PATRICK TROUBLED THOUGHTS

 

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I remember those thoughts

Those thoughts I usually had

When I felt rejected and unwanted

Those thoughts

That I was never good enough

Those thoughts

That I was no one

I remember those sorry thoughts

Those sorrowful thoughts

Thoughts that keep repeating

Thoughts that made my heart heavy

Thoughts that broke me

Thoughts that left unanswered questions

Thoughts that could’ve destroyed me

Thoughts that laughed at me

 

 

Today I remembered a lot that happened to me when I entered higher institution in 2008. For a while, it took me time to settle in and be ok with who I was. On a normal day, I do not like to make friends to the extent that my mum usually mocks me as someone who is an introvert.

In school, I could barely be myself maybe because most of my mates had a different view about me. My worst mistake was, I allowed whatever they had to say get to me and it got me depressed and always sad.

I remember always writing sorrowful poems for more than 3 years in my diary.

I was nickname many times, Sméagol, short man, small man, skeleton, small boy.

Well, I forgive all those who treated me badly, those who saw everything I did as bad, those who saw me as being prideful and all those who tried to belittle me. This is me finally letting go as I spoke/wrote in one of my post.

For everyone out there, who might have treated anyone out there badly one way or the other, try to go back and apologize. That the person never told you or you feel you guys might have outgrown it, it’s really not true because these people live with this experience for the rest of their lives. It could either make or break them.

 It’s wrong to try to fit in. Don’t get me wrong. Fit in but be who you are.  You don’t need to change in other to impress anyone. Let them know how exceptional and great you are.

Someone would ask, why is he writing about this? Well am writing this because someone somewhere is been bullied, in your place of work, in school, among your peer groups, even among your fellow church members.

Parents, please try as much as possible to discuss with your children at the end of the day if he/she is a day student , or at during visiting day or mid-term break to know how they blend with everyone at school. It shouldn’t necessarily be about academics always.

Today’s writing was inspired by a young girl who told me about what she was going through in school and also what I went through back then in higher institution.

So my question for you: how was your experince back then in universities days?

 

 

 

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

www.facebook.com/patrickstories

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62 thoughts on “PATRICK TROUBLED THOUGHTS

  1. First, I am sorry for your having had such experiences, especially at a place of higher learning. In my university days, people wanted to get to know me and be friends, but my own negative self-view led me to impose a state of relative isolation. I have long-since become more sociable, largely thanks to my departed wife, who brought me out of my shell and gave me the best years of her life, before passing.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. am so sorry for that mr bruin, RIP to your lovely wife.
      i quote as you said in your comment”people wanted to get to know me and be friends”

      for me it was different, mine they were runing from me. if am around them, they made me feel inferior, but as i speak to you, am even better than them right now, in terms of my ideas, qualification and knowledge.

      thanks for sharing your experience.
      again thanks for commenting

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Good morning dear,

    You are such a wonderful person, after facing all these criticism in life , you strong and stronger than those you question your ability to handle your emotional life.

    People created raw emotion to you but you proof by making it as strength , many people put in practice to spoil others peace and happiness, these people never understand the value of human.

    The best opinions never give them so much importance , words they uttered from mouth will be recognised and valued when others treat them the same way, he or she will remember you that day.

    No one is perfect in life, if they disgrace others, none will respect us , it is reality of life . None can escape if make others to walk on thorn as one day same thorn they have to sit on it, remember the “rule of nature” circle it is round , where you started there you have to be end , sit on thorn make them sense.

    None like you , we here a small family caring each others, you can write and we read and like 🤗

    Thank you very much
    SK

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I went through this while attending high school, it wasn’t easy but I forgive them all! Thanks for sharing your story! God bless! Xx

    Liked by 3 people

    1. What was your own experience..bully or what

      Liked by 2 people

        1. Wow….that was too bad as a girl… I know you are soft in heart.you felt like crying but you endured it

          Liked by 2 people

          1. I had my full days of crying, but now I’m a new and happy being in Christ Jesus!!! The JOY of the Lord is my strength! The old things have beyond passed away!

            Liked by 2 people

            1. Yeah…..i know..sorry for that.. But do you think of those things again

              Liked by 2 people

              1. Nope I don’t haha! That’s the past.

                Liked by 1 person

                1. Yeah..that is true..past…..
                  I was really troubled…this year making it 10year when i entered the university

                  Liked by 2 people

                  1. Well its good to let it all out…don’t keep it inside…that’ll do too much damage. And there you did just by writing this post.

                    Liked by 1 person

                    1. I thought about it…10year that is a decade

                      I tried all through…am happy am here…. Thanks for encouraging me
                      Such a dear friend

                      Liked by 2 people

                    2. You’re most welcome! I’m glad that you are where you are now and it has also made you stronger as an individual. God bless and keep you always! Xxoo 🙏💞

                      Liked by 1 person

                    3. Thanks baby tammy….you tried alot..ok

                      Liked by 1 person

                    4. You welcome tammy…..any post yet

                      Liked by 2 people

                    5. Ok…you are busy all this while

                      Liked by 2 people

                    6. Ok……..work or school

                      Liked by 2 people

                    7. Working on blog that is.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    8. Thats is cool………let talk on whatsapp ok

                      Liked by 2 people

                    9. I’m currently off WhatsApp.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    10. I’m going to 😴 now! Chat with you soon byes! God bless and take care!

                      Liked by 1 person

  4. heartsinink

    My heart breaks when I see experiences like this….we love you Patrick, you know we do ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks my sister from another mother…
      Really your heart breaks…its now a normal thing. Everybody has it own bad experience or bullying back in school days or university days…
      I have pass through that now….not a new thing to me again

      Liked by 2 people

    2. What was your own experience like back in those days…………

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I feel sorry for what you dealt with but I am proud of you because you came out of it and today I am sure you are very strong 😁 And it’s very thoughtful of you post stuff like that 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Really tough back then…but i over powered it…
      Am here feeling strong again..
      Tell me yours….what was your experience in your university days and struggle

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Oh I am a small kid yet to face the cruel world 😅

        Liked by 1 person

            1. Wow….you till young…that is ok…nkw yiu know how school life is…when you enter try and be yourself ok

              Liked by 2 people

                1. You welcome…. Are you art or science

                  Liked by 1 person

                    1. Whats your point onnmy troubled thought

                      Liked by 1 person

  6. This is such a beautiful, brave and important post. Thank you for sharing your story and your struggles.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks dear flowering ink….

      It came all through as a result of several thought on it

      What about you …what was your own experience back in your school days?

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I was always kind of invisible in school, but I hated cruelty, so I came out of the shadows to stand up for those who were bullied.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. That is cool…for you to come out and say what is good and what is bad…..
          Invisible in school…..hmmmmmmmm

          Thanks for responding back to my comment

          Liked by 2 people

  7. Very Important post. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for stopping and commenting mr george F…

      Yeah….very imoortant for me…i took several hours writing on it

      What was your experience like back then in school

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for the comment mrs ananya…

      What about your experience back then in university days

      Liked by 1 person

  8. What you said is true. When children goes through all emotions parents should talk with them and understand and sort our things for them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah….parents have to ask question on what is going through there mind……
      Some of them are emotionally down
      Making acedemics work to be difficult for them leading to poor grades

      Liked by 2 people

  9. I was also bullied in high school and yes it damaged me a lot, overall bullying need to just stop, it’s not okay at all. I’m happy that despite all what you had to endure in the name of higher learning. Eventually made you a better person and forgiving those who wronged you is such a big step in recovering.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah…that is true……
      When she told how she been bully in school…i felt for her…i told her things she will do to overcome it….
      Sorry for that……..ok…all is well……ok alexi….take care ok….forgiveness is the best option i used for them…

      Thanks for showing your care for me…i appreciate very well ok……

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Take care too,and your welcome anytime

        Liked by 1 person

  10. For all those who were bullied in their school times.. Here’s the one for you!

    “You were weak that time.. life wanted to teach you something.. something about this world .. that is lacks so much of peace and love. Our Gods have chosen us to spread peace and love on this earth. Cause we understand what is pain and suffocating in ourselves… Fighting our demons.. we are the ones who can understand the value of love”

    Forgive not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace… ✨ You deserve all great happiness that life has to offer. 😊😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for commenting on my post. I appreciate the time you took in Analzing it…

      Forgiveness is part of it..
      Because the bullied ones deserve peace …..

      Thanks honey

      patrickrealstories.wordpress.com

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Welcomed friend. Have a good day ⛅

        Liked by 1 person

  11. velvetscreams

    This is soo bad. I don’t understand why human being would be soo mean to a fellow human..to answer your question,I’m still in school and I haven’t experienced this. I’m not perfect at all but I don’t know why everyone is scared of me. Your experience is soo sad. Thank God you have gotten over it. I don’t get bullied but I’m mostly misunderstood… They believe I’m mean but the thing is they have never talked to me and they just assume things about me and I find it annoying 😔but I don’t care😊😊nice write up

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for stopping by and commenting on my post,i appreciate that very much.

      Thanks again for reading this post up to the end. I guess you find it interesting.

      This is what i really love in your comment as I quote “””I’m not perfect at all but I don’t know why everyone is scared of me.””””
      Is kind of funny 😂 “””I don’t know why everyone is scared of me.””””

      thanks again Miss velvet for stopping by and I’m so happy to hear this post touched you in some way😊 . Many blessings to you !

      #PATRICKSTORIES
      Peace and Love

      Liked by 2 people

  12. With thanks! Valuable information!

    Like

  13. You are welcome

    #PATRICKSTORIES
    Peace ✌and Love ❤

    Like

  14. With thanks! Valuable information!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Thank you so much for reading my post and for leaving such an honest opinion

    I really appreciate and respect your opinion, no matter you agree with me or not.Because your opinion is always valuable to me.

    I will love to ask a simple question:
    how was your experince back then in universities days?

    Have you ever felt like been troubled inside you?

    I will love to see a beautiful and nice responses to the question put after you.

    Thank you so much for stopping by and for reading my post.

    #PATRICKSTORIES
    Peace ✌and Love ❤
     

    Like

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