controlled and shaped into an obedient wife. Unfortunately, because of the cultural emphasis on virginity, child marriage is seen as a legitimate way to protect girls in unsafe environments.
    3. CEMENTING ALLIANCES: Reasons behind early marriages vary from one country to the next. The most cited reason for this is culture. According to a study done in Ethiopia by ICRW, children are betrothed before birth to cement the strategic alliances between families (International Centre for Research on Women, 2007:98).

 

  1. WOMENS STATUS IN SOCIETY: The status of women in society plays a key role in early marriage; women are seen as inferior and they are neglected and despised .For instance, in India, the birth of a girl is seen as an occasion of heartbroken sorrow and despair, even in relatively affluent and educated families. A girl is seen as a burden given the fact that she will get married elsewhere and leave her family. Thus, parents prefer to educate boys and marry the girls off at an early age. A male child is more likely to gain full education, gain employment and pursue a working life, tending to marry later. The low status of women in society is due to gender inequality. Gender inequality is a product of culture in that male children are given preference which leads to poor treatment of girls and women in society (Patriarchy)

Note – According to Wikipedia definition- Patriarchy is a social system in which men hold primary power and predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of property. Some patriarchal societies are also patrilineal, meaning that property and title are inherited by the male lineage.

EFFECTS OF CHILD MARRIAGE

The following are the major effects of child marriage:

    1. PSYCHOSOCIAL DISADVANTAGE:The loss of adolescence, the forced sexual relations, and the denial of freedom and personal development as a result of early/child marriage have led to psychosocial and emotional consequences. Inadequate socialization is also another part from this child marriage; they have nobody to talk to as they are surrounded by people who endorse their situation. Young girls suffered from traumas as a result of early marriage, premature sex and child bearing. Thus, distress is generally endured in silence. In addition to these Psychosocial Disadvantage, Repeated pregnancies devastates these girls there by leading to great physiological and emotional damage. Another Psychosocial Disadvantage they suffer is when the husband dies, the girl is treated as a widow and given in to a widower in the family. The child bride who is widowed at a very young age can suffer additional discrimination. Widows suffer loss of status and they, along with their children, are often denied property rights, and a range of other human rights. In parts of Africa, a widow is remarried to a brother-in-law, a custom known as levirate, originally intended, in part, to provide economic and social support to the widow. Young girls who are married off are more likely to have children while still physically immature. They are psychologically unprepared and unequipped to become mothers, which means they tend to have more health problems during pregnancy and childbirth due to inadequate health care and their babies have a reduced chance for survival. Here is a comment made by a girl who was lured in to child marriage by her parents.  Here is what she says about the effect of it: “Motherhood is hard. When [babies] get sick, you dont know why. I dont have experience and dont know what to do with him, probably because of my age. I sleep very little, a 14-year-old wife and mother told the New York Times.”

 

    1. RISK OF PHYSICAL AND SEXUAL VIOLENCE: Some of the most heart-breaking stories that I have heard in my life are from child brides who describe the sexual and physical violence they have faced from their husbands and, in some cases, their in-laws. Child brides are often made to leave school, are more likely to experience domestic violence, and are at higher risk of dying from pregnancy and childbirth complications and so the children of child brides. Once married, a girls world narrows dramatically. Child brides experience isolation from their family, friends and communities, as well as violence, abuse and exploitation. Girls who marry early often become pregnant while they are still children themselves, with great risks for their own well-being and that of their babies. Child brides are vulnerable to physical violence from their partners, or their partners families. Research shows that they are more likely to be abused, threatened or beaten by their husbands than girls who marry later. Often, child brides are married off to men who are older than they are. This age difference is important as the greater the age gap, the more likely girls are to experience violence. As well as suffering physical violence, child brides often have a distorted sense of their own worth. For almost four years now, I have been having some nice conversation with people about child marriage. Yet I am still horrified every time when I hear a girl tell me that she fears for the night and the forced sexual relations that she experience every day  Or when she says that her husband sees her as worthless and treats her like animals. Many of these child brides feel like objects and servants: they are just there to fetch water, cook and clean, and produce children. These are the realities of child marriage.

 

    1. CHILD MARRIAGE  VIOLATES A GIRLS BASIC RIGHTS( RIGHT TO HAVE SEX, RIGHT TO EDUCATION) : Child marriage is a form of violence because it violates a girls basic rights. The right to education is been violated due to child marriage. Lack of education means that young brides often dont know about sex, are ignorant about their bodies and unaware about the mechanics of reproduction. Married young, these girls are denied control over their own bodies and are unable to make informed choices about sex and when or whether to have children. These especially affect the girls than the boys. Because getting married usually means an end to formal education. Because child marriage can be a driver to death sentence: child brides often become pregnant at a young age, long before they are ready physically or emotionally, and this can have devastating consequences. In fact, complications during pregnancy and child birth is the second most common cause of death for 15-19 year olds globally. Ironically, one of the drivers of child marriage is the belief that a girl will be safer if she is married, and that marriage will protect her against physical and sexual assault. The very opposite is true. Many child brides describe their first sexual experience as forced. Again, the age gap matters. The greater the age difference between a child bride and her husband, the more likely she is to experience intimate partner violence. Other studies have also found that many women who have married young continue to experience forced sex throughout their marriage.
    2. SEXUAL RELATIONS: In the case of girls married before puberty, the normal understanding between families is that there will be no sexual intercourse until first menstruation. In Gojam, Ethiopia, husband and wife may grow up playing together in the house of his parents. In this case, the mother-in-law must protect the girl from any advances by her son (Berhane-Selassie, 1993:10). However, the protection may fail where the husband is much older than the girl. Cases of forced intercourse by much older, and physically fully developed husbands with wives as young as eight have been reported in West Africa (Shireen, 2000:10). For the vast majority of under-educated rural adolescent girls in the developing world, marriage remains the likely context for sexual intercourse (Mensch et al., 1998:10). Pain and trauma are enhanced where girls have undergone some form of FGM (female genital mutilation), especially where this has been undertaken recently, and especially in the case of infibulation which is designed to make penetration difficult. Problems may be exacerbated after child birth. In many societies, and in many millions of individual cases, women have no choice but to resume sexual relations within two or three days of childbirth, even if there has been vaginal cutting during delivery, and regardless of the pain it causes (Adamson, 1996:7).

 

  1. DENIAL OF EDUCATION : Early marriage inevitably denies children of school age their right to the education they need for their personal development, their preparation for adulthood, and their effective contribution to the future well-being of their family and society. Indeed, married girls who would like to continue schooling may be both practically and legally excluded from doing so. Even though the attitude towards educating girls is changing, many parents still hold the view that investment in the girl is a wasted resource when she is simply going to be married and work in another household. The cost of investment in education for girls often leads towards girls withdrawal from school. In rural areas, secondary education often means that a girl must leave home to live in a school dormitory. Parents fear that this may expose her to risks including premarital sex and pregnancy. To protect the girl-child from being sexually harassed by male teachers and boys in school, parents opt to withdraw their daughters when they are still young and marry them off before their virginities are broken. The removals from school limit the girls opportunities to develop their intellect. They also lose out on socializing, making friends outside their family circle, and many other useful skills. This reduces their chances of developing their own independent identity (UNICEF, 2001:12).

SOLUTION/PREVENTIVE MEASURE TAKEN TO ERADICATE CHILD MARRIAGES

According to ICRW, This policy brief highlights five evidence-based strategies identified by ICRW to delay or prevent child marriage:

  1. Empower girls with information, skills and support networks.
  2. Provide economic support and incentives to girls and their families.
  3. Educate and rally parents and community members.
  4. Enhance girls access to a high-quality education.
  5. Encourage supportive laws and policies.

According to UNICEF, UNICEF sees ending child marriage as essential for girls empowerment and well-being, and we work with partners to tackle this rights violation wherever it occurs. We do so by focusing on those girls who are most at-risk, promoting their education and mobilizing those who influence families and wider society to give girls more control over their own lives and prospects.

Our work covers five key areas:

  1. Support for development and participation of adolescent girls.
  2. Strengthening legal systems to protect the rights of adolescent girls and boys.
  3. Carrying out cutting-edge research to build a robust evidence base for advocacy, policies, and programmes and tracking progress.
  4. Strengthening services to help adolescents at risk of, or affected by, child marriage, particularly girls.
  5. Raising awareness of the need to invest in and support girls, and shifting the social expectations that stifle their prospects.

My own personal opinion or take on the solution for child marriage

Let me start by asking myself this question

Is girls education the key to ending child marriage?

Answer –YES

Increasing girls education is recognized as the most effective strategy for delaying child marriage a practice that greatly diminishes the choice and capacity of girls to achieve their life goals, and has further repercussions for their children, families and communities.

According to research institutes, this is what they have to say about child marriage:

Research suggests that increasing educational attainment produces a number of positive outcomes. For example, while lower educational attainment is a risk factor for child marriage, higher educational attainment is protective against child marriage.

Recently, researchers from the World Bank and ICRW examined data from 15 countries in sub-Saharan Africa and found a strong relationship between girls educational attainment and child marriage. The study found that across the 15 countries, each additional year of secondary school attendance significantly reduced the chance of girls being married before the age of 18.

 Furthermore, they found that each additional year of secondary school attendance also reduced the likelihood of giving birth before the age of 18, contributing to safer pregnancies and healthier newborns.

Conversely, according to some study, they found that girls who marry early are significantly less likely to complete their secondary school education, which in turn lowers the potential earnings they can make as adults and thereby reduces their familys economic potential. 

Moreover, child marriage and lower educational attainment creates ripples into the next generation by diminishing the educational prospects for children of child brides. In other words, child marriage may be playing an important role in perpetuating poverty.

Finally, investing in girls education can have a tremendous impact on reducing child marriage and therefore in reducing poverty for families, communities, and countries.

I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.

  1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?
  2.  Are you aware of existence of early marriage in your area? If so, explain
  3. What are your perceptions on girls who marry early?
  4. Do these young girls enjoy in this marriage? Elaborate?
  5. How does early marriage affect the girl child in your opinion?
  6. What in your view is the best way forward to solve this problem?
  7. Do parents in any way play a role to this practice of early marriage?
  8. Does culture in any way contribute to early marriage?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

 

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

 

TITLELESS

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This is something I just wrote. Well, not exactly. More like something I just completed. It’s a new week and its Monday I have to think again.Its really short, I don’t even know what to title it. It just came to my head now. Am surprise am thinking about it now .

But enjoy it.

Scenes play in my head of Memories long buried
Buried but yet alive in a way quite explainable
I smile, my heart had a  rush of emotions
For still the pain and happiness  pierces through
Leaving me confuse, crushed and broken just for a little while
For at the end my head always wins the battle over my heart
I laugh at myself. Its no use when you have long gone
I still moved on.

“””In memory of my true friends during NYSC”””

Starting from the left

  1. Peace(biggest girl)
  2. Patrick(Owner of Patrick stories)
  3. Unity
  4. Ejike
  5. Kenny

image

 

 

My question for my fellow bloggers/viewers/readers:

1. What’s your opinion and contributions on this post/poem?

2. What are the memorable things that you can remember during you schools days?

 

 

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 

 

 

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

www.facebook.com/patrickstories

PATRICK VIEWS – 8 ARGUMENTS TO DISPROVE THE FACT THAT WOMEN BELONG IN THE KITCHEN

 

Here is an essay i saw a couple of weeks ago on the internet. i was so annoyed by the essay that i have to deduce some error and inconsistency in the essay.

I DO NOT support these views. From the essay i have been able to bring out 8 argument towards the essay with my own proves and opinions.His essay is below.

WOMEN BELONG IN THE KITCHEN

“Yes, women DO belong in the kitchen, especially those in the tech field. Those are the true dullards…they can’t program worth beans, and always get in the way, and always bring those hormone laced emotions to work and… Need I say more? Please women…stick to the kitchen or teaching those preschool kids, because you just haven’t earned it yet baby…”

“Since when are women allowed in the workplace? …there ain’t no bitches in my office, for damn sure except the secretaries, of course. Mmmmm… Secretaries.”

I believe that women should keep out of the office and stay in the kitchen. I will explain to you why I think this and then I will refute all the argument used against the subordination of women.

Firstly, women and men are different. They are not equal. There are obvious underlying biological differences between the two sexes, which is the reason for segregation of sexes in places like schools, toilets, and sports. Women are better at something while men are better at other things. In a firm you separate the accountants from the marketers, the economists from the engineers. You wouldn’t let a marketer do the job of an accountant because a marketer is not the same as an accountant. Similarly, you wouldn’t let a woman do the job of a man. For example, women are designed for childrearing.

They have breasts. Breasts provide milk for babies. Women are better at childrearing than men are, so they should stay home while men go to work and do what they are good at, which is making money.

The statistics say that hardly any stay-at-home parents are male. The vast majority of them are women, which is good because it shows that most women know their role. However, because of the efforts of a powerful feminist lobby there has been pressure on this traditional system of female subordination. We are witnessing the crumbling of traditional roles. Women are trying to assert themselves in the office. The media is awash with feminist propaganda, portraying the career woman’s lifestyle as glamorous. This is bad because it effects an atmosphere of uncertainty. Young people start to get confused over their roles in society. This creates tension between the sexes. This creates the 50 divorce rates we see today. It is important for women to understand their role as homemakers and child carers. If they accept these roles without question, society will be better off. It is important to stop women from getting jobs for their own good, to prevent them from being victims of their own savagery. It is important for the good of society.

Another reason why we should prevent women from working is because of the bible. Certainly the bible doesn’t say that women are inferior to men. That is not what I am trying to argue. But the bible does say clearly that roles for women are different to roles of men. The Holy Bible in 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 states that “as in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.” The bible also understands the importance of hierarchy. If women and men kept arguing then there is conflict and chaos. For the sake of harmony there needs to be a clear idea of who is in power. Ephesians 5:22–24 says the following: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”

Some people are prone to believe that whatever is in the bible is wrong. Just because something is in the bible, just because something is religious it doesn’t make it immoral. Atheists often go on about how it is wrong to use the bible to back up the segregation of women but why are the atheists criticizing our opinions when they have opinions themselves? Those who cry out for equality between male and female are just expressing opinions, just as those who cry out for inequality between male and female are doing.

Let me talk about some of the arguments feminists use. Often a feminist will say that it’s not important what happens to society. What is important is individual freedom. A woman is an individual and as such she deserves the freedom to do such things as pursue a career. It is not about what is good for society but what is good for the individual. Individual freedom is what matters. But why go on about freedom? Nobody has perfect freedom. Whenever you do anything in life you have to follow rules. You can’t just do anything you like. When you sign a contract with someone else for gas service or electricity service you are bounded by contractual obligations. You don’t have the freedom to just break the contract.

Men discriminate against women, which is good. Within society there are conventions and norms. The convention of segregating women and assigning them to certain tasks is deeply ingrained in our society. You cannot just ignore the power of these social influences. If a woman walks into a job interview wearing a suit and tie, she is breaking the rule of society and will be looked down upon for this reason. Social conventions are what most people generally believe is correct, and they are enforced on individuals to create harmony in the whole society.

I understand that what I’m saying is controversial. This is because many people have been brainwashed by feminism. I am just giving my opinion. If you give your opinion and disapprove of my opinion, then you are giving an opinion as well. How can you criticize me for giving my opinion when you are giving your opinion?

To conclude, a woman in the office is disgusting. It goes against God’s law. It goes against the laws of nature. It is unnatural. It is wrong.

MY PERSONAL ARGUMENT AGAINST THE ESSAY

Speaking as someone who knows a thing or two about social contracts, moral obligations, philosophy of government, and feminist philosophy, which was seriously the most pathetic – laughably pathetic – essay I have ever read in my life – so much so it does not even deserve any further refutation.

He even refutes his own essay in the statement “those who cry out for equality between male and female are just expressing opinions”, because he concedes that nothing in his essay is morally binding, because it is nothing but an expression his opinion.

However, here are my personal 8 arguments against his essay:

FIRST ARGUMENT

Starting with the first paragraph-

“Firstly, women and men are different. They are not equal. There are obvious underlying biological differences between the two sexes”

This is a superficial fact – that men and women are biologically different and have different general abilities, and therefore not “equal” to one another in the physiological sense. If this is his reason for refuting women’s equality, then it is wrong for 3 reasons:

1) When people talk about being “equal”, they don’t care about the physical differences. The word “equal” means equal treatment before the law, equality of opportunity, and equal consideration of interests. So, the author completely misses the point of equality. I guess he is totally wrong in this aspect of equality.

2) The whole argument/essay begs the question, because he says that women and men are unequal, but never explained how this physical inequality implies that women should be lesser than men and not the other way around. Why shouldn’t the physical differences imply men’s sub ordinance?

3) According to a popular literature book “””. We should all be feminist “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

———-Men and women are different. We have different hormones and different sexual organs and different biological abilities—women can have babies, men cannot. Men have more testosterone and are, in general, physically stronger than women. A man and a woman are doing the same job, with the same qualifications, and the man is paid more because he is a man. So in a literal way, men rule the world. This made sense a thousand years ago. Because human beings lived then in a world in which physical strength was the most important attribute for survival; the physically stronger person was more likely to lead. And men in general are physically stronger. (There are of course many exceptions.) Today, we live in a vastly different world. The person more qualified to lead is not the physically stronger person. It is the more intelligent, the more knowledgeable, the more creative, more innovative. And there are no hormones for those attributes. A man is as likely as a woman to be intelligent, innovative, creative. We have evolved. But our ideas of gender have not evolved very much. ———–

This idea of women being subjected too low make me feel bad. With some proves above, I guess I have answered and argue some troubled thoughts about the author/writer of the essay based on equality.

The whole first paragraph should be crossed out for those reasons.

SECOND ARGUMENT

Another annoying claim the guy was trying to present to back up why women belong in the kitchen is stated below-

“””””””The statistics say that hardly any stay-at-home parents are male. The vast majority of them are women, which is good because it shows that most women know their role. However, because of the efforts of a powerful feminist lobby there has been pressure on this traditional system of female subordination. We are witnessing the crumbling of traditional roles. Women are trying to assert themselves in the office. The media is awash with feminist propaganda, portraying the career woman’s lifestyle as glamorous. This is bad because it effects an atmosphere of uncertainty. Young people start to get confused over their roles in society. This creates tension between the sexes. This creates the 50 divorce rates we see today. It is important for women to understand their role as homemakers and child carers. If they accept these roles without question, society will be better off. It is important to stop women from getting jobs for their own good, to prevent them from being victims of their own savagery. It is important for the good of society. “””””””””

This backup is a fallacy and totally incorrect. From what am seeing now, am able to bring out some funny points said by the writer/author about why women belong in the kitchen-

Point 1

The statistics say that hardly any stay-at-home parents are male. The vast majority of them are women, which is good because it shows that most women know their role.

Point 2

However, because of the efforts of a powerful feminist lobby there has been pressure on this traditional system of female subordination. We are witnessing the crumbling of traditional roles. It is important for women to understand their role as homemakers and childcarers. If they accept these roles without question, society will be better off. It is important to stop women from getting jobs for their own good, to prevent them from being victims of their own savagery. It is important for the good of society.

Point 3

Young people start to get confused over their roles in society. This creates tension between    the sexes. This creates the 50 divorce rates we see today.

These points I guess are totally absurd to me. Starting with

POINT 1

“The statistics say that hardly any stay-at-home parents are male. The vast majority of them are women, which is good because it shows that most women know their role. “

These point is totally wrong because no reference was made or links that shows why women stay at home. The author/writer claims that statistics of women who stay at home are high than men but he does not offer the least amount of evidence to or reason to back up this statement. Any women can stay in home base on some personal decision or some cogent reasons been known to her. So women staying at home is not enough reason to say that is a role of a women.

A woman can believe all this and still say: Given the actual real situation of my life, they choose to stay at home. The “why” and “how” of her life situation is still based on individual choices. But it doesn’t really matter when it comes to what makes sense for her. This is about individual choice. Not societal influence on the role of a women being at home.

POINT 2

However, because of the efforts of a powerful feminist lobby there has been pressure on this traditional system of female subordination. We are witnessing the crumbling of traditional roles. It is important for women to understand their role as homemakers and child carers. If they accept these roles without question, society will be better off. It is important to stop women from getting jobs for their own good, to prevent them from being victims of their own savagery. It is important for the good of society. “

This female subordination which I termed oppression, subjugation and subjection has made women become less in the society.

Society has set a lot of duties for men and women alike and it’s even painful to see that in a children’s textbook, the duties of a wife are “to cook for the family, to bring up the children, homemakers and clean the house.” It’s a huge shame to this writer/author if in this 21 century you still gender bias women base on homely duties. The author need to wake up and stop this nonsense.

For me personally, I kick against the fact that women are weak and less important in the society (female subordination). We are equal. No body have the right to detect if a person is less or weak. Society has made it look like that. Even some of the women has accepted this fact that they are weak and less important. There by making them weaker vessels and making them not to have the equal right with men.

Because of this it gave rise to gender equality that is been declared by feminist.

According to a popular literature book “”” Dear ijeawele or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””””“Teach her, too, to question the idea of women as a special species. I once heard an American politician, in his bid to show his support for women, speak of how women should be ‘revered’ and  ‘championed’ – a sentiment that is all too common. Tell Chizalum that women actually don’t need to be championed and revered; they just need to be treated as equal human beings. There is a patronizing undertone to the idea of women needing to be ‘championed and revered’ because they are women. It makes me think of chivalry, and the premise of chivalry is female weakness.     “”””””

Going further in to reading, the author/ writer made a very absurd statement:

“””””   If they accept these roles without question, society will be better off. It is important to stop women from getting jobs for their own good, to prevent them from being victims of their own savagery. It is important for the good of society.  ””””

I feel personally the author is a misogynist or sexist. Despite that statement, Women are the greatest pillars of society, yet they are being pulled down to dusts (female subordination).

For me personally, Patrick — I strongly believe in equal rights and opportunity for all, regardless of gender (or skin colour, ethnicity etc.).  I believe everyone should be respected as a unique individual and not judged on the basis of being a woman or man, black or white etc.

My point is that we are all people and not defined by preconceived notions of delegated roles assigned by gender (especially upbringing of a child) which the writer/author termed as traditional roles.There are so many successful women who have achieved things that I can only dream of, and it matters not to me if she is married, single, divorced, young, old or strong and loud or soft and gentle. Their accomplishments added to our world.

We have various women in our world today who have accomplish much in term of education, science and technology. Whether married, single, divorce, old and young. They all add benefit to the society at large. No one should be neglected base on gender.

Putting women down to the dust, shows that women don’t have values and this lead to gender role perception which the society still practice. As an individual who support GENDER EQUALITY and agitate for HUMAN RIGHTI feel women have suffered a lot in this patriarchy based society.

The idea of gender role (cooking, domestic, child bringing and chores are meant for women) I don’t agree with it personally. Therefore this statement (we are witnessing the crumbling of traditional roles. It is important for women to understand their role as homemakers and child carers. If they accept these roles without question, society will be better off. It is important to stop women from getting jobs for their own good) made by the author/writer I don’t agree also with it.

The following are the 9 backups to counter the writer/author in support of what am saying;

  1. FIRST BACK UP

Here is a little draft from our renowned feminist.

According to a popular literature book “””. Dear ijeawele or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

Second Suggestion

“”””””   Do it together. Remember in primary school we learned that a verb was a ‘doing’ word? Well, a father is as much a verb as a mother. Chudi should do everything that biology allows – which is everything but breastfeeding. Sometimes mothers, so conditioned to be all and do all, are complicit in diminishing the role of fathers. You might think that Chudi will not bathe her exactly as you’d like, that he might not wipe her bum as perfectly as you do. But so what? What is the worst that can happen? She won’t die at the hands of her father. Seriously. He loves her.

It’s good for her to be cared for by her father. So look away, arrest your perfectionism, still your socially conditioned sense of duty. Share child care equally. ‘Equally’ of course depends on you both, and you will have to work it out, paying equal attention to each person’s needs. It does not have to mean a literal fifty-fifty or a day-by-day score-keeping but you’ll know when the child-care work is equally shared. You’ll know by your lack of resentment. Because when there is true equality, resentment does not exist.      ””””””

  1. SECOND BACK UP

Here is a little draft from our renowned feminist.

According to a popular literature book “””. Dear ijeawele or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

Third Suggestion

“”””””“Teach her that the idea of ‘gender roles’ is absolute nonsense. Do not ever tell her that she should or should not do something because she is a girl. ‘Because you are a girl’ is never a reason for anything ever “””””””

  1. THIRD BACK UP

Here is another quote from our own feminist.

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:  We should all be feminist

——–The knowledge of cooking does not come pre-installed in a vagina. Cooking is learned.

 Cooking – domestic work in general – is a life skill that both men and women should ideally have. It is also a skill that can elude both men and women. We also need to question the idea of marriage as a prize to women, because that is the basis of these absurd debates. If we stop conditioning women to see marriage as a prize, then we would have fewer debates about a wife needing to cook in order to earn that prize. It is interesting to me how early the world starts to invent gender roles. ——–

  1. FOURTH BACKUP

Another excerpt/draft from her book also about gender role.

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:  Dear ijeawele or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions

Third suggestion:

“””””” Gender roles are so deeply conditioned in us that we will often follow them even when they chafe against our true desires, our needs, our happiness. They are very difficult to unlearn, and so it is important to try to make sure that Chizalum rejects them from the beginning. Instead of letting her internalize the idea of gender roles, teach her self-reliance. Tell her that it is important to be able to do for herself and fend for herself. Teach her to try to fix physical things when they break. We are quick to assume girls can’t do many things. Let her try. She might not fully succeed, but let her try.   ””””””

  1. FIFTH BACK UP

Another back up based on cooking from FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi

According to a popular literature book– We should all be feminist

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””””” I know a woman who hates domestic work, but she pretends that she likes it, because

 She has been taught that to be “good wife material,” she has to be—to use that Nigerian word—homely. And then she got married. And her husband’s family began to complain that she had changed. Actually, she had not changed. She just got tired of pretending to be what she was not. The problem with gender is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are. Imagine how much happier we would be, how much freer to be our true individual selves, if we didn’t have the weight of gender expectations. Boys and girls are undeniably different biologically, but socialization exaggerates the differences. And then starts a self-fulfiling process. Take cooking, for example. Today, women in general are more likely to do housework than men— cooking and cleaning.

 But why is that? Is it because women are born with a cooking gene or because over years they have been socialized to see cooking as their role? I was going to say that perhaps women are born with a cooking gene until I remembered that the majority of famous cooks in the world—who are given the fancy title of “chef”—are men.

But what matters even more is our attitude, our mind-set. What if, in raising children, we focus on ability instead of gender? What if we focus on interest instead of gender? I know a family who has a son and a daughter, a year apart in age, both brilliant at school. When the boy is hungry, the parents say to the girl, Go and cook Indomie noodles for your brother. The girl doesn’t like to cook Indomie, but she is a girl and she has to. What if the parents, from the beginning, taught both children to cook Indomie? Cooking, by the way, is a useful and practical life skill for a boy to have—I’ve never thought it made much sense to leave such a crucial thing—the ability to nourish oneself—in the hands of others.  ””””””’

  1. SIXTH BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “””. Dear ijeawele or A feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions   “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the first suggestion

“”” I have no interest in the debate about women ‘doing it all’ because it is a debate that assumes that care-giving and domestic work are singularly female domains, an idea that I strongly reject. Domestic work and care-giving should be gender-neutral, and we should be asking not whether a woman can ‘do it all’ but how best to support parents in their dual duties at work and at home. ”””

  1. SEVENTH BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “”“Dear ijeawele or A feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions   “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the Sixth Suggestion

“”””””””” Teach her to ask questions like: what are the things that women cannot do because they are women? Do these things have cultural prestige? If so, why are only men allowed to do the things that have cultural prestige? It is helpful, I think, to use everyday examples. Remember that television commercial we watched in Lagos, where a man cooks and his claps for him? True progress is when she doesn’t clap for him but just reacts to the food itself – she can either praise the food or not praise the food, just as he can praise hers or not praise hers, but what is sexist is that she is praising the fact that he has undertaken the act of cooking, praise that implies that cooking is an inherently female act. “””””””””

  1. EIGHTH BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “”“Dear ijeawele or A feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions   “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the Tenth Suggestion

“”””””””” She can counter ideas about static ‘gender roles’ if she has been empowered by her familiarity with alternatives. If she knows an uncle who cooks well – and does so with indifference – then she can smile and brush off the foolishness of somebody who claims that ‘women must do the cooking. “””””””””

This should give men a little rethink about cooking and house/domestic chores. Which I personally are meant to be shared equally between the two partners. As for me (UNIQUE RESEACHING) cooking, domestic chores- cleaning sweeping, mopping are supposed to be shared equally. Cooking was never meant for women. Anybody can cook whether male or female.

  1. NINETH BACK UP

Here is the quote I formed early this year to support my argument against the above point 2

PATRICK QUOTES

“”””” I hate when society subject people  to a particular assault or being grouped as “women and children” while there are lots of things that show that they  have quality features to make as  valuable as a strong individual, not being grouped as weak because they are female. Maybe physically, intellectually, etc. “””””””

Finally, child upbringing, cooking, domestic chores- cleaning sweeping, mopping are supposed to be shared equally. Cooking was never meant for women. Anybody can cook whether male or female.

As for me I have been given the orientation about Gender equality right from the onset.

Firstly-

I was brought up by a mother who inculcated in me a deep respect for women. I believe that the inequality that women have faced through the centuries and today as well is a failure of all societies, and especially the mindset of male patriarchy. I cannot call myself anything other than a person who believes strongly in justice and gender-rights for women everywhere.

Secondly-

Though I believe strongly in the cause of the emancipation of women in all societies that repress women and pursue the same practices of male domination.

POINT 3

“Young people start to get confused over their roles in society. This creates tension between the sexes. This creates the 50 divorce rates we see today. “

After talking about the crumbling of traditional roles, the author states “This is bad because it effects an atmosphere of uncertainty. Young people start to get confused over their roles in society.”

Not only does the author refuse to explain why gender roles are ought to be maintained, he does not explain why the crumbling of gender roles is a bad thing. He simply says the crumbling of gender roles is a bad thing because it confuses people about their roles. Finally he didn’t give a clear roles of young people in the society.

Am been made angry by this statement:

“This creates tension between the sexes. This creates the 50 divorce rates we see today. “

The above statement made by the author/writer is a big smug. The author claims that the divorce rate is so high due to women not keeping their place, but he does not offer the least amount of evidence to or reason to back up this statement. There are lots of reasons people get divorced which can include infidelity, loss of intimacy, failure to resolve important differences and unrealistic expectations.

I just felt the author was just drifting apart. Nowhere will you ever see on an article or a paper to be presented that explain the reasons for divorce as something along the lines of “gender role confusion”. Furthermore, the author doesn’t even explain why divorce is bad thing.  I guess he is totally confused.

 

THIRD ARGUMENT

As I went further in to reading, another statement made by the author/writer caught me again

————- Another reason why we should prevent women from working is because of the bible. Certainly the bible doesn’t say that women are inferior to men. That is not what I am trying to argue. But the bible does say clearly that roles for women are different to roles of men. The Holy Bible in 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 states that “as in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.” The bible also understands the importance of hierarchy. If women and men kept arguing then there is conflict and chaos. For the sake of harmony there needs to be a clear idea of who is in power. Ephesians 5:22–24 says the following: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” —————

In reference to above statement- “Another reason why we should prevent women from working is because of the bible.”

Unfortunately, when people say “I believe such and such because of the bible”, there is nothing you can say to reason with such a person. I have personally studied bible years and years, and I have been able to persuade people that some of the bibles commands have no rational explanation. And, I have frequently noted that morality is zilch if it commands are left unjustified. But, I personally have never been able to persuade a bible-believer to say that the commands in the bible are wrong.

The closest I have ever seen is someone say that we should not follow some commands in the bible is when they argue that some commands are outdated or not applicable to the modern era, or that we humans are so simple that we couldn’t possibly fathom the explanations whatever they may be. But I personally have never seen anyone say the commands are wrong.

At the very least, the only counter-argument to the “bible” argument is that there is no reason why the commands in the bible (or any holy text for that matter) ought to be considered morally binding without a reasonable explanation. If no explanation is given to obey the command, then obviously no explanation is needed to disobey the command, making the unexplained moral prescriptions in the bible completely moot.

In reference to the quotation from the bible made by the author in the above statement. Here he talks about submission.

  1. The Holy Bible in 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 states that “as in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be insubmission, as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.”
  1. Ephesians 5:22–24 says the following: “Wives,submitto your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” –

For me personally, I have to give my own argument to counter that statement.

“””” However, the only separate duties occur in marriage where the husband should love and the woman submit but submission does not equate to slavery. This verse of the Bible has been misinterpreted and men think ALL women should subordinate before them just because they have a bigger build. I think God didn’t give men that build for oppression but for security. “””””

This submission/submissiveness has been turned the other side and men take advantage of it which I termed personally as oppression, subjugation and subjection and have made women become less in the society.

Am still getting my own view from the bible which you claim to use to back up WHY WOMEN BELONG IN THE KITCHEN

Here is an exposition of Genesis chapter 1-3, I hope to graciously point out some major flaws and inconsistencies about the writer/author so I can prove to him that the bible gave women authority and nothing like gender role attached to it.

BACK UP 1 (DOMINION, AUTHORITY, EVE’S IDENTITY AND AUTHORITY)

I found Genesis 1:26-27 interesting. Verse 26 does say “let them have dominion” some of the emphasis is also elaborated upon in verse 28. It says that God blessed them and said to them, that they are to subdue and rule over the earth. The creation mandate is given to man and woman together. There is no hint of distinct roles or job descriptions here. Adam and Eve are commanded together to co-rule the earth.

An additional point is that in Genesis 1:26-28, there are only 2 authority structures: God over all creation, and man and woman’s joint authority over the earth. Their dominion was directed towards creation, and not toward each other. Remember that this was before the fall, and harmony characterised their relationship – not tension or intention of overthrow.

Again, there is nothing in Genesis 1 and 2 to indicate that Adam was the responsible one, the leader, or authority figure. There was joint authority and they were to co-rule the earth as God’s representatives.

EVE’S IDENTITY AND AUTHORITY

In Genesis 3:20, Adam calls his wife by the name “Eve” for the first time, because he now understands that she will be the “mother of all the living.” Yet I have seldom heard anyone say that being the “mother of all the living” was Eve’s defining role.

It seems that Eve had more than one role and that her roles changed as circumstances changed.

Most people have many roles in life, and these change as our circumstances change and as we go through different life stages. Nevertheless, some Christians think that Eve and, by extension, all women are fundamentally defined to be the auxiliaries, or subordinate helpers, of men.

Furthermore, the scriptures give us no reason to think that Eve’s station in life was marked by a one-sided help or service to her husband, or that Adam’s station in life was to receive his wife’s help without also helping her.

Genesis 1:26-28 indicates that men and women were created to work together to do what is necessary to act as God’s regents, which includes ruling the earth and having dominion over the animals.

In Genesis 1, men and women are given the exact same commission from God, and they have an identical status, authority, and function. Gender roles are not mentioned before the fall. In Genesis 1, men and women have an identical status, authority and purpose.

BACK UP 2 (PRIMOGENITURE NATURE)

Because Adam was created first, some see this as evidence of the man having special status and privilege (primogeniture). Yet, there is no evidence of primogeniture until a considerable time after creation, moreover nothing primogeniture during the creation account. Furthermore, it was after the creation we started seeing primogeniture nature using those born later such as Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, and David.

BACK UP 3 (AUTHORITY AND NAMING ARE MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE)

Some will also state that because Adam named Eve that this shows him having some special authority. However, in the Bible, the act of naming does not necessarily imply authority. For example, Hagar (the Egyptian slave of Abraham and Sarah) gave God a name! Does that mean Hagar had authority over God? I hardly think so. And both men and women named children in the Old Testament. There are 25 instances of women naming children, and twenty by men. If this demonstrates authority, it is a joint or shared authority by men and women.

BACK UP 4 (MEN AND WOMEN NEED EACH OTHERS)

It doesn’t make sense to suggest that the first woman was created to help the solitary man, and thus all women are auxiliaries with the function of perpetually serving and assisting men who are not solitary as Adam was. It also doesn’t make sense to suggest, as some do, that men have no reciprocal obligation to help women because of the creation order of Adam being made first, before his wife.

Paul corrects this faulty thinking in 1 Corinthians 11:8-9:

“Nevertheless (or, except that), in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God” (1 Cor. 11:11-12 NIV).

Paul states here that men and women, particularly those “in the Lord,” need each other, and that the creation order has no significance in Christian relationships because both men and women ultimately have God as their source.

BACK UP 5 (LOVING AND HELPING ONE ANOTHER)

To say that one sex has a greater obligation to help another sex does not sound like Paul. It also doesn’t sound like Jesus. Jesus told his followers to love one another. Love is his greatest command. Surely love is most clearly expressed when we help one another, irrespective of the gender of the person helping and the gender of the person being helped.

Let me spell it out. Depending on the need and the circumstances, men should help men, women should help women, men should help women, women should help men, mixed groups should help mixed groups, etc. Everyone should help anyone with a need, according to their ability and situation.

The Bible simply does not indicate that being a helper is a special obligation or duty of women. Being a helper is not a gender role. Helping is what considerate and caring human beings do.

I want the writer/author to stick these quote to his head

“Being a helper is not a gender role. Helping is what considerate and caring human beings do.”

BACK UP 6 (END NOTES)

The writer/author who claim to back up some point with the bible should take some notes of theses few end notes using the bible as backup also.

  1. The Hebrew word for “Eve” means “living.”
  1. The phrase ezer kenegdo, in the original language of Genesis 2:18 and 20, does not mean “subordinate helper.” The Hebrew word ezer is always used in the Bible the context of a vital, powerful and rescuing help, and it is usually used of God’s help. It does not refer to ordinary assistance. More on this here.
  1. Note that Paul asks Christians, both men and women, to help certain women ministers in Romans 16:1-2 and Philippians 4:2-3.
  1. We each have a particular obligation to help those in our family, and to help the weak, vulnerable and disadvantaged, regardless of gender.

FOURTH AGRGUMENT

“””””” Atheists often go on about how it is wrong to use the bible to back up the segregation of women but why are the atheists criticizing our opinions when they have opinions themselves? Those who cry out for equality between male and female are just expressing opinions, just as those who cry out for inequality between male and female are doing. “”””””

First, not all atheists believe everything in the bible is wrong. I personally find that the bible gives practical advice sometimes, but if the bible cannot say the right things for the right reasons, the bible is not a reliable moral guide for anything. And given that, there are some Christians who believe that the men and women are equal despite what the bible says.

Second, by admitting that cries for equality are nothing more than expressions of opinions, the author refutes his entire essay. The point of his essay to provide reasons for why he believes women should be subordinate, by stating that he has nothing more than opinions then obviously the purpose of his essay is necessarily not achievable. Because he is just saying his own opinion also.

FIFTH ARGUMENT

“”””” Let me talk about some of the arguments feminists use. Often a feminist will say that it’s not important what happens to society. What is important is individual freedom. A woman is an individual and as such she deserves the freedom to do such things as pursue a career. It is not about what is good for society but what is good for the individual. Individual freedom is what matters. But why go on about freedom? Nobody has perfect freedom. Whenever you do anything in life you have to follow rules. You can’t just do anything you like. “””””””

In reference to pursuing a career, freedom and argument from feminist in the above statement.

Here In my view, feminism is not necessarily about just letting women do whatever they want, as women can be oppressive but instead feminism is about liberty from oppression. It’s a complicated movement with a lot of goals and a lot of layers.

I personally kick against this statement made by the author/writer, every human have freedom to choose a career, freedom to work. Freedom should not be limited to only women. Men and women have freedom to choose a career. Feminist are not only after freedom but after equality of both sexes.

Why are we talking about freedom, the last time I checked freedom was not part of the agitation made by the feminist.

Feminism obviously has a lot to do with examining gender roles, and women are under constant judgement for their decisions. Whether they take more traditional roles or more non-traditional roles, someone always has something negative to say about it, including misinformed feminists sometimes.

Feminism is about freedom and liberty from oppression to me, not freedom and liberty to do anything in the world.

Most of my female friends (and many of my male friends) would self-identify as feminists. Some work, some stay at home to care for the children (yes, some men stay at home with the kids, too!). There is no contradiction there.

Questioning whether one can be a “housewife” and a feminist is blurring things:

  1. Individual choice vs. societal influence
  2. Making money vs. controlling money
  1. Individual choice vs. societal influence

Feminism generally pushes for equal opportunities. It does not demand that a woman work or it demands that a woman stay at home. Being a housewife is not necessarily oppressing yourself. I personally think it is individual choice, if you look at these traditional housewife roles, fully aware of the implications, and decide you want to do it because that’s what you want to do.

With that being said, you can be a feminist no matter what your living situation is because it’s a movement. You can go out and work 70 hours a week with no family and be anti-oppression and pro-social justice. You can scrub floors and stay at home to make dinner for your children/ kids. You can be poor. You can be rich. Most of us are oppressed in some way anyway, so if oppression couldn’t coincide with a movement to end oppression, it wouldn’t exist.

As long as you’re aware of your privilege and your marginalisation and you advocate for oppression on many levels to end, you can be a damn good feminist regardless of what path you’ve chosen in life. If you are self-identify as a feminist, you almost certainly believe that women shouldn’t be forced to stay at home.

You also probably believe that society influences women to stay at home in various ways—e.g., signalling that childcare is for women, having worse career options open for women, offering better maternal leave than paternal leave, etc. This is all about societal influence.

A woman can believe all this and still say: Given the actual real situation of my life, they choose to stay at home. The “why” and “how” of her life situation is still based on individual choices. But it doesn’t really matter when it comes to what makes sense for her. This is about individual choice.

As an extreme example, a woman in the 1950s hasn’t had access to the same career opportunities that her husband has. But given that her husband earns 5x what she does, or given that she just happens to enjoy spending time with the children more than her husband, it makes a lot more sense for her to stay at home.

 There is nothing like feminism attached to sit about that decision. It’s just about individual choice.

  1. Making money vs. controlling money

Moreover, her choosing to stay at home—to not collect a salary—does not mean that she is submitting control to her husband. I know plenty of men who are the sole/primary breadwinners as well as a few women who are. They do not “control” the money. Money is a team effort. The breadwinner may collect the salary, but their partner at home contributes as well.

I do know a few couples where, in practice, one partner has more control over the money. This has to do with the dynamics of their own situation—one partner being more of a better planner.  It has no particular correlation with who’s earning the money.

 

SIXTH ARGUMENT

“”””When you sign a contract with someone else for gas service or electricity service you are bounded by contractual obligations. You don’t have the freedom to just break the contract.””””

What contract? I’d love to see the “contract” that woman signed consented to that which says “we will make babies and never work in the office”.

SEVENTH ARGUMENT

“””””” Men discriminate against women, which is good. The convention of segregating women and assigning them to certain tasks is deeply ingrained in our society. You cannot just ignore the power of these social influences. If a woman walks into a job interview wearing a suit and tie, she is breaking the rule of society and will be looked down upon for this reason. Social conventions are what most people generally believe is correct, and they are enforced on individuals to create harmony in the whole society.””””””

This statement is a fallacy and totally incorrect. From what am seeing now, am able to bring out some funny points said by the writer/author:

POINT 1

Men discriminate against women, which is good.

POINT 2

The convention of segregating women and assigning them to certain tasks is deeply ingrained in our society. You cannot just ignore the power of these social influences. If a woman walks into a job interview wearing a suit and tie, she is breaking the rule of society and will be looked down upon for this reason. Social conventions are what most people generally believe is correct, and they are enforced on individuals to create harmony in the whole society.

POINT 1

Men discriminate against women, which is good.

In reference to discriminating against women in the above statement made by the author/ writer.

Firstly, I still believe that the writer is a misogynist and also a sexist which I said earlier during the Second argument-point 2

POINT 2

“””However, because of the efforts of a powerful feminist lobby there has been pressure on this traditional system of female subordination. We are witnessing the crumbling of traditional roles. It is important for women to understand their role as homemakers and child carers. If they accept these roles without question, society will be better off. It is important to stop women from getting jobs for their own good, to prevent them from being victims of their own savagery. It is important for the good of society. “””

The writer still repeat this statement in seventh argument point 1

POINT 1

“”” Men discriminate against women, which is good. “””

Secondly, I feel is not good to discriminate any one. I guess the writer gave some clue from the bible backing up about wife submission to her husband, I guess personally he should be a Christian. The last time I check the bible talks about love.

To say “”” Men discriminate against women, which is good. “””  It also doesn’t sound like Jesus or a Christian brother or a follower of Jesus. Jesus told his followers to love one another. Love is his greatest command. Surely love is most clearly expressed when we don’t discriminate one another, irrespective of the gender of the person.

POINT 2

The convention of segregating women and assigning them to certain tasks is deeply ingrained in our society. You cannot just ignore the power of these social influences. If a woman walks into a job interview wearing a suit and tie, she is breaking the rule of society and will be looked down upon for this reason. Social conventions are what most people generally believe is correct, and they are enforced on individuals to create harmony in the whole society.

In reference to social influence, societal norms and social convention in the above statement made by the author/ writer.

There is not an inkling/writing of explanation why today’s social norms dictate the moral way we should treat people. What the writer is saying if the society norms says child marriage is good, we should accept it, despite knowing it’s totally wrong to do it. That is stupid. Most of the societal norms are wrong sometimes, like the idea of the cooking or women place in kitchen which you feel is the best is still totally wrong.

We are in the 21 century, some people have drop that absurd idea about WOMEN BELONG IN THE KITCHEN. Change is constant, so societal norms and social conventions must have change.

In fact, it could be just the opposite, it could be that certain societal norms are very immoral (for instance, in some ancient societies using Nigeria as reference, it may have been considered the right thing to do by killing live infants twins, and in other African societies like it is considered acceptable to take a pre-pubescent girl and make her your wife and I call that child marriage).

Now I want to ask the writer/author a simple question- Is child marriage or killing of twin wrong or right according to social conventions or societal norms?  Please ponder on that.

EIGHT ARGUMENT

“””””” I understand that what I’m saying is controversial. This is because many people have been brainwashed by feminism. I am just giving my opinion. If you give your opinion and disapprove of my opinion, then you are giving an opinion as well. How can you criticize me for giving my opinion when you are giving your opinion? To conclude, a woman in the office is disgusting. It goes against God’s law. It goes against the laws of nature. It is unnatural. It is wrong.  “”””””

The point of his essay to provide reasons for why he believes women should be subordinate and the placement of WOMEN BELONG IN THE KITCHEN. By stating that he has nothing more than opinions then obviously the purpose of his essay is necessarily unachievable. Because he is just saying his own opinion also.

Another annoying statement made by the writer/author above says:

“””” To conclude, a woman in the office is disgusting. It goes against God’s law. It goes against the laws of nature. It is unnatural. It is wrong. “””””

This statement is a misogynist and sexist statement, this is the third time he made us of misogynist statement which go against God law also if he is truly a Christian.

Finally I stand to conclude that the writer/author is just a RENOWED MISOGYNIST AND SEXIST because of the following statements he made during his write up/essay.

Statements 1

If they accept these roles without question, society will be better off. It is important to stop women from getting jobs for their own good, to prevent them from being victims of their own savagery. It is important for the good of society.

Statements 2

Men discriminate against women, which is good.

Statements 3

To conclude, a woman in the office is disgusting. It goes against God’s law. It goes against the laws of nature. It is unnatural. It is wrong.

CONCLUSION

If I was that author’s philosophy professor and I read his essay, I would have given him an F

And if it makes any difference, I am happy to say that I am single, am a physics lecturer, am also a blogger, a freethinker, I learn how to cook for myself, is a skill I acquire personally and I never ever succour to societal norms, social conventions and social influence.

I will like to ask a simple question for my fellow readers and viewers.

  1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?
  1. Should cooking be a skill for both men and women or a designated role for women?
  1. Do you agree the society perception about gender role designated to male and female is wrong or right?
  1. Do you agree the society perception about cooking is gender role toward women?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin


www.facebook.com/uniqueresearching

 

PATRICK VIEW – HOW TO BE VEGETARIAN IN NIGERIA

No matter it’s for a diet or a cleanse, you can have your own reason to become a vegetarian. The problem is, it is not easy. Many may have tried, failed and back out from it during their journey of becoming a vegetarian.

Choosing to maintain a vegetarian diet in Nigeria is really not as hard as you think. Here are some tips to help you survive.

Ever met a Nigerian who was vegetarian? Well they do exist.

For some people, they adopt this diet because of health-related reasons or religion, while  for some others, it’s a lifestyle choice.(for me personally is a lifestyle choice).

The vegetarian diet involves abstaining from eating meat, poultry and seafood. (Some vegetarians eat eggs though).

In Nigeria, a lot of our diet is packed with proteins like chicken, meat, turkey fish and eggs. Some of our dishes including (jollof rice, beans, stews and soups) are cooked with  meat.

What Kind Of Vegetarian Are You?

Have you ever considered becoming a vegetarian? Yes, giving up all meat and choosing nuts, seeds and legumes instead. As preposterous as it may seem to the average meat-loving Nigerian, there is a growing number of people in Nigeria and beyond, that are giving up meat to pursue the vegetarian lifestyle.

Types of Vegetarian Diets


While most vegetarians generally avoid red meat, there are varying degrees of the lifestyle. It is common to find vegetarians that enjoy fish, eggs and/or dairy on a regular basis. In fact, the classifications of vegetarianism are so wide that even people who occasionally eat meat can be included. If you are seriously considering becoming vegetarian, you must first pick the classification that fits into your lifestyle.

1. Vegan– Avoids all animal flesh (beef, pork, goat, lamb, chicken, fish, seafood, insects, etc.) and animal products such as eggs, honey, milk and dairy products. Extremely strict vegans avoid the usage of all animal products such as fur, leather and wool in their daily lives.

2. Lacto  Vegetarian– Most likely the most common form of vegetarianism. From the Latin root “Lacto”

Meaning milk.Lacto-vegetarians (include milk and dairy but not eggs). They avoid all forms of animal flesh (beef, pork, goat, lamb, poultry, fish, seafood, insects, etc.) but include milk.

3. Ovo vegetarian- From the Latin root “Ovo” meaning egg. Ovo vegetarians avoid all forms of animal flesh (beef, pork, goat, lamb, poultry, fish, seafood, insects, etc.) but include eggs.

Health Benefits of Vegetarianism

In addition to being supportive of animal rights and having a low carbon foot print, vegetarian diets have numerous documented benefits. From a health standpoint, they are low in saturated fat and cholesterol but high in phytochemicals and fibre. These protective qualities make them the perfect prescription for the prevention and/or treatment of chronic disease. According to the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, vegetarian diets promote:

  • Lower rates of heart disease
  • Decreased low-density lipoprotein (bad) cholesterol levels
  • Lower rates of high blood pressure (hypertension)
  • Lower rates of type 2 diabetes
  • Lower body mass index (weight)
  • Lower overall cancer rates
  • Longevity

Picking the Vegetarian Diet that Works for you:

1. Decide your reasons for going vegetarian. Do you want better health? Do you care about animals living in extremely inhumane conditions? Is decreasing your carbon footprint important to you? Your reasons for making the switch will predict your ability to stick with it. The stronger your driving force, the better the outcome.

2. Pick a classification that supports your tolerances and preferences. You cannot be a Lacto-Ovo vegetarian if you suffer abdominal discomfort when you drink milk (Lactose Intolerant). Similarly, you are less likely to succeed at being a Pescatarian if fish is expensive and/or unavailable where you live.

3. Enjoy the transition.

The wonderful thing about becoming vegetarian is that the lifestyle is not static. If you find one classification too rigid and restrictive, pick one that is more flexible. The key to success lies in finding a plan that works for you. Not ready to fully commit? Consider joining the “Meatless Monday” campaign and start by giving up meat once a week. Before long, you may find yourself following a highly plant powered diet.

ways to cope with being vegetarian in Nigeria:

it’s hard to go to a party or any other event without a piece of chicken, snail or even prawns staring back at your face. Here are five ways to cope with being vegetarian in Nigeria:

1. Don’t be scared

Fear not – you won’t starve. Contrary to what you might have thought, a lot of our meals are vegetable based so you’ll be fine.

Get ready to be asked funny questions

From the minute you declare your identity as a vegetarian, there are many who’ll look at you like you’re an alien and ask you what planet you are from.

“Are you sure you’re Nigerian?”

“Oh, you’re on a diet?”

“Are you a goat?”

Brace yourself – people will look at you strangely and ask how you can cope in a meatless life.

2. Give your host a heads up

If you’re going to an event, be sure to give your hosts a heads up so they can prepare your meal specially. Most events and parties in Nigeria don’t usually come with consideration for a vegetarian menu.

3. Check out the restaurants menu online

Going out to eat? Many restaurants in Lagos now offer options for vegetarians so you can still go out and bond over a meal with friends. To make sure you or your friends have selected the right place, you can look up the restaurant’s menu online or give them a call.

4. Cook your own food

Can’t deal with the hassle of eating out or trying to find a vegetarian menu at a party? Just cook your own food how you like.

5 simple Nigerian vegetarian foods you can try

Maintaining a vegetarian diet in Nigeria is not that hard as most of our meals are plant based. These meals have been vegetarian from the get-go.

Though most of our meals are gotten from plants, we depend heavily on animal source of protein. Here are some simple Nigerian vegetarian foods you can try that wont make you feel like youre missing out.

Vegetarian Nigerians do exist. Vegetarians and Vegans are people who do not eat any form of meat. However, while vegetarians tend to consume dairy products and eggs, vegans avoid all animal products, including eggs and dairy.

Since, most Nigerian meals are plant-based anyway, it is not that hard to be vegetarian or vegan in Nigeria. Here are some simple vegetarian meals you can even prepare at home.

1. Moi Moi

Moi moi is a very versatile meal in Nigeria. It can be eaten with almost anything. Moi Moi is made with beans paste and spices. The best thing is you can add any filling to it. If you want your moi moi to be completely vegan, you can have it completely plain. If you make a main meal like jollof rice or fried rice and skip the meat, you can use moi moi to complement the meal as protein.

2. Akara and Akamu

Akara and Akamu together is one of the common breakfast meals in Nigeria. Akara is also made with bean paste and spices while Akamu is made with corn meal. It is completely meat and dairy free, except you add milk to the akamu.

3. Mushroom stir-fry

Using mushroom in your stir fry instead of shrimp or chicken is a good vegetarian option, with pasta or rice. Check out this eggplant and mushroom pasta recipe.

4. Puff Puff


Puff Puff is a sweet street snack very common all over Nigeria. It is basically made out of flour, sugar and yeast, with no egg or milk at all. You can easily make this snack at home or buy at a street corner.

5. Bole and pepper sauce


Bole is a street food made up of roasted plantain and a spicy pepper sauce. It is usually eaten with fish but you can skip that, obviously. If you don’t have access to the spicy sauce, you can also try the yoruba alternative — Boli and Ekpa (groundnut).

I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.


1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?

2. What was you own experience  of  trying to avoid meat?


3. Have you ever thought of being a vegetarian?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

University of Benin

A PERSONAL VIEW OF GENDER NORMS

WHAT ARE NORMS?

  1. Norms are regarded as collective representations of acceptable group conduct as well as individual perceptions of particular group conduct. They can be viewed as cultural products (including values, customs, and traditions) which represent individuals’ basic knowledge of what others do and think that they should do.
  2. Norms are vital determinants of social stratification as they reflect and reproduce relations that empower some groups of people with material resources, authority, and entitlements while marginalizing and subordinating others by normalizing shame, inequality, indifference or invisibility. It is important to note that these norms reflect and reproduce underlying gendered relations of power, and that is fundamentally what makes them difficult to alter or transform.                         (Sen et al., 2007: 28)
  3. The term norm or behavioral norm can be used simply to mean a common practice, what most people do in a particular context. For example, most people in a given community use umbrellas or raincoats if its raining.

TYPES OF NORMS

According to Wikipedia, the following are the types of norms:

  • Descriptive versus injunctive
  • Prescriptive and proscriptive
  • Subjective
  1. DESCRIPTIVE VERSUS INJUNCTIVE -Descriptive norms depict what happens (what people actually do), while injunctive norms describe what should happen (what people believe they and others are supposed to do). Cialdini, Reno, and Kallgren (1990) define a descriptive norm as people’s perceptions of what is commonly done in specific situations; it signifies what most people do, without assigning judgment. [The absence of trash on the ground in a parking lot, for example, transmits the descriptive norm that most people there do not litter] An Injunctive norm, on the other hand, transmits group approval about a particular behaviour; it dictates how an individual should behave. [Watching another person pick up trash off the ground and throw it out, a group member may pick up on the injunctive norm that he ought to not litter.]
  2. PRESCRIPTIVE AND PROSCRIPTIVE – Prescriptive norms are unwritten rules that are understood and followed by society and indicate what we should do. Expressing gratitude or writing a Thank You card when someone gives you a gift represents a prescriptive norm in American culture. Proscriptive norms, in contrast, comprise the other end of the same spectrum; they are similarly society’s unwritten rules about what one should not do.[37] These norms can vary between cultures; while an acceptable greeting in some European countries, kissing a stranger on the cheek constitutes a proscriptive norm in the United States.
  3. SUBJECTIVE – Subjective norm is determined by beliefs about the extent to which important others want them to perform a behaviour. Social influences are conceptualized in terms of the pressure that people perceive from important others to perform, or not to perform, a behaviour. Gender stereotypes and roles can also be supported implicitly. Implicit stereotypes are the unconscious influence of attitudes a person may or may not be aware that they hold. A person is influenced by these attitudes even though they are not aware. Gender stereotypes can also be held in this manner.

WHAT IS GENDER

  1. Refer to the social differences between males and females.
  2. Socially constructed set of roles and responsibilities associated with being girl and boy or women and men.

WHAT ARE GENDER NORMS?

Here are the definition of gender norms from various research

  1. Gender norms are social norms that relate specifically to gender differences. In this series we use the term gender norms to refer to informal rules and shared social expectations that distinguish expected behavior on the basis of gender. For example, a common gender norm is that women and girls will and should do the majority of domestic work, early marriage or female genital mutilation/ cutting (FGM/C).
  2. A “gender norm” is a behavior or attribute that society attributes to a particular sex.
  3. Gender norms define what society considers male and female behavior, and it leads to the formation of gender roles, which are the roles males and females are expected to take in society.

EVALUATION OF GENDER NORMS (CULTURAL AND HISTORY VIEW)

Gender norms change from culture to culture and throughout history, since they’re based on the expectations of societies that are consistently evolving. Anything society attributes to a particular gender can be considered a gender norm. In my research am able to evaluate gender norms using two factors as stated as follows:

  • using colour designated to a particular sex
  • type of work designated to a particular sex
  1. USING COLOUR DESIGNATED TO A PARTICULAR SEX – This is what gender norms has cause- Why the colour is blue designated for boys and pink for girls?  .  Concepts in terms of the colors boys and girls typically wear are gender norms; people usually consider pink to be a girl’s color, while blue is for boys. Until the turn of the 20th century, pink was a color reserved for male children and blue was assigned to girls showing that gender norms change over time. The color choices have to do with cultural gender norms. These gender norms have changed significantly over the years and continue to evolve.

  2. TYPE OF WORK DESIGNATED TO A PARTICULAR SEX – Gender norms in the past have been deciding factors in the type of work someone can do. For example most women didn’t work and were expected to take care of the family from the home while men farmed or worked in industrial settings.

FORMATION OF GENDER NORMS IN SOCIETY

When you see a baby in a pink dress, there may be the assumption it is therefore a girl. Gender norms start forming early in development through a child’s interactions with parents, teachers, interactions in their surroundings and their peers.

A boy might be given toys designated as a male-gender toy like trucks or toy guns while girls might receive princess toys or dolls. Regarding a child’s surroundings, parents might choose to decorate their baby’s rooms emphasizing the same set gender roles.

Once a gender role is established, children who attempt to deviate from it may experience peer pressure and even bullying. This behavior may further reinforce the gender norm that is acceptable, even if the child wants to personally choose a different gender role path.

CONTROVERSIES OF GENDER NORMS 

Critics of gender norms say they put pressure on males and females to behave a certain way in the home. Women have been gender-normed to do more cleaning and not work outside of the home in past generations. Jobs in more physical settings have been assigned to men based on a perceived need for masculine strength, i.e. working in a construction zone.

Some people are also uncomfortable with the gender role society places on them because of their sex. A boy who has a pink bike or who is taking ballet classes may deal with the same negative responses as a girl with very short hair or who plays with trucks.


INFLUENCES OF GENDER NORMS

This gender norms have affected most especially our day to day job and our relationship in our family. These factors are:

  1. EMPLOYMENT – From an early age, children have learned societal expectations regarding gender-appropriate occupations from different places: in their homes, in businesses, restaurants, from the media, and from their peers. For younger children, girls often have been defined as playing “house” or “teacher” while boys are expected to play “war” or “fire-fighter” or bread winner. Children are exposed to occupational options through books, television programs, social media, news reporting and their own parents choosing less gender-defined roles. These early introductions to careers set the groundwork for a way of thinking about future jobs. Traditional occupations for women once were perceived to include secretaries, housewives, teachers, waitresses and nurses while men were defined as police officers, construction workers, truck drivers, CEOs or factory workers. With changes in family makeup and media portrayal of traditional occupational choices, children are exposed to many different career choices that are less defined by gender. When children see their mothers doing more household chores than their fathers or household tasks gender-designated as female, that observation can form future gender role ideas.
  2. FAMILY RELATIONS – Women have traditionally been the caregivers of children as well as homemakers. Historically, they have done more housework, including laundry, washing dishes, cleaning and cooking but gender roles and tasks in the home are no longer defined strictly by gender. Movies, TV and other forms of media reinforce these traditional roles through characters but are becoming more reflective of balanced roles in the household. Women also often report spending more time with childcare and elderly parents resulting. Studies show that women are still completing more household tasks than men. Narrowing this very well have often be attributed hiring housekeepers or dry cleaning services as women at home.  Even with more women working outside of the home, equity in amount of and type of household tasks hasn’t changed.

THE EFFECTS OF GENDER NORMS

The most important effect after my research are just two. Based on my own personal research

  1. SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR – Women are traditionally considered to be more “gentle,” “passive,” “emotional,” “dependent,” “patient” and “communicative” than their male counterparts. Adjectives such as “tough,”  strong, “independent,” “powerful,” “inexpressive” and “straightforward” are used to describe men. With these cultural labels tied to gender expectations, cultural expectations then influence how people react to each other and how they view themselves based on those labels. If the gender labels are used in a positive way, the gender bias associated with them can be lessened or even removed. In a negative sense, some people can take this gender adjective labels so serious and it becomes the sole way people define themselves. For example, a woman who believes she is “dependent” may continue to be dependent for her entire life because she can’t see past the gender label. A woman who sees herself as strong and capable may also be more inclined to strive for advancement in the workplace. If a man is labelled as being sensitive or emotional, that may affect his life choices just as much as if he is labelled as a strong man.

  2. SELF-AWARENESS(SELF-ESTEEM) – Culture influences how men and women think about themselves within their gender role. Advertisements, movies and TV often depict the female as being promiscuous or vulnerable, a message that can influence how women view their body and their abilities. According to a study, around 30% of clothing that is marketed toward young girls is considered “sexualizing”. These expectations for physical beauty can have an effect on self-esteem or self-awareness and confidence of girls and women.

    Another aspect in which this self-awareness occur is the role of the children in the house-While female gender roles are often defined when children watch their mothers or sisters complete more household tasks or household tasks gender-designated as for women and  also affect  how men form their own gender role perceptions (watching their father showing authoritative roles at home). If a young boy grows up in a household with a masculine character which  put women as a subordinate roles, a child may grow up to reflect those same attitudes in their own relationships and behaviours. This gender norms is been past to the children and it continues like that.

WHAT ARE THE UNDERPINS (SUPPORT) OF GENDER NORMS AND PRACTICES?

After much research on this topic I was able to found three main factors that underpin norms and practices, they include:

  •  Son bias
  •  Ideologies of femininity
  •  Ideologies of masculinity

1.   SON BIAS

Son bias is a deep perceptions (rooted in culture and religion) of the relative roles and values of boys/men/males in the society. Son bias is often seen in some society where daughters are perceived as an economic drain on the family, because they will join another household/ or husband upon marriage. Son bias can also be compounded by the fact that economic opportunities are often gendered, so parents perceive that it is more worthwhile to invest in boys as they will bring better financial returns to the family. It can also contribute to parents regarding daughters as assets who can provide labour or bring in resources upon marriage, rather than as individuals with equal rights to their sons. Son bias manifests itself in a range of norms and practices that lead to negative outcomes for girls. These negative outcomes include;

  • unequal access to education (because parents regard boys education as a better investment or boys as more deserving of education)
  • a greater burden of household duties (with girls typically working longer hours and having less leisure time than boys)
  • lower aspirations for girls futures on the part of parents
  • Limited opportunities for girls to influence household decision making
  • For married girls, son bias can mean pressure to continue childbearing until a son is born( this affect mostly the kingship throne)

2. IDEOLOGIES AND NORMS OF FEMININITY (THROUGH GIRLHOOD AND WOMANHOOD)/ IDEOLOGIES OF FEMININITY


This is another gender ideologies, values and norms that are related to girlhood and the transition to womanhood. These values translate into commonly accepted roles and standards of behaviuor in the society. For example, girls are expected to do more of household labour. This serves two purposes: helping households run smoothly, and training the girl so she has the skills she will need as a wife and a mother.

In Africa especially girls are expected to serve food to the men in their family and any visiting guests. Working hard is a defining feature of what it is to be a good girl or woman or wife. In some society in Africa, sexual maturity (the onset of menstruation and developing breasts) signaled the end of a girls childhood and the start of womanhood, and therefore her readiness to assume adult responsibilities and behave as an adult woman.  In some society, chastity and virginity at marriage were considered important elements in a girls personal and family honour. These norms severely limit girls freedom of movement outside the home: girls feel they must avoid being seen in situations where they could be accused of unchaste behaviour, or where they would be at risk of sexual harassment.

Limits on girls mobility and the high value placed on virginity before marriage in some cultures affect girls access to education. Parents can be reluctant to send girls to mixed schools where they can form relationships with boys, or fear they may interact with (or be harassed by) boys and men while travelling to and from school. This cluster of values and norms contributes to the persistence of child marriage in some areas.  Theses norms and practice has limited girls opportunities for education.

Furthermore is has led to more health problems among these child girl (for example, the likelihood of early pregnancy and repeated pregnancy where there is son bias). Finally it has  also undermine/ underestimate  girls ability to express their own opinions, make decisions  their capacity to make decisions based on their own will, and act on them.

3. IDEOLOGIES AND NORMS OF MASCULINITY (FROM BOYHOOD TO MANHOOD)/ IDEOLOGIES OF MASCULINITY


Traditional or idealized norms of masculinity were often defined in opposition to norms of femininity. So, for example, in all countries, good men were expected to be breadwinners, and boys were expected to learn skills or study hard so that they could fulfil this role in future; with this role as family provider came the expectation that a man would be the head of the household and be the ultimate decision-maker, with women and children deferring to him. Girls, by contrast, were typically expected to earn some income but this was secondary to their main role as mother and home-maker.

In some society adolescent boys workloads are generally lower and they typically have greater freedom than girls to meet with friends outside the home and to move around their communities independently. As they do so, they are further exposed to norms of masculinity modelled by adult men and by their peers.

Norms of masculinity include being virile (interpreted in different contexts as freedom to have more than one sexual partner, and fathering many children, particularly sons). In some society, norms of masculinity condone physical violence against women and girls in certain circumstances, and particularly once a girl is married.

10 POWERFUL QUOTES ABOUT GENDER NORM AND ROLES

Here are some thought-provoking gender role quotes i need to share with you. They include :

  1. ” You are you and just because you have a different way of thinking doesn’t mean you are a certain type of person. Everybody is not made for everyone and that’s perfectly fine. Acceptance is key and when you are firm in who are you there is nothing no one can say that can change it. I had several friends who were atheist and because we didn’t try to change each other the friendship worked. No arguments, we could have conversations without screaming or yelling, and even our families were cordial to each other. Once you are comfortable in your own skin nothing can penetrate it “-Kogwuonye patrick onyeka

  2. ” I hate being subjected to particular assault or being grouped as “women and children” while there are lots of things that show that I have quality features to make me valuable as a strong individual, not being grouped as  weak because I’m female. Maybe physically, intellectually, etc. ” – Fiona Achieng’ Omollo

  3. ” Teach her that the idea of ‘gender roles’ is absolute nonsense. Do not ever tell her that she should or should not do something because she is a girl. ‘Because you are a girl’ is never reason for anything. Ever. ” – Feminist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

  4. ” In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman. ” -Margaret Thatcher

  5. “Women have a much better time than men in this world; there are far more things forbidden to them”-  Oscar Wilde

  6. ” I have not lived as a woman. I have lived as a man. I’ve just done what I damn well wanted to, and I’ve made enough money to support myself, and ain’t afraid of being alone.” -Katharine Hepburn

  7. ” Girls can be athletic. Guys can have feelings. Girls can be smart. Guys can be creative. And vice versa. Gender is specific only to your reproductive organs (and sometimes not even to those), not your interest, likes, dislikes, goals, and ambitions. “- Connor Franta

  8. ” Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short and wear shirts and boots because it’s okay to be a boy; for girls it’s like promotion. But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading, according to you, because secretly you believe that being a girl is degrading.” – Ian McEwan

  9. ” When women’s sexuality is imagined to be passive or “dirty,” it also means that men’s sexuality is automatically positioned as aggressive and right-no matter what form it takes. And when one of the conditions of masculinity, a concept that is already so fragile in men’s minds, is that men dissociate from women and prove their manliness through aggression, we’re encouraging a culture of violence and sexuality that’s detrimental to both men and women.”-  Jessica Valenti

  10. ” The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.”-  Matthew Henry

I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.


1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?

2. What was you own experience  of  being a man or a women in a gendered norm/role society?


3. Do you agree the the society perception about gender norm designated to male and female is wrong or right?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

Credited to :

1. Women who fight very much to be self independent and to all feminist.

2. To my father and mother ( MR &MRS KOGWUONYE) who inculcated in me the idea of rejecting gender norms and live as a full person.

A  VIEW ON KINDNESS: MEANING, BENEFITS, PRACTISE AND INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES

 

MEANING

According to Wikipedia: Kindness is a behaviour marked by ethical characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and concern and consideration for others. It is considered a virtue, and is recognized as a value in many cultures and religions.

Kindness is a trait many people consider key to being a good person, but it can be taken for granted. The importance of being kind often becomes clearer when we experience kindness from another person. Being treated with kindness can improve a persons mood. In addition, treating others with kindness may increase happiness and self-esteem in the person doing the action.

BENEFITS OF PRACTICING KINDNESS/ THE POWER AND BENEFITS OF DOING GOOD DEEDS FOR OTHER PEOPLE

Kindness is one of those happiness paradoxes, whereby we become happier by making other people happier.Think back to the last time someone was kind to you. How did it make you feel? Now think about when you were kind to someone else. Remember how you felt in both situations.

 The beauty of kindness is that it feels just as good to receive it as it does to practice it. According to a new study, practicing kindness is tied to your overall well-being. In other words, being kind is just as beneficial for you as it is for the other person. Kindness is the gift that keeps on giving.

That is why almost every religion and culture values and rewards the performance of good deeds or kindness. There are many benefits to doing or displaying kindness. I am sure you are already a very generous person. I hope that I can give you even more reasons to do even more good deeds than you currently do. But for now, read on to see what benefits you can expect as you cultivate kindness:

Here are 17 benefits of practicing kindness:

    1. Increases happiness
    2. Boosts energy
    3. Reduces anxiety and depression
    4. Lowers blood pressure
    5. Reduces pain
    6. Promotes longevity
    7. Help someone
    8. Help yourself
    9. Meet someone
    10. Go to heaven
    11. Improve Society
    12. Show values
    13. Teach by example
    14. Make the world a better place
    15. Better relationship
    16. Better health
    17. Better performance

 

    1.  HAPPINESS – When it comes to kindness and happiness, there is a positive feedback loop. Researchers found people in general felt happier when they were asked to remember a time they bought something for someone else even happier than when they remembered buying something for themselves. This happiness boost was the same regardless of whether the gift cost $20 or $100. A 2001 study found that regular volunteering increases happiness, life satisfaction, self-esteem, and sense of control over life. And it works for young and old folks. Again those who tutor children have more positive attitudes toward the self, others, their education, and the future; and elderly people who volunteer are more satisfied with life.

    2. BOOSTS ENERGY – Researchers found about half of participants in one study reported that they feel stronger and more energetic after helping others; many also reported feeling calmer and less depressed, with increased feelings of self-worth.

    3. REDUCES ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION – In one study, people with high levels of anxiety who performed at least six acts of kindness each week. At the end, each participants showed an improved mood, increased relationship satisfaction and a decrease in social avoidance. When we give of ourselves, especially if we start young, everything from life satisfaction to self-realization and physical health is significantly improved. Mortality is delayed. Depression is reduced. Well-being and good fortune are increased.

    4. LOWERS BLOOD PRESSURE – Did you know acts of kindness can also protect your heart explained by medical doctors, that practicing kindness produces oxytocin, a hormone that releases nitric oxide, which expands blood vessels  and as a result, lowers blood pressure.

 

    1. REDUCES PAIN – When you practice kindness, endorphins  the body’s natural painkillers – are released in your brain. There’s a reason they call it the helpers high. Being kind does, in fact, feel good. Researchers at the National Institutes of Health found the same area of the brain that is activated in response to food or sex (namely, pleasure) lit up when the participants in the study thought about giving money to a charity.

    2. PROMOTES LONGEVITY – People who volunteer tend to experience fewer aches and pains. Giving help to others protects overall health twice as much as aspirin protects against heart disease. Even more fascinating, people 55 and older who volunteer for two or more organizations have an impressive 44% lower likelihood of dying early, and thats after sorting out every other contributing factor, including physical health, exercise, gender, habits like smoking, marital status and many more.

    3. HELP SOMEONE – When you do a good deed, you are, of course, helping someone. The homeless person in the photos now has food to eat, no shelter or place to sleep. The person who is the receiver of a good deed or random act of kindness has gotten some help. However, he received more than just a meal or two. In addition to getting food, he also received the message that he is important and worth helping. This good deed warms his heart as well as fills his stomach.

    4. HELP YOURSELF – Besides helping someone, doing a good deed warms your own heart and makes you feel good. Helping others gives you a new perspective and keeps you from focusing on your own problems. By focusing on someone other than yourself, you are reminded that you are not the only one in the world that has problems. In fact, it is possible that there are many people out there whose problems are much worse than yours.

    5. MEET SOMEONE –  “A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love – Saint Basil .                Showing kindness is another of meeting someone and gets a whole new perspective in life. When we help others, we expand the number of our contacts, and hopefully get to know how people from different walks of life live. Our worldview is expanded, and our perspective changes. Also, the chance encounter can blossom into a friendship or a relationship, which may never have happened if we didn’t look outside of our own social circle.

    6. GO TO HEAVEN – There are some religions that believe that you must be a good person in order to get to heaven. This means you have to perform good deeds regularly. Whether you tithe to your religious organization or give alms to the poor, doing good deeds is a way to get to heaven for these religions. For religions that believe in reincarnation, doing good deeds is a great way to earn some karma, in hopes of getting a more positive form in the next life.

    7. IMPROVE SOCIETY  – In the movie, PAY IT FORWARD , a child came up with the idea to help three people without accepting anything in return. He would ask the recipient to pay the favour forward to three other people. These three people, in turn, would also help three other people and ask them to pay it forward. When groups of people help each other, it is bound to help society as a whole. When there is a natural disaster, imagine how much faster the recovery would be if people helped each other instead of looting and looking out for their own self-interest.

    8. SHOW VALUES – When you perform a good deed, there is a possibility that someone may have seen you, or may have been told about your good deed. You develop a reputation as a good moral person. Sometimes some of your other flaws are wiped out by the good deeds that you perform. When you share your money, talents, or time with others, you may find that the rewards are so great, that you will share even more. You will be naturally become a more giving, caring, sharing and honourable person.

    9. TEACH BY EXAMPLE – In addition, your good deeds may influence your children and other people in your community to follow suit and do the same or similar kind of giving that you do. Without having to lecture or cajole or compel others, simply by doing, you influence and lead others by your example. When you participate in a community activity, or simply help someone in need, others will see or hear about your actions and be motivated to do the same.

 

  1. MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE – When you donate your time, skills, or money, you are generally doing it to make something better. Whether you help build a house, or provide library books or a school to children, or help fund research for a disease, the world is becoming a slightly better place with each donation. As you become generous, you feel powerful and work happier. You see the world in a more positive way. As you notice the plight of others, your perspective shifts and you don’t look upon your own problems as much. The little things can be ignored, because you realize how little they truly are. Even though the world didn’t really change, your perspective causes you to look at it in a better light. But it can go even farther than that. You can lead by example to help the world become a better place that values generosity and sharing. By encouraging others to PAY IT FORWARD, you can truly feel some comfort in knowing that when you ever need help, there is a good chance that there will be someone there to help you in your time of need. This allows you to take reasonable chances and walk in the world unafraid.

  2. BETTER RELATIONSHIPS – When were kind, we show someone that they mean something to us. Even if they are a stranger, were saying: your life matters. That kind of attention is special: it will usually induce gratitude, and we know all the benefits that gratitude has on relationships. In a hectic world, even a kind word or a small gesture can snap us out of a bad mood, brighten our day, and bring us closer to the giver. The kindness of strangers can be even more moving, since its so unexpected. A study shows that kindness is more attractive than good looks. It seems people are listening to the typical dating advice: you can tell how a man will treat you by the way he treats the waiter. One reason kindness is good for relationships is that kind people are more empathic. This skill is a key in relationships, where feeling seen and understood is part of the glue holding people together.

  3. BETTER HEALTH – Kindness can also be a route to better health and longer life. Kindness strengthens our immune system, reduces aches and pains, improves our cardiovascular profile, and boosts energy and strength in elderly people. In a 2006 study, the most loving and kind couples were shown to have the lowest levels of atherosclerosis (clogging of the arteries). Various studies in the past 15 years have shown that regular volunteers have better health and (among the elderly and those with HIV/AIDS) a lower mortality rate. So how often should we be out volunteering? Among older people ages 64-68, some studies found that we get the greatest health benefits from volunteering about 2-4 hours a week.

  4. BETTER PERFORMANCE – Finally, there’s some evidence that kind people actually perform better. Studies shows that teachers who tutor 4th and 5th graders improve in their math, reading, and sentence completion skills. Another study, found that high school students who are assigned to volunteer work had fewer teen pregnancies, fewer suspensions, and better grades at school. In the wake of the 2004 tsunami, companies that donated to relief efforts saw an unexpected increase in their stock price, with bigger increases for higher donations.

WHY KINDNESS IS GOOD

Each act of kindness might seem small, but its actually changing the way we see ourselves, the way we see others, and the way others see us.

As our kind actions affect the lives of others, we feel more compassionate, confident, useful, and in control. At the same time, we may also feel less guilty or distressed at the problems in our neighbourhood and our world because were doing our part to make a difference. In our normal lives, we may find ourselves feeling more grateful for what we have, and optimistic about the future.

In turn, kindness we make you

  • more trusted, 
  • more likable and
  • more worthy of helping others and ourselves

There are so many reasons to do good deeds that go way beyond simply helping the recipient of the deed. You may question your own motivation if you are giving for these reasons instead of giving simply for the sake of giving.

SIMPLE WAYS YOU CAN PRACTICE KINDNESS EVERY DAY

They are many ways to practise kindness. For the sake of my readers and viewers I was able to bring out about 10 of them for simplicity of this articles.

  1. Smile
  2. Give up your seat on the train to someone standing
  3. Tell your loved ones how much you care
  4. Forgive the driver with road rage
  5. Give your coworker a genuine compliment
  6. Practice active listening when someone is talking to you
  7. Say thank you more often
  8. Hold the door open
  9. Put some coins in someone else’s parking meter
  10. Leave someone a surprise sticky note
    1. SMILE – Even something as simple as a smile can make someone day. Did you know the simple act of smiling releases endorphins and feel good chemicals that are scientifically proven to reduce pain and elevate our happy mood.

    2. GIVE UP YOUR SEAT ON THE TRAIN TO SOMEONE STANDING – Whether its an elderly person or the woman in high heels who has been standing for 20 minutes, choose to be kind and offer your seat to someone in need.

    3. TELL YOUR LOVED ONES HOW MUCH YOU CARE Even when we know someone loves us, its always nice to hear it. Take a minute to send your loved ones a sweet text that shows you’re thinking about them.

    4. FORGIVE THE DRIVER WITH ROAD RAGE – Instead of taking it personally and responding to anger with anger, choose to be kind. Let it go. Chances are that person is having a bad day and could use a little kindness and compassion.

    5. GIVE YOUR COWORKER A GENUINE COMPLIMENT –  Surprise your coworker with a compliment, and make sure it comes from the heart. What makes this person unique? What qualities do you admire about them? Try to make the compliment more meaningful. For example, I can tell how hard you worked on that presentation. You had a lot of great ideas. You are acknowledging both their hard work and creativity.

 

  1. PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING WHEN SOMEONE IS TALKING TO YOU – Are you a good listener? Many of us think that we are listening, when, the truth is we are planning what to say next, eager for our turn to speak. Active listening means focusing entirely on what the other person is saying, processing it and coming up with a thoughtful response. We all want to be heard and understood. Practice kindness by giving someone the gift of truly listening.

  2. SAY THANK YOU MORE OFTEN – Expressing appreciation is an easy way to show kindness. Whether its your spouse or your coworker, saying thank you can strengthen your relationships.

  3. HOLD THE DOOR OPEN – Always glance behind you. It could be holding the door for someone rushing to get on to the train, or another tenant in your building with arms full of groceries/food stuff  whoever it may be, holding the door open is a simple, kind gesture that everyone appreciates.

  4. PUT SOME COINS/MONEY IN THE CHARITY BOX AT SUPER MARKET OR MALL – Random acts of kindness don’t always need to be seen. The kindest gestures are the often the ones you do when nobody is watching.

 

  • LEAVE SOMEONE A SURPRISE STICKY NOTE – Get creative. Write something funny, inspirational or complimentary. Who wouldn’t love a thoughtful surprise like that?

 

Other ways of practising simple kindness include;

    • share some food
    • mow the lawn
    • babysit
    • pay a bill for someone
    • give a hug
    • make a phone call
    • open the door
    • carry a heavy package for someone
    • share your umbrella
    • clean up a neighbour surrounding
    • give a motivational  massage
    • teach
    • volunteer
    • make the coffee

 

10 QUOTES ABOUT THE POWER OF KINDNESS

The following quotes highlight the impact kindness and compassion may have. While the idea of kindness may seem as a threat to some, its effects when in action can be quite powerful.

    1. “Ah, kindness. What a simple way to tell another struggling soul that there is love to be found in the world.” -Alison Malee

 

    1. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. -Amelia Earhart

    2. “It takes many good deeds to build a good reputation, and only one bad one to lose it. -Benjamin Franklin

    3. Kind words, kind looks, kind acts, and warm handshakes-these are means of grace when men in trouble are fighting unseen battles. -John Hall

 

    1. “Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.” -Albert Schweitzer

    2. “Your acts of kindness are iridescent wings of divine love, which linger and continue to uplift others long after your sharing.” -Rumi

 

  1. “Things could change so entirely, in a heartbeat; the world could be made entirely anew, because someone was kind.” -Jo Baker

  2. One kind word can change someones entire day. -Unknown

  3. “Every act of kindness is a piece of love we leave behind.” -Paul Williams

  4. “Kindness is more than deeds. It is an attitude, an expression, a look, a touch. It is anything that lifts another person.” -Plato

In the end though, no matter what reasons you choose for giving, you should continue to give. Your contribution, no matter what the intention is behind it, will still help make you a better person and the world a better place.

I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.

  1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?

  2. What was you own experience  of  being kind ?
  3. Can you give me example of your own definition of being kind?

  4. After showing such kindness where you happy within you or sad. If yes/no give reasons.

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

PATRICK VIEW- THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING

THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING

What is positive thinking?

Positive thinking is a mental attitude in which you expect good and favorable results. In other words, positive thinking is the process of creating thoughts that create and transform energy into reality. A positive mind waits for happiness, health and a happy ending in any situation.

HOW YOU APPLY POSITIVE THINKING ?

Changing everything you’ve learned in a life is not easy, imposing a positive thinking starting today will attract positive things in your life. To change these negative patterns I recommend these exercises and practices. For me personally these are what I practice towards having a positive thinking. The list are;

  1. Use positive words when talking.
  2. Remove all the feelings that are not positive!
  3. Use words that evoke strength and success
  4. Practice positive affirmations
  5. Redirect your thoughts
  6. Start thinking you will succeed
  7. Analyze what went wrong.
  8. Forgive yourself
  9. Think of a failure as an opportunity.
    1. USE POSITIVE WORDS WHEN TALKING –If you constantly say “I cannot” you could convince yourself that it’s true. Replace negative words with positive ones. Tell yourself that you do everything possible to have a happy relationship, tell yourself that you do everything possible to have a brilliant career, tell yourself that you do everything possible to keep you in shape.
    2. REMOVE ALL THE FEELINGS THAT ARE NOT POSITIVE – Do not let negative thoughts and feelings conquer when you have a bad mood. Even if for a few hours a day, remove negativity and focus on the positive things in your life.
    3. USE WORDS THAT EVOKE STRENGTH AND SUCCESS – Fill your thoughts with words that make you feel strong, happy, having control over your life. Make an effort to focus on these words rather than the ones that suggest failure or incompetence.

 

    1. PRACTICE POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS – One of the most common exercises for a positive thinking is positive affirmation. What does that mean? Start repeating a positive phrase like “I deserve to be happy” or “I deserve to be loved ”  Believing that these statements are true and repeating them always will impose a more positive opinion about your life.
    2. REDIRECT YOUR THOUGHTS – This method used by psychotherapists helps you control your thoughts when you start to feel negative emotions like depression or anxiety. How can you do that? When you feel such emotion taking hold on you start generating a happy mind, a positive image, something that makes you feel better to keep your negative feelings under control.
    3. START THINKING YOU WILL SUCCEED – Nothing compares with self confidence that creates a successful reality. Put your doubts aside and believe that you will succeed in meeting the objectives.

 

    1. ANALYZE WHAT WENT WRONG – Positive thinking is not about denying that nothing can go wrong. Instead take the time to see what went wrong and what led to the current situation in order to avoid future mistakes and look forward more positive.
    2. FORGIVE YOURSELF – Always arguing for things that went wrong will not change anything. Tell yourself you are forgiven and it allow you to move on.
    3. THINK OF A FAILURE AS AN OPPORTUNITY Sometimes the most negative things in our lives give us opportunities that we may not have seen otherwise. For example losing your job can be a good opportunity to open your own business or head for a better well paid job than the former.

 

 ADVANTAGES OF BEING POSITIVE AND POSITIVE IN OUR THINKING

Over the years I’ve done a lot of research on the positive effects of being positive and the negative effects of being negative. The research is clear. It really does pay to be positive and the advantages include;

  • enhanced health and longevity
  • happiness
  • career advancement
  • team building
  • Financial success

Being positive is not just a nice way to live. It’s the way to live.  Here are my own personal research on 10 advantages of being positive.

    1. Positive People Live Longer – In a study of nuns, those that regularly expressed positive emotions lived on average 10 years longer. (The Nun Study)
    2. Positive people who regularly express positive emotions are more resilient when facing stress, challenges and adversity. (Several Studies)
    3. Positive thoughts and emotions counter the negative effects of stress. For example, you can’t be thankful and stressed at the same time. (Several Studies)
    4. Positive and popular leaders are more likely to garner the support of others and receive pay raises and promotions and achieve greater success in the workplace. (Several Studies)
    5. Positive people have more friends which is a key factor of happiness and longevity.
    6. Positive work environments outperform negative work environments
    7. Positive, optimistic sales people sell more than pessimistic sales people.
    8. Positive leaders are able to make better decisions under pressure.
    9. Positive people are able to maintain a broader perspective and see the big picture which helps them identify solutions whereas negative people maintain a narrower perspective and tend to focus on problems.
    10. Positive emotions such as gratitude and appreciation help athletes perform at a higher level.

 

 TRAINING YOUR MIND FOR POSITIVE THINKING

Over the years I’ve done a lot of research on the positive thinking, I have being able to bring out 6 ways I train my mind on positive thinking.

  1. Meditate
  2. Be Thankful
  3. Be Kind
  4. Take Time for Yourself
  5. Stress less / avoid stress
  6. Talk  to Yourself
  1. MEDITATE 

    Meditating might just be the best way to clear negativity from your life and bring about emotional and physical recovery. Meditation rejuvenates the mind, it get rids the body of harmful chemicals that cause stress and anxiety. Think of it this way: if your mind is wired to be miserable, meditation would be the reset button that allows you to unplug, switch off, and tune out. Then, you can easily learn, through meditation, to turn your brain back on and tune into positive thinking frequencies. After this, you’ll be left with a clean slate and a refreshed perspective.  

  2. BE THANKFUL 

    Research studies have proven that gratitude makes us happier. Gratitude or be thankful invokes the law of attraction. Remember, like attracts like. If you make an effort to be grateful, you will find that you will be blessed with more things to be grateful for. A fantastic way to practice gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal. Every night before you to go to sleep, list everything you were grateful for throughout the day. Over time, you will see your lists become much longer! Having a gratitude attitude is really using the power of positive thinking to its highest degree.

  3. BE KIND –

    Kindness has also been proven to make us happier and less stressed. Studies have also proven, time and time again, that kindness is attract a lot of favour. If someone is kind to you, you will be inspired to pay it forward, and the person who receives your kindness will feel the same, so on and so forth.Kindness also inspires gratitude and makes us more inclined to be grateful, so if you are truly struggling with positive thinking and finding something to be thankful for, do a good deed for someone else — you will notice immediately how great it makes you feel. Positive thoughts with kindness.

  4. TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF –

    If you plan certain days or times just for pure pleasure, you will begin to look forward to those moments and the thought about it is already a positive thinking. Are you setting time aside to focus on your hobbies and passions? Again, remember the law of attraction — like attracts like.

  5. STRESS LESS / AVOID STRESS –

    Stress is usually the sole cause of everything that goes wrong in our lives, and as with emotional distress, it is usually self- inflicted. Imagine stress as fire, and all other negative and unhealthy conditions such as sadness, anger, sleeplessness, depression, anxiety, and addiction as the smoke. If you work too hard, you will be unhealthy. If you sleep too little, you will be exhausted. So why not get rid yourself of most negativity by just choosing to relax and avoiding any stressful activities. Drink plenty of water, eat balanced meals, exercise, meditate, and enforce a rigid sleep routine on yourself. When stress leaves your body, your cells regenerate more efficiently. Less stress is literally more healing. Positive thoughts with self-love.

  6. TALK TO YOURSELF –

    Tell yourself at least once a day that you are beautiful, talented, or just plain awesome. Do this for a while and you will come to believe it. For example, the next time something goes wrong, instead of telling yourself “This is bad,” instead say stuff like this, “I can handle this” or “I will be okay.”  Be your biggest fan!!!! What you tell yourself, you will believe.


POWERFUL POSITIVE THINKING QUOTES

 If you’re having trouble coming up with positive thinking or you just like to hear a different perspective on positive thinking, you might find some quotes helpful. These quotes are gotten from popular people around the world. The list are;

    1. Norman Cousins: “Optimism doesn’t wait on facts. It deals with prospects.”

    2. Noam Chomsky: “Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so.”

    3. Harvey Mackay: “An optimist understands that life can be a bumpy road, but at least it is leading somewhere. They learn from mistakes and failures, and are not afraid to fail again. ”

    1. John Wooden:“Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.”

    2. Robert H. Schuller: “Optimism refuses to believe that the road ends without options.”

    1. Wayne W. Dyer: “What is hope but a feeling of optimism, a thought that says things will improve, it won’t always be bleak [and] there’s a way to rise above the present circumstances.”

    2. Winston Churchill: “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

    3. Martin Luther: “Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.”

    1. Norman Vincent Peale: “Change your thoughts and you can change your world.”

    1. Alice Walker : “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”

    2. Rachel Hollis : “You, and only you, are ultimately responsible for who you become and how happy you are.”

  1. Mary Engelbreit: “If you don’t like something, change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.”

  2. Benjamin Disraeli: “Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think.”

  3. William James: “Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.”

  4. Joseph Campbell: “Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.”




I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.


1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?

2. What are your way of having a positive thoughts?


3. Can you give me example of your own definition of positive thinking?


4. Do you think in a positive direction in your way of life? 



Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

HOW TO BE PERFECT IN EVERYTHING YOU DO

 

But even in our regular lives, knowing how to be perfect can help a lot. After all, perfection leads to success and a lot of happy moments too. Being perfect is a trait that we’re not born with. It’s something that we learn and understand along this journey of life.

We want perfection in everything around us, yet most of us ignore it in our own lives.

Do you want to know how to be perfect? Want to know how you can achieve your goals and lead/live a better life?

Well, it all starts when you understand about perfection and how to achieve it.

Want to know how to be perfect? All it takes is just 10 little steps in the right direction to attain perfection the easy way, one step at a time. Perfection is what all of us want.

Read these 10 steps and sincerely use them in your daily life. You’ll see the magical effects of perfection in no time.

  1. LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES

When we achieve something, it’s called success. When you fail at something, we call it an experience. An experience isn’t a bad thing. After all, it teaches you about life and trains your mind for bigger dangers. Value your experiences and remember them. Learn from your mistakes and use those lessons to see better results the next time around.

  1. LEARN FROM OTHER’S MISTAKES

While mistakes and experiences can be a blessing in disguise, it’s not a pleasant feeling to fall into the pits along every step of the way just to notch up a few more experiences. At times, if you want to be perfect, you have to watch others and learn from their mistakes too. Read autobiographies of your role models, watch your enemies and friends, and learn from their hurdles and mistakes.

  1. BE NOBLE IN YOUR EFFORTS

There is no easy way to success. Well, unless you’re lucky. If you’re not dating lady luck or guy luck, learn to persevere. And most importantly, be genuine in your efforts, be it to please a partner or earn more money. Most people spend all their lives looking for the easy way out, and they fail miserably. If you truly want to earn respect and achieve perfection and greatness, learn to be noble and genuine in your pursuits.

  1. BE PREPARED, ALWAYS

You don’t want to get in trouble with your boss/teacher for not having your supplies, or run into a problem because you didn’t bring something you really needed! Throughout the day, make checklists for what you want to remember to keep you in check about what you need to do. Also, always keep a tab on your supplies! That way, you can make a note on what you need to buy.

  1. DON’T PROCRASTINATE

As Benjamin Franklin said, don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Just try your best every day, make small and big goals and keep track of them. Do it for yourself, and be realistic! You are worth it. You can feel perfect.

  1. TRY TO GET INSPIRED BY OTHER PERFECT PEOPLE

If there are people around you who may seem perfect for you, try to get inspired by them by observing their way of working, making decisions, attitudes and their habits and behaviors, this will keep you motivated to be like them and attain your own perfection.

  1. OUT ALL YOUR EFFORT ON EACH TASK YOU DO

You must think of each task you do as the most important thing in your life, put all your efforts into it and don’t even think about failing, if you convince yourself that the world is going to end if you don’t succeed this task you will naturally become perfect in everything you do.

  1. MAKE A SCHEDULE

Fill out school, work, the days homework or work assignments are due, appointments, meetings, and time with friends or family. Don’t overbook yourself! You shouldn’t spend all of your time alone, but it’s perfectly okay to have some “me time”, too.

Post the schedule on the fridge, or your bedroom door, or just keep it to yourself in a purse or backpack. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when you have to mentally keep track of all your plans. So don’t! Just jot it down once you think of it. It doesn’t take much time.You’ll become more organised and you’ll have less stress.

  1. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

Eat healthily and exercise regularly, but remember that it’s not about being super skinny or fit, it’s about being healthy. Bathe daily. Brush your teeth twice a day, and floss to have good teeth. Wash your face every morning and night to prevent breakouts. Get your hair trimmed regularly, and clip or file your nails to keep them healthy. Wear clothing that makes you look good. It doesn’t matter if you’re not seeing anybody else today or if you’re seeing everybody. Wear what you feel the best in.

These are mine little way of being healthy:

  • Pick out the clothes you will wear the next day before you go to bed. It’ll help you feel better when you wake up. It gives you a little present from yourself to wake up to! Bonus points if the clothes are clean and ironed.
  • Clean your room-Start with just making your bed every day or just a quick laundry pick-up, even if you just do it quickly as you walk in or just before you walk out! It’s refreshing to have your own space that you actually get excited to look at.
  1. DON’T BE DISTRACTED

This is one of the biggest hurdles when a person tries to be perfect, be in their work lives, their relationships or in their ambitions. There’s a little law about distraction too, the closer you are to finishing something, the more the chances of getting distracted. The closer you are to your goal, the more you tend to take things easy, because well, you’re almost there already. But it’s these little distractions that can delay your rewards all the time. When you’re focused on something, don’t be distracted. You’ll save several hours every day just by using this one tip!

I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.


1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?

 

2. What was you own experience  of  being perfect?

3. Can you give me example of your own definition of being perfect?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

PATRICK VIEW: A SPECIAL FRIEND AND THEIR QUALITIES

 

Everybody has that special person they call they special friend who is always around to talk and chat with.

From my views, i was able to note some specific things i found in that my special friend.

Here goes an analogy about that special person i call my special friend.

*******************************

Last time you were here we felt a different atmosphere couldn’t recover from the feeling of your smile.

Then I watched out for you the next Sunday, I Prayed Monday to Saturday that I may see that beautiful smile in you.

Then today, so anxious as I ponder in my heart about you. If only I could see your smile and your face i feel at ease. I looked up aimlessly into the clouds. A call might have at least confirmed my doubt

Then I saw you being ushered in like a royalty and coming toward me.How I jumped and screamed in my mind “My special friend is coming”.

It is fun , just when you’re here everything changes for good.

It is fun when we shout, sing, scream and rejoice together.

It is fun, when we talked about life and prosperity

It is fun My friend, just when you’re here i feel ease and i feel like talking to you all through.

**************************************

Here are some pictures related quotes  that shows some analogy of that trustworthy, honest, and loyal special friend.

1. “The greatest gift of life is friendship, and I have received it.” – Hubert H. Humphrey

2. “A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.” – Elbert Hubbard

3. “My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.” – Henry Ford

4. “The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.” – Henry David Thoreau

5. “True friends are those rare people who come to find you in dark places and lead you back to the light.”

6. “Friends are the siblings God never gave us.” – Mencius

7. “Friendship isn’t about who you’ve known the longest. It’s about who walked into your life, said “I’m here for you”, and proved it.”

8.   “I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.” – Helen Keller

9.  “F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Fight for you. Respect you. Include you. Encourage you. Need you. Deserve you. Stand by you.”

10. “Friendship is the source of the greatest pleasures, and without friends even the most agreeable pursuits become tedious.” – Thomas Aquinas

With the above pictures related quote am able to cover some areas why you have that special friend.

QUALITIES OF A SPECIAL FRIEND


What is the key to maintaining quality relationships, especially in today’s hurried world?


After years of personal research on the topic of friendship, I have discovered a pattern of qualities that we can follow to keep a good friendship/relationship.

Here are the top 5 friendship ingredients that have surfaced over the years. I encourage you to consider these qualities in light of your current friendship and relationship.


1. They are loyal.

2. Always a positive person.

3. They  Build on common interests.

4. They are  open, honest, and real.

5. They are giver, not a taker




1. THEY ARE LOYAL

Loyalty is an essential quality in any close relationship. It’s a strong assurance of another person.  Whether it be in work, business, family, friendship or a relationship, loyalty builds from specific characteristics.

HERE ARE 5 WAYS TO RECOGNIZE A TRULY LOYAL RELATIONSHIP/FRIENDSHIP –


 a. A LOYAL RELATIONSHIP IS SUPPORTIVE

A loyal person will reach out to you when you need them.  They care enough to stay aware, and take action when they know you need a pick-me-up, or just a little reminder to stay on track.


b. A LOYAL RELATIONSHIP IS RESPECTFUL


A loyal person will be respectful of you away from your presence. They will decline the opportunity to spread gossip, and may even deliver a serious message, sharing their opinion of gossiping with the people doing it.


c. A LOYAL RELATIONSHIP IS TRUSTWORTHY

A loyal person will share their honest opinion (even if it’s not always what you want to hear).  Sometimes, they want to share their experience with you, hoping that it will give you insight and help you follow your best path. In a relationship, a loyal person loves you (and only you) fully and completely.

d. A LOYAL RELATIONSHIP IS SINCERE

A truly loyal person is always sincere. They show very subtle, yet powerful signs that they care. You’ll find that they are faithful in a way that they show up during the good times and the bad times. Loyal people are supportive (even loving) for no other reason than that they care.


e. LOYAL RELATIONSHIP HAS INTEGRITY

When one does what is right by their own personal values and morals, and is also supported by societal norms, that’s integrity. They are kind. They properly care for themselves and others around them. In fact, they are known for it.

When a person with high integrity makes a mistake they will apologize, and you’ll find they generally won’t repeat it. It’s important to them to uphold their good character and moral righteousness.

2. ALWAYS A POSITIVE PERSON



According to Cambridge dictionary –  the word positive means

full of hope and confidence, or giving cause for hope and confidence

So, here are a few of the traits I believe a positive friend embodies more often than not.  A positive Friend:

a. Forgives easily.

b. Is thankful for all blessings, big and small.

c. Is optimistic and expects good things will happen.

d. Avoids complaining and gossiping.

e. Smiles, hugs and laughs with anyone, even strangers.

f. Tolerant and accepts people for who they are.

g. Helps others and gives back.



h. Spreads joy intentionally.

i. Accepts his or her mistakes, and is comfortable saying “I’m sorry.”

j. Has fun every day.


3. THEY BUILD ON COMMON INTEREST

Common – Interest friends are friends that a person has and keeps in contact with because of a shared interest, hobby, activity, club, etc. In some ways, a common interest friend is similar to a teammate: you interact with that person frequently due to practice and game schedules, and you are likely cordial to each other.

Here are some qualities to note about if you have a friend that share common interest:

a. You’re both present.


b. You truly want the best for each other.


c. You can laugh with each other — over the silliest things.


c. You’re willing to answer each other’s calls any time, day or night.


d. You’re honest enough to call each other out.


e. You can pick up exactly where you left off even after a long absence.

4. THEY ARE OPEN , HONEST AND REAL

With this in mind, I recently asked on Facebook, “What does it mean to be a and honest friend?”

I pool in to different groups on Facebook who share my same idea of the questions.


I compiled some of the ideas that I saw in the comments of some people in the groups. So I accepted ten strongly ease. 


Here’s what uniqueresearching was able to bring out:


1. Always be there, even in silence. (Nerrisa Nam)


2. Be kind and listen. Be fun and light. Be serious when needed, love extensively, and forgive always. (Sandra Lumb)


3. Don’t be scared to tell each other the truth, no matter how difficult it may be. (Eva Valencia)


4. Guide each other in times of need with your honest opinions. (Ashna Singh)


5. A true friend is someone who always listens and is genuinely interested in the good and bad, and someone who calls or writes just to say hello. (Kimberly McCarthy)


6. Be loyal in confidence and character, always open and inviting to share concerns, always honest even if you disagree. (Peggy Turner Beatty)


7. A true friend tries his best to cheer you up when you are upset and makes you feel special. (Kalpana Tewani)


8. Try and improve their life though your friendship. (Barry Cassidy)


9. Be who you truly are, be that vulnerable, and provide the other person the space, safety and choice to do the same. (Cynthia Ruprecht Hunt)


10. Be genuinely happy when they get, receive, or achieve something you truly desire. (Heather Tucker)


11. Share the truth in your heart, without the fear of misunderstandings. (Ricardo Marques)


12. Be loyal and forgive but above all: love and respect. (Casey Jo Wagner)


13. Accept the person as they are, as an individual, without conditions. Also, as important as it is for you to be there for them, sometimes you have to be willing to let them be there for you. (Casey Kimes)


14. Remain friends despite a person’s choices in life and don’t bail on them when they aren’t who you want them to be. (Kim Shaw)


15. A true friend always supports the person but doesn’t feel compelled to support the situation. A true friend knows how and when to say the firm, “No.” (Leslie Mollay)


16. Help yourself and those closest to you grow. To live means to grow, and a true friend is someone that you can honestly say has helped define you as an individual. (Kevin Ball)


17. Celebrate the wins and be there to support the losses. Keep your word and acknowledge it when you don’t. (Margalit Ward)


18. Walk in to a friend’s aid when others are walking out. (Larry Stilts)


19. Don’t hold grudges over petty disagreements. (Annika de Korte)

20. Show up! You can pretend to care but you cannot pretend to show up. (Sherri Levy)



5. THEY ARE GIVER ,NOT A TAKER

According to Adam Grant, author of Give and Take, there are three different types of reciprocity styles: givers, takers, and matchers.

Givers, takers, and matchers

What’s the difference between these types?

1. Takers are self-focused and put their own interests ahead of others’ needs. They try to gain as much as possible from their interactions while contributing as little as they can in return.

2. Matchers like to preserve an equal balance of giving and taking. Their mindset is: “If you take from me, I’ll take from you. If you give to me, I’ll give to you.”

3. Givers are others-focused, and tend to provide support to others with no strings attached. They ask themselves, “How can I add value for this person? What can I contribute?”

Qualities of a giver and a taker

This are the qualities of a both a giver and a taker-

    • Givers are focused on others. Takers are focused on themselves.
    • Givers ask, “How can I contribute?” Takers ask, “What’s in it for me?” This should give you a real clue as to the motivation of an individual.
    • Givers bring energy. Takers drain energy. I want to be someone who brings energy into every situation. I sure don’t want to be a drainer.
    • Givers are grateful. Takers are greedy. 
    • Givers are engaged people. Takers are entitled people. We could say this another way. Givers are kingdom-minded. Takers are only concerned with their own agenda.
    • Givers serve others. Takers use others. 
    • Givers are loyal to others. Takers are loyal only to themselves.

  • Givers are happy and fulfilled. Takers tend to be miserable and complaining.
  • Givers enjoy life. Takers are too busy blaming others for their failures.

My questions for my fellow readers and viewers :

1. Do you have a special friend?

2.  Who is that person that gives you joy when both of you are together talking,chating, rejoicing, trolling and Partying together?


3. Can you trust your special friend? If yes or no ,give me reasons?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

 Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

www.facebook.com/patrickstories

AN OVERVIEW OF GENDER ROLES AND STEREOTYPES- AGENTS, EFFECTS AND WAYS TO COMBAT IT.

gender_addiction

GENDER VS. SEX

You announced your sex to the world the minute you were born, if not before through sonogram photos. Your genitals showed whether you were a male or a female. If someone were to do a DNA test when you were born, your genetic code would have also revealed whether you were biologically a male or female. These differences are purely biological.

Gender is something different, though. Gender refers to ways of being male and female within a culture or society. The larger group promotes a certain type of gender roles, responsibilities, and relationships for a male or female. However, these expectations are not set in stone. They can and have been changed as society progresses.

 

DEFINITION OF GENDER ROLES

According to Wikipedia – A gender role, also known as a sex role is a social role encompassing a range of behaviours and attitudes that are generally considered acceptable, appropriate, or desirable for people based on their actual or perceived sex Gender roles are usually centred on conceptions of femininity and masculinity, although there are exceptions and variations.

Gender roles are cultural and personal.

 They determine how males and females should think, speak, dress, and interact within the context of society. Learning plays a role in this process of shaping gender roles. These gender roles are deeply embedded cognitive frameworks regarding what defines masculine and feminine.

WHAT IS A STEREOTYPE?

A stereotype is a fixed belief or image of a certain type of person or thing. To deal with many complex things and people in life, people form stereotypes or rely on the stereotypes of their culture. Yet, this simplified image doesn’t have the desired effect because it doesn’t take into account the differences within that group of people or things.

DEFINITION OF GENDER STEREOTYPE

1. According to Wikipedia Gender stereotypes are widely held beliefs about the characteristics and behaviour of women and men.

2. According to another journal by “Economic Inquiry”, stereotyping is the act of assigning to a member of a particular group a characteristic or trait based solely on the individual’s membership in that group (Grossman, 2013). Gender stereotypes are the thoughts that drive gender roles, roles such as women’s expectations in the home and men’s expectations outside of the home. Although there is always the atypical family who does not adhere to gender stereotypes and roles as a whole stereotypes are generalised in society.

3. Gender stereotypes are fixed and oversimplified beliefs about what is normal and appropriate for people in a certain culture based on their biological sex.

FEMALE GENDER STEREOTYPES

Gender stereotypes begin the second a baby’s gender is found out. As soon as we find out it’s a girl, we immediately begin decorating a pink nursery filled with soft decor and butterflies and flowers. We assume that our daughter will be very “girly” and fill her closet with beautiful dresses and her toy box with tea sets and dolls. What this is essentially doing, even though many parents don’t realise it, is setting our child up to be the “perfect lady,” and teaching her how to be the stereotypical woman. We are teaching her that girls are supposed to wear dresses, serve food, and take care of babies; the biggest and most common stereotype put on women.

Have you ever watched a little girl playing house? Even as young as five or six, she is well aware that she is supposed to stay home with the baby while the husband goes to work, and she has dinner ready when he gets home. Here is another stereotype; women stay at home while men go to work. While there are a million gender stereotypes about females, these are definitely the biggest, and the most debated by feminists of today. Some other stereotypes include:

  • Women are supposed to have “clean jobs” such as secretaries, teachers, and librarians
  • Women are not good at maths
  • Women are nurses, not doctors
  • Women are not as strong as men
  • Women are supposed to make less money than men
  • Women don’t need to go to college
  • Women don’t play sports
  • Women are not politicians
  • Women are quieter than men and not meant to speak out
  • Women are supposed to be submissive and do as they are told
  • Women are supposed to cook and do housework
  • Women are responsible for raising children
  • Women do not have technical skills and are not good at “hands on” projects such as car repairs
  • Women are meant to be the damsel in distress; never the hero
  • Women are supposed to look pretty and be looked at
  • Women love to sing and dance
  • Women do not play video games
  • Women are never in charge
  • Women should be secretaries
  • Women should be “ladylike.”

MALE GENDER STEREOTYPES

Stereotyping is no different when it’s found out that a boy is on the way. The nursery is decked out in blue, his closet is filled with tiny jeans, polo shirts, and boots, and the theme is usually something like jungle animals or dinosaurs; something tough. Boys’ toys consist of trucks, dinosaurs, action figures, and video games. From the beginning boys are taught to be tough, to be protective, and to defend themselves. Boys are taught that daddy’s go to work and mommy’s  stay at home; from their point of view, boys have fun and girls do all the work.

Are you surprised to hear that most parents admit that they do not teach their sons how to do chores such as washing dishes or folding laundry? Instead, they teach them to take out the trash and mow the lawn; from the get-go boys are made to think that certain household chores are “women’s work.” This is a major stereotype, Men are supposed to do the dirty jobs and anything that requires muscle, they are also supposed to go to work and provide for the family. Little boys see this and the stereotype continues. Other gender stereotypes that describe all men are:

  • All men enjoy working on cars
  • Men are not nurses, they are doctors
  • Men do “dirty jobs” such as construction and mechanics; they are not secretaries, teachers, or cosmetologists
  • Men do not do housework and they are not responsible for taking care of children
  • Men play video games
  • Men play sports
  • Men enjoy outdoor activities such as camping, fishing, and hiking
  • Men are in charge; they are always at the top
  • As husbands, men tell their wives what to do
  • Men are good at mathematics
  • It is always men who work in science, engineering, and other technical fields
  • Men do not cook, sew, or do crafts or cooking
  • Men should be macho.
  • Men shouldn’t kindergarten teachers.

WHAT’S WRONG WITH GENDER STEREOTYPES?

Gender stereotypes aren’t always wrong in the sense that sometimes people do behave the way society or their culture expects them to behave. However, there is no reason why you should have to conform to the expectations of others based on your biological sex alone.

If you’re a woman and want to be the CEO of a major corporation, you won’t get far by putting too much stock in gender stereotypes that a man should be in charge. If you’re a man and want to be a nurse-midwife, you may have to fight gender stereotypes that say you should be a doctor or stay out of the delivery room. In this way, gender stereotypes deprive society of workers who would otherwise thrive in a non-traditional job and contribute greatly to society.

The idea that women are weaker and must be protected creates a world where women are discouraged from taking on exciting challenges. The belief that true men don’t show emotion creates a world where men aren’t able to form deep, personal relationships. Thus, gender stereotypes can hold people back from their true potential.

Gender stereotypes also make the bad behaviour more acceptable at times. Consider the old saying, “boys will be boys.” This attitude makes it more acceptable for men to be aggressive, violent, or unfaithful to their wives.

The stereotype that women need men to survive may sometimes encourage women to allow men to do all the work for them rather than getting out in the world and doing their share to support the family.

GENDER SOCIALIZATION

Gender socialization is the process through which children learn about the social expectations, attitudes and behaviours typically associated with boys and girls.

SOCIALIZING AGENTS OF GENDER ROLES

There are various socializing agent that underpin the gender roles in the society. There agents include: parents, teachers, peers, media (movies, television, music) books, and religion— they teach and reinforce gender roles throughout the lifespan, parents probably exert the greatest influence, especially on their very young offspring.

  1. Parents
  2. teachers
  3. peers
  4. media- movies and television music
  5. books
  6. religion

1. PARENTS

As mentioned previously, sociologists know that adults perceive and treat female and male infants differently. Parents probably do this in response to their having been recipients of gender expectations as young children. Traditionally, fathers teach boys how to fix and build things; mothers teach girls how to cook, sew, and keep house clean. Children then receive parental approval when they conform to gender expectations and adopt culturally accepted and conventional roles. Gender roles adopted during childhood normally continue into adulthood. At home, people have certain presumptions about decision‐making, child‐rearing practices, financial responsibilities, and so forth. Gender roles are realities in almost everyone life.

Gender roles in the past have been deciding factors in the type of work someone can do. For example most women didn’t work and were expected to take care of the family from the home while men farmed or worked in industrial settings.

Society has set a lot of duties for men and women alike and it’s even painful to see that in a children’s textbook, the duties of a wife are “to cook for the family and clean the house.” It’s a huge shame. We need to wake up and stop this nonsense.

Firstly, I will backed it up with 4 QUOTES/ powerful statements made by FEMINIST/WRITER CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE in terms of cooking and domestics chores.

FIRST BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “””. Dear ijeawele or A feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the third suggestion

“”””” There have been recent Nigerian social media debates about women and cooking, about how wives have to cook for husbands. It is funny, in the way that sad things are funny, that we are still talking about cooking as some kind of marriageability test for women. The knowledge of cooking does not come pre-installed in a vagina. Cooking is learned. Cooking – domestic work in general – is a life skill that both men and women should ideally have. It is also a skill that can elude both men and women   “””””””””

SECOND BACKUP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””””””””    I know a woman who hates domestic work, but she pretends that she likes it, because  she has been taught that to be “good wife material,” she has to be—to use that Nigerian word—homely. And then she got married. And her husband’s family began to complain that she had changed. Actually, she had not changed. She just got tired of pretending to be what she was not. The problem with gender is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are. Imagine how much happier we would be, how much freer to be our true individual selves, if we didn’t have the weight of gender expectations.

 Boys and girls are undeniably different biologically, but socialization exaggerates the differences. And then starts a self-fulfilling process. “””””””””

THIRD BACKUP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””””””””“Take cooking, for example. Today, women in general are more likely to do housework than men— cooking and cleaning.  But why is that? Is it because women are born with a cooking gene or because over years they have been socialized to see cooking as their role? I was going to say that perhaps women are born with a cooking gene until I remembered that the majority of famous cooks in the world—who are given the fancy title of “chef”—are men. But what matters even more is our attitude, our mind-set. What if, in raising children, we focus on ability instead of gender? What if we focus on interest instead of gender? I know a family who has a son and a daughter, a year apart in age, both brilliant at school. When the boy is hungry, the parents say to the girl, Go and cook Indomie noodles for your brother. The girl doesn’t like to cook Indomie, but she is a girl and she has to. What if the parents, from the beginning, taught both children to cook Indomie? Cooking, by the way, is a useful and practical life skill for a boy to have—I’ve never thought it made much sense to leave such a crucial thing—the ability to nourish oneself —in the hands of others.   “”””””””””””””

FOURTH BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “”

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

””””””” The knowledge of cooking does not come pre-installed in a vagina. Cooking is learned.

 Cooking – domestic work in general – is a life skill that both men and women should ideally have. It is also a skill that can elude both men and women. We also need to question the idea of marriage as a prize to women, because that is the basis of these absurd debates. If we stop conditioning women to see marriage as a prize, then we would have fewer debates about a wife needing to cook in order to earn that prize. It is interesting to me how early the world starts to invent gender roles. ””””””””””

FIFTH BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “”

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””””””” Boys and girls are undeniably different biologically, but socialization exaggerates the differences. And then starts a self-fulfilling process. Take cooking, for example. Today, women in general are more likely to do housework than men—cooking and cleaning. But why is that? Is it because women are born with a cooking gene or because over years they have been socialized to see cooking as their role? I was going to say that perhaps women are born with a cooking gene until I remembered that the majority of famous cooks in the world—who are given the fancy title of “chef”—are men.  “””””””””

SIXTH BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “””. Dear ijeawele or A feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the first suggestion

“”””””””” I have no interest in the debate about women ‘doing it all’ because it is a debate that assumes that care-giving and domestic work are singularly female domains, an idea that I strongly reject. Domestic work and care-giving should be gender-neutral, and we should be asking not whether a woman can ‘do it all’ but how best to support parents in their dual duties at work and at home. “””””””””

SEVENTH BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “”“Dear ijeawele or A feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the Sixth Suggestion

“”””””””” Teach her to ask questions like: what are the things that women cannot do because they are women? Do these things have cultural prestige? If so, why are only men allowed to do the things that have cultural prestige? It is helpful, I think, to use everyday examples. Remember that television commercial we watched in Lagos, where a man cooks and his claps for him? True progress is when she doesn’t clap for him but just reacts to the food itself – she can either praise the food or not praise the food, just as he can praise hers or not praise hers, but what is sexist is that she is praising the fact that he has undertaken the act of cooking, praise that implies that cooking is an inherently female act. “””””””””

EIGHTH BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “”“Dear ijeawele or A feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the Tenth Suggestion

“”””””””” She can counter ideas about static ‘gender roles’ if she has been empowered by her familiarity with alternatives. If she knows an uncle who cooks well – and does so with indifference – then she can smile and brush off the foolishness of somebody who claims that ‘women must do the cooking. “””””””””

This should give men a little rethink about cooking and house/domestic chores. Which I personally are meant to be shared equally between the two partners. As for me (PATRICK STORIES) cooking, domestic chores- cleaning sweeping, mopping are supposed to be shared equally. Cooking was never meant for women. Anybody can cook whether male or female.

2. TEACHERS

Teachers are major contexts for socialization agent/ gender socialization because children spend large amounts of time engaged with teachers in such settings.

For nearly all psychological traits on which young boys and girls differ (e.g., reading ability, play preferences) teachers can magnify or diminish gender differences by providing environments that promote within-gender similarity and between-gender differences. Teachers shape children’s gender attitudes and, in turn, their gender differences, gender recognition and gender behaviour.

How do teachers contribute to gender differences?

Many educators endorse cultural gender stereotypes (e.g., maths is easier for boys than girls) and prejudices (show preferences for same-gender individuals). These biases can be explicit (e.g., consciously endorsed) or implicit (unconsciously held), and they influence teachers’ classroom behaviours.

Teachers’ gender stereotypes and prejudices shape their classroom behaviour in at least three ways.

First, teachers often model gender stereotypic behaviour. Female teachers, for example, often exhibit “maths phobic” behaviours.

Second, teachers often exhibit differential expectations for males and females (e.g., creating “dress-up” and “construction” centres and accepting—even facilitating—gender-differentiated use).

Third, teachers facilitate children’s gender biases by marking gender as important by using it to label and organize students.

PROBLEMS OF GENDER ROLES/STEREOTYPING UNDERPINNED BY TEACHERS

Teachers directly influence gender differentiation by providing boys and girls with different learning opportunities and feedback. Teachers and peers are also sources of learning about gender. Teachers present curricular materials that contain gender stereotypic behaviour, and this school children copy and exhibit gender stereotypic attitudes and behaviour towards each other. Children internalize gender stereotypes and prejudices, which in turn guide their own preferences and behaviours.

HOW TO SOLVE GENDER ROLES/STEREOTYPING UNDERPINNED BY TEACHERS

Thus, most teachers create and maintain—rather than counteract—traditional gender stereotypes, biases, and differences. However, educators who adopt a commitment to gender egalitarianism and thus promote cross-gender interaction, expose pupils to counter-stereotypic models, and discuss and teach challenges to gender stereotyping and harassment optimize their pupils’ developmental outcomes.

Firstly, I will backed it up with a powerful statements made by FEMINIST/WRITER CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE  about the gender roles in schools which is been underpinned by teachers

 BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””””””””    Now here’s a story from my childhood: When I was in primary school in Nsukka, a university town in southeastern Nigeria, my teacher said at the beginning of term that she would give the class a test and whoever got the highest score would be the class monitor. Class monitor was a big deal. If you were class monitor, you would write down the names of noisemakers each day, which was heady enough power on its own, but my teacher would also give you a cane to hold in your hand while you walked around and patrolled the class for noise makers. Of course you were not allowed to actually use the cane. But it was an exciting prospect for the nine-year-old me. I very much wanted to be class monitor. And I got the highest score on the test.  Then, to my surprise, my teacher said the monitor had to be a boy. She had forgotten to make that clear earlier; she assumed it was obvious. A boy had the second-highest score on the test. And he would be monitor. What was even more interesting is that this boy was a sweet, gentle soul who had no interest in patrolling the class with a stick. While was full of ambition to do so. But I was female and he was male and he became class monitor. I have never forgotten that incident. If we do something over and over, it becomes normal. If we see the same thing over and over, it becomes normal. If only boys are made class monitor, then at some point we will all think, even if unconsciously, that the class monitor has to be a boy. If we keep seeing only men as heads of corporations, it starts to seem “natural” that only men should be heads of corporations.      “””””””””””””””

CONCLUSIONS

Teacher are important contexts for the socialization of young children’s gender attitudes and behaviour. Unfortunately, teachers receive relatively little training in recognizing and combating gender stereotypes and prejudices—their own and others—and, as a consequence, teachers often model, expect, reinforce, and lay the foundation for gender differentiation among their pupils.

3. PEERS

Peers are also important contexts for the socialization of young children’s gender attitudes and behaviour.

How do peers contribute to gender differences?

Like teachers, peers contribute to the socialization of gender difference via multiple pathways. Upon entering school, children encounter large numbers of peers, many of whom model traditional gender behaviour, producing and reinforcing the content of gender stereotypes/norms.

In addition, schools are characterized by gender segregation. When many peers are available, children tend to select same-sex playmates. Children’s gender segregation, in turn, affects their play experiences, leading them to spend more time in stereotypic play. Furthermore, gender segregation predicts children’s future conformity to gender stereotypes.  Study shows that, as the amount of time that children played with same-sex peers increased, children’s own behaviour became more gender stereotypicic.

Peers also contribute to gender differentiation by teaching their classmates stereotypes (e.g., “Short hair is for boys not girls”) and punishing them for failing to conform to stereotypes via verbal harassment and physical aggression.

In addition, more work is needed to identify effective means to prevent and minimize gender biased attitudes and behaviour. In conclusion, many of the socialization processes that lead to gender differentiated outcomes, includes gender segregation.

4. MEDIA

Media has assumed a significant role in the nations of the world in that it not only allows extensive networking but also brings nations closer together by easy dissemination of news and opinions. As with all forms of media, messages perpetrated through media can have good and bad influences on society and youngsters in particular. Given that more women than men use social media, it is but logical to suppose that this has a sizeable impact, both good and bad, on gender matters.

Commercials that appear in social networking sites, as with advertisements in all other forms of media, can be a source of gender stereotyping. Women are more often presented in commercials involving cosmetic and domestic products while adverts for men focus on cars, business products or investments. Another important distinction is that adverts show entire figures of women (objectifying the female body) and close-up shots for men (evoking positive associations).

Another area where media applies is in social networking sites (Instagram, Facebook) which shows a significant gender difference in the way users, especially youngsters, present themselves. Adolescent girls and boys differ in the types of content they post to their profiles; girls reportedly post “cute” pictures, either of themselves or random, while boys were more likely to share pictures and comments that they described as self-promoting and often containing sexual content or references to alcohol. Such behavior promote the cultural gender stereotypes and media portrayals of the woman as a “commodity” and men as the strong and stable person.

Firstly, I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned about the sexualisation of girls on media (marketing strategy )

Here is a backup to that statement of yours from our own popular Nigeria feminist: CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE

Here is an interview with her.

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/qz.com/quartzy/1133732/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-talks-about-feminism-and-raising-her-daughter-in-a-gendered-world/amp/

Here is the question that was asked her about raising a girl child.

Lauren Alix Brown:  So in terms of teaching people how to be feminists, has raising a girl changed or challenged any of your suggestions for how to raise a feminist?


CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE :  It hasn’t challenged anything, it’s just that it’s made me realize how difficult it is. Because I think I felt that. I’m only just realizing that sometimes it feels like the universe is conspiring against me. Because I am trying to push against ideas and norms that are so ingrained that they can start to feel invisible. And it’s little things. I’m just amazed at how everything is gendered—diapers. I mean baby bodies are the same. But now there are diapers where there’s the girl picture. Some months ago we wanted to get the overnight diapers for Baby because she was starting to wake up quite wet. So we wanted to get the diapers marketed as overnight because they absorb more and there’s girls and boys. I remember saying to my husband, who’s a physician, I said, “Do you think maybe the boys’ has a little thing to hold the penis? I mean, why are they different? He had a good laugh and he’s like, “It’s just marketing.” I remember thinking, there has to be a reason for this because it made no sense to me. But there’s no reason for it. Also, I’m just realizing how early the sexualization of girls starts. Four-year-old girls’ dresses. I find many of them disturbing. It’s sort of like four year olds’ now have to be mini women. I’m noticing these things a lot more just because of my child. And children’s books and cartoons. It does sometimes feel that there’s a conspiracy of the universe. But at the same time, I’m utterly undeterred.


It requires pushing back, but I’m going to push back. I want to equip her with the tools. I’m hoping that she grows up to be the girl who sort of mocks these things—who gets it and who mocks them. That’s my hope,  that would be ideal for me.

5. BOOKS

Book is also a major factor that promote gender roles or stereotypes in the society. The last time I check books are made to “expand”, “open” or “broaden” our “minds”, “hearts”, “horizons” or “imaginations”. Sad this days, that many books for children do just the opposite; they peddle stereotypes, close minds to new experiences and offer limited horizons.

Children are individuals. They should feel free to choose their own interests, not feel that they’re supposed to like or reject certain things. And anyone who chooses a gift based only on a child’s gender is making some massive, and quite likely wrong, assumptions about what that child may like.

Firstly, I will backed it up with some QUOTES/ powerful statements made by FEMINIST/WRITER CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE in terms of  children interest and ability.

First Backed up

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””” But what matters even more is our attitude, our mind-set. What if, in raising children, we focus on ability instead of gender? What if we focus on interest instead of gender?  “””””

Typical themes for boys include robots, dinosaurs, astronauts, vehicles, football and pirates; while girls are allowed princesses, fairies, make-up, flowers, butterflies, fashion and cute animals. There’s nothing wrong with these things, but it is wrong when they are repeatedly presented as only for one gender. Girls can like pirates and adventure, boys can like magic and dressing up. Why tell them otherwise? Why tell them that boys and girls should like different things that their interests never overlap.

Separate cookery books seem particularly ridiculous; the suggestion being that boys eat pizza and burgers, while girls prefer pink iced cupcakes.

In conclusion it’s accepted to practice target products at one segment of the population, but when it comes to children’s books it’s morally questionable to promote gender stereotypes. Children take messages about what’s “for girls” or “for boys” seriously.

Society has set a lot of duties for men and women alike and it’s even painful to see that in a children’s textbook, the duties of a wife are “to cook for the family and clean the house.” It’s a huge shame. We need to wake up and stop this nonsense.

Firstly, I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned about the sexualisation of girls on books and cartoons.

This is just a little excerpt I brought out from her reply based on children books to back up my above statement (Society has set a lot of duties for men and women alike and it’s even painful to see that in a children’s textbook, the duties of a wife are “to cook for the family and clean the house.” It’s a huge shame. We need to wake up and stop this nonsense.)

Here is a backup to that statement of yours from our own popular Nigeria feminist: CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE

Here is an interview with her.

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/qz.com/quartzy/1133732/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-talks-about-feminism-and-raising-her-daughter-in-a-gendered-world/amp/

Here is the question that was asked her about raising a girl child.

Lauren Alix Brown:  So in terms of teaching people how to be feminists, has raising a girl changed or challenged any of your suggestions for how to raise a feminist?

CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE : :  It hasn’t challenged anything, it’s just that it’s made me realize how difficult it is. Because I think I felt that. I’m only just realizing that sometimes it feels like the universe is conspiring against me. Because I am trying to push against ideas and norms that are so ingrained that they can start to feel invisible. And it’s little things. I’m just amazed at how everything is gendered.  Also, I’m just realizing how early the sexualization of girls starts. Four-year-old girls’ dresses. I find many of them disturbing. It’s sort of like four year olds’ now have to be mini women. I’m noticing these things a lot more just because of my child. And children’s books and cartoons. It does sometimes feel that there’s a conspiracy of the universe. But at the same time, I’m utterly undeterred. It requires pushing back, but I’m going to push back. I want to equip her with the tools. I’m hoping that she grows up to be the girl who sort of mocks these things—who gets it and who mocks them. That’s my hope, that would be ideal for me.

6. RELIGION

Gender stereotypes and gender roles have been an integral part of history. Stereotypical thoughts that gender stereotypes go all the way back to Adam and Eve, the idea that Eve was made for Adam, and the instance that Eve persuaded Adam to eat the fruit, it all helps for many people to justify gender roles and stereotypes. In modern culture within the past hundred years there has been a movement to eliminate unequal or oppressive gender stereotypes and therefore the roles that are associated with those stereotypes.

Women are significantly more likely to attend church than men and are also much more likely to self-report as being religious. For example, Church census records show that in 2005 congregations were divided 57% women and 43% men (and this gender division had remained quite consistent for some years). A 1990 opinion poll for that 84% of women believed in God compared with 64% of men.

Here are a number of reasons for this in which religious underpinned gender roles and stereotype:

Firstly, from a traditional view, women’s expresses some default role (nurturing and caring) which is a good match with religious faith. Raising children in their religion and taking them to church was seen as part of that role. Also women’s proximity to childbirth, childrearing, caring for the sick and caring for the elderly all, it is suggested, gives them reason to pray and seek spiritual support and guidance. Furthermore, women traditionally having been marginalised in domestic roles gave them more time to devote to religion whereas men had little time away from work and therefore were more likely to spend it on leisure pursuits.

Secondly, men and women are socialised differently and women are socialised to be more compliant and passive. Religion – particularly traditional, established religions – expects compliance, conformity and passivity from its congregation. Men are socialised to be more dominant and therefore, while they take leadership positions in churches (indeed in many churches and religions they are the only ones permitted to take leadership positions). looking at the different roles of women and men  in the church -men are to fill the roles of pastors, such as, head pastor and elder of the church while women should primarily work with the children, so they would work in the nursery or as children’s pastor.

 Lastly, Woodhead (2005) has suggested that churches have become feminised. She argues that secularisation has had a bigger impact on men than women. This is echoed by Bruce, who suggests that as religion becomes more a private matter than a public one, it appeals more to women, particularly women who perform a domestic role and look after children. Some feminists, such as Simone De Beauvoir, argue that women are sold a false ideology by religious teachings which encourages them to believe that they will get their reward in heaven and should therefore be committed and devoted to their faith.

Evaluating The View That Women Are More Religious Than Men

Women would appear to attend church more than men, but that does not necessarily mean that they are more likely to believe in their chosen faith. Women may attend church for other reasons (form and keep friendships, support with their families, etc.) and men who do not attend church may still have a religious faith.

Similarly, according to a survey that was conducted towards religious practises by women and men, women are more likely to respond to surveys that they have a religious belief and affiliation than men. Perhaps, because of the historic association between faith and women, they see it is as socially desirable and therefore answer surveys accordingly. Young men, in particular, may have the opposite response and worry that religious faith is not socially desirable or might be seen as “uncool”.

EFFECT OF GENDER ROLES ON CHILDREN

This idea starts in early childhood, reinforced by schools, parents and media. Interviews with children and their guardians revealed that the onset of puberty triggers increased reinforcement of pressure to conform to sex-typed identities and roles.

  1. EFFECT ON THE GIRLS

For girls, those risks can include child marriage, pregnancy, leaving school early, sexually transmitted infections, and exposure to violence, mobility restricted (Parents also tell girls not to go out alone, parents tell this girls not to go out at night because they had grown breasts, Parental fear for girls’ safety and family status is a common rationale for restricting girls’ movements) and access to education restricted (This restricted mobility of girls to education may lead to restricted knowledge and power and socialization with the public or people around and also loss of prestige especially among poor families).

As they enter adolescence, silence and modesty are instilled as desirable values, as girls are pressed to behave in a “modest fashion. They are taught on how to take care in selecting their clothing or risk being seen as “too easy” or “prostitutes,” making them potential victims of violence.

Once puberty hits, it’s all about (preventing) sex: Messages such as “don’t sit like that,” “don’t wear that”, “boys will ruin your future”, and “Cover up“and “don’t go out” reinforce the gender division of power and promote sex segregation with the aim of preserving a girl’s sexuality. In some society, once a girl reaches puberty, “her family is concerned with protecting her chastity, preventing the stigma from losing family honour. Due to the idea of holding family honour the girls are not supposed to look at or talk to boys, “as this might raise suspicion that they were initiating romantic relationships.”  As puberty deepens, the idea sexuality come in to place turning girls into potential targets from the boys.

During the process of menstruation and breast development, negative societal attitudes further contribute to girls’ sense of self-objectification, body shame and restricted in sexual decision-making. The onset of menstruation appeared to constitute a major concern for parents as they are afraid that the girls we involve in early romantic and sexual engagements and subsequent risk of adolescent pregnancy. As a consequence of adult perceptions of girls’ “sexual vulnerability girls” mobility is far more restricted than it is for boys.

Firstly, I will backed it up with  4 QUOTES/ powerful statements made by FEMINIST/WRITER CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE in terms homely character possesses by  girls which act as an effect of gender roles.

FIRST BACKED UP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””  We police girls. We praise girls for virginity but we don’t praise boys for virginity (and it makes me wonder how exactly this is supposed to work out, since the loss of virginity is a process that usually involves two people of opposite genders).     “”” 

SECOND BACKED UP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””””””””   We teach females that in relationships, compromise is what a woman is more likely to do. We raise girls to see each other as competitors—not for jobs or accomplishments, which in my opinion can be a good thing—but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way boys are. If we have sons, we don’t mind knowing about their girlfriends. But our daughters’ boyfriends? God forbid. (But we of course expect them to bring home the perfect man for marriage when the time is right.)  “”””””””””

THIRD BACKED UP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””””””””” We teach girls shame. Close your legs. Cover yourself. We make them feel as though by being born female, they are already guilty of something. And so girls grow up to be women who cannot say they have desire. Who silence themselves. Who cannot say what they truly think. Who have turned pretence into an art form.  “”””””””””

FOURTH BACKED UP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””””””””“And then we do a much greater disservice to girls, because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of males. We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls: You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful but not too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man. If you are the breadwinner in your relationship with a man, pretend that you are not, especially in public, otherwise you will emasculate him. But what if we question the premise itself: Why should a woman’s success be a threat to a man? What if we decide to simply dispose of that word—and I don’t know if there is an English word I dislike more than this—emasculation.  “”””””””””

FIFTH BACK UP

According to a popular literature book “””. Dear ijeawele or A feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions   “””

 FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

From the Twelfth Suggestion

“””””””””“

  1. Talk to her about sex, and start early. Remember that seminar we went to in class where we were supposed to be taught about ‘sexuality’ but instead we listened to vague semi threats about how ‘talking to boys’ would end up with us being pregnant and disgraced? I remember that hall and that seminar as a place filled with shame. Ugly shame. The particular brand of shame that has to do with being female. With her, don’t pretend that sex is merely a controlled act of reproduction. Or an ‘only in marriage’ act, because that is disingenuous.
  1. And speaking of shame – never, ever link sexuality and shame. Or nakedness and shame. Do not ever make ‘virginity’ a focus. Every conversation about virginity becomes a conversation about shame. Teach her to reject the linking of shame and female biology. Why were we raised to speak in low tones about periods? To be filled with shame if our menstrual blood happened to stain our skirt? Periods are nothing to be ashamed of. Periods are normal and natural, and the human species would not be here if periods did not exist. I remember a man who said a period was like shit. Well, sacred shit, I told him, because you wouldn’t be here if periods didn’t happen.            “””””””””

SIXTH BACK UP

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned ““her personal view on chivalry””

For further reading here is the link to convince you:

https://m.guardian.ng/life/nigerians-divided-over-chimamanda-adichies-chivalry-comment/

She said:  “I think just like holding the door shouldn’t be gender because we should open the door for every one. I hold the door for men and women. I think the idea of sort of holding the door for a woman because she is a woman, I have trouble with, I’m quite happy for people to hold the door for me i hope they are not doing for the sort of idea of chivalry because chivalry is the idea of women are somehow weak and need protecting but we know that there many women who are stronger than men”

  1. EFFECT ON THE BOYS

Boys suffer, too, from increased risk of substance abuse, suicide and shorter life expectancy than women, must act strong and bold (Conversely, “boys who ‘act like girls’ are generally not granted the same social acceptance because of the lower power or prestige associated with femininity traits and behaviors.”) — Especially if they try to challenge masculine norms. Puberty deepens when it comes to sexuality, turning boys into predators on girls. Boys are given the freedom to go out and go as they pleased to pursue education and other opportunities. Despite the freedom and benefits conferred upon them, boys are still perceived as a danger to girls because of their vulnerability — a bias with negative impacts for both genders.

Firstly, I will backed it up with  2 QUOTES/ powerful statements made by FEMINIST/WRITER CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE in terms homely character possesses by boys which act as an effect of gender roles

FIRST BACKED UP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“”””””””””   We do a great disservice to boys in how we raise them. We stife the humanity of boys. We define masculinity in a very narrow way. Masculinity is a hard, small cage, and we put boys inside this cage. We teach boys to be afraid of fear, of weakness, of vulnerability. We teach them to mask their true selves, because they have to be, in Nigerian-speak—a hard man. “”””””””””

SECOND BACKED UP

According to a popular literature book “” we should all be feminist “””

FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

“””””””””” In secondary school, a boy and a girl go out, both of them teenagers with meager pocket money. Yet the boy is expected to pay the bills, always, to prove his masculinity. (And we wonder why boys are more likely to steal money from their parents.) What if both boys and girls were raised not to link masculinity and money? What if their attitude was not “the boy has to pay,” but rather, “whoever has more should pay.” Of course, because of their historical advantage, it is mostly men who will have more today. But if we start raising children differently, then in fifty years, in a hundred years, boys will no longer have the pressure of proving their masculinity by material means. But by far the worst thing we do to males—by making them feel they have to be hard —is that we leave them with very fragile egos. The harder a man feels compelled to be, the weaker his ego is. “”””””””””

THIRD BACK UP

I will backed it up with a powerful statement made by FEMINIST/WRITER/ CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE where she mentioned “””” why men have a higher rate of dying by suicide. “””””””

For further reading here is the link to convince you.

https://m.guardian.ng/features/how-patriarchy-could-be-spiking-rate-of-suicide-among-men/

https://dailypost.ng/2018/09/12/men-die-suicide-chimamanda-adichie/

Here is her speech:

She said: “Both men and women suffer from the illnesses that lead to suicide but it is men that have a much higher rate of dying by suicide.

“Why? Because men are socialized to suppress so many human parts of themselves, men are socialized not to ask for help, men are socialized to be afraid of fear, men are socialized not to show vulnerability.

“From the moment we tell a little boy that ‘boys don’t cry’ or we tell a hurting teenager to ‘man up’ we are creating an adult man who will be cheated of the full range of his emotions. So, while men benefit from patriarchy, they also suffer from it.”

WAYS TO COMBAT/OVERCOME GENDER ROLES

  1. Implementation Of Educational Policy

Educational policy makers should resist the creation of gender segregated educational contexts (e.g., single-sex schools) and instead seek to enhance co-educational schools’ promotion of gender egalitarian attitudes and behaviour.

  1. Training Of Teachers

Teachers need training to recognise their own explicit (e.g., consciously endorsed)) and implicit biases (unconsciously held) and how these biases affect their classroom behaviours. Additionally, teachers should receive explicit training in confronting children’s biases, so that they reduce peer policing of gender normativity. Teachers should seek educational settings for their students that are gender integrated and that make use of curricula that directly teach about, and challenge, gender bias and inequality.

  1. Parents awareness

Parents should set aside traditional gender roles which affect these children, instead they should focus more on the interest, goals and ability of the children than on gender or society roles of both sexes.

  1. Emphasize Accomplishment over Physical Attributes

Whether you’re thinking of yourself, interacting with your children, or dealing with others, emphasizing accomplishments is much more helpful than focusing on physical attributes. Too often, people put their attention on “being pretty” when speaking to and about girls and too little attention to their capabilities. The same is true of adult women. Focusing on a boy’s or men physical strength can be just as harmful, especially if the male isn’t as physically strong as the culture expects him to be. However, everyone, no matter who they are or what their physical capabilities might be, can accomplish something. Find that something, whether it’s in someone else or yourself, and give it credit it’s due.

  1. Choose Colours Based On Personal Preferences

The idea that you should choose a specific colour for the sole reason that it the right colour for a person of your biological sex makes no sense. In fact, the colours for boys and girls have changed over the years based on nothing more than the whims of the fashion industry. If you’re a male and want to wear a pink shirt, do it unapologetically. If you’re a woman and prefer to decorate your home in brown corduroy, do what appeals to you.

  1. Learn Skills Based On What Interests You

There was a time when all women were expected to learn skills like sewing, cooking, and childcare first and foremost. Even today, women are often denigrated if they try to learn skills like auto mechanics or electronic repair. On the other hand, a man who spends his free time sewing may be considered less than a man. Whatever skills you want to gain, find someone to learn from them and set to work. You might find that it’s harder than you thought, or you might just find your new vocation.

  1. Encourage Young Women to Excel In Science and Maths Subjects

There’s been a lot of talks lately about getting young women more into the STEM subjects of science, technology, engineering, and maths. The numbers still don’t add up. There are still many more young men studying and excelling in STEM courses than young women. Why? Chances are it has nothing to do with the biological capabilities of the students and everything to do with cultural norms for gender. By encouraging your daughter to study STEM subjects, you open up a whole new world to her.

  1. Expect Men and Women to Share Fairly In Household Chores

Every couple must make decisions about who will do the household chores, especially those that no one enjoys doing. It’s unfair to suggest that women should do all the cooking and cleaning if that’s something they don’t enjoy doing. It’s also unfair to expect that men should do all the yard work if they’d rather contribute in some other way. So, who do the chores no one wants to do? Decide that fairly so that both men and women take a part of the burden.

  1. Create Mentoring Programs for Men and Women in Non-Stereotypical Jobs

Being in a job where there are no or few other workers of your gender can be extremely stressful. You may be seen as an outsider. Others may fear you or discredit your contributions. Having support is crucial. A great way to get that support as well as learn how to navigate a difficult work situation is to find a mentor who has been through what you’re going through. And, if you want to help change societal norms, help other thrive in non-stereotypical jobs by working to create a mentoring program for others.

  1. Acknowledge Both Men’s and Women’s Contributions to History

Now, the society needs to incorporate more stories of the contributions of women. By telling your children stories of women who helped make history, you empower the girls and help boys understand their value as well. Then, this men and women stereotypes won’t colour their view of the past, the present, or the future.

  1. Be Friends with People of Both Genders

Friendships between men and women can be just as satisfying as those between women and other women or men and other men. When you choose your friends based on shared beliefs, interests, and activities, you may find that you enjoy spending time with someone not of your gender in a non-sexual way. At the same time, you may come to understand and respect the other gender more.

  1. Don’t Accept Violence from Anyone Regardless Of Their Gender

Violence is never okay, whether it’s a man or a woman who initiates the violence. Never accept violence in any form. “Boys will be boys” is not a good enough explanation for physically hurting someone. Men are not slaves to any preconceived gender expectations. Instead, they must be held to the same high standard of human decency as anyone else.

  1. Acknowledge and Help both Women and Men Who Are Victims of Domestic Violence

Both men and women can be the victims of domestic violence. Yet, many people find it hard to get past the gender expectation that men should be able to defend themselves. If a man is a victim of abuse, he deserves the same help in getting out of the abusive relationship as a woman. Help someone who is a victim of domestic violence whether they’re a man or a woman.

  1. Recognize Men’s Needs to Be Parent Figures Too

At one time, children were sent to live with their mothers after a divorce unless the mother didn’t want the child or she was openly abusive. That is changing, but equality hasn’t been reached yet. Men need to be given opportunities to parent and spend time with their children just as women are given those opportunities. If you’re a male and feel you’re being shut out of your child’s life, there’s no reason you should go along with it. If you’re a female, you need to make room for your children’s father to play a part in their upbringing.

  1. Plan Policies to Meet the Needs of Both Women and Men

If you’re a member of a government agency, a business executive, or a leader of a community organization, you might have the opportunity to have an impact on eliminating gender stereotypes. When you’re creating policies for your organization, simply pay attention to what men and women need and create policies that make it easier for both to fulfil those needs within your organization.

  1. Plan Budgets to Take Everyone’s Needs into Account

Whether you’re making a family budget or planning spending for a large corporation, you need to consider the needs of both the men and women involved. With those needs in mind, create a budget that allows room for both to satisfy their needs, so they can contribute more effectively to the family or organization and have a satisfying life within it.

  1. Build Your Self-Esteem Based On Who You Are As A Person.

When you build your self-esteem based on your gender, you limit yourself to only seeing the good in yourself if it reinforces your preconceived notions of what you should be as a man or a woman. Yet, many parts of who you are have nothing at all to do with your biological sex. If you celebrate every good thing about yourself, you’ll likely find yourself going well beyond gender stereotypes.

  1. Look for Work Opportunities In All Your Areas of Interest, Regardless Of Gender Expectations

Looking for work can be a task for anyone. When you automatically eliminate job opportunities from your search because they don’t fit with what you think a man or woman should do, you make the task even more difficult. Instead, look at the full range of job opportunities and allow yourself to consider any job that sounds interesting and within your capabilities.

  1. Write Fiction That Promotes Gender Equality

Well-written prose can have a powerful impact on the culture. If you write fiction, whether you write stories, screenplays or novels, you can work to change female stereotypes with each word you write.

  1. Allow Time and Space To Care For Others Whether You’re A Male or a Female

Caring for others has long been considered a female occupation. It is the women who have been expected to care for children at home, care for children in daycares or kindergartens, and care for elderly or disabled people inside or outside the family. If you’re a man, you can choose to take on these roles, too. If you’re a business leader, you can make sure your male employees get the personal time they need for caring for others, just as you would for a woman. And, if you’re a woman, you can allow and even expect men to share in these duties.

  1. Network with Others Who Are Promoting Gender Equality

People in business often do a lot of networking, but if you’re only networking with those who want to keep things as they are, you may miss out on opportunities to help overcome stereotypes of women. At least include others who share your intention to make a difference in gender equality within your networking circle.

  1. Speak Out Gender Bias

When you or someone else is harmed or held back due to gender bias against them, be prepared to speak out against the practices that caused the damage. Whether the problem is female or male stereotypes, the added attention can help effect change.

  1. Don’t Put Yourself or Others Down Because Of Gender

Whatever you do, never put yourself down for being the gender that you are. Whether you’re a woman or a dude perfect stereotypes, don’t exist. Think of yourself as the complex person that you are, because reducing yourself to a stereotypical image may encourage you to devalue yourself in a way that harms you in the long term. Find a way to be happy and proud of who you are, regardless of what other people think you should be due to your gender.

I will like to ask a simple question  for my fellow readers and viewers.

  1. What is your own views and contributions on this articles?
  2. What was you own experience  of  being a man or a women in a gendered role or stereotypical  society?
  3. Do you agree the the society perception about gender role designated to male and female is wrong or right?

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

www.facebook.com/patrickstories

Credited to :

  1. Women who fight very much to be self independent and to all feminist.
  2. To my father and mother ( MR &MRS KOGWUONYE)who inculcated in me the idea of rejecting gender norms and live as a full person.

THE CAULDRON

IMG_20190521_195118_575

THE CAULDRON

Next to the cauldron
Is my corpse
I hear my father saying
“Isabella,you wrapped your hands
Around me and slept beside me,
I brought you very early close to the cauldron,
Waiting for your return,
But you lit the cauldron up in huge flames
Unlike your mother
Your cauldron was already boiling
“your mother’s cauldron was hot
But your cauldron was boiling
My father did not realize
That the boiling cauldron
Was a principal icon
My present abode had more boiling
Cauldron principally for our lost loved ones
Written by:
MORDI IFEANYI APEX
Writer/Educator/Tutor
University of Benin
Department of English

STRUCTURAL/ LITERATURE  REVIEW

According to Wikipedia –A cauldron (or caldron) is a large cast iron pot(kettle) for cooking or boiling over an open fire, with a large pot and frequently with an arc -shaped hanger.

The poem is a symbolic expression of the impart of two women in the life of one man, even after death, there was a greater impartation. The title of the poem “ The CAULDRON “

Its implicit:
Line 6-7 say:

I brought you very early close to the cauldron,
Waiting for your return

First, the cauldron in this setting was built by some special women in this community as rites of passage and also as a medium to bring them back from deep slumber. These class of women are powerful women who design special cauldron for their love ones and this love should be RECIPROCAL.

Those shown this “CAULDRON LOVE “ must bring these women close to the cauldron at the first sign of dawn or face the risk of loosing these women. The cauldrons in these homes bring great fortune.

Isabella and her mother in this poem have brought her father and husband to her mother good fortune, but they intend extending the love and fortune they brought to their family. So, they decided not to wake up.

The fortune and love brought by them to their family was a complete one.
The cauldron from original description is used for boiling as 

Line 11-12 says:

your mother’s cauldron was hot
But your cauldron was boiling

Reading further again,
Line 16-17 says:

My present abode had more boiling
Cauldron principally for our lost loved ones

The above expression mark the fact that the purpose of the cauldron had been defeated just as the purpose of their (Isabella and mother) death being defeated.

Note: The dead in the poem refer their loved ones as being lost too as the living puts them thus as being lost. 

 

Here is a question for my fellow bloggers and readers:

1. What are you contributions,opinions and views about the poem?

2. In the society you find yourself, do women try extremely hard to extend a special love to their husband.

3. Being a man or a woman. What are the things you do that shows special love to your wife or husband.( I need an inspirational answers)

4. When or if  you lost a loved one. Did it or if it will change your kind of person? or perceptions about Life? ( I need an inspirational answers)

5. Can the poem relate with your perception of women in your area/region — if so say YES or NO(with clear reasons)

Please let me know all your reactions, views and insights in the comment box below!

Typed and Edited by:
Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka
Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor
University of Benin
Department of Electrical/Electronics

Credited / dedicated :