I remember those thoughts
Those thoughts I usually had
When I felt rejected and unwanted
That I was never good enough
That I was no one
I remember those sorry thoughts
Those sorrowful thoughts
Thoughts that keep repeating
Thoughts that made my heart heavy
Thoughts that broke me
Thoughts that left unanswered questions
Thoughts that could’ve destroyed me
Thoughts that laughed at me
Today I remembered a lot that happened to me when I entered higher institution in 2008. For a while, it took me time to settle in and be ok with who I was. On a normal day, I do not like to make friends to the extent that my mum usually mocks me as someone who is an introvert.
In school, I could barely be myself maybe because most of my mates had a different view about me. My worst mistake was, I allowed whatever they had to say get to me and it got me depressed and always sad.
I remember always writing sorrowful poems for more than 3 years in my diary.
I was nickname many times, Sméagol, short man, small man, skeleton, small boy.
Well, I forgive all those who treated me badly, those who saw everything I did as bad, those who saw me as being prideful and all those who tried to belittle me. This is me finally letting go as I spoke/wrote in one of my post.
For everyone out there, who might have treated anyone out there badly one way or the other, try to go back and apologize. That the person never told you or you feel you guys might have outgrown it, it’s really not true because these people live with this experience for the rest of their lives. It could either make or break them.
It’s wrong to try to fit in. Don’t get me wrong. Fit in but be who you are. You don’t need to change in other to impress anyone. Let them know how exceptional and great you are.
Someone would ask, why is he writing about this? Well am writing this because someone somewhere is been bullied, in your place of work, in school, among your peer groups, even among your fellow church members.
Parents, please try as much as possible to discuss with your children at the end of the day if he/she is a day student , or at during visiting day or mid-term break to know how they blend with everyone at school. It shouldn’t necessarily be about academics always.
Today’s writing was inspired by a young girl who told me about what she was going through in school and also what I went through back then in higher institution.
So my question for you: how was your experince back then in universities days?
Kogwuonye Patrick Onyeka
University of Benin