PATRICK TROUBLED THOUGHTS

 

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I remember those thoughts

Those thoughts I usually had

When I felt rejected and unwanted

Those thoughts

That I was never good enough

Those thoughts

That I was no one

I remember those sorry thoughts

Those sorrowful thoughts

Thoughts that keep repeating

Thoughts that made my heart heavy

Thoughts that broke me

Thoughts that left unanswered questions

Thoughts that could’ve destroyed me

Thoughts that laughed at me

 

 

Today I remembered a lot that happened to me when I entered higher institution in 2008. For a while, it took me time to settle in and be ok with who I was. On a normal day, I do not like to make friends to the extent that my mum usually mocks me as someone who is an introvert.

In school, I could barely be myself maybe because most of my mates had a different view about me. My worst mistake was, I allowed whatever they had to say get to me and it got me depressed and always sad.

I remember always writing sorrowful poems for more than 3 years in my diary.

I was nickname many times, Sméagol, short man, small man, skeleton, small boy.

Well, I forgive all those who treated me badly, those who saw everything I did as bad, those who saw me as being prideful and all those who tried to belittle me. This is me finally letting go as I spoke/wrote in one of my post.

For everyone out there, who might have treated anyone out there badly one way or the other, try to go back and apologize. That the person never told you or you feel you guys might have outgrown it, it’s really not true because these people live with this experience for the rest of their lives. It could either make or break them.

 It’s wrong to try to fit in. Don’t get me wrong. Fit in but be who you are.  You don’t need to change in other to impress anyone. Let them know how exceptional and great you are.

Someone would ask, why is he writing about this? Well am writing this because someone somewhere is been bullied, in your place of work, in school, among your peer groups, even among your fellow church members.

Parents, please try as much as possible to discuss with your children at the end of the day if he/she is a day student , or at during visiting day or mid-term break to know how they blend with everyone at school. It shouldn’t necessarily be about academics always.

Today’s writing was inspired by a young girl who told me about what she was going through in school and also what I went through back then in higher institution.

So my question for you: how was your experince back then in universities days?

 

 

 

Written by:

Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka

Writer/Blogger/Educator/Tutor

University of Benin

www.facebook.com/patrickstories

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62 thoughts on “PATRICK TROUBLED THOUGHTS

  1. First, I am sorry for your having had such experiences, especially at a place of higher learning. In my university days, people wanted to get to know me and be friends, but my own negative self-view led me to impose a state of relative isolation. I have long-since become more sociable, largely thanks to my departed wife, who brought me out of my shell and gave me the best years of her life, before passing.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. am so sorry for that mr bruin, RIP to your lovely wife.
      i quote as you said in your comment”people wanted to get to know me and be friends”

      for me it was different, mine they were runing from me. if am around them, they made me feel inferior, but as i speak to you, am even better than them right now, in terms of my ideas, qualification and knowledge.

      thanks for sharing your experience.
      again thanks for commenting

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Good morning dear,

    You are such a wonderful person, after facing all these criticism in life , you strong and stronger than those you question your ability to handle your emotional life.

    People created raw emotion to you but you proof by making it as strength , many people put in practice to spoil others peace and happiness, these people never understand the value of human.

    The best opinions never give them so much importance , words they uttered from mouth will be recognised and valued when others treat them the same way, he or she will remember you that day.

    No one is perfect in life, if they disgrace others, none will respect us , it is reality of life . None can escape if make others to walk on thorn as one day same thorn they have to sit on it, remember the “rule of nature” circle it is round , where you started there you have to be end , sit on thorn make them sense.

    None like you , we here a small family caring each others, you can write and we read and like 🤗

    Thank you very much
    SK

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks my sister from another mother…
      Really your heart breaks…its now a normal thing. Everybody has it own bad experience or bullying back in school days or university days…
      I have pass through that now….not a new thing to me again

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I was also bullied in high school and yes it damaged me a lot, overall bullying need to just stop, it’s not okay at all. I’m happy that despite all what you had to endure in the name of higher learning. Eventually made you a better person and forgiving those who wronged you is such a big step in recovering.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah…that is true……
      When she told how she been bully in school…i felt for her…i told her things she will do to overcome it….
      Sorry for that……..ok…all is well……ok alexi….take care ok….forgiveness is the best option i used for them…

      Thanks for showing your care for me…i appreciate very well ok……

      Liked by 2 people

  4. For all those who were bullied in their school times.. Here’s the one for you!

    “You were weak that time.. life wanted to teach you something.. something about this world .. that is lacks so much of peace and love. Our Gods have chosen us to spread peace and love on this earth. Cause we understand what is pain and suffocating in ourselves… Fighting our demons.. we are the ones who can understand the value of love”

    Forgive not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace… ✨ You deserve all great happiness that life has to offer. 😊😊

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is soo bad. I don’t understand why human being would be soo mean to a fellow human..to answer your question,I’m still in school and I haven’t experienced this. I’m not perfect at all but I don’t know why everyone is scared of me. Your experience is soo sad. Thank God you have gotten over it. I don’t get bullied but I’m mostly misunderstood… They believe I’m mean but the thing is they have never talked to me and they just assume things about me and I find it annoying 😔but I don’t care😊😊nice write up

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for stopping by and commenting on my post,i appreciate that very much.

      Thanks again for reading this post up to the end. I guess you find it interesting.

      This is what i really love in your comment as I quote “””I’m not perfect at all but I don’t know why everyone is scared of me.””””
      Is kind of funny 😂 “””I don’t know why everyone is scared of me.””””

      thanks again Miss velvet for stopping by and I’m so happy to hear this post touched you in some way😊 . Many blessings to you !

      #PATRICKSTORIES
      Peace and Love

      Liked by 2 people

  6. Thank you so much for reading my post and for leaving such an honest opinion

    I really appreciate and respect your opinion, no matter you agree with me or not.Because your opinion is always valuable to me.

    I will love to ask a simple question:
    how was your experince back then in universities days?

    Have you ever felt like been troubled inside you?

    I will love to see a beautiful and nice responses to the question put after you.

    Thank you so much for stopping by and for reading my post.

    #PATRICKSTORIES
    Peace ✌and Love ❤
     

    Like

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